Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should: Squashing Gigaguilt

On November 30, 2014November 29, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’ve been reading CrazyBusy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD by Edward R. Hallowell. The author coined the term Gigaguilt. Initially, I figured that Gigaguilt was feeling regretful that I didn’t buy the 64 GB iPod and defaulted to the 16 GB iPod. Like gigabite envy; it’s not.

It’s about the guilt associated with having access to so much information that you know that you are missing that 5k race for domestic violence victims, and the compensation conference in Tampa, and that comedian you’d love to see, or your son’s wrestling match that falls on the same night as your WordPress Meetup.

Life was so much simpler when we didn’t get Facebook invitations to fundraisers for every charity under the sun. They are all so deserving but how do you choose once the flood gates of information or connectedness open up? There is this constant struggle between priorities in your life. Some of which, up until about 5 years ago, weren’t even on your radar. If you feel like you are overcommitted and are still beating yourself up that you forgot about the parents meeting at your child’s school, have 6 unanswered meeting requests in your inbox and your mother is exasperated that you haven’t returned her call – You are suffering from Gigaguilt.

Here are some practical tips on how to squash the gigaguilt:

1. Timer. Put a timer on when it comes to social media. Spend 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. Check in, and do what you are there for. Check your daughter’s page, your college group feed and wish everyone happy birthday, and Get OFF. Out of sight, out of mind.

2. Select. Be selective with your notifications, lists and resources. I am on several lists. I get several daily, weekly and monthly newsletters, articles and posts. If I decide it’s not serving me after a few weeks or months. I drop it. If something new comes on the horizon, I sign up and see if there is a benefit. If not? I drop it. You are going to need to draw the line. If you are never going to be a painter or lawyer or PhD candidate, get off the list. If you aspire to learn how to play guitar, be a better public speaker or want some leadership advice, sign up and take a test drive. Just be willing to pull the plug if it’s not serving you. Clutter produces drag.

3. Slack. As in cut yourself some slack. It’s OK to not sign up for every 5k within a 20 mile radius of your home. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Don’t head down the self judgment trail. You don’t need to be the perfect________(fill in the blank). My son ran in the state track meet last year and I wasn’t there to see it. I saw the video. I’m still a great parent. No judgment. I didn’t get to run a 10k in April. I’ll try it next year. I’m still a runner…er jogger. I didn’t get to go to the charity event I’ve attended for the last 9 years. It’s still a great cause and I am still a generous person. Remember: No one is keeping tabs except you. Judge yourself exemplary.

4. Expectations. Lay the ground work with those who are important in your life. Tell your boss that you won’t be able to work Thursday afternoons during you son’s wrestling season. Tell your mother that you don’t take phone calls during dinner. Let your daughter know that you have a trip scheduled during her upcoming concert. There is a lot less guilt and finger pointing if you lay out your expectations up front.

5. Present. Be present. If your partner is talking to you, stop looking at your iPhone, make eye contact and listen. If you are on the phone with your friend, don’t look at email. If your dog wants to be scratched, look her in the eyes and be with her in the moment. If you are taking a walk, smell, listen and look at the sights around you. You aren’t going to get this moment back. Be there, in the moment, in every moment of your life.

I am by nature, an early adopter. I will on impulse sign up for a Groupon that I’m not sure my husband is on board with. I will sign up for the class that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to fit into my life. I have learned to back off. Take a breath. Be selective and squash the gigaguilt. Just be cause you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Conquering Fear. More Lessons from my Dog.

On October 20, 2013October 19, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear. This is easily explained by example: there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear. On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you. I suffer from both. I am the biggest wuss in my house. Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

In Galvin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, the case is made that some fear is innate. Fear can save your life as he shows in an example in the book. The simple act of an attacker closing a window as he leaves his victim behind in the room and, intuitively, the victim realizes that if she doesn’t get out of there, she will be a murder victim. She does and lives to tell about it.

There is the completely neurotic fear that my dog, Baci, suffers from. She won’t step on a different surface. New hardwood, tile, slate or plywood. She will not step over it, onto it or around it. She is paralyzed. It seems so irrational but there must be something to this paralysis. Did she step onto some surface in her puppydom that caused this irrational fear?

