Quantum Flirts. Are you reading the signs in your life?

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

I have been training for the last year with CRR Global and a few weeks ago I went to the fourth installment of my Organization & Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC) training. This stuff is magical. The topic on the last day was Quantum Flirts which is as described by CRR Global, “a short-lived, transient, perceptual signal which can be used to provide us with insight.” It is based on the work of Arnold Mindell and Quantum Mechanics. So the way I see it, it’s like the Universe is sending you a sign. As Arnold writes, “In everyday terms, Arny explained this idea of “many worlds” by saying that when we begin to focus on something, we see its most probable state, the one that fits into our culture and consensus reality. Yet, in each and every experience there is a multitude of other experiences lying in wait, though in Arny’s interpretation, we choose one and marginalize the others. To say it very simply, the moment we call something “a” or “b” we have marginalized all of its other possible states (c,d,e, etc).”The Universe is flirting with you and you need to pay attention to catch it so that you can see the possibility of a different outcome. It may be a flicker of a bulb, the song of a bird or a flash of sunlight on a wave, but it’s the Universe winking at you; laying out hints. quantum flirts

I was fortunate to be the volunteer coached by Grace Flannery in Quantum Flirts. She asked that I bring up a current issue or hot spot that had stressed me out with someone close to me. I talked about my son and his desire to find a place to live this summer instead of coming home and there are a multitude of options and growing for staying in Miami. I further explained how his mode of communication is texting which can leave one wanting (me) for more and frustrated. She then asked me to look around the room or outside and see if there was anything that caught my attention for just a second. I noticed how a classmate was flipping his reading glasses and the glint of light from it. This was my “flirt”. Grace ask me to animate the flirt and I flickered my fingers in an arc in front of me. Grace expounded on my gesture with a “Fa la la la la”. I copied her. She said, “So when your son texts, you can just say “fa la la la la”. We did it in unison. The observing class then copied me. We were all there “fa la la-ing” and copying my gesture. I could not stop laughing. We all cracked up. The Universe flirted with me and it was hysterical. My aggravation with my son was a construct of reality but by paying attention to the spark or “flirt” I could imagine that there could be a different outcome. I could let go and see it in a different light. It’s not a hot spot, there is potential in my relationship with my son to any outcome that I chose. His constant texting and options are his way to engage. So be it.

So how do you tune into the signals and flirts around you? Here are some ideas.

1. Presence. If you aren’t living in the moment, it’s going to be pretty hard to pick up on any signals. If you have ever meditated (and if you are a faithful reader of my blog you should be by now 🙂 ) do you start to notice every sound or smell or the crazy shapes on the inside of your eyelids when shut? You are officially “present”. I always notice the sound of the clock in my office, the birds outside or the ventilation system. Get present; become present.

2. Notice. Take notice of what is going on around you. I started noticing every animal that crossed my path and not just my dog. Turtle out in the lake bobbing with its head at the surface. A glint of light off a wet leaf, the clock is at 11:11, the receipt fell on the floor to only show the word “thanks”. Start to take note of what is going on out there or in there. My dog is sleeping, my dog is sighing, my dog is running around at lightning speed because geese are in her space, my dog is out of the water. I try and remember something about the dream I just woke up from. Take notice.

3. Offer. So what does this sign have to offer? Why is the universe or a higher power or quantum physics sending a signal to you? I know that each time I see a turtle I feel like I need to slow down and be patient. When I see a robin I think of rebirth and Spring. Canadian geese are a nuisance and I’m wondering if I am pestering someone. Perhaps my children? My husband? My boss? My dog is out of the water. Maybe I need water and nourishment as well. The receipt that fell with “thanks” showing is offering me gratitude. What is the offer?

4. It’s right. Don’t get caught up in perfection about what the sign or the flirt means. It means what it means to you. I know sometimes I “cheat” and Google “tornado as a symbol in a dream”. Apparently, this could be a sign of stress. Makes sense. That resonates for me. If it doesn’t, maybe the tornado is a sign of escaping danger. Animals like Robins, Herons and Turtles almost always have a Shamanic reference. Those are easy to Google as well. I dreamt about a broken bottle the other day and the reference for that symbol was “potential”. What it felt like for me was avoiding the broken glass. There was a person I was walking on egg shells for and I feel like the broken glass was the symbol I could relate to.

I’m less about everything happens for a reason and more about taking in information I do like to think that things show up at the right time and that the turtle that just stuck his head up through the surface of the lake is telling me to slow down. What signs do you see?

Ambiguity. How to Thrive in a Gray World

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Everyone wants to live in a black and white world. We want to know what is right and wrong. Good or bad. Left or right. Clear concise decisions with no gray area and no regrets. It’s not going to happen. The world is way too complex. We need to embrace ambiguity and march forward with no misgivings. Very little is black or white anymore. There are a million shades of gray. Ambiguity. How to Thrive in a Gray World

Every time you venture out of bed you are entering an ambiguous world. Heck, even if you stay in bed, the ambiguous world keeps rolling along. The stock market goes up or plunges down, it snows ten feet or doesn’t rain for three years, your wireless router quits for the third time in 18 months, your partner dumps you or you find the love of your life. Nothing is certain. The only that is certain is uncertainty (oh, and death and taxes).

