Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Goods

On December 25, 2012December 25, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

It seems like every year around the holidays, I am invariably invited to a holiday party involving a game called “Dirty Santa”. If you are not familiar with the game, participants bring a wrapped gift that is worth a certain amount like $15 and everyone draws numbers. Number 1 picks out a gift, and unwraps it. Number 2 gets to decide if they want to “steal” Number 1’s gift or pick out a new gift. This goes on until all the gifts are selected and then Number 1 gets a second and last chance to look at all the gifts and decides whether to “steal” once more.

I find it ironic that we play this game during the holidays. During a time of giving and selflessness, we play a game that encourages coveting thy neighbors goods. When we played this game a few weeks ago, I pulled “Number 1” which is an advantageous position. You get the last “pick” but I have to say that I was robbed at least four times during the game. By the third time it happened, I quit getting attached to whatever I selected. It’s strange to not know when someone was going to come over and take it. I ended up with a gift I really like, a scarf from Italy, but I could have just as easily ended up with cheap men’s cologne (a clunker gift from a game a few years back).

I think these experiences have something to show us. Don’t covet. Yours, mine or theirs.

So here are some ways:

1. Detach. Detach from the objects in your life. I was on a business trip in Charlotte. I left my favorite blouse and skirt in the hotel closet. I didn’t realize it for about a week. They were gone. I resented it for weeks. Every time I was getting ready to travel, or wear the perfect matching earrings, or shoes, it brought it up again. I was filled with regret and continued beating myself up. Water under the bridge. Let. It. Go.

2. Content. Have you ever noticed that when you are looking for a new car, all you notice is the make and model you are interested in on the road? Or if, as I did, you really wanted a convertible, you regret it for months and start looking at the make you bought as a convertible with jealousy? Be happy with the toys you have. Be content.

3. Path. We all make our own path. We all got here from different places. Some went to college, some didn’t, some stay in the same town their entire life and some don’t. Some people value Ferrari’s and, others value surf boards. If I grew up in Italy, I’d probably value that Ferrari and if I grew up in Florida or Hawaii, the surf board. Don’t judge others by what they covet. You don’t know their path.

4. Seek experiences. In an article in Psychology Today by Dr. Melanie Greenberg, she writes “Research studies show that spending money on experiences, such as family vacations, educational courses, or psychotherapy provides more happiness ‘bang for the buck’ than spending money on possessions. That is because much of the pleasure of possessions seems to be in acquiring them.” The lift you get from the purchase is short lived. Buyer’s remorse. Take a class, go to the musical or sign up for coaching. Go for the experience.

5. Boost your set point. There have been many theories that you might get a brief bounce in your happiness set point after winning the lottery, tie the knot or buy that new house. Eventually you will return to your original happiness level (after the honeymoon is over). The good news is that according to an article in American Psychological Association by Zak Stambor called “Is our happiness set in stone?’ we can change our set point. He writes, “research shows that people can increase their happiness by making a conscious effort to count their blessings, reframe situations in a positive light or perform kind acts.” Reframe and count your blessings. It’s difficult to covet when you are grateful.

My parents have taught me to not covet material objects. The Christmases of my childhood were not blow out Toy-fests. They were times of family, food and Monopoly marathons. Outside of an Easy Bake Oven, I can’t remember many of the gifts from my childhood but I do know that I always want my brother, Rick, on my Pictionary team (he is a great artist) and my dad on my Trivial Pursuits team (retired History teachers are awesome teammates). Enjoy your holiday and count your blessings.

Pointing Fingers

On December 18, 2012December 18, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’d love to know how much time and energy gets wasted pointing fingers. We seem to be constantly searching for Fault, who to blame – The fall guy. We feel so vindicated once that football coach is fired, that worthless sales guy is let go or your daughter finally drops that no good boyfriend. Now it will all be better. But it isn’t. Pointing fingers can be….er, pointless.

I’m not trying to assert that root cause analysis isn’t important. It certainly has its place when figuring out what went wrong with a plane crash. I’m just saying it’s not very productive in everyday life. If the stakes aren’t high, what is the point of all this finger pointing? It creates camps of co-workers on one side or the other; it creates division. The assumption mill goes crazy along with the gossip mill and, worst of all, the complaint mill.

