S.P.E.L.L. it out.

On June 26, 2012June 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

Clarifying expectations is so critical in all aspects of life; like when you have a new employee, when your child cleans their room and, even when we start on a new project. If you don’t spell out the expectations, it will, at the very least be frustrating and at its worst, an epic fail. I see this step being skipped constantly. Why bother? Shouldn’t your child know what the expectations for a clean room are? Didn’t we hire that employee because they were the most qualified for the job? Haven’t you accomplished other projects? You will be doomed for disappointment without clarifying expectations.

I can imagine that if we did a poll of one hundred parents about their expectations for room cleanliness that we would find at least 80 different sets of expectations (this assumes that some of those poled are married and have already had a few grumbles about room cleanliness and, therefore, have the same expectations). The point is, you cannot assume that we would all agree about what a clean bedroom is. And we certainly cannot assume that your child has the same standards.

Your child gets grounded because they didn’t realize that stuffing all the toys under the bed does not mean “clean”. You’re disappointed in the home improvement project because you didn’t realize that fixtures you really wanted were five times more expensive.

So how do you avoid the tendency to think that everyone knows your expectations through osmosis and get down to the nitty gritty before you send that new employee off into battlefield of ambiguous work standards? Here are a few steps.

1. Reflect. What do you want? What does the perfect outcome look like? You need to be clear with yourself and/or the team before you set your new employee a drift. Why did we have to hire someone new? Did the last customer service rep go down in flames because he didn’t know that the schedule was completely inflexible? As they say, history tends to repeat, so reflect on what went wrong (or right) the last time.

2. Anticipate. When I send my husband to the grocery store for milk, you might think that is a very basic, simple item for him to purchase. Well, it isn’t. I need to anticipate who will be opening that refrigerator door for the next seven days. If it’s my daughter, it better be soy milk. If it’s my son, it better be organic skim milk. If my husband is the intended user, it better be 2% lactose free milk. Simple item. Complex expectations.

3. List. It’s a good idea to have a list; whether it be a written checklist, employee manual or just a short mental checklist. “Benson”, that’s my son, “a clean room means clean clothes hung up or folded and put away, the bed being made and no items on the floor”. In my days as a Sizzler restaurant owner, we had a pre-meal checklist for each meal period. It was important that even the temperature ranges for the food was spelled out. Soup < 145 degrees.

4. Engage. Have a conversation. It might even be a lecture. But explain your list. As in, the soup needs to be over 145 degrees because we don’t want anyone getting sick. The bed needs to be made because we are having visitors this weekend. We need personal phone calls kept to a minimum because we have a limited amount of incoming phone lines. Explain the rationale. It makes for more buy in.

5. Clarify. There may be a deadline. There might be a budget. There may be other resources. If the grandparents are arriving at 6 PM, this might be important information when my husband heads out for milk at 5 PM. The new employee might want to know who else on the team has done this job so they have them as a crutch. S.P.E.L.L. it all out.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Unfortunately, this is not a one shot deal. It can be time consuming and tedious. It was obvious which Sizzler restaurant was not using its pre-meal checklist. And it usually translated into lower sales. The customers had expectations.

Take the time and energy to S.P.E.L.L. out your expectations. It will save you frustration, time and energy. It will also keep your relationships on a higher plane. Those around you will appreciate knowing what to expect.

What would you do?

Interrupters Anonymous.

On June 19, 2012June 17, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is really hard to write about. I’m Cathy Graham. I’m an interrupter. It’s been 3 hours since my last interruption. So you other interrupter’s out there are saying, so what? I’m sure you have something important to say. What’s the big deal?

It is a big deal. It shuts the door. It says that my idea or thought or rebuttal is more important than your idea or thought. I am not saying that I am the only guilty party. We are a society of interrupters. Every good political debate, decent reality show and “60 Minutes” investigation usually involves someone interrupting someone else. Shame on all of us.

Some of you aren’t interrupters. Thank you. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. For the rest of us those who will admit we have a problem let me give you a few pointers on how to get over to the other side.

1. Listen. I know I’ve written about this before but it cannot be over stated. Actively listen and quit letting your mind wander into the war zone of rebuttals and/or watching the clock so that you can pretend that you are really listening. Hmmm. I’ve let my co-worker talk for at least 2 minutes, so now is my time to jump in. Stop. Turn on all receptors.

2. Digest. Take in the conversation or discussion. If this is a team meeting, take it all in. Try and get the whole picture of the other participants’ viewpoint. Is your teammate telling you he can’t get the project done; or just not done in the parameters that the team wanted? Or by the deadline he initially agreed to? Take in every detail. Knowing all the details will help you in the end and the rest of the team will be impressed with your knowledge of the facts and details (pretty cool, huh?).