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

1. Check First. Is this rational? What are you basing this on? Is the cockroach really going to attack you? When did you last read the headline – “Mother Killed By Palmetto Bug.” Think about this in relation to YOU – Would applying for that new position mean you would lose your current job? Nah. Face it, most decisions you make are not catastrophic. But investigating what your fear is based on is important; especially when it comes to your future in the workplace.

2. Research. I find that researching all available scenarios helps. If you are looking for a new job, maybe this means looking down avenues you would typically not consider. Maybe you would be willing to move or adding an extra 30 minutes to your commute. Maybe look at a different industry. Baci is constantly testing the waters; especially if there is a desirable tennis ball in the middle of the piece of plywood. Doing the research makes it easier for her to take the next step.

3. Test. Take a step. Go grab your slipper from the other room. At least you’ll be prepared to smack that cockroach. Call a friend you know in the industry you might want to move to and ask what opportunities are available. Baci starts by putting out a paw and then retreating. She’s testing her hypothesis. You are going to have to test the waters. Start writing the blog even if you don’t finish it in the first pass.

4. Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared. Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trials for the Olympics last year. There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to. I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out – watch it here. Do it scared.

5. Pathways. You are going to need to lay some new neural pathways. Charles Duhigg compares them to ruts in the mud. It’s really difficult to change ruts. The only way is to start working on it. This is extremely hard for me. Take a breath, regroup and lay down a new rut.

My dog Baci is amazing at this. First, she is paralyzed by the new hardwood floor in the dining room. She won’t set a paw on the floor. But her favorite window for squirrel hunting is only three feet away…across the new surface. She runs around to all the entrances to check that the new surface is everywhere. She looks at my husband to be assured that the new surface is safe. Sniffs. Tests it with her paw. Retreats. It may take an hour or three days, but eventually she is trotting up to her favorite spot staring out the window, standing proudly on the new hardwood floor. She’s laying new neural pathways.

How about you?

Advice-Giving. The Ultimate Buzz Kill.

On June 23, 2013June 22, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I think we all know this. Unconsciously. We’ve told our spouse how to load the dishwasher, our assistant how to set up the report, or (God forbid) told our teenage son how to drive a car. And there is there is the eye roll. The exasperated sigh. Once you start giving the how…all engines shut down. Buzz. Kill.

If you think about it – where is the engagement, the decision making, the buy in; the autonomy in someone else telling you how? Dr. Srinivasan Pillay explains this in his book, Your Brain and Business. According to Dr. Pillay, “brain imaging shows that when advice is given, it “offloads” the value of the decision options from the listener’s brain, so that there are no correlations between brain activation and attributed value when advice is given, as compared to when it is not given…that is, advice turns the brain of the listener “off”.

Whoa. I need to rethink my next road trip with my 17 year old at the wheel. So if I tell him to “put both hands on the wheel” or “slow down”. It is shutting his brain down. Not a good thing when traveling down the freeway at 55 miles an hour.

I am the same way. I had a coach tell me what goal I was working on for the next two weeks and I felt myself slide back on my heels. I didn’t lift a finger towards the goal; not a finger.

OK. So how do I stop giving unwanted, unsolicited, mind-shutting-down advice?

These are the FOUR Not so Easy Steps:

1. Listen. Isn’t this always the first step? Is your spouse just really venting about the frustrations of the day? Do they really just want some understanding? a comforting smile and nod? instead of you jumping in with a 25 step guide on how to fix their problem.

2. Ask. Use open-ended questions like “what do you want to do?” or “what options do you have?” Having the listener give you their ideas creates buy in and helps them brainstorm their own options. Guess which idea will have the most weight? Yup, their idea.

3. Don’t Judge. Unless they are asking for feedback…don’t jump in and start giving them all your wisdom. If they ask for the feedback, give it constructively and sparingly.

4. Brainstorm. If it’s going no where and the listener can’t seem to decide or is requesting your wisdom, ask for permission to brainstorm. In brainstorming, there is no “how” or “wrong answer”. Just throw out some off the wall ideas and see if the listener can glean their own answer or muddle their own idea from piecing together different ideas. Making them their own. Don’t take the lead. Or there will be no buy in, no finger lifting.

Doesn’t this make you wonder why “Dear Abby” was so popular for so many years? Did anyone ever really take her advice? Was the column there just for all of us armchair advice givers to live vicariously through Abby?