I recently joined a peer to peer group and one of the rules of engagement is to not ask “why”. Well that seemed a little unorthodox, my Human Resource filter is always looking for the “why” but what was astutely pointed out by our leader is that “why” is all about blame. We are in the group for solutions and that is all about “what, how and where”. Makes you think doesn’t it.

So how do we get off the blame train? Here are some ideas:

1. You. It starts with you. Forgive yourself. Calm down your inner critic. I’ve seen co-workers blame themselves and then beat themselves up for months. I’ve seen managers bring up the doofus they hired ten years ago and waited two years to fire. This is not going to instill confidence in yourself…or anybody else. Don’t live in blame mode.

2. Debrief with compassion. The team should certainly review what went right and what went wrong at an event. Be careful not to attach anyone to the failures. “Well it was Joe’s decision to get the dancing Elephant, what an idiot!” Don’t start driving the bus over anyone. Learn from the failures and successes and move on. No corpses left behind. The team won’t be afraid of the debrief going forward.

3. Potential. Dr. David Rock advocates “listening for potential” in his book “Quiet Leadership”. It engages you as a listener. Instead of thinking for ways to respond or problem solve, you listen with the intent for the speaker to find their own potential. It’s so much more proactive. It’s difficult to point the finger if you are looking for potential.

4. Stop judging. Half the time, people are pointing the finger because they want the spotlight off themselves. If they start judging others and their actions, they feel better. Put someone else down and then, by default, you raise yourself up. This may work for a while but eventually you will find yourself alone. No one hangs out with guy who is driving the bus over folks.

5. Commitment. There are going to be times when you hold your child accountable for failing grades, your assistant for the botched report or your dog for the “accident” on the carpet. Keep it as confidential as possible, maintain their self esteem and show them confidence and commitment that we can move forward from here.

It’s easy to fall into finger pointing and this isn’t going to end anytime soon. Start in your corner of the world and see what effect it has on others. As Bob Marley said, “who are you to judge the life I live? I know I’m not perfect and I don’t live to be, but before you start pointing fingers make sure your hands are clean.”

Seeing the Forest through the Trees

On December 11, 2012December 11, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to develop great outcomes almost without effort? As if they are omniscient? They see the big picture while the rest of us are slogging through the brush trying to find the path. Dr. David Rock talks about “the clarity of distance” in his book Quiet Leadership. He suggests that by “listening for potential” in those around you, you will be much more effective if you keep your distance or stay away from your own agenda, filter, too much detail or hot spots.

We all walk around with our own filters; sometimes we don’t even use them knowingly. I run into this when I am coaching clients and a Human Resource situation comes up. Say, the client talks about a situation that involves a co-worker potentially being harassed. My human resource filter can easily turn on. Suddenly, I’m not engaged in listening; I’m trying to resolve the harassment issue instead of trying to understand the client.

Analysis paralysis is another solution killer. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink, more data does not make for a better decision. In fact, he says, “There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis.” I’m not suggesting you send off the space shuttle without some engineering but when it comes to many decisions or solutions at hand, staying out of the details can be a real advantage.

So how can you start seeing the forest through the trees? Here are some tips:

1. Step Back. It’s much easier to make a great decision if you step back from the situation. If you are too invested in the outcome or the person making the decision, you can definitely derail the decision making process. My son is applying to colleges and recently decided to apply to my alma mater’s arch rival. I’m not going to be a good listener or have his best interest in mind if I’m worried about him rooting against the Big Red. If you can’t step away; at least bite your tongue.

2. Paralysis. Don’t end up in analysis paralysis. If you are helping someone make a decision, don’t create endless delays waiting for more facts and information. I don’t suffer from this but I know a lot of people that do. I remember an episode of “This American Life” called Cat and Mouse where a man had been searching for over 20 years for the perfect couch. It was a huge decision but he just kept gathering more data. As of the airing of the episode, he STILL did not have a couch. He’s in the forest and buried in a gigantic pile of leaves.