3. Suspend. Stay far away from making assumptions. This is dangerous territory. If you are assuming then you are not digesting. There is no way possible for you to read someone else’s mind. You might have a good guess as to someone else’s motivation but you can’t know for sure. Your boss might have shot this idea down ten times before but assuming she is shooting you down now puts you on the defensive and lights the match for interrupting. Suspend all your beliefs and assumptions. Really.

4. Pause. As in, wait a cotton pickin’ minute. OK, maybe not a minute, but wait 5 seconds. Let there be a little air in the room. Let everyone take a breath. Don’t be waiting at the ready to rebut and/or shoot down whatever idea has just been floated. Pause and take a breath. And if someone else jumps in, this is your opportunity to learn patience (not my strong suit…this is where I struggle). Engage in listening mode and bite your tongue.

5. Unselfish. It’s all about them. Unless this is your wedding day, Eagle Scout induction or your retirement lunch, this is always about them. Them, as in, everyone else in the room; your teenage daughter, your boss, your coworker, the soccer team or the class. If you keep them as your focus, you slowly eliminate the amount of interrupting you are doing. If you can keep your focus on them, on their ideas; you will break your habit.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Just like your shampoo bottle recommends. Just keep on keeping on. There will be times when this is irresistible. Like when someone tries to instruct me that Napa Valley has the best Zinfandels. I need to just smile and listen patiently and choke the words back that want to spew forth. Let them have their peace. Let them impart their knowledge. When a manager tries to explain a labor law that I know intimately as well as the latest regulations I smile and let them have their due. I’m not going to say that I won’t say anything. But if they ask? Sonoma Valley Old Vine is the best, in my humble opinion. But what do you gain by interrupting to bestow that fact. Unless you’re tasting wines or buying a winery, let them have their way.

I find this to be especially effective with hot button issues like politics, religion and most sporting events (my college Alma Mater is worth interrupting for). I will say that when I listen patiently, smile and acknowledge others in a heated debate or team discussion, it really improves your reputation. People gravitate to the person who listens rather than tries to interrupt. So if you have the habit, acknowledge it and start working on it. You will be on your way to being a social magnate.

Optimism. The game changer.

On June 10, 2012June 10, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Having a positive outlook can change everything. If you think you can succeed, finish the race, or complete the project, you will. If there are a few hiccups along the way, well, that may be what the universe intended.

You probably think that I am being a Pollyanna (for those under 40 and don’t know who Pollyanna is click here) Which is exactly what I’m suggesting you do—be optimistic. It makes a difference in how you face life; in how you recover from setbacks; in how you lead. In Srinivasan Pillay‘s book Your Brain and Business, he shows why leaders need to be drinking the optimism Kool-Aid. Dr. Pillay writes, “When you have hope and optimism, you have an automatic way of replacing fear in the line of emotions asking for attention from the amygdala.” Basically, if you dwell on the fear and negativity of the situation, your amygdala goes nuts and shuts down rational and reasonable thoughts. So if you don’t want to fire up your amygdala (your lizard brain), look on the bright side. Don’t worry about the “how” and all the obstacles in your way, just have belief that you can succeed and you can lead everyone else (and their lizard brains) out of the fire. See what I mean? It’s a game changer.

At my Rotary club every week we have a 50/50 raffle. There is one guy who wins it on a regular basis. He knows he’s lucky. He’s optimistic. He wins. There are times when he doesn’t win, but he wins a lot more often than anyone else. Certainly more than anyone who thinks they are unlucky. They aren’t even putting a dollar in. They don’t think they have a chance.

OK. So here is how you can drink the optimism Kool Aid:

1. Suspend. As in, suspend your negative thoughts. Don’t go listing all the ways why this won’t work. That is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will be correct. There is absolutely no possibility of succeeding if you think you can’t. You do not pass “Go” and collect $200. You will be stuck.

2. Pause. When adversity comes along (and it will), take a breath and disconnect from your present situation. Unplug and regroup. Your reaction under pressure is only feeding your lizard brain. Don’t let the amygdala go nuts and set off all the firecrackers. Have a Zen moment and disconnect. The last thing you need to feed when you are under pressure is your lizard brain. Chill out.

3. Discerning. Now is the time to pick the thoughts that go reeling through your head. Something negative comes along like, “This will NEVER work,” or “Here we go again.” Or worst of all, “You dummy…you always fail at this stuff.” Stay off the merry-go-round of negative thoughts and pick the right time to select your thought. Is there something good that could possibly happen? That is the thought you want. Wait for it. It’ll show up, especially if you’ve already done #2.

4. Explore. There must be something good about the current situation. The sun is out. It’s finally raining. It’s finally summer. It’s finally winter. There is a bright side to everything. Just find the right context. There is a roof over your head. Your car started this morning. You finished high school. You woke up this morning and still have a pulse. There is good out there—just go do some exploring.