So I have to say, I try to keep my mouth shut when my son is driving. Instead of advice, I say, “I got snagged for going 15 over the speed limit here. Did you know those tickets are over $200?” I’m just telling a story. Enlightening him on my experience. It’s not easy but I must say it’s a much less frustrating experience and he usually slows down. Keep your advice to yourself.

Biting your Tongue

On January 8, 2013January 6, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You need to get good at biting your tongue if you have a teenager, spouse/partner or boss. Don’t meddle in things that don’t concern you or that aren’t in your span of control. In the case of a teenager, you have NO span of control; in the case of the partner or boss, only as it is bestowed upon you. I’m not sure if it’s a gender thing but I have a real hard time staying out of what does not concern me. I need to back off and bite my tongue.

Giving your opinion on your children’s clothing, dating or music preferences is a losing proposition. You will not gain any trust or confidence if you are criticizing your teenager’s latest clothing ensemble or iTunes download. The Romeo and Juliet effect is alive and well. The more you say that you don’t like “skinny jeans” or gages or head banging music (I don’t even know what the real name is…but it’s awful), the more your children will embrace it. You strengthen their ties to whatever is the object of your disgust.

It’s not easy but there are ways to bite your tongue (without literally biting your tongue):

1. Divest. Don’t invest your ego and the judgment thereof into your offspring, friends and co-workers. Getting wrapped up in “what will the neighbors say?” is a losing proposition. I can remember my son waiting for the elementary school bus at the top of the driveway, wearing sandals and no jacket on a cold windy day practicing his karate moves. I had to let go. The neighbors still loved him and, as far as I know, didn’t call child protective services.

2. Suspend. Quit judging by your own standards. Just because I get up at 5:30 AM to go for a run doesn’t mean my spouse will or wants to or will dare to. Suspend judgment. We all make our own path. If your assistant wants to wear THOSE earrings with THAT dress, so be it. If your boss wants to move a meeting because she’s got a hair appointment, so be it. Let the judgment go.

3. Empathy. Stand in their shoes. There was a time when high top chucks were in style. I owned a pair or two of bell bottoms. My daughter came home from a hiking trip with a swath of bright red hair. I remember dying my hair blue/black at age 20 testing my independence. I bit my tongue and gave her a hug.

4. Silence. Speak when spoken to. Think whatever you are thinking, just don’t say it out loud. If no one asked your opinion, don’t give it. It’s amazing how powerful silence can be. If they do, be judicious with your comments. As Thumper’s Mom said “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”.

5. Positive. Look for the good in all. Reinforce the positive. You may not like most of the presentation your friend gave at the conference but you really liked the slides. Compliment the slides. Your son hasn’t shaved in two months but he got a haircut last week? Compliment the haircut. Find the good and reinforce.

Suspending judgment can be liberating. Worrying about what someone will think about this or that can weigh you down. Don’t be responsible for carrying the burden. Let go. Bite your tongue and revel in the freedom.

Soothe your Inner Dictator

On November 27, 2012November 27, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

It’s difficult to control our inner dictator. Most of us are trying to work on something. Exercising more, spending less money, eating more fruits and vegetable, stopping procrastination…pick your poison. The minute we derail, we beat ourselves up. “Cathy, you lazy wench, why did you sleep in and not go for a run this morning?”, “Why did you go out to dinner when you said you would save money this month?”, “Dummy, you spent 2 hours on Facebook when you could have been doing homework.” “What is wrong with you?” Sound familiar? Your dictator has taken over.

According to Dr. Kelly McGonigal and her book “The Willpower Instinct,” carrying around this guilt and reprimanding ourselves with this self talk is actually going to encourage more self defeating behaviors. What? Is she crazy? I would be completely out of control if I didn’t reprimand myself. My dictator is doing a great job of keeping me under wraps. Really?

One of the studies in the book took place at Carlton University in Ottawa, Canada. They tracked the procrastination habits of students over the course of the semester. The ones who were self critical for the way they performed on the first exam were much more likely to make it a habit and procrastinate on subsequent exams. Those who forgave themselves for procrastinating on the first exam, did far better and improved their study habits. Doesn’t it seem so much easier to have some self compassion and to soothe your inner dictator?

Here are some ways to calm your dictator:

1. Forgive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Let go of your grudges towards others. If you can’t forgive them and their failures, how can you possible forgive yourself. I was tormented by resentment of an ex for years. It got me nowhere but more stressed out, paranoid and resentful (as I recounted all his sins against me and mankind). It wasn’t hurting him, it was hurting me. Release it and move on.