3. Taboos. Acknowledge that there are areas where you just can’t be of any help and remain unbiased. These are things that hold some emotional charge normally. My husband can’t watch a movie that has adultery. Therefore, he is not a good person to be a sounding board for someone deciding if they should stay with a cheating spouse. He cannot be unbiased…let alone control his emotions. Make sure you have the self awareness to know your taboos. You don’t want to be a part of the problem or to become the problem.

4. Lens check. When a team is trying to create solutions, everyone at the table has a different “lens”. Finance is trying to figure out how to fund it, Information Services is trying to figure out how to automate it and Sales is trying to figure out how to sell it. You’ve spent years of laying neuroplasty down in your head through education, work experience and making decisions based on that lens. It can be a unique perspective or completely out of your element. Having Maintenance on the 401(k) Committee may not make a lot of sense. Yes, the perspective might be unique but duct tape isn’t going to help in most investment decisions. Make sure you know your own lens in order to see the forest.

5. Close Agendas. Depending on the situation, we all have agendas. I speak some Spanish. If my daughter is researching study abroad programs, I’m going to push for Spain over China. My son has a seafood allergy; he’s not going to be on board with a sushi restaurant. My colleague’s friend owns a BBQ restaurant. We end up with a lot of BBQ for catered events. This is not a problem in a lot of situations but you want to be aware of your agendas if you are selected to be on the committee to decide the menu for the Annual Holiday Party. If my son and colleague are on the committee, we’ll end up with BBQ. If you want to see the forest, make sure you are staying off the same old path through the trees.

To bring perspective to any situation, we need to make sure we know ourselves. Keeping our biases in check and knowing that, if we can’t, maybe we can bring our perspective at another time, in order to help see the forest through the trees.

Chunky Monkeys

On December 4, 2012December 4, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Delegating monkeys is an important part of being a leader, partner or parent. There is a delicate balance between abdicating and delegating. Abdicating can happen when a leader chooses to ignore a situation (usually a sticky, messy and uncomfortable monkey) which allows the issue to slide down to the next level of management. Not good delegation.

As Ken Blanchard said in his book, The One Minute Manager meets the Monkey, “for every monkey there are two parties involved, one to work it and one to supervise it”. The monkey is the task or project. You may have given the monkey to your child, co-worker or assistant but that doesn’t mean that you have absolved yourself of any other responsibilities. You’ll need to make sure that the monkey is getting fed….and not over fed. You don’t want to have a bunch of chunky monkeys running..er swinging around.

So how do you take care of the monkeys without getting them back? Here are some ideas:

1. Pick. Pick the right time and place to delegate. If you are in the middle of serving twenty people a Thanksgiving meal and your daughter has never made gravy before…maybe you should wait until there is a little more time and (in my case) more patience before you give a gravy clinic. If you are going to give a monkey to someone, pick the right time to do it.

2. Decide. Decide if this task or project should be delegated. If it’s not clear who is caring for a particular monkey, then you have decided. You have abdicated and the monkey is running loose and no one knows who is in charge. Like that annoying employee that reports to you but that no one likes and is afraid of. You aren’t handling the monkey, so everyone else has to. Decide if the monkey is yours or…not.

3. Select. Once you have decided it’s the right monkey to delegate, select the right person or group to take care of the monkey. If the new incentive plan needs an Excel expert, then find one. Don’t just give the project to the closest person who seems available (especially if you don’t know their Excel abilities). The monkey needs the right talent to take care of it. Not just another animal at the zoo.

4. Define. Define what success looks like. If you ask your child to mow the lawn, you better be clear with timelines, parameters for what mowing the lawn entails (leaf blowing, edging, bagging of grass, etc.), and if there will be any compensation involved. There have been plenty of family squabbles over something as minor as what mowing the lawn entails. Make sure you define how to take care of the monkey.

5. Ask. Make sure that they are up to the challenge of caring for a new monkey right now. Maybe their plate is full. Maybe they already have 50 monkeys and 13 of them are sick and in need of intensive care. If I ask my daughter to edit a blog post for me (and I frequently do), I better make sure she’s not in the middle of mid-terms. It’s important to ask if she has time for one more monkey.