There is hope in all of this but you have to go through and not around. Here is my take:

• Perfection. Give up perfection. This doesn’t mean quitting. It means you need to let go. Perfectionism is a false construct. There is no end. You never get to perfect. Your ideal weight plus the perfect job plus the bulging bank account plus the sexy sports car and the perfect, patient, happy spouse will not align in The Perfect Storm. So you might get a flat tire on the way to the airport, you may not land that new job, the next project launch may not fly. Don’t keep score on perfection.

• Paralysis. There is no perfect solution. Analysis paralysis has thwarted many a decision. Just one more data point, one more month of sales, another data cut, one more project bid, or one more applicant. The only decision you are making is to not make a decision. Your team, your family, your partner, your boss are counting on you making the decision. One more data point will not make it crystal clear. Stop the analysis.

•Surrender. As my good friend, Janine, says with regard to ambiguity, “I am seeking to embrace and sit with uncertainty and not necessarily take action to move through it. More of a surrender to the ambiguity.” There are times when you have to surrender and the best action is no action but to be uncomfortable with ambiguity. I remember starting a new job for a company many years ago and on my first day they decided that the business unit was for sale. Two years later it was resolved. I had no control over the sale of the business, I surrendered to the uncertainty.

•Wrong. It’s OK to be wrong. I have grown up with a Mother who always had to be right. There was my way, everyone else’s way and then there’s my Mother’s way. The only way was her way. Being right was highly valued in my house. Being right does not embrace ambiguity. There is no acknowledgement that there might be another way. In fact as CRR Gobal espouses “everyone is right…partially.” So accept that you may be right but may be only 10% right. This allows for ambiguity and you won’t need to engage in lots of righteousness, which can be exhausting.

•Chunking. I find that many of my clients make headway when they break things into chunks. A lot of the curse of ambiguity lies in the fact that it can be overwhelming. Ambiguity is a huge monster that incites fear. When you break off an eyelash, it becomes manageable. It’s doable. It’s understandable. It’s not so scarring. Instead of it being a monster, it’s just an eyelash. And then another eyelash, and another.. When you can metaphorically hold it in your hands the ambiguity evaporates. Break it into chunks.

•Pause. Ambiguity is stressful. It’s easy to engage your lizard brain (the fight or flight or freeze mode). It’s instinctual. We all started as hunter-gathers. The lizard brain had a purpose which was to save you from a Saber-toothed Tiger or from poisonous plants. But lighting up your lizard brain all day, every day with mountains of email, the latest shooting or terrorist attack and your boss’ endless barrage of requests is simply not healthy. Yoga, meditation, a long walk or run, sitting down with a good book, anything to shut down your lizard brain will help you see ambiguity with fresh eyes.

•Agile. As Beyond Philosophy said in their article on Ambiguity, “Work on your flexibility. Be willing to change course as more information comes to light. Don’t let pride delay you from correcting your course. Ambiguity can reveal facts at any time that are going to affect your best decision.” There will be more data points that come along after you set your course. Accept them and make a course correction or completely bail out. Let go of your ego and move on. Be agile.

This not easy. There is so much ambiguity permeating life every day. It’s not just work, or your marriage or your finances. It’s omnipresent. It’s the new normal. How do you embrace ambiguity?

5 Ways Making Your Bed Will Make You a Better Person

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Full disclosure, I am a reformed bed maker. I never made my bed as a kid, teenager, college student, newlywed or mother. Ok. I made my bed after washing my sheets, but beyond that or having company over, never. I would think, I’m so busy, there isn’t enough time, no one will know the difference. Then I dated a guy for several years who was probably best described as OCD. I learned a lot from this guy including, how to do perfect laundry (hint: hang everything immediately), how to make the perfect margarita (hint: fresh lime juice) and how to make your bed every day. Actually it wasn’t literally how to make your bed but more so the habit of making your bed. I began to appreciate the Zen of making your bed and, eventually, it became my habit as well.5 Ways making your bed will make you a better person

At least once a week, I leave the house before my husband is out of bed. When I arrive home, if the bed is not made, I feel let down. So no wonder that meeting didn’t go well. I immediately repair the situation and make the bed. Whew. Relief. As my husband says, the shui is back, as in feng shui. Feng shui is an eastern philosophy of positive energy flow. Regardless of what some Taoist said 3,000 years ago, a made bed feels better.

So here they are. The rationale behind making your bed everyday:

1. Productivity. Charles Duhigg’s, The Power of Habit says “Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget.” This has been true for me. I am more productive when my bed is made. There is a sense of satisfaction that if I can make my bed, I can get all sorts of things accomplished. It’s the added advantage that it’s normally accomplished first thing in the morning and sets the rest of your day up for success.

2. Head. Karen Miller in an article called Your Bed is Your Head, says “Transform your reality. Face what appears in front of you. Do what needs to be done. Make peace with the world you inhabit. Take one minute—this minute right now—to enfold your day in dignity. Tuck in the sheets, straighten the covers and fluff the pillows.” I get this. Here is one of the largest objects in your life and it is at peace. There is space. Make your bed to clear out your head. It allows you to address those things that need to be tended to.

3. Chain reaction. Small habits start a chain reaction of big transformation. Duhigg says, “Small wins are exactly what they sound like, and are part of how keystone habits create widespread changes.” Keystone habits beget other habits so if you eat a nutritious smoothie in the morning, you skip going to Starbucks, you read a book instead of watching TV and on and on. It’s like lighting a fuse to momentum. I write better when my bed is made. I feel like exercising, eating better, working harder, being better. So a two minute task can do all that? Let’s do a temperature check. Is your bed made right now? What is the chain reaction either way?