2. Self Compassion. Once you have forgiven others, it should be easier to forgive yourself and your failures. Try to imagine if you would say any of the things that you say to yourself, to a close friend or your child. Imagine your best friend getting on a scale and you say to them “Hey fatso, that’s what you get for eating all that cake last night.” Why would you talk to yourself with any less compassion as you would a friend. Forgive yourself.

3. Escape. Anticipate the feeling of giving in when you are stressed out and plan your escape. So if I’m used to grabbing a glass of wine when I get home from a stressed out day at work, have an alternative escape plan. A healthier option. A walk, some yoga, praying, crotchet, reading, gardening, P90X. What ever you enjoy that is counter to your normal unhealthy default escape. This will trip up your inner dictator.

4. Envision. Envision being successful with a few bumps along the way. This is what kills most New Year’s resolutions. You join a gym and say you will go every day and then when the first bump in the road comes along (such as I couldn’t get a babysitter) you abandon the plan. Resolution over. Realize you are going to have set backs and keep on keeping on. In the story of the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise always wins.

5. Awareness. Watch how you talk about yourself to others. I know several colleagues who constantly put themselves down or are down on life. “I’m having a bad hair day.” “I’m overloaded.” “I’m tired.” “I’m sick.” First of all, do you want to be around someone who is such a downer? Second, how can you possible have a good day when you are saying this out loud? If you are feeling a little tired, say “I’m feeling great.” And add a smile. It will turn your day around and others will be attracted to your energy.

This is a difficult process and it isn’t easily changed over night. Your dictator has been in control for a long time so don’t plan a coup d’état. Slowly but surely pacify your dictator’s power by reflecting on how you are viewing things and what you are letting your dictator control (and say). Soothe your inner dictator.

What is your dictator saying?

Squashing Gigaguilt

On October 16, 2012October 16, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Here are some practical tips on how to squash the gigaguilt:

Lawnmower Fairies

On July 31, 2012July 29, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator1 Comment

Human Resource professionals have experienced this and are usually on the losing end of the stick. Here’s the situation: The manager has an employee with a performance issue but they continually overlook their shortcomings. They figure it will just go away. So whatever the behavior – it is ignored. Normally, Human Resources gets brought in when the manager is fed up and wants to take action. Usually the employee is oblivious because they’ve not known there was a problem. This is a losing battle. IT WON’T WORK.

Stalling or waiting for something to turn around is like hoping the grass will get cut on its own. There aren’t little fairies that will come in the middle of the night with a weed whacker. You’re going to need to get out the lawn mower. Um. (Not literally for the employee – that would be a different HR nightmare).

When you have an employee, client or child who is consistently late – stalling is going to exacerbate the problem. When someone’s task or functionality is wrong, incomplete or insufficient; stalling will not correct the issue. Nine times out of ten, when you are sitting in your office, sofa or car rolling your eyes because you are not happy with the outcome, yet keeping silent; you are stalling. And. IT WON’T WORK.

So if you are ready to get out the lawn mower and stop believing in lawn fairies, this is what you need to do:

1. Grip. As in, “Get a grip.” You are going to need to address this. You need to wake up and realize that putting it off is not the solution. You are assuming that the offender knows what they have done. Odds are they don’t. They don’t have x-ray vision and are not clairvoyant. You think they should know. Isn’t it obvious that they have been late for the last three weeks? If you haven’t said anything, they don’t know.

2. Facts. Gather the facts at hand. Did you say they needed to turn in the weekly report by Friday? How many times have they missed the deadline? Go through your email, your inbox, your files and figure out when they were late or incomplete. Get your facts together. Write it up.

3. Review. Was there a reason they were late? Look at the calendar. Were they sick, on vacation or working on a last minute project? Why are they always late with this particular report? Is there a valid reason? Make sure it makes sense and that your expectations are reasonable. If you expect your son to cut the lawn and he’s been at camp for the last six weeks – this would not be a reasonable expectation

4. Craft. Craft your expectations into a reasonable non-threatening sentence or two. If you can’t describe the issue in less than two sentences – you are trying to tackle too many problems. You should not be trying to decimate someone’s self esteem. You are trying to resolve an issue. Pick the one that is bugging you the most and craft your two sentences. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t bite off too much. Zero in on THE issue. If you tell your son he hasn’t adequately cleaned his room, is late doing the dishes, did a lousy job at mowing the lawn, and still hasn’t called his grandmother, he will be lost and dejected.

