5 Steps to Mindfulness. Boost Your Gray Matter in Just 5 Minutes.

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Mindfulness is critical to boost your gray matter and provide clarity of thought.  Dr. Fred Luskin at Stanford University says we have over 60,000 thoughts a day and that a whooping 90% of them are repetitive.  Kind of like an 8 track tape (if you are under 50, go ask your parents) playing over and over and over and over.  You get the picture.  It’s a well worn canyon in our brain of the same old same old.  It’s amazing that any innovation ever happens.  Mindfulness is the key to unlocking those 6,000 thoughts that will bring about clarity and insight. 5 steps to mindfulness

The amazing thing is that in a little as 5 or 10 minutes a day, you can bring about mindfulness; as noted by Lydia Dishman for Fast Company, Ready. Set. Pause.  Unplugging from technology is part of the key.  To sit in a chair in a quiet room and close your eyes for 5 minutes can change your thinking and recharge your prefrontal cortex.  I think that most people associate meditation with sitting uncomfortably cross-legged on the floor with incense burning like Buddha;  or hiking Nepal to some Monastery high in the mist filled mountains.  The journey doesn’t have to be that difficult and it certainly doesn’t require a plane ticket.  You can change your mindset without leaving the ground.

 1.  5 minutes.  All you need to do is find the space and 5 minutes.  As with all things, there is even an app for that.  “Headspace” is free for the first 10 days and has tutorials with excellent visuals to comprehend the actual “space” between thoughts.  There are many others including “Mindfulness“, “Buddify” and “Smiling Mind” just to name a few.  For less than $3 you could be getting some space in your head in just 5 to 10 minutes.

 2. Sitting is Optional.   Some of the apps are even tailored to be used during walks or exercising, so you may not necessarily need to find a quiet space.  I have actually used an app to meditate on an airplane or in the passenger seat of a car.  Maybe you drop your kids at day care and listen on the way to work.  Park your car a half mile from your desk and get your head space on the walk in.  No excuses.

3. Let Go.  You’ll need to let go.  When I’ve suggested to my husband that he meditate, he says that he has “too many thoughts”.  We all do.  And meditating doesn’t necessarily stop them.  It’s giving up control that frees the mind.  I’ve read many analogies like a ticker tape of passing thoughts through your head, or rain drops of thoughts falling down, or thought boats passing down a river.  Let go of control and let the thoughts pass on through.  Let go of the illusion of silence in your head.

 4. Practice.  Practice makes perfect.  Actually, you aren’t looking for perfection.  Schedule your meditation and show up and do it.  The first few times (ok, maybe the first 100 times) I “tried” meditation, I’d end up coming up with “to do” lists or ruminating about the previous day.  It’s OK.  Unplugging for 5 or 10 minutes is helping grow your gray matter.  You will find more head space and your thinking will improve.  Just practice.

 5. Benefits. There are countless benefits of being mindful.  You will be less stressed and your cortisol levels will go down.  You will have improved cognitive function which means you will produce better work.  It will help your brain ward off mental illness.  It helps even when you are not meditating because the effects are long term.  It helps you sleep better and keeps you healthy.  Research at Harvard and Northeastern University find that you will be more compassionate if you regularly meditate.  It’s like taking a daily vitamin, the long term benefits are worth it.

It requires a little faith that taking 5 minutes a day will help your thinking in the long term.  The way I see it, what is the down side?  Can you afford not to?

How to Break Out of the Status Quo. Or are Your Heels Dug in?

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Most people don’t embrace change. It can be difficult. It’s so much easier to dig our heels in and be inflexible.  It’s a great offense.  Inflexible people are left alone. They are too difficult to deal with.  Leave Joe alone, he’ll never get on board with this idea.  Pretty soon the world is dancing around Joe because they don’t want to deal with his stubbornness. He’s out of the loop.

Organizations do this as well.   It’s easy to get caught up in “doing it the way we have always done it” mentality. It’s hard to create change.  Especially in long established businesses. Unless there is a business necessity (imperative), it’s so much easier to keep it status quo.  It’s the path of least resistance.  Why do a leadership initiative? Incentive plan? Enter a new market? If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.

I’ve been traveling this past week.  I live in Eastern North Carolina.  The land of free parking, no sidewalks and a six-mile commute with one red light.  Every time I head to New York City, I need to load up on coins, cash and the capacity to adapt (easily).  In the last six days I’ve been through twenty toll booths.  Some took $.90, others $12.30.  I needed to be flexible.  The GPS was lost half the time because of new construction or, in the case of downtown Trenton, they didn’t have roads on their map.  We needed to just go with the flow.  Or as my son, who was my copilot at the time said, “Read the signs.” What a concept. Read the signs.  If I’d had my heels dug in, I’d still be in Trenton.  Actually, I’d be on an off ramp in Baltimore in the fetal position.
So, how do you embrace change? Break out of the status quo. Here are 6 steps to dig out those heels.