4. Impact. In Gretchen Rubin‘s blog Make Your Bed, she says,” Especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed, picking one little task to improve your situation, and doing it regularly, can help you regain a sense of self-mastery. Making your bed is a good place to start, and tackling one easy daily step is a good way to energize yourself for tougher situations.” It seems so small. So mundane. It’s almost like it builds resilience. Hmmm. Instead of having a V-8, make your bed.

5. What is. When I first married my husband, I struggled with trying to get him to make the bed. He frequently slept later than I and my expectation was that last one out of the bed makes it. Well, this was not a priority for him. I held a lot of resentment if he didn’t make the bed. I’ve let that go. As Byron Katie posits “Love what is“. I can spend all day wishing and praying or nagging and cajoling or I can let go and love what is. Find the joy in tasks like making the bed. There are plenty of other tasks that my husband does so ‘what is’ might be me making the bed. ‘What is’ are the two minutes in my life to embrace the simple elegance of making the bed. Set yourself free and love what is.

My kids, as young adults, still don’t make their beds. And I’m not about to twist their arms. The minute they head back to college or their apartment from vacation, I head up to their rooms to make their beds. I don’t know if there can be better energy or chi by proxy through my efforts but I sleep so much better knowing that in the bedrooms above me, there is order and space. Do you make your bed on a regular basis?

Tenacity. My Son’s Secret to Success.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

My son, Benson, just won a gold medal in a weightlifting competition. He wasn’t even a competitive weight lifter 12 months ago. I’m dumbfounded. How the heck did he do it? What about the 10,000 hours of practice that Malcolm Gladwell espoused in his book, Outliers? My son hasn’t been lifting anywhere close to 1,000 hours. So what gives? The only thing I can figure is that it’s his tenacity. He has that in spades. Tenacity. My son's secret to success.

He has always been an athlete. He started playing soccer at the age of 4, then basketball in elementary school, followed by football, then wrestling and track to fill out his school year with sports. I have to say, he always showed up to win. No matter the odds. The cross town rival high school with kids twice the size of our team and a bench twice as deep, Benson always planned on winning. No matter, he would plan on winning the next game.

So what is the secret to being tenacious? Here is my take.

1. Humility. Tenacity becomes stubbornness with the loss of humility. As written by The Innovative Brain, “We all have experienced the stubborn person, and know from direct experience that stubbornness gradually causes a person, no matter their brilliance, to be marginalized.” I have to say that this is where my son really has developed in the last few years. I can remember lost soccer games when he was about 8 years old and he would be inconsolable. It was almost like he didn’t understand how If he did his best, the team could possibly lose. I don’t remember the tipping point but he has gained humility in recent years. Perhaps it’s maturity, or self-awareness, maybe a coach. Maintain humility.

2. Point B. Benson always knows where point B is. Whether it was qualifying for a state wrestling championships or a gold medal in the state championship track meet. Benson always goes big. You have to have aspirations for tenacity to show up. What’s the point of perseverance if your point B is getting to Friday at the end of the workweek? Benson has had so many audacious goals that if he told me he was going to go on a mission to Mars, I’d believe him. Be very clear about what your point B is and go after it.

3. Work. You can’t just wish things into happening. Tenacity involves a lot of work. Hard work. Rain or shine, my son has been lifting weights for the last 9 months, regardless of the sport. If it’s Wednesday, and therefore practice day, and we are in Key West on vacation, then he’s running sprints at 6 AM. I remember when we were looking at colleges, we would have to stop so that he could do his allotted training in a random college track. “Mommy, it’s Wednesday, I have to work out”. I think he knows every Crossfit location in lower Florida and eastern Carolina. He does the work without fail.

4. Risk. Benson embraces risk. I wasn’t there the first time he lifted 300 pounds over his head but if he wasn’t willing to risk having that barbell fall on his head, then he might as well stay home. Tenacity always involves pursuing something regardless of the risk. This can be dangerous of course. I remember him at the age of 2, running to the deep end of the pool and jumping in (with no one to catch him). When I arrived, I saw his big brown eyes looking up at me. He obviously survived but he’s always been willing to jump. Accept risk.

5. Support. Have a team to support you. Whether it’s a running club for a half marathon or a spouse willing to support you as you pursue nursing school. Tenacity is pointless without strong support. Benson has always managed to find a group or coach or friends for support. Sometimes I think he must cast a spell on those folks. He always has an entourage of supporters. This is lucky for me because, we always get video and photos of his accomplishments (even though we are a twelve hour drive away). He has a gift with people; find yours.

6. Angle. Benson always has an angle of how he’s going to get there. And he’s flexible about how to get there. He wanted his girlfriend to come to our house in North Carolina over winter break. Benson started coordinating and strategizing some 3 months in advance. Dates and modes of transportation and accommodations were moving and changing. But I knew once he said he wanted her to come, that he was going to make it happen. Tenacity is flexible and always has to have a strategy.

7. Inspiration. Benson is inspired by others and inspires others. I remember the Monday after my marathon, Benson tweeted “My inspiration for getting to my 8am today is my Mom’s WDW Marathon 2015. Bucket list item” He texted me right before the weightlifting competition started, “If you’re pulling for me, I can pull this weight”. I have to say that this year I am on a team to walk/run 2015 miles in 2015. I have to walk at least 3 miles a day to stay on track. When my alarm goes off at 5:30 AM, I know I need to get up and get going. My inspiration is my tenacious son. I know he’s showing up and doing the work. I need to as well. Find your inspiration.