6. Delegate. Once you have completed steps 1-5, then hand off the monkey. Knowing that it is the right time, place and person will make this much easier. Instill your confidence in their monkey care-taking abilities and then walk away. If they think there is any chance that you will be back for the monkey, it will erode their confidence and commitment to care for the monkey.

7. Track. Track progress after you delegate. Make sure they’re grooming, training and not over feeding the monkey. Make sure they aren’t taking on too many other monkeys or that the monkey you delegated to them may not get as much care and attention. Let them know their progress along the way. Just because you delegated, doesn’t mean you have absolved yourself of all responsibility. Check in on the care and feeding of the monkey.

People who effectively delegate their monkeys are ultimately better leaders and citizens. The team around them is more highly skilled and feels more empowered. Try these steps and see if you can’t be more effective with your monkey management.

How do you delegate your monkeys?

Soothe your Inner Dictator

On November 27, 2012November 27, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

It’s difficult to control our inner dictator. Most of us are trying to work on something. Exercising more, spending less money, eating more fruits and vegetable, stopping procrastination…pick your poison. The minute we derail, we beat ourselves up. “Cathy, you lazy wench, why did you sleep in and not go for a run this morning?”, “Why did you go out to dinner when you said you would save money this month?”, “Dummy, you spent 2 hours on Facebook when you could have been doing homework.” “What is wrong with you?” Sound familiar? Your dictator has taken over.

According to Dr. Kelly McGonigal and her book “The Willpower Instinct,” carrying around this guilt and reprimanding ourselves with this self talk is actually going to encourage more self defeating behaviors. What? Is she crazy? I would be completely out of control if I didn’t reprimand myself. My dictator is doing a great job of keeping me under wraps. Really?

One of the studies in the book took place at Carlton University in Ottawa, Canada. They tracked the procrastination habits of students over the course of the semester. The ones who were self critical for the way they performed on the first exam were much more likely to make it a habit and procrastinate on subsequent exams. Those who forgave themselves for procrastinating on the first exam, did far better and improved their study habits. Doesn’t it seem so much easier to have some self compassion and to soothe your inner dictator?

Here are some ways to calm your dictator:

1. Forgive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Let go of your grudges towards others. If you can’t forgive them and their failures, how can you possible forgive yourself. I was tormented by resentment of an ex for years. It got me nowhere but more stressed out, paranoid and resentful (as I recounted all his sins against me and mankind). It wasn’t hurting him, it was hurting me. Release it and move on.

2. Self Compassion. Once you have forgiven others, it should be easier to forgive yourself and your failures. Try to imagine if you would say any of the things that you say to yourself, to a close friend or your child. Imagine your best friend getting on a scale and you say to them “Hey fatso, that’s what you get for eating all that cake last night.” Why would you talk to yourself with any less compassion as you would a friend. Forgive yourself.

3. Escape. Anticipate the feeling of giving in when you are stressed out and plan your escape. So if I’m used to grabbing a glass of wine when I get home from a stressed out day at work, have an alternative escape plan. A healthier option. A walk, some yoga, praying, crotchet, reading, gardening, P90X. What ever you enjoy that is counter to your normal unhealthy default escape. This will trip up your inner dictator.

4. Envision. Envision being successful with a few bumps along the way. This is what kills most New Year’s resolutions. You join a gym and say you will go every day and then when the first bump in the road comes along (such as I couldn’t get a babysitter) you abandon the plan. Resolution over. Realize you are going to have set backs and keep on keeping on. In the story of the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise always wins.

5. Awareness. Watch how you talk about yourself to others. I know several colleagues who constantly put themselves down or are down on life. “I’m having a bad hair day.” “I’m overloaded.” “I’m tired.” “I’m sick.” First of all, do you want to be around someone who is such a downer? Second, how can you possible have a good day when you are saying this out loud? If you are feeling a little tired, say “I’m feeling great.” And add a smile. It will turn your day around and others will be attracted to your energy.

This is a difficult process and it isn’t easily changed over night. Your dictator has been in control for a long time so don’t plan a coup d’état. Slowly but surely pacify your dictator’s power by reflecting on how you are viewing things and what you are letting your dictator control (and say). Soothe your inner dictator.

What is your dictator saying?