5. Digest. Dwell and remunerate on those positive thoughts and outcomes. Make it real and believe in it. The board will accept the idea. Your car can be fixed for less than $100. The next big client is going to call tomorrow. The sun will come up tomorrow. Digest the positive and dwell on it.

I’ve said this in other posts but I’m still working on this and many other positive habits. Practice makes perfect. Start working on your optimist. It doesn’t come naturally to a lot of us and if it does come naturally to you, share the optimism Kool-Aid with others.

What if you just said “No”?

On May 29, 2012May 28, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator6 Comments

I’m not sure why, but I have been the trigger person for most of my career. The gunslinger brought in to say, No. Human Resource professionals are frequently referred to as The Fashion Police (that skirt is too short), The Personal Hygiene Moderator (deodorant is a necessity), Policy Patrol (insubordination IS grounds for termination) and, worst of all, the b-word. So why can’t everyone else draw a line in the sand? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve asked myself that. They are in avoidance

It’s so much easier to bring someone else in to say No. You can stay at arm’s length, point the finger and, in essence, say, “This wasn’t my decision”. Let someone else be the trigger person and stay clear of the wake.

Try taking a giant step forward and say No. Here are the reasons why you should:

1. Respect. People pay attention to those who pull the trigger once in a while. You earn the reputation for being someone who has a backbone and stands up for their principles. People want you on their team when they know you can be counted on to make the tough decisions even if they are unpopular.

2. Honest. We’ve all known people who are brown-noses. How many corporate projects have you been party to that went in the wrong direction because no one in the crowd wanted to say No. Earning the reputation for being candid takes a few No sayings. I’m not advocating just blurting out No but a well-polished, properly crafted No will increase your authenticity.

3. Less Bunkum. I had to look up that one up in the thesaurus to keep this polite. When you get the promotional phone calls for a vacation getaway; don’t hang up. Say No and take my number off your list. Disingenuous people stay away from No sayers. They move on to fawn over someone else who doesn’t mind swimming in bunkum.

4. Relief. Unresolved conflict can fester. Be the one to step forward and make the decision. Do you really want to be up at 3 AM worrying about how you tell the PTA that you want off the committee? When you have given that well-crafted No; you’ll be sleeping like a baby.

5. Empowerment. Saying No is gratifying. You can look yourself in the mirror and know that you stood up for something; you stood up for your beliefs. It might have been difficult (it almost always is uncomfortable…messy even) but once you get past the No, your self confidence will be rebooted.

6. Culture. No one likes co-workers who get away with clocking in late, not pulling their weight, constantly stepping over the line that no one else would dare to cross. That crowd; the group at large. They are rooting for you. They want you to pull the trigger. Be the gunslinger for the 95% who are pulling their weight. Raise the tide for the culture of your company.

It’s not easy. But you need to do it. Be the go-to gunslinger. Everyone is waiting for you to be a No sayer. Draw a line in the sand.

Unresolved Conflict: The Elephant in the Room

On May 22, 2012May 21, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator6 Comments

As a restaurant owner and Human Resource professional over the past 20 plus years, I’ve seen plenty of unresolved workplace conflict. It’s like the kitchen garbage can with rotting shrimp shells in the bottom; everyone smells it but no one wants to deal with it. So we let it fester and things fester.

Blood pressure rises, people start avoiding each other, less eye contact; our mind goes wild with what we figure the other person is thinking. We think we know their true motivation as the paranoia mounts.

There were countless times I was brought in to end the avoidance….to get to the bottom of the smelly mess. So how do you handle the conflict? Here are some tried and true maneuvers:

1. Timing is everything. Don’t talk to someone when they just get back from vacation and are buried in email and return phone calls. Give them a day or two to dig out and take a temperature check. Read their body language. A little tension in the shoulders…using short curt sentences….relax and wait. Sense of humor is back? Just got a great sales report? This might be your opening.

2. Privacy. This cannot be emphasized enough. Don’t bring up the smelly issue in front of or within ear shot of any other human being. Never. Ever. Their listening skills will be out to lunch and their blood pressure will shoot up. No one likes to be embarrassed and if there is even the slightest chance that UPS delivery guy might walk by; relax and wait.

3. Facts. Research your smelly issue thoroughly. No hunches. No assumptions. No jumping to conclusions. Do your best reconnaissance…you watch CSI…investigate. This is especially true in the “he said, she said, they said and we said” type of smelly issue. Find any and all witnesses and alleged witnesses (can’t tell you how many times in a harassment investigation that the “alleged witness” wasn’t even at work that day). Don’t go at fact finding to just make sure you are“right”.

4. Suspend Assumptions. This goes closely with #3 but it’s imperative that you don’t decide the other person’s motivation; their ulterior motives. You’ll have them being one step below Bernie Madoff if you’re not careful. Empty your head of all your negative stereo types….like “Joe is always out for himself” or “Suzy is out to get me”….really? You know all that? As Byron Katie says at her website “the work”…”Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” Turn off mister ego and shut down your assumption machine.

5. Craft. Think it through. How are you going to broach the subject? Maybe test the waters with another agenda item that isn’t confrontational like “I want to thank you for your help on the turnover report. It really saved me some time and I got a chance to work on a more pressing project”. A sincere, specific compliment is a nice lead in. I can hear you nay-sayers out there…but I can’t think of anything nice to say. Revisit #4. Phrase the issue in terms of the other person’s viewpoint. What is a reasonable explanation for their egregious act? Give them an out like, “I’m sure you didn’t realize that when I was excluded from the finance team, I felt like you didn’t trust me”, or “I don’t think you are aware but when you told Suzy about the layoff plan, she assumed her job was in jeopardy”. Think it through and craft the one or two sentences (no more) to summarize and present the smelly issue at hand (stay away from Never, Always and Should).

6. Love. What are you crazy? Love my co-worker, boss, workplace nemesis? I don’t know why it works but if you decide you love someone, even your worst enemy ,the whole thing just works better. Maybe it’s ch’i, but mentally embracing the other person (do not do this literally…for obvious reasons) helps you to be open to the possibilities; love your enemy. Bob may never include you on the email with the financial reports but if you love him, it dampens down the resentment and blasts open the possibility of resolution. This also helps with #4.

7. Do it. When you have completed the preceding steps; just do it. Have the conversation. Stay open minded and believe in a positive outcome. Sometimes, OK a lot of times, it’s a complete surprise to the other person. But it’s amazing how often people tip toe around an issue, especially a smelly one, and the offending person, had no idea that they angered you or that several people were avoiding them. Most of the time people don’t realize how they are perceived and want to do their best. Nine times out of ten, they apologize. Give them the chance.

This might be messy the first, second or third time around. But this is going to build trust in the long run. You will be the Go-To person for conflict resolution and honest constructive feedback. Slay the elephant.

Let me know what you think. What workplace conflict are you dealing with?

Advice-Giving…the Ultimate Buzz Kill

On May 15, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

I think we all know this. Unconsciously. We’ve told our spouse how to load the dishwasher, our assistant how to set up the report, or told our teenage son how to drive a car. And then there is the eye roll….the exasperated sigh. Once you start giving the how – all engines shut down. Buzz. Kill.

If you think about it – where is the engagement, the decision making, the buy in; the flow in someone else telling you how? Dr. Srinivasan Pillay explains this in his book, Your Brain and Business. According to Dr. Pillay, “brain imaging shows that when advice is given, it ‘offloads’ the value of the decision options from the listener’s brain, so that there are no correlations between brain activation and attributed value when advice is given, as compared to when it is not given…that is, advice turns the brain of the listener ‘off.'”

Whoa. I need to rethink my next road trip with my 16 year old at the wheel. So if I tell him to “put both hands on the wheel” or “slow down”…this is shutting his brain down. Not a good thing.

I am the same way. I’ve had a coach tell me what goal I was working on for the next two weeks. I felt myself slide back on my heels…and I didn’t lift a finger towards the goal–not a finger.

OK. So how do I stop giving unwanted, unsolicited, mind-shutting-down advice?

These are the FOUR Not so Easy Steps:

1. Listen. This always the first step. Your spouse may just be venting about the frustrations of the day. They could really just want some understanding, or a comforting smile and nod, instead of you jumping in with a 25 step guide on how to fix their problem.

2. Ask. Use open-ended questions like “what do you want to do?” or “what options do you have?” Having the listener give you their ideas creates buy in and helps them brainstorm their own options. Guess which idea will have the most weight…yup…their idea.

3. Don’t Judge. Unless they are asking for feedback , don’t jump in and start giving them all your wisdom. If they ask for the feedback, give it constructively and sparingly.

4. Brainstorm. If it’s going nowhere and the listener can’t seem to decide or is requesting your wisdom…ask for permission to brainstorm. In brainstorming, there is no “how” or “wrong answer”…just throw out some off the wall ideas and see if the listener can glean their own answer or muddle their own idea from piecing together different ideas. Making them their own. Don’t take the lead. Or there will be no buy in, no finger lifting.

Doesn’t this make you wonder why “Dear Abby” was so popular for so many years? Did anyone ever really take her advice? Was the column there just for all of us armchair advice givers to live vicariously through Abby?

So help me out, what am I supposed to do with the 16 year old barreling down the road at 65 miles an hour ? How do I get through to him? I am asking for advice here. Really. Leave a comment. Some advice.