1. Scan. As in scan the environment. Are those around you avoiding you? Have you been invited to be on an ad hoc committee? Are you out of the loop?  Are you still wearing bell bottoms?  Are you stuck in Trenton? Your coworkers are perfectly happy to leave you in the dust if you are not open to change.  Nobody likes to associate with “Debbie Downer”. Take the temperature of your environment and see if you are reading the signs.

2. Survey.  Take a poll.  What do your closest friends think?  Ask your boss.  Ask your husband.  Ask your mother (OK…I know I’m pushing it a little far).   “Do I seem open to new ideas?” Perception is reality.  If you are perceived as a stick in the mud, you probably are a stick in the mud.

3. Listen.  When you survey, you need to be open enough to listen.  If you ask the question, you need to be able to listen to the answer.  In fact, if you aren’t willing to listen, don’t even ask.  One of the most counter-productive exercises is for an organization to do an employee survey and then do nothing.

4. Plan.  So what can you do about the perception?  You’re going to need to take a hard look at yourself and start paying attention to the “signs.” Maybe you need to work on not interrupting or your need to be right all the time.  Maybe you’re going to need to back off from being in control all the time.  Maybe you just need to buy some new clothes.  Yeah.  Seersucker is dead and so are bell bottoms.

5. Start digging out.  One shovel at a time.  There is no magic pill.  This is going to take work and all you can do is start.  One interaction at a time.  I remember that when I first started working on showing more appreciation, I missed the boat several times.  I’d forget to thank my assistant for getting the report done so quickly or my husband for taking out the trash.  But at least I started somewhere and I can tell you that now I am much more consistent about showing appreciation.  But I had to take that first step.

6. Reflect.  You can do this in any form you like. Maybe in a journal, meditating or brushing your teeth.  How are you doing?  Do you feel like you are making strides?  Are you getting positive feedback?  Are you getting less negative feedback?  Maybe you were selected for the next ad hoc committee. Maybe you didn’t overreact when you ended up getting off at the wrong exit.  Congratulate yourself.  You are on your way.

How do you break out of the status quo?

Crossing the Finish Line. Goal Setting and, Most Importantly, Finishing.

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I finally checked off a bucket list item on Saturday.  I finished my first half marathon.  Whew.  What a relief.  I must say it wasn’t easy but the sense of accomplishment is amazing.    I can remember when the goal first came out of my mouth.  I was working with an amazing Coach named Stephen Starkey.  We were working through a Brain Based Coaching process and I had to come up with three challenging goals to accomplish in 6 months.  I had initially figured I’d set my goal as running 10 miles.  Period.  Stop.  Mostly because I had run 10 miles before and I figured I could easily attain that goal.  Then Steve said, “Is that challenging enough?”  Whoa.  I knew  in my heart it wasn’t.  It was a softball goal.  So then I said “I want to run a half marathon”.  What?  Where in the world did that come from?  I wanted to grab the words with my hands and put them back in my mouth.  Did I mention I’m not a runner?  I’m a really slow jogger and, at that point, I was lucky to run …er jog two miles at a time.  It’s amazing how one coach and one question can prompt you to push yourself. Crossing the Finish Line. Goal Setting and, Most Importantly, Finishing.

So it’s one thing to set the goal, it’s a whole other animal to actually finish; to cross the finish line.   How many New Year’s resolutions have you not accomplished?  Granted, there are folks out there with the stamina and chutzpa to just go run 13.1 miles without any training.  God bless them all.  But I’m over 50, not exactly svelte and it was going to take months of training to be able to survive the race and not leave it on a gurney.  This part was definitely accomplished with the steadfast help of another amazing Coach, Travis Marsh.  With his help, he kept me accountable to my goal and helped me plan out the action items to achieve it.  Having a coach made the difference.    

So what here are the steps to crossing the finish line:

1.  Challenging.  Go after something challenging.  Go for the uncharted territory.   If you are writing a blog, then write a book.  If you have your Associate’s degree, then get your Bachelor’s.  If you raised $500 for Cancer last year, raise $2,000 this year.  If you’ve run a 5K, then sign up for a 10k.  Push yourself.  It definitely helps to have a coach asking you, “Is that challenging enough?”  Go big or go home.