5. Jump. Go for it. Find the right time and place(see my post on Unresolved Conflict) and then address the issue. It might just be as simple as, “I’ve notice you’ve been late three times this week and four times last week. It’s important that we are on time because our customers are depending on us.” Or, “Your reports have been on time but weren’t as complete as I expected. There weren’t any notes on productivity or quality parameters in the last four reports.” This works much more efficiently than shooting from the hip. You’ve got your facts, you verified that they are reasonable and you have zeroed in on what it important. Whew.

6. Listen. Let them vent, explain, bitch or cry. Now it’s all about them. Let them fix the problem. You can add your two cents but let them work out how they want to resolve it. Don’t take the monkey back and don’t tell them how to resolve it. This is their issue and if they don’t decide how to resolve it – they will not have buy in. Advice giving is a buzz kill. You need to just be there for the brain storming. The monkey is now officially on their back.

7. Faith. Make sure you have let them know that you believe in them. This might be difficult when you are exasperated but it’s important. People want to live up to your expectations but they can’t give what you want unless you give them the latitude and faith. “I know you can be on time going forward Suzie.” “I can’t wait to see the next report because I believe we have resolved the issues.” “I’ve seen you to a great job on the lawn before and I trust you to do it right the next time.” End of discussion. Pat them on the back and you are on your way.

Communicating is always a work in progress. Don’t get discouraged if it’s messy the first few times around. Just make sure you take that step. Quit rolling your eyes in disgust and start addressing those issues that are bugging you. There are no lawnmower fairies.

What would you do?

Heels dug in.

On July 24, 2012July 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Most people don’t embrace change. It can be difficult. It’s so much easier to dig our heels in and be inflexible. It’s a great offense. Inflexible people are left alone. They are too difficult to deal with. Leave Joe alone, he’ll never get on board with this idea. Pretty soon the world is dancing around Joe because they don’t want to deal with his stubbornness. He’s out of the loop.

Organizations do this as well. It’s easy to get caught up in “doing it the way we have always done it” mentality. It’s hard to create change. Especially in long established businesses. Unless there is a business necessity (imperative), it’s so much easier to keep it status quo. It’s the path of least resistance. Why do a leadership initiative? Incentive plan? Enter a new market? If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.

I’ve been traveling this past week. I live in Eastern North Carolina. The land of free parking, no sidewalks and a six-mile commute with one red light. Every time I head to New York City, I need to load up on coins, cash and the capacity to adapt (easily). In the last six days I’ve been through twenty toll booths. Some took $.90, others $12.30. I needed to be flexible. The GPS was lost half the time because of new construction or, in the case of downtown Trenton, they didn’t have roads on their map. We needed to just go with the flow. Or as my son, who was my copilot at the time said, “Read the signs.” What a concept. Read the signs. If I’d had my heels dug in, I’d still be in Trenton. Actually, I’d be on an off ramp in Baltimore in the fetal position.
So, how do you embrace change? Break out of the status quo. Here are 6 steps to dig out those heels.

1. Scan. As in scan the environment. Are those around you avoiding you? Have you been invited to be on an ad hoc committee? Are you out of the loop? Are you still wearing bell bottoms? Are you stuck in Trenton? Your coworkers are perfectly happy to leave you in the dust if you are not open to change. Nobody likes to associate with “Debbie Downer”. Take the temperature of your environment and see if you are reading the signs.

2. Survey. Take a poll. What do your closest friends think? Ask your boss. Ask your husband. Ask your mother (OK…I know I’m pushing it a little far). “Do I seem open to new ideas?” Perception is reality. If you are perceived as a stick in the mud, you probably are a stick in the mud.

3. Listen. When you survey, you need to be open enough to listen. If you ask the question, you need to be able to listen to the answer. In fact, if you aren’t willing to listen, don’t even ask. One of the most counter-productive exercises is for an organization to do an employee survey and then do nothing.

4. Plan. So what can you do about the perception? You’re going to need to take a hard look at yourself and start paying attention to the “signs.” Maybe you need to work on not interrupting or your need to be right all the time. Maybe you’re going to need to back off from being in control all the time. Maybe you just need to buy some new clothes. Yeah. Seersucker is dead and so are bell bottoms.