8. Own it. As Benson has shared, “My lesson to anyone is play your own game. When wrestling, you can’t let your opponent dictate your game. You’ll end up on your back. I went two years without being pinned, and each of my opponents had to go 6 minutes with me if they really wanted to win. In the 400m, every step counts. Even the last 50m matter, especially when running against Benny. Looking back, I might have crossed 300m first only one time, but I always kept coming through the finish.”

9. Be yourself. Benson again, “That’s why I like the bar. There are a lot of ways to get the bar from the floor to overhead, and you have to craft a form that works best for you. It’s the best training partner too, because it never has a bad day! So showing up and sticking around is easy, because it’s always on my own time, and I play in a way that is uniquely me.” I can imagine that if I told Benson to be a weightlifter or a juggler or a race car driver, it wouldn’t matter. He would not have lifted a finger. It has to come from inside and not from anyone else. Tenacity is about living your own dream.

My son insisted I watch “Survive and Advance“, a documentary on Coach Jimmy Valvano‘s road to the NCAA National Championship. Jimmy V kept telling his dad that he wanted to go to the Final Four in the championship. His dad’s response was always, “My bags are packed”. If you are truly tenacious, you better pack your bags, because you are going somewhere. Are your bags packed?

Reacting versus Responding. How to hit your pause button.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I am the youngest of three siblings and the only girl. It seems I was the master of reaction growing up. Whether my brother turned the channel in the middle of the Brady Bunch, took the last cookie or crept over to my half of the back seat in our Country Squire station wagon; I was at the ready to scream, cry or be a tattle tale. It took very little to get a rise out of Cathy. It turns out that all this reacting was kind of bad for me. I was constantly turning on my Fight or Flight system which, it turns out, is really unhealthy. Reacting versus Responding. How to hit your pause button.

I just finished Dan Harris‘ book, 10% Happier. Dan is a news anchor and reporter for ABC news. He was on high alert on a constant basis, especially when he was a foreign correspondent. He literally was in Fight or Flight mode in Iraq and Afghanistan. This takes a huge toll on your body. When you are stressed out, it depletes your adrenal glands and destroys your brain. As Mark Hyman wrote in Research, “It shrinks the hippocampus, the memory center of the brain; reduces serotonin; lowers BDNF (brain derived neutrophil factor), which acts like Miracle-Gro for your brain cells; increases inflammation; increases belly fat; lowers thyroid function; and much more.” So the last thing you want to do is turn on the stress switch when it’s not really necessary; like when your big brother takes the last cookie.

So here are some ideas on how to switch from reacting to responding. 6 ways to pause and spare your brain:

1. Rhythm. Try and maintain an even rhythm of breaths. This is kind of like a mini meditation. As in meditation, the focus is the breath. When you focus on breath, it brings equilibrium to everything in your body. It’s hard to get amped up when you are concentrating on your rhythmic breathing. As Hyman wrote, “Your vagus nerve is a very special part of your nervous system that helps you calm your mind and turn on a cascade of healing that can reverse depression and dementia and help sharpen your mind – making old brains young again. ” In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out. Rhythmic breathing helps turn on your vagus nerve and pause your reaction.

2. Aware. Breathing makes you aware of your body. As Dan described, “I feel burning in my chest, my ears are hot.” Make mental notes of awareness. When you label things, it’s much easier to be objective. Hmmm. My stomach is clenched. I feel tension in my shoulders. It keeps the adrenal gland at bay. Letting your mind run amok will do just the opposite. Bring your awareness back to your body. What’s the weather like in here? Is there a storm in your stomach? Is there lightning in your brain? Be aware.

3. Release. Now that you are aware of what is going on, release the tension. This might be difficult. OK. It will be difficult. If your boss just turned down your idea or someone just cut you off in traffic, trying to let go of tension might seem counter intuitive. I actually did this yesterday. There was a big truck on my tail who swerved around me to cut me off. I said to myself, “He must responding to an emergency.” I focused on my breathe, let off the gas, got in the right hand lane and let go of the tension. It’s not worth the adrenal jolt.

4. Silence. Accept silence. I have personally worked on this for years. When I first started interviewing applicants as a Human Resource Coordinator, I would frequently be completely uncomfortable with silence. I’d ask a question and if the response wasn’t immediate, I would rephrase the question, or interrupt and ask a completely different question or (worst of all) finish their sentence. I’ve made huge strides in this, largely through my coach training, I realize now that silence is the space where folks do their best thinking. So get comfortable with it. Create it and accept it.

5. Think. Now that you have your body under control and created some space for silence, you can think. As Dan referred to it, “it’s like getting behind a waterfall”. The water of rushing thoughts is the waterfall, and getting on the backside of that waterfall is where your space is to think without reacting. The adrenal gland is off, you are present in the moment, your body isn’t reacting. So now how do you respond? In a much more forward and solution based way. Instead of trying to steal the cookie back, I might ask my brother if we should bake some cookies and split them. Think through your response.

6. Respond. Bear in mind that sometimes a response is no response. Perhaps a smile and a nod. I learned this many years ago. Sometimes it’s best to be stoic. I learned that folks would deliberately try and get a rise out of me. Well, if I don’t react, they will back off. It’s like stimulus and reaction. If the reaction doesn’t happen, the stimulus will go somewhere else to find someone to fire up. It could also be a solution based response like, “Hey Rick, what do you say we go bake some more cookies?” There is not escalation, just a response.

I realize that accomplishing all 6 steps needs to happen in about 10 seconds. As Dan described, it’s OK if you can’t do this every time. Cut yourself some slack. If you combine this with a meditation practice, you will get better at it over time. How do you press the pause button?

7 Tactics to Giving Effective Feedback

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My years of being a Human Resource professional have taught me one thing, if you don’t give feedback, performance will not change. A manager cannot gossip, shun or pray a poor performer into an outstanding performer. There have been hundreds of managers who sulk into my office wanting to terminate a poor performing employee and when I ask, “Do they know they aren’t performing?” The answer is usually, “Well, they should know they aren’t”. Me, “So you haven’t told them?” Reply was typically, “No”. Hmmm. Wonder why the employee has not done a dramatic turn around?7 Tactics to Giving Effective Feedback

Most people avoid feedback because they are afraid of conflict. Most of us are afraid of conflict. It’s uncomfortable. It’s much easier to stand by the water cooler and complain to my co-worker about my slacker assistant than to actually tell my assistant that he’s been late every day this week and what solutions can happen for his tardiness. We often hope and pray that the slacker assistant will wake up and realize that the cold shoulder they’ve been given will prompt him or her to realize that we’re angry that they don’t show up on time. These tactics will not work.

So here are my tactics on how to give effective feedback:

1. Objective. The feedback needs to be unbiased and equitable. This can be difficult if you have many direct reports. We naturally have affinity for folks “just like me”. Bias is difficult to acknowledge so try to use information that is easily quantified and can be compared to others. This might mean number of customers served, average daily sales, or customer survey scores. Make sure the feedback comes from objective sources.

2. Measurable. What gets measured gets done. I can remember having sales contests in the restaurant I owned. When we started measuring how many desserts were sold on each shift, suddenly our dessert sales went through the roof. We didn’t even have an incentive associated with selling the most desserts. Everyone wants to know the score. A score lets you know if you are ahead or behind. Make sure everyone knows the score.

3. Rationale. Make sure you link the feedback to the rationale of how it fits into the big picture. If we can reduce input errors by 5%, we will reduce our turnaround time by 12 hours. If you serve 3 more customers a day, we will increase net profit. Employees need to know how they affect the big picture and they need to know that they have a line of sight to the end goal.

4. Timely. Many managers wait and hesitate to give feedback. They hope that the employee will turn around all on their own. By the time they give the feedback, the shelf life has expired. You can’t talk about the customer complaint from three months ago and expect there to be a performance improvement. Studies have shown that immediate feedback produces the best results (Codding, Feinberg, Dunn, & Pace, 2005). Employees need relevant information as soon as possible. Treat performance feedback like a carton of milk that will expire in 5 days.

5. Repeat. Good or bad, keep giving feedback. I wrote a post about Gen Y in the workplace. Twenty-somethings right out of college or high school, have been receiving daily and hourly feedback for twelve plus years. They get grades on the quiz, they get called on in class, and there is constant interaction with classmates. Then they get hired, come to a cube farm, get trained for a few weeks and are left on their own. Feedback produces the best results when it is delivered frequently (Hattie, 2009). From a management standpoint, it’s easier to give the feedback if you are doing it on a daily basis. Make it your habit.

6. Not personal. Keep the information to specific facts. So the report was two days late, the spreadsheet had six errors, or you had three dropped calls yesterday. These are facts. They are not value judgments. You might think your assistant is a slacker or lazy or sloppy, just don’t say that out loud. Facts are facts. Personal judgments are damaging to performance. Feedback produces the better results when it is directed at the performance and actually produces negative effects when it is personal (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996). Don’t make it personal and deliver it without judgement

7. Collaboration. Try and take a coaching approach to issues. My 22 year old daughter said “we must always be willing to learn from one another no matter where one lies in the hierarchy. That’s something I take very seriously, but I don’t think those higher up are sometimes willing to accept that all of this is much more free flowing and improvisational than it seems.” I know when I coach folks, it’s important for me to not be attached to an outcome. I think employees are much more empowered when they can improvise and have say in the solution. So ask them for help in solving the problem and take their suggestion if at all possible.

Accept that you won’t be perfect at first. Get out there and try. Frequency is the key. Learn from your mistakes and keep honing it in.

The Pathway to Your Best Work.

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I used to live in Northern California. The thing I loved about living there was that there were hundreds of hiking trails within an easy drive (or walk). I remember taking on Mount Saint Helena or Mount Diablo on a given weekend or just heading to Foothill Park with my dogs. There was always the choice of which trail to take. The well-trodden or the elusive deer trail, the steep or the flat, the fastest to the top or the meandering scenic view. There was always a choice to be made. the pathway to your best work

The same is true for your best work. You make decisions every day, every moment about doing your best work. There is the steep, arduous trail or the meandering poppy strewn path. The ball is always in your court on which approach to take. Whether it’s deciding on what to have for breakfast, whether to purchase that fixer upper house or working on your novel. How you approach these decisions is always up to you and there are ways to make it an easier, less stressful path.

So here are some ideas on the pathway to your best work:

1. Early. Getting started early in the day is critical. I know you night owls out there are rolling your eyes. You start the day with a hundred units of energy. Every day. And it is impossible to replenish those 100 units. Once those units are spent, they are gone for good. The only way to insure that you have the energy to spend on your best work means you need to start early so if the cable goes out or your boss calls an emergency budget meeting, you’ve already spent some precious units on your best work. Expect interruptions.

2. Space. Clear the space to focus. I wrote about this recently. Find a clutter free, pleasant, quiet environment to do your best work. Do you want to hike the rocky trail where you need to pay attention to every step or the clear path where you can stroll unencumbered? Physically clear your work space so that it’s a comfortable or find a space that is. I had a client once who went to the library to find a quiet space to study without interruptions. If you are over twenty, when was the last time you went to a library to do your work? Find some clear space.

3. Satisfice. This concept was proposed by Dr. Barry Schwartz and summarized by Emilia Lahti as “Satisficing simply means to not obsess about trying to maximize every single task outcome and ROI.” In the last 30 years, your local grocery store has gone from 9,000 choices of products to about 40,000 choices. That is an explosion of choices when the average person buys about 100 core products. I shop once a week. I make a list for all my meals for the week and then purchase them all on Saturday morning. I try and minimize the amount of time I am surrounded by the onslaught of choices and I’m OK if my bananas aren’t green by Wednesday. I satisfice.

4. Minimize decisions. In Daniel Levitin’s book, The Organized Mind, he wrote that when Warren Buffet travels he eats Oreos and milk for breakfast. He doesn’t want to think or spend time trying to figure out the optimum breakfast. So when he’s in a hotel in New York City, he has Oreos and milk for breakfast. Done. Now on to his best work. Don’t clutter your head with unnecessary decisions. I actually eat the same thing for breakfast during the week (a berry smoothie but I might need to give Warren’s a try). Don’t spend your energy on small decisions.

5. Sleep on it. Levitin posits that sleeping on something improves your thinking. Studies have shown that participants learning rubric’s cubes and Tetris exhibited improved performance after a night of sleep. Your unconscious mind works on it overnight and has the ability to make new connections in your neural pathways. The participants were able to double their success rates after one night of sleep. Maybe this is why the SAT exams are first thing in the morning? Now this isn’t going to happen through osmosis. Don’t put a Spanish dictionary under your pillow and cross your fingers. You need to spend focused time on the topic before sleeping on it. Grab your pillow!

6. Flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi‘s book, Flow, is all about optimal performance. Flow is the state of consciousness where you are engaged, creative and completely immersed in your work. There are ways to set yourself up for flow. Find meaning in your work. Tie it to your purpose, make sure it’s challenging and that you feel qualified for the challenge. If I don’t think I can hike for 3 hours, or that my boots are on their last legs, I won’t be able to find flow.

7. Task. Only focus on the one task. As Levitin described, trying to multitask actually burns glucose in our brains. When we try to talk on the phone and go through our inbox at the same time, we are depleting nutrients in our brain. Our anxiety and cortisol levels go up. You end up feeling exhausted which leads to impulsive, poor decisions. Task switching just means you are doing more things only half way (or less). You never get to the top of the mountain if you are constantly switching trails. Stay on task.

I have to say that when I write, I follow these guidelines. I block off time on Saturday and Sunday morning to sit down and write. I spend several nights reflecting on what I want to write. When I’ve tried to write on a Wednesday afternoon after a long day of work or break it up over several days, the end product is not as good. I think I’ve found the right path. How do you do your best work?

Clearing the Space. How to Do Your Best Thinking.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

One of the first tenets from the Neuro-leadership Group in my training as a Results Based Coach is to clear the space before starting any coaching session. It is clearing your prefrontal cortex so that you can prepare to do your best thinking. When I was working with a client this week she said, “Oh so it’s like Lakshmi-ing your brain.” So you might be asking who or what is Lakshmi? Well, apparently it is the Hindu goddess of wealth, love, prosperity and fortune. It is believed that you need to clear out the space and sweep before you can begin to bring wealth and prosperity in. Hmmm. Nice metaphor. Sweep out your brain before you start bringing in the innovative ideas.Clearing the Space

The prefrontal cortex is the part of your brain that is in charge of executive function. This means that it’s the problem solving area. It brings all the current perceptions and past memories together to make decisions. The problem is that, especially in our technological environment of constant interruptions and distractions, we really don’t “make space” in our prefrontal cortex to do our best thinking; and often don’t even review anything before making a decision We are all on one giant squirrel hunt or chasing shiny objects and never focusing on our true path.

So here we go, my thoughts on how to clear the space:

1. Turn off. First of all, you need to turn everything off. This probably means you need to turn off or place your phone in another room in silent mode. The first squirrel that will interrupt your best thinking is a buzz, bell or other notification from your phone. You can live without your latest social media update for an hour. If you are on your computer, make sure all of your email and social media are shut down. I have a little piece of a post-it note to cover up the little envelope that shows up in Outlook indicating I have a new email.

2. Close the door. Make a space that is free from interruptions from the outside (or inside) world. I close my door so that my dog, or my husband or the noise from the stereo in the other room are out of my space. When I work with clients in person, we sit in a room at a table and the door is closed. The only thing in the room besides paper and pen is a clock so that I know what time it is. Physically create the space to think, that is private.

3. Breathe. I recently learned something called 4-7-8 breathing by Dr. Weil. Basically, you breathe in for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts and exhale for 8 counts. You do this cycle for 4 times. It might take 3 minutes and more likely less time. But doing so really is relaxing and centering. Focus on the breathing, and for me, this comes naturally because I am counting in my head and noticing what is going on in my body. I’m sure there are other breathing exercises out there or you may already have a practice that you use in meditation or yoga. Use what you have or give one of them a shot or try this one. The point is to relax, be present and be centered.

4. One word. When I coach clients, we each disclose one word that encapsulates what is in the “background” for them. This could be the “boss”, “reviews”, “wedding”, “bills” or “graduation”. We then metaphorically place that word on the table or floor or chair or garbage can, so that, if we want to, we can pick up that item at the end of the coaching session. This removes whatever concern, issue or event that might be rattling around in your prefrontal cortex. It physically removes it, so that we can start doing our best work.

5. Basics. I always make sure that I have a glass of water, paper and pen when I am coaching or being coached. When I do a lot of talking, I want to make sure I can replenish. I want to be able to take notes as well. It’s the same if you are trying to work out the logistics of a problem or writing an essay. Make sure you have the essentials so that once you have cleared the space, you are ready to go. When I write, I only have my word processing program open. Make sure you have the basics before you start your best thinking, and make sure you’ve set yourself up for success

Now you are ready to do your best thinking. Your prefrontal cortex is ready to go. It’s like a clean, well swept stage ready for Hamlet’s soliloquy to stand in the center and deliver each beautifully spoken line to the balcony. How do you clear the space?

Integrating Gen Y and Z Into The Workforce. Hint: Command and Control Won’t Work.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I had the privilege to hear Seth Mattison speak at the CAI Human Resource Conference a few weeks ago. He really challenged the way I look at the workforce of the future. Seth posits that there has been a dramatic shift from the command and control management style that started somewhere back in the first war in Mesopotamia and ended with the Boomer generation. That is a long time for management to be “top down”. He says Gen Y and Z are working from an ideology of interconnectedness. This makes sense since they have grown up with a computer in their hands (and we had typewriters and onion skin paper).  For these folks there are no barriers or “titles”, there is only collaboration.

I’ve seen this first hand. The Gen Y and Z in the workforce are much more likely to walk into the cafeteria and sit next to the CEO to eat lunch. Most Boomer’s I know would wait to be asked or make sure they were at the proper level on the organizational chart to sit with the CEO-. Gen Y and Z will express their opinions on the new product and not worry about fall-out. I mean they might be tweeting their opinions about politics and race relations in Ferguson, Missouri, why stop when they sit in their cube at work. Aren’t we all interconnected now? Hmmm. This is a big shift for those with receding hairlines and retirement on the horizon. Isn’t it just easier for these folks to just get in line, keep their heads down and march? It doesn’t matter if you think it’s easier. Command and control is dead. And just so we’re clear on the delineation, Gen X grew up from the 1960’s to the 80’s, Gen Y from the 80’s to around 1995 and Gen Z after.command and control is dead

So how do we do it? Here are some ideas to adapt your organization (and even your parenting style) for the next generations:

• Democracy. Seth pointed out that a lot of us late Boomers and Gen X’s were brought up in a family democracy. I can remember having a weekly family council meeting with my parents and two older brothers. Everyone had a say. Everyone determined the punishment . When Seth brought this up, I realized why I would clash with my husband on parenting styles. I was brought up in a democracy and I figured my kids would be too. My husband was not. This was and is a profound realization for me. My husband typically wants to dictate or command and control and I’m asking for everyone’s opinion. “At odds” doesn’t even begin to sum it up, but realizing this has made all the difference. My son is Gen Z and my daughter is Gen Y, when they punch the time clock (if they ever punch an actual time clock) they will be expecting a democracy. A voice. Embrace democracy.

• Expectations. Seth says you should “Evangelize Expectations”. This new generation (heck, we all do) needs clear direction and expectations. Command and Control means “Do as I say” with very little feedback. My daughter is new to the work world. She was having trouble because she wasn’t receiving feedback from her boss. She just came from 16 years of constant feedback when she graduated from college. Now she was in the abyss of no information. She felt lost. Before she had the constant feedback of grades or raising her hand and finding our if she understood expectations. This is why Gen Y and Z need constant feedback. Make sure the expectations are clear and you are letting them know how they are tracking. These folks are not from the “no new is good news” camp or the duck and cover.

• Permit Failing. Seth said that organizations should “Cultivate Courage”. My take is that people won’t take risks unless they are allowed to fail and to fail often. If everyone is pointing fingers and playing the blame game, you will not have risk takers. If you have an organization (and or family or marriage or partnership) that permits failing, you will have more risk taking and, therefore, more innovation. We need to harness all the creative energy of these digital natives so that we can parlay that into innovation. If everyone is afraid to make a mistake, they will either move on or, worse, quit and stay. Allow growth. Make sure you are permitting failure.

• Communication. Be open to different forms of communication. I can count on one hand the amount of phone calls initialized by my Gen Z, 19 year old son. But I probably have received over 1,000 text messages this year to date. Hmmm. If I’m not open to receiving texts, I’m not going to be communicating with my son. It’s easy, it’s instantaneous, and I can look and answer whenever time permits. My father was hospitalized with pneumonia last week (he’s all better now) and we had a giant group text updating family and friends and my son was leading the communication. Family across the country was instantly updated and anyone could pick up and lead the communication. Rotary phones are dead. Embrace all forms of communication; even group messaging on social media.

• Shed light. Seth talked a lot about the unwritten rules of an organization. One of the audience members commented that one of the unwritten rules in their organization was not to park with the front of your car facing out. “It means you want to get out of there”. I thought that was so funny but in their organization, it’s the reality. I can remember working for a food manufacturer many years ago where the unwritten rule was that you couldn’t drive a nicer car than the owners. These are the types of things that are completely foreign to a Gen Z or Gen Y. Make sure they are clued in, so that they can be successful. Or better yet, as Seth suggested, ask at your next staff meeting, “what unwritten rule would this organization be better off without”. See what comes up.

• Vulnerability. For those of us who are not digital natives (like our Gen Y and Z’s are), we need to be open to accepting some help. Here is a quote from my newly graduated Gen Y daughter, ” I’m incredibly frustrated every single day about the technological tension amongst me and my bosses. Technology becomes personal. If my boss doesn’t know how to do something, they’ll expect me to know everything about it and unload absolutely all of their technological insecurities on me. It makes things awkward. If you have to walk your boss through something step by step, they have to accept an odd sense of vulnerability in front of a young whippersnapper like me. ” Frankly, I couldn’t explain this better than someone who is living this right now. This is what our Gen Y&Z’s think, so prepare to be vulnerable and give up shackles of command and control.

Probably the best point of the presentation was that Seth said that organizations need to view the organizational chart as a web with the decision makers connected in a circle towards the center. This breeds collaboration, communication and risk taking. What would you change about your organization to attract and retain the newest generations?

How to Reset Your Happiness Set Point.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about perfectionism. In the post, I brought up Hedonic Adaptation which involves a happiness “set point”, whereby humans generally maintain a constant level of happiness throughout their lives, despite events that occur in their environment. So whether it’s buying a new Mercedes or crashing your new Mercedes, your level of happiness resets to the same pre-event level. A reader asked that I expound on how I have tried to reset my happiness set point. Reset Your Happiness Set Point

So I’ve tried to reset my “set point” and it turns out there is some science behind it. I think I first became aware of this by reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. In the book, she chronicles twelve months of changing her approach and raising her happiness set point. By the end of the year she felt like she had a sustained increase in her happiness. In another article called “Making Happiness Last” by Katherine Jacobs Bao and Sonja Lyubomirsky, they posit it is possible to reverse the effects of the hedonic adaptation. So here is some advice:

  •      Gratitude. Start a gratitude journal. All the authors recommended this and studies have shown that this has a positive effect. I have had a gratitude journal for over 5 years. I have varied it from writing actual paragraphs, to four bullets to my current style which is just to list events and names that had a positive impact on me or I had a positive impact on them. I don’t have a limited number but generally it’s somewhere between 4 and 12. I’m not a big fan of rules, so I just go with what works for me. Count your blessings.
  •      Kindness. Perform random acts of kindness. Apparently it matters if the acts of kindness are varied. It makes sense. If I always buy my team a dozen donuts every Friday, after a while, it has diminishing returns. So you need to shake it up. Buy a stranger a cup of coffee, offer to help the mother with the toddler and infant at the airport, compliment the cashier on her earrings, volunteer at the local triathlon, or bring the mail to your elderly neighbor. I have done all of these. If it becomes rote, it’s not the same impact. Spread kindness.
  •      Intrinsic. The things you do for intrinsic reasons have a much greater impact than those for extrinsic reasons. So I write this blog to inspire others. It brings me joy. If I was writing this blog just to make money, it would not bring me joy. It would be drudgery. Find things that line up with your soul. Paint, sing, play the banjo, run a half marathon, write, cook, bake, raise chickens. Find something that feeds your soul and do it.
  •      Friend. If you can find some way to make your activities social, it will add to your happiness. I have to say that when I walk my dog instead of walking alone, I feel much better. Cooking with my son is more fun than cooking solo. Finding or making a friend while volunteering at a triathlon will multiply the results and the impact is tremendous. All these measures stave off the hedonic adaptation and keep your set point higher.
  •      Perspective. It’s important to remember where you started. Gretchen Rubin had a checklist where she kept track of what she did and didn’t do every day. I tried this but I just couldn’t work it into my routine. But I do remember where I started. Three years ago when I started this blog, I felt self-conscious, overwhelmed and resentful. Working on resetting my set point has made me happier and, I think, helped me live in the present. If you just look back a week, there may not be a big difference but when you look back to where you started, you will be able to see that your set point has changed and is much higher. So start now. Record or journal where you are today. A year from now, look back and see how far you have come.
  •      Self. It’s important that you are doing this for yourself. So don’t go pick up some paint and an easel because I or anyone else told you to. It won’t have the same effect. What is missing in your life? What’s not there right now that you want to have there? Only you can answer that. Maybe you want to raise goldfish or have always wanted to make homemade gnocchi or want to write a book or play the oboe. Whatever it is. Go do it. For you and you alone.
  •     Aware. You need to be aware of the strides you have made. I have the evidence of 154 blog posts (wow that’s a lot!). Studies have shown that if you can appreciate the changes you’ve made, you are keeping Hedonic adaptation at bay or keeping your set point higher. I know that in general, I have a more optimistic view of life. I know that stress and conflict roll off me more easily. I appreciate that my happiness set point is higher. Acknowledge the changes you have made.
  •     Help. Sometimes this is a great opportunity to get help. I think the biggest advantage a coach or therapist brings is the space to reflect and create insight. To see where you have come from and all that is possible. We get so caught up in striving that having someone give you the space to just stop and think is such a relief. You may be able to find this in a friend or partner but having an outside, unattached, viewpoint can be life changing.

Happiness can seem elusive if you have had a recent catastrophic event. But even these downward resets in happiness can be overcome with time. Hedonic adaptation eventually will buoy you up. The secret is to keep moving it up or at least maintaining at a new set point