2. Google.   Google or research best practices.  This is invariably the first step for most of the clients I coach.   Find an article on how to write a book.  Research what school’s are the best for pottery making.  See where the best areas are to go reef diving.  Get a book on tango dancing.  Figure out which half marathon works best for you based on location and your personal commitments.  Invest in some research.

3. Plan.  Plan the steps to get there.  Within a few weeks of setting the goal, I had the strategies and some action steps already planned out.  Travis helped me break it up into manageable chunks.  I had my weekly long runs scheduled out all the way up to race day.  If you have a goal that does not require planning, then go back to step one and start over.  It’s not challenging enough.

4. Execute.  This is where you are going to have to show up.  I have run three times a week since I set the goal.  Rain.  Heat.  Humidity.  Darkness.  Plan on adversity.  As it turns out, the day of the race was overcast with drizzle, a temperature of 70 degrees and about 95% humidity.  Not ideal running conditions.  Although my mother figured I would call it off due to weather, I knew there was no way I was giving up on the goal.  I found a rain poncho and took a plastic baggie for my phone.  I had spent 5 months running and planning for this day.  Adversity or not, I was going to show up!   

5. Envision.  In the four days that lead up to the race, I was constantly trying to squelch my fear.  Fortunately, my son had sent me a YouTube link of Jimmy Valvano and the 1983 NC State Basketball team called “Survive and Advance”.  One of the most incredible things in the video, is that Jimmy V would have the team practice cutting down the nets (which is what happens for the winning basketball team after a championship game) every year.  Use an entire practice to cut down the nets.   First, of course, he had set the challenging goal of winning a national championship, and then, he made sure the team was envisioning success.  I started envisioning crossing the finish line, putting a 13.1 sticker on my car, and having the medal around my neck.  Envision success.

6. Support.  Make sure you have support.  Whether it’s someone to underwrite your education, drive you to the soccer tournament or proof read your manuscript.  I can assure you that if my husband had not been available to pick up a dozen Krispy Kreme’s  after a 14 mile run or been there at mile 12 of the race to help encourage me to the finish, I might still have finished but his support made it easier.  As well as the countless (I mean more than 100) people along the race route and in the race, who said “You’ve got this” or “Good job”, a high five or a thumbs up.  It carried me to the end.

7. Do it.   It’s going to take tenacity.  My son has spent three years planning and working towards running track for an NCAA Division 1 team.  He works out everyday.  He applied to the schools that fit his criteria.  He ultimately went to the school he had the best chance of making the team.  He contacted (pestered) the coach.  When he got to the University of Miami, he busted his hump at every practice.  He made the team.  His tenacity and work ethic paid off.  Just do it.

Now I’m in the enviable position of being unfettered.  I haven’t decided my next goal but I feel like anything is possible.  So get out there and cross that finish line.

Conquering Fear. More Lessons from my Dog.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear.  This is easily explained by example:  there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear.  On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you.  I suffer from both.  I am the biggest wuss in my house.  Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

In Galvin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, the case is made that some fear is innate.  Fear can save your life as he shows in an example in the book.  The simple act of an attacker closing a window as he leaves his victim behind in the room and, intuitively, the victim realizes that if she doesn’t get out of there, she will be a murder victim.  She does and lives to tell about it.

There is the completely neurotic fear that my dog, Baci, suffers from.  She won’t step on a different surface.  New hardwood, tile, slate or plywood.  She will not step over it, onto it or around it.  She is paralyzed.  It seems so irrational but there must be something to this paralysis.  Did she step onto some surface in her puppydom that caused this irrational fear?

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

1.  Check First.  Is this rational? What are you basing this on?  Is the cockroach really going to attack you? When did you last read the headline – “Mother Killed By Palmetto Bug.”  Think about this in relation to YOU – Would applying for that new position mean you would lose your current job? Nah.  Face it, most decisions you make are not catastrophic.  But investigating what your fear is based on is important; especially when it comes to your future in the workplace.

2. Research.  I find that researching all available scenarios helps.  If you are looking for a new job, maybe this means looking down avenues you would typically not consider.  Maybe you would be willing to move or adding an extra 30 minutes to your commute. Maybe look at a different industry.  Baci is constantly testing the waters;  especially if there is a desirable tennis ball in the middle of the piece of plywood. Doing the research makes it easier for her to take the next step.

3. Test. Take a step. Go grab your slipper from the other room. At least you’ll be prepared to smack that cockroach. Call a friend you know in the industry you might want to move to and ask what opportunities are available.  Baci starts by putting out a paw and then retreating.  She’s testing her hypothesis.  You are going to have to test the waters.  Start writing the blog even if you don’t finish it in the first pass.