5. Start digging out. One shovel at a time. There is no magic pill. This is going to take work and all you can do is start. One interaction at a time. I remember that when I first started working on showing more appreciation, I missed the boat several times. I’d forget to thank my assistant for getting the report done so quickly or my husband for taking out the trash. But at least I started somewhere and I can tell you that now I am much more consistent about showing appreciation. But I had to take that first step.

6. Reflect. You can do this in any form you like. Maybe in a journal, meditating or brushing your teeth. How are you doing? Do you feel like you are making strides? Are you getting positive feedback? Are you getting less negative feedback? Maybe you were selected for the next ad hoc committee. Maybe you didn’t overreact when you ended up getting off at the wrong exit. Congratulate yourself. You are on your way.

What would you do?

Triskaidephobia

On July 17, 2012July 15, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is my 13th blog post and I have the fear of the number 13; hence the title. Ironically, it’s my daughter’s favorite number. There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear. This is easily explained by example: there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear. On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you. I suffer from both. I am the biggest wuss in my house. Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

4. Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared. Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trails last week. There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to. I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out – watch it here. Do it scared.

How about you?

The Big Lie

On July 3, 2012July 3, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

In addition to being a recovering interrupter, I am also a recovering multitasker. There was a time, about 15 years ago, when I was a commuter in Northern California, in which I would apply makeup, drink a Venti Mocha, talk on my cell phone AND drive my car between Windsor and Petaluma. Not too good. I was under the delusion that I was getting so much accomplished – that I was Super Woman.

As technology exploded in the 90s, there was the imperative to keep 10 balls in the air at one time, and it hasn’t stopped. Dr. David Rock has busted the multitasking myth with his book “Your Brain at Work.” In the book he compares your frontal cortex which is the size of a postage stamp and where you make all your decisions, to a stage in a theater. And this stage is not the size of Madison Square Garden or even Carnegie Hall. It’s more like a puppet theater with room for about three hand puppets max. In Dr. Rock’s analogy, your frontal cortex is being bombarded with actors trying to get on stage. And the more actors you have on stage, the more your decision-making diminishes. For each additional task (actor) on stage, the more your performance drops.

Christine Rosen, who wrote the article “The Myth of Multitasking,” agrees with Dr. Rock and says that the result of multitasking is a 10-point drop in IQ or twice the drop as for marijuana users. And we all know that multitasking while driving (you know, like applying make up and talking on your cell phone) is worse than drunk driving. Tsk, Tsk.

So here are a few steps to bring us back on the road to monotasking:

1. Clear. As in clear all the clutter. I have been letting my magazine subscriptions lapse. I don’t get the local newspaper anymore. Set the timer and take 10 minutes to clean out your kitchen junk drawer, your closet or your car. De-cluttered means less distractions.

2. List. Close your office door and make a list. Do a brain dump of everything you want or might want to get done takes a lot of actors out the mix and off your “stage.” If I’m in class and just remembered I need shampoo from the store, that bottle of shampoo is going to sit on my stage (maybe) and trip up my other actors. Do a brain dump to get it off the stage. Or better yet, get Wunderlist (a wonderful free app for making and organizing task lists) and put it on your grocery list.

3. Focus. This is the hard part. Pay attention to the task at hand. If you are on a conference call and start going through your email; you are not listening. You are reading email. If reading email is more important, then hang up the phone. If the conference call is more important, then shut down the email. You are going to have to start making choices. So choose.

4. No. You’re going to have to do it. Turn off the TV. Send it to voice mail. Don’t go to the conference. Get off the committee. I can see you rolling your eyes but it’s true. Just because you can check email 24/7 doesn’t mean you have to. The world will still be there tomorrow. Just say NO.

5. Imperfection. Do it imperfectly at first. It’s OK. It’s fine if you back slide a little. Small messy steps are more important than no steps. There is going to be that phone call you were waiting for as you’re driving north on 101. Maybe you can pull over and take it. Maybe you can explain and call them back later. Don’t beat yourself up.

The fact that you’re aware and trying will help you make more effective and smarter decisions. Sometimes a shampoo bottle will come rolling onto the stage. It’s OK.

Are you putting your best cast on the stage or is it full of shampoo bottles?