More than a hammer.

On November 20, 2012November 20, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Why can’t everyone accept me as I am? My dog does. Why can’t everyone else? It’s not that everyone can’t accept you and your foibles, it’s that you can be more effective if you adapt your approach. While it may not be obvious if someone is meticulous versus flying on a wing and a prayer, it pays to take the time to read someone before advancing forward. If we want to be more effective, we need to adapt.

If your assistant is an extrovert, it’s not a good idea to stick them in a windowless cubicle in a dim dark corner of cubicle-land. If your four-year-old child is an introvert, they may not want to sing in the Christmas Concert (I know this from experience). If your boss is skewed toward Consciousness (C in the Everything DiSC Assessment style), he isn’t going to be happy if you come in with a proposal without any facts and figures. He wants to be able to analyze the data.

If all you have is a hammer, every job requires a nail. It’s not going to work with a plumbing issue. You’re going to need to add some tools to your tool chest…or a kitchen utensil to your utensil drawer (a whisk won’t work with over easy eggs). Let’s check out some possibilities.

1. Assess. Take the time and invest in figuring out your style. Whether it’s Myers-Briggs, Everything DiSC or Hogan (all personality assessments), we all walk around with different drives, comfort zones and styles. Knowing yourself first will help you interact with others. The important thing to take from any of these assessments is that what you feel comfortable with may not be what your spouse, co-worker or boss is comfortable with. It starts with you knowing.

2. Listen. This is especially difficult for us extroverts. Bite your tongue and just listen. Let them tell their story, their version of events, their tale of whoa. Ask a few clarifying questions but relax and be “all ears.” Many of you (most likely introverts) reading this are perfectly fine with sitting back and listening. Thank you. We appreciate your patience.

3.Thick Skin. You’re going to need one. You can’t get your feelings hurt if someone wants more information, facts and figures. If someone’s tendency is to challenge ever decision or course of action, realize that we need this type in the world and let them be the devil’s advocate. About 25% of the population is a “D” or “Dominant” style. They can come across as blunt. To. The. Point. It’s the way they operate. Ditch the small talk and get to the point. Don’t take it personally.

4. Curb. Sometimes you need to curb your enthusiasm. This hits close to home for me. I tend to be “blue sky” on everything, including on deciding what restaurant to eat in. I’ll be throwing out 5 choices and three types of cuisine and my seventeen-year-old son will just turn to me and say “I don’t care, Mommy, so decide.” This could be a buzz kill for me but I’ve learned to adapt. Curb your enthusiasm and make a decision.

5. Speak up. This is for those introverts out there. Sometimes your going to need to eat your Wheaties and speak up. If your spouse wants the two of you to go to Miami for the weekend and you’re concerned about the budget, speak up. Next thing you know there will be a Rolls Royce and champagne at the airport and you will be stressing out over getting a second mortgage on the house. Make sure you speak up.

6. Confront. As in, confront the conflict. This can be difficult for many of us. We don’t want to rock the boat. We want everyone to like us. We are worried about judgment, hurting other’s feelings and losing respect. If you confront an issue in a compassionate way, you can end up being the hero. Avoidance causes resentment, confusion and frustration. Be the hero and confront with compassion and grace

We are all different. We all walk around with our own motivations, fears and modus operandi. If we can embrace someone else’s approach to the world, similar to respecting someone’s cat allergy or vegetarianism, we’ll be much more effective. Adapt your utensils for the situation at hand. It might take a spatula or a whisk…or a plumbing wrench.

How do you adapt to others?

Help!

On November 13, 2012November 13, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

This is another key principle from “The Essential’s of Leadership” developed by Development Dimensions International (DDI), ask for help and encourage involvement. Sounds simple. But is it? For most, it’s difficult to give up the reins. Most of us are compensated for being an expert, a technician, highly skilled in creating widgets or leading others. I think we find it difficult to ask for help when we are supposed to be the go to person. The answer man. “Go ask Cathy, she’ll know what to do.”

I’m not suggesting that this is asking for help with bringing in grocery bags or changing the water cooler bottle. This is more about asking for help and getting involvement on a process, procedure or project. Maybe it’s asking your child to select a recipe and make it for dinner, having your assistant design a page of a website or putting an ad hoc team together to do some process improvement. This creates buy in and helps advance everyone’s skills. The helper gets some mastery in a new area and you get better leadership and delegation skills. It’s a win-win.

In the book, “Multipliers” by Liz Wiseman, one of the five disciplines of a Multiplier is being The Liberator. The leader that liberates is one who “releases others by restraining yourself.” This can be difficult when most people assume that the highest ranking person in the room is going to make the decision. Time to sit on your hands and let your child, coworker or partner, flourish.

So how do you get on board? Here are some steps:

1. Let go. It’s time to let go. I know it’s easier to do it yourself. It’s faster. More efficient. Saves time, money and (sometimes) aggravation. In the long run, it will pay dividends. One of the hardest steps as a parent was to let my child cut an onion. Handing a child a sharp cutting blade and a round slippery peeled onion sounded like a formula for disaster. I had to let go. If they cut off their finger, we’ll go to the emergency room (I’m happy to say it didn’t happen with either child). How are they ever going to learn? The bonus is, I’m not the only one who can chop onions.

2. Drop assumptions. Unless you are clairvoyant, you don’t know what is really going to happen. Your assistant may have totally botched the last spreadsheet you delegated to him but, hey…he probably learned something and will do just great this time. Quit predicting disaster and let them fly. If they fall on their face, they will have learned something and so will you.

3. Get clear. Make sure you and your helper are clear about project parameters, deadlines and expectations. If you tell your coworker that we need a budget for the fund raising project, make sure you explain how to develop the budget, when it’s due and any expectations for the format. It’s not a good idea to send them off in the dark and hope for the best. Clearly delegate for the best outcome.

4. Be available. Once you have delegated, be available for course corrections. I once asked my daughter to make macaroni and cheese while I attended an evening meeting. The box asked for 1/4 cup of milk. Somehow my eleven-year-old thought that meant 4 cups of milk. The end result was a milky cheesy macaroni soup. I had not been available to answer questions. If you can’t be available, it may not be the right time to delegate.

5. Accept. Be prepared to accept any outcome. The results might be great or they may be a disaster. Give encouraging feedback about the results regardless of the outcome. A colleague of mine would say this is “pumping sunshine.” I’d like to think it’s encouraging their mastery. I’m not suggesting that you gloss over errors that were made. My daughter now knows the difference between a 1/4 cup and 4 cups (and we didn’t eat the macaroni). Better luck next time. At least she tried and now, at nineteen, she can cook on her own. Accept the results and encourage them to continue.

I realize that there may be things that are beyond someone’s abilities. If it’s too much of a stretch, set realistic expectations. My daughter won’t be making a turducken anytime soon. Heck, that’s beyond my skills. The important thing is to empower those around you and watch them blossom.

How do you encourage involvement?

Communication Chasm

On November 6, 2012November 11, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Have you been in a communication chasm? You need an immediate answer from your boss, your partner or your friend and they don’t respond. Ugh. It’s almost like in today’s day and age of immediate communication and overload of technology that communication comes to a stand still. Some people respond to email. Some people will only instant message or text (hello, anyone under 30) or something really old school: a face-to-face meeting. How often does that happen? Well, if the Millenials only want to text and Gen X only wants to email, the Boomers want a phone call and the Traditionals want to be eye ball to eye ball, how are we all going to all get along?

Sometimes you need to be Sherlock Holmes to try and figure out the “sweet spot” for a response. Hm, I sent an email last week, left a voice mail yesterday…I wonder how I will get the response I need to reach an important decision before this project deadline. We have all this technology and yet we can’t seem to get on the same page. We have a communication chasm.

So how do we jump the divide and start exchanging information and make some decisions? Here are a few tips and ideas:

1. Open Mind. You’re going to need to start with one. We all have our preferences. I would love to email every person in my life and think that it will serve all my purposes. It won’t. Sometimes I need to call. Sometimes I need to be face to face. Get out from behind your PC or smart phone and test the waters.

2. Embrace. If you have a child with a cell phone. Scratch that. If you have a child, they have a cell phone. You will need to learn to text. There is no other way. Embrace the change. My sister-in-law told me that her 80 year old mother can text because that was the only way her twenty-something granddaughters would communicate. It’s never too late to embrace change.

3. Learn. About a year ago at an executive meeting, a colleague brought up that his daughter was traveling over seas. I asked if he had “Skyped” with her. Most of the gentlemen at the meeting were Boomers with laptops and camera phones. They looked at me like I had said a dirty word. They need to dust off their cameras and learn some new methods. Technology is changing at such a rapid pace that you need to stay ahead of the wave.

4. Adapt. Take some of your new found techno intelligence and start using it. Scan your audience and try some different methods. If you notice that someone always leaves a voice mail in response to your email, then call them back. If your child texts a response to your voice mail, text them back. Don’t be tied to your normal communication channel. To be more effective, you are going to need to adapt.

5. Relax. Obviously this is tough for someone impatient like myself. Take a breath…actually a couple of deep breaths as advised by the book, The Willpower Instinct by Dr. Kelly McGonigal. Slowing your breath for about 5 minutes can really take the edge off of the anxiety. Just because information is flooding by doesn’t mean you need to jump into the flow. Unless you are in a fire or earthquake, it will all work out.

6. Give. The Golden Rule. Sometimes it pays to be the one who steps forward with communication. Stay away from building silos in your life because someone has not been communicating as frequently as you would like. Take the first step to reaching out to them. Try using their chosen communication channel as a first step.

7. Assumptions. Check your assumptions. If your husband didn’t return an urgent text, do not assume he has been in a car accident. If your child hasn’t acknowledged a money transfer into his account, do not assume he’s been robbed. If your client hasn’t returned your email, do not assume that the deal is dead or, worse yet, they don’t want to work with you. Assumptions are a dangerous barrier to communication.

Communication channels are an ever-changing landscape of possibilities. You may not stay ahead of the curve or be an early adopter, but if you want to span the divide of the chasm, you’ll need to start taking some steps.

How do you jump the divide?

Elevating Esteem

On October 30, 2012October 30, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I have been facilitating the “Essentials of Leadership” class by Development Dimensions International (DDI) for over 10 years. The first Key Principle is “maintain or enhance self esteem”. I find it interesting that in most classes, the concept of enhancing self esteem is much more difficult if the person you are interacting with appears to be confident. Why enhance a self esteem that already seems to be adequately enhanced? Why stroke someone who seems to be already full of themselves? It would be like paying a compliment to Arnold Schwarzenegger or Donald Trump. Why do that? They don’t need it.

I think we also get repelled when complimenting someone who is of higher status, say your boss or a peer who is obviously bringing in a bigger paycheck. What’s the point? They never compliment me. Why add to their bucket if they aren’t adding to mine? Maybe their bucket will overflow and I won’t have any.

On the flip side, it so easy to give an “Atta boy” to your child for the smallest of achievements. Heck. I even say “good girl” when my dog stops to piddle when I walk her. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, “Esteem” is one step below “Self Actualization”. So creativity and problem solving (Self Actualization) can’t even happen unless the Esteem is met first. I think we better get on the stick and start enhancing everyone’s self esteem regardless of their status or position in life.

Here are some ideas on how to elevate self esteem:

1. Thanks. It’s important to thank those around you. Whether it’s the server who refilled your water glass, the guy who bagged your groceries or your boss when she gives you some direction on the project; it never hurts to thank someone for even the smallest deed. When my son finally gets to the dishes three hours after dinner is done, I thank him. It might be late, I might be frustrated but it’s better to encourage the behavior rather than to diminish his self esteem.

2. Appreciation. I think this is one small step up from thanks. It’s expanding the idea of thanking someone with just a bit more detail. For instance, “Thanks for emptying the garbage” or “I appreciate that you put more detail in the report.” It specifies what exactly you are appreciating. “Thanks for responding in a timely manner.” This is going to encourage more of the same.

3. Connect. If you connect it to how or why the behavior was important, it reinforces the behavior. So that might look like “Because you emptied the garbage for me, I made it to my meeting on time, thanks” or “Since you put more detail in the report, the committee understood the impact of the decision, thanks”. If you can tie the behavior to an impact on the organization, group or to you personally, you start hitting the sweet spot of enhancing self esteem.