4.  Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared.  Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trials for the Olympics last year.  There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to.  I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out –  watch it here. Do it scared.

5. Pathways. You are going to need to lay some new neural pathways.  Charles Duhigg compares them to ruts in the mud. It’s really difficult to change ruts. The only way is to start working on it.  This is extremely hard for me. Take a breath, regroup and lay down a new rut.

My dog Baci is amazing at this. First, she is paralyzed by the new hardwood floor in the dining room. She won’t set a paw on the floor. But her favorite window for squirrel hunting is only three feet away…across the new surface. She runs around to all the entrances to check that the new surface is everywhere. She looks at my husband to be assured that the new surface is safe.  Sniffs.  Tests it with her paw.  Retreats.  It may take an hour or three days, but eventually she is trotting up to her favorite spot staring out the window, standing proudly on the new hardwood floor.  She’s laying new neural pathways.

How about you?

Quit Awfulizing. 5 Steps to Stop Worrying so Much.

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Do you want to procrastinate?  Do you like to procrastinate?  Do want to come to a complete stop?  Start worrying?  Worry about the what ifs? Dwell on all the things that could happen?  Might happen? Could happen?  Should happen?  It sucks the life out of you. Quit awfulizing.

I had a client recently gnashing her teeth because her child was going overseas for a month.  Her biggest issue was the not knowing.  How would they communicate?  What is Skype?  Where would he be living? So my question was, “how is all this worrying working for you?”  Well, it’s not.  It’s paralyzing, sleep depriving…a waste.  Worrying or not worrying will not change the outcome.

stop worryingI’m not saying I don’t understand.  I have two teenage children who have been more than an hours drive away for the last two months (one 11 hours south and one 2 hours west).  They are making their own decisions, their own plans and their own mistakes.  My worrying or lack of worrying won’t change the outcome.  But at least I sleep.   This has not always been my M.O. ( modus operandi).  It’s taken me years to back off the Ledge of Worry.

How to get to worry free in 5 not so easy steps:

1. Decide.  You need to simply get on board or not.  If you really enjoy thinking of endless ways how your child, your parent or your spouse could be in a car accident.  If this is your fuel;  then join the fretters club.  But if you’re ready to do the mental dump and start living in the moment, then you need to make the commitment.  This can’t work unless you do.

2. Optimism. You will need to be optimistic.  This will be difficult for the glass-half-full-people out there.  What if everything is going to be better than expected?  Maybe the plane is getting in early.  Maybe your team will go to the NCAA finals.  Maybe the boss’s office  door is shut because they are working on your raise.  Everything is possible including the windfall, the referral and the next project.  Expect the best.

3. Turn it off.  The news that is.  I was just in Atlanta and my husband had the evening news on.  OMG.  Shootings.  Drownings.  Murder.  Car accidents.  My blood pressure went up.  My mind starts wandering down horrible trails.  What if that was my kid, friend, coworker? Nothing good can come from the news.  98% is sensationalized and depressing.  I’ve taken a clue from my daughter.  She gets caught in rain storms without an umbrella or in freezing temperatures with flip flops on.  She doesn’t watch the news or the weather.  She takes is as it comes. Why ruin the surprise?

4. Moment.  As in, Ya Gotta Live in the Moment.  This is the most difficult.  There is always a certain  amount of reflection and planning in life.  We just need to stop dwelling on embarrassments, back stabbing and finger pointing.  We need to quit anticipating the worst outcome.  So your friend has cancer.  Worrying for them is not going to help them.  Praying for them can.  Assuming they will be cured is a much more positive approach.  Being with them in the moment is a gift.

5. Alert.  Pay attention to your thoughts.  No one else will.  You need to be vigilant.  Pessimism has a way of seeping into our heads.  When you get caught in your fourth red light in a row, chill out.  It’s going to be fine.  Sometimes I fantasize that if I didn’t get caught at the red light I would have been some place three minutes earlier and caused a car accident.  This was meant to be.  Just make sure you’re staying in charge of those fretting thoughts.  You are your own sheriff.  Clean out the riff raff.

So the next time your spouse/partner is late, imagine that they’re picking up your favorite coffee or scoring a new project.  It will send out positive energy and you will sleep so much better.

What would you do?

Improving Your Body Language. Don’t be a Bear’s Lunch.

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Your body is WAY ahead of the message.  If your arms are crossed and your eyes are on the floor, you are making yourself smaller.  If there was a bear in front of you, well, you would be lunch.  You didn’t need to tell the bear you were afraid, your body already communicated it.  Sometimes we just need to remember we are a part of the animal kingdom, and most animals communicate through body language (outside of a roar or two).  Improving Body Language. Don't be a Bear's lunch.

Eliot Hobbe is a communication specialist and he writes that people make a decision about you in 4 seconds. So when you walk into that interview, that presentation or that meeting with your boss, you better stand tall. I can remember telling managers when I worked for Sizzler restaurants, that I made a decision about hiring hostesses in 30 seconds.  If the applicant made eye contact, smiled and walked with confidence…they were hired.  Limp handshake? No.  Slumped shoulders? No.  You can’t  have a host or hostess shrinking away from the public and body language says it all.  

Here are some tips to confident body language (to keep away the bears):

1. Posture.  Think about your posture.   Concentrate on having your shoulders back and your chin lifted.  This can be difficult for some folks. Maybe you are self conscious about your weight, your height, your _______(fill in the blank). Get over it.  When someone walks into the room with confidence, people aren’t noticing those “defects”.  Whatever you focus on becomes reality.  If you “feel” short, you will be short.  If you “feel” fat, you will be fat.  If you “feel” confident, you will be confident.  Watch your posture.

2. Handshake.  Handshakes are critical.  The Goldilocks (not too hot or too cold)  of handshakes is not too firm (think vice gripe) and not too limp (think fish).  Two or three shakes vertically up and down (do not go overboard or you will look anxious). Hands should be equal.  There shouldn’t be one taking control over the other (think upper hand). Neither hand is on top or bottom, they are mirrors perpendicular to the floor.  Probably the most important thing to remember is to not hold a cold drink in your right hand.  The last thing you want to convey in a handshake is “cold”. Holding a warm beverage is ideal as this will convey “warmth”.  

3. Wonder Woman. Power stance can make the difference. Olivia Cabane Fox wrote about this in the Charisma Myth.  Stand in a room before your presentation, interview, critical meeting or new social event for two minutes.  This can be in a bathroom or private office. Stand with your feet apart like Wonder Woman or Superman.  Put your hands on a desk leaning slightly forward or (if you are in a bathroom stall) put your hands confidently on your hips. Stand there for two minutes.  Done.  Crazy right? It’s a fake it till ya make strategy.  You will be more confident.  Your testosterone goes up and your cortisol goes down.  It’s that amazing. You can make your own power and confidence. 

4. Mute your Hands. Don’t overuse your hands.  It’s great to make a point just don’t use that for the whole conversation. Palms open implies honesty and openness.  Do not touch your face as it can appear as if you are deceitful or hiding something. And above all else, don’t touch your neck.  It will say that you are vulnerable.  Use your hands with purpose but sparingly and keep them below your face and neck. 

I know all of this is overwhelming but if you work on one or two and practice them, eventually it will become a new behavior and you will begin to represent yourself the way you’d like to.   I am notorious for crossing my arms; I’m working on it and try to make sure I have a sweater for “cold” situations like conference rooms and auditoriums.  Crossing your arms closes you off from others.  And that does not project confidence.  Don’t be lunch for the bears.

Multitasking. The Big Lie.

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In addition to being a recovering interrupter, I am also a recovering multitasker.  There was a time, about 15 years ago, when I was a commuter in Northern California, in which I would apply makeup, drink a Venti Mocha, talk on my cell phone AND drive my car between Windsor and Petaluma.   Not too good.  I was under the delusion that I was getting so much accomplished – that I was Super Woman.

As technology exploded in the 90s, there was the imperative to keep 10 balls in the air at one time, and it hasn’t stopped. Dr. David Rock has busted the multitasking myth with his book “Your Brain at Work.” In the book he compares your frontal cortex which is the size of a postage stamp and where you make all your decisions, to a stage in a theater.  And this stage is not the size of Madison Square Garden or even Carnegie Hall.  It’s more like a puppet theater with room for about three hand puppets max.  In Dr. Rock’s analogy, your frontal cortex is being bombarded with actors trying to get on stage.  And the more actors you have on stage, the more your decision-making diminishes.  My husband takes this analogy literally.  I ask, “why were you up at 4 AM?”.  He replies, “all the actors rushed the stage”. For each additional task (actor) on stage, the more your performance drops.

Christine Rosen, who wrote the article “The Myth of Multitasking,” agrees with Dr. Rock and says that the result of multitasking is a 10-point drop in IQ or twice the drop as for marijuana users. And we all know that multitasking while driving (you know, like applying make up and talking on your cell phone) is worse than drunk driving.  Tsk, Tsk.

So here are a few steps to bring us back on the road to monotasking:

1. Clear. As in clear all the clutter. I have been letting my magazine subscriