accept – Workplace Navigator

I’ve read a few articles recently that dispute the theory that taking a photo will make the memory last forever. I can hear my children applauding this finding and, from this point forward, will never ever let me snap another group, holiday, vacation photo again. Ever. It’s disheartening. I first read about this in The Rotarian in an article by Frank Bures called “Photographic Memory”. He was reflecting on a trip to Hong Kong and being atop a mountain called the Peak. He sat there for hours enjoying the experience and watched throngs of tourist come up and snap several pictures, delete the worst and then move on, never taking a moment to take in the view. Never appreciating the experience. The photo was just one of a myriad that documented their trip but they never stopped to take it in.

I remember being asked to video tape one of my college roommate’s wedding. When we got to the reception after the wedding, I was videotaping all of my old college friends dancing on the dance floor and an old friend said “are you just going to watch or are you going to experience it?” I put the camera down and joined in on the old Animal House hit by the Isley Brothers “Shout”. I will never forget that moment. It took me back to my Junior year of college. I got out from behind the camera and experienced the moment. Alas, there is no video of me singing “a little bit softer now” but I have it tucked away in my gray matter forever.

So what should you do? Dump your camera app from your phone? Nah. Nothing that rash. But here are some ideas on how to be more present and less dependent on your phone to capture the moment:

1. Cut. Cut back on the amount of photos you are taking. If it’s not your wedding or 75th birthday, one or two will do. There was a time when I took a picture of each present my children opened on Christmas morning (boring!). This year, I took one photo of my parents with Santa hats on. It’s a great picture and, as my Dad turns 90 this year, who knows how many more opportunities there will be. My children were both home for about three weeks over Christmas this year (a very rare occasion). I am proud to say I only took three pictures. Or should I say I was only permitted to take three pictures. Cut back on the volume of pictures you are taking.

2. Accept. Be open to accepting the experience. Bures in his article quotes Susan Sontag, “Travel become a strategy for accumulating photographs. A way of certifying experience, taking photographs is also a way of refusing it.” I experienced this when I went to San Francisco last year and traveled to Battery Spencer at the Marin Headlands to see the Golden Gate Bridge. There were groups of tourists walking out to the overlook to take a picture and then head back. There were those who sat and accepted the experience. It was a magnificent view. The pacific wind was blowing, the sun was lowering in the west and I remember hearing at least 5 different languages from the crowd milling about. Accept the experience.

3. Observe. Take a moment to observe. Bures cites a study by Linda Henkel at Fairfield University. 27 undergrads were asked go to a museum and observe 15 items and take a photo of 15 other items. Their memory recall on the objects they only observed was much more precise. Henkel calls this “directed forgetting”, where we tell our brain that it doesn’t need to remember something we have taken a photo of. I went to the National Gallery in Washington DC last year purely to see an Andrew Wyeth exhibit. The exhibit was the only place where I was not permitted to take pictures. I have to say that I took my time and observed. Every gossamer wisp of a curtain blowing in the open window. It’s etched in my brain. Observe.

4. Focus. In some of Henkel’s studies, if the photographer focused in on the details, they were more likely to remember the details. I went on a trip Brazil when I was in my mid-twenties, I remember videotaping a big black tarantula spider crawling on the side of the road. I recently saw the video again. It’s precisely as I remember. So when you take a photo, zoom in on the gray heron or the tree branch or the sail boat. Focus on the detail.

5. Present. It’s not that you shouldn’t be taking photos but that you need to be present regardless. Photos are just push pins in your brain. They work more effectively if you stand back and take in the experience. Breath in the salt air, listen to the sounds of the breaking waves, touch the tree, smell the fresh baked bread and taste the crème brulee donut. Be there. Right now. Pause. Then, if you have to pin it to your brain for future use, take a picture. But first and foremost; be there, be present.

6. Organize. When you have a catalog of photos, make sure you organize them. In order to relive the experience, you will want to go back and look at the photos. If they are in a box dated 1970-2010, you have a problem. They are jumbled mess. So put them in folders by date or by topic or by person. If you keep them in a jumbled mess, you are not likely to sit back and review them. My grandfather was an avid photographer and he painstakingly (way before iPhones) put his photos in albums in chronological order, with dates and each person labeled. What a treasure trove. Put your photos in some kind of organization so that you and your loved ones can go back and reminisce. Organize your treasures.

I have to say that I went back to my phone after reading the article and deleted any picture that wasn’t of a person. I have also tried to take pictures on a more judicious basis. But the most important thing is that I am in the moment and less about documenting it. It’s an amazing place to be.

This is another key principle from “The Essential’s of Leadership” developed by Development Dimensions International (DDI), ask for help and encourage involvement. Sounds simple. But is it? For most, it’s difficult to give up the reins. Most of us are compensated for being an expert, a technician, highly skilled in creating widgets or leading others. I think we find it difficult to ask for help when we are supposed to be the go to person. The answer man. “Go ask Cathy, she’ll know what to do.”

I’m not suggesting that this is asking for help with bringing in grocery bags or changing the water cooler bottle. This is more about asking for help and getting involvement on a process, procedure or project. Maybe it’s asking your child to select a recipe and make it for dinner, having your assistant design a page of a website or putting an ad hoc team together to do some process improvement. This creates buy in and helps advance everyone’s skills. The helper gets some mastery in a new area and you get better leadership and delegation skills. It’s a win-win.

In the book, “Multipliers” by Liz Wiseman, one of the five disciplines of a Multiplier is being The Liberator. The leader that liberates is one who “releases others by restraining yourself.” This can be difficult when most people assume that the highest ranking person in the room is going to make the decision. Time to sit on your hands and let your child, coworker or partner, flourish.

So how do you get on board? Here are some steps:

1. Let go. It’s time to let go. I know it’s easier to do it yourself. It’s faster. More efficient. Saves time, money and (sometimes) aggravation. In the long run, it will pay dividends. One of the hardest steps as a parent was to let my child cut an onion. Handing a child a sharp cutting blade and a round slippery peeled onion sounded like a formula for disaster. I had to let go. If they cut off their finger, we’ll go to the emergency room (I’m happy to say it didn’t happen with either child). How are they ever going to learn? The bonus is, I’m not the only one who can chop onions.

2. Drop assumptions. Unless you are clairvoyant, you don’t know what is really going to happen. Your assistant may have totally botched the last spreadsheet you delegated to him but, hey…he probably learned something and will do just great this time. Quit predicting disaster and let them fly. If they fall on their face, they will have learned something and so will you.

3. Get clear. Make sure you and your helper are clear about project parameters, deadlines and expectations. If you tell your coworker that we need a budget for the fund raising project, make sure you explain how to develop the budget, when it’s due and any expectations for the format. It’s not a good idea to send them off in the dark and hope for the best. Clearly delegate for the best outcome.

4. Be available. Once you have delegated, be available for course corrections. I once asked my daughter to make macaroni and cheese while I attended an evening meeting. The box asked for 1/4 cup of milk. Somehow my eleven-year-old thought that meant 4 cups of milk. The end result was a milky cheesy macaroni soup. I had not been available to answer questions. If you can’t be available, it may not be the right time to delegate.

5. Accept. Be prepared to accept any outcome. The results might be great or they may be a disaster. Give encouraging feedback about the results regardless of the outcome. A colleague of mine would say this is “pumping sunshine.” I’d like to think it’s encouraging their mastery. I’m not suggesting that you gloss over errors that were made. My daughter now knows the difference between a 1/4 cup and 4 cups (and we didn’t eat the macaroni). Better luck next time. At least she tried and now, at nineteen, she can cook on her own. Accept the results and encourage them to continue.

I realize that there may be things that are beyond someone’s abilities. If it’s too much of a stretch, set realistic expectations. My daughter won’t be making a turducken anytime soon. Heck, that’s beyond my skills. The important thing is to empower those around you and watch them blossom.

How do you encourage involvement?