4. Sincere. This is difficult to gauge but I think we all know in our gut when someone is being insincere. Somehow the compliment falls flat. Perhaps it’s the inflection in the voice or that someone is normally sarcastic so it’s difficult to tell when sarcasm stops and sincerity begins. It starts with you. Be sincere. If you know in your heart you are sincere; it won’t fall flat.

5. Specific. The more specific you are; the more bang for the buck. There is a difference between “You look great” to “I love your blouse” to “That blouse is beautiful, the color highlights your eyes.” They are all good. The last statement is just more effective because it’s more specific. The enhancement of the self esteem is even greater.

6. Equal Opportunity. Be an equal opportunity enhancer. The meek of the world are not the only ones who need enhancement. I think blowhards like Trump need enhancement as well. I think that arrogance can be a sign that someone is over compensating for not receiving enough positive strokes in their life. The best defense is a good offense. People around them think they are full of themselves but inside they are yearning for validation. Go ahead and fill their bucket. You will feel better for it. Honest.

There is pay off for all this. People naturally gravitate to positive people. The neighbor I grew up next door to as a kid was always positive and constantly enhanced my self esteem. She always looked for the best in me. Be that positive influence on others in your life and they will gravitate towards you.

How do you enhance self esteem?

Silo Busting

On October 23, 2012October 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Silos crop up in organizations when there is a lack of trust. Departments, regions and co-workers try desperately to mark their territory and keep a tight fist on resources and information. It’s not a healthy situation. This results in closed doors, back stabbing and, frequently, loss of good personnel. They take off for more forthcoming, open organizations.

Silos in your personal life crop up when you don’t tell your husband about the exam your son failed at school. Why bring him into it? He’ll probably get angry. Your son will get embarrassed and defensive. Let’s just put up a wall on the information to keep the peace. Suddenly you’ve laid your first brick in your own personal silo. The “keep bad news away from Dad’ silo. In the long run, when someone finds out who knew what and when, the trust might be irreparable.

So how do you go about some silo busting? Here are some ideas

1. Open. Be open with your communication. This can be difficult; especially, if the culture is to keep your cards close. It starts with you. If you just got some information that might negatively affect the business or one department in particular. Take the first step and be open with the information.

2. Drop. As in drop the assumptions. This moment never happened before. You really don’t know how that manager, child or customer might react. You might have an educated guess but leave your assumptions out of it. They are frequently a self fulfilling prophecy. “Suzie always gets angry when I mention the sales forecast.” Hmmm, regardless of Suzie’s reaction you are going to be looking to fulfill your assumption and any reaction Suzie has will be categorized in your mind as “anger”.

3. Love. Sounds crazy but I do this especially if I am angry with a colleague (or ex) . I imagine myself embracing them. It’s hard to throw someone under the bus if you recently imagined embracing them. We are all human and deserve caring folks around us. It’s real hard to lay the first brick of a silo if you promote a caring culture.

4. Share. This straight out of the “Essentials of Leadership” from Development Dimensions International, “Share thoughts, feelings and rationale.” It builds trust. Explain to your husband why you were reluctant (feelings) to tell him about the failing test score. Tell your colleague why (rationale) you would like to delay the project. Trusting environments rarely have silos.

5. Promoter. Be a promoter within your work group. Make sure your employees are drinking the same Kool-Aid. If your employees know that you are an open book on information and resources, they will follow suit. Do not reward those who withhold important information to other departments. It starts with you

6. Vacuum. Don’t tolerate a vacuum on information or resources. Take a deep breath and take the first step (this is more difficult for some of us who hate rocking the boat). Pick up the phone or, better yet, (if you can) go be eyeball to eyeball with that guy you think is trying to build a silo. “Hey Joe, I haven’t heard the status on Project X and my understanding is that you do….what gives?” Be a silo preventer.

Depending on the organization, work unit or family culture, this can be difficult. You can’t choose your family but you can choose the organization you work for. If you are sensing there are too many silos and there aren’t any silo busters like you around? The best strategy might be finding a place without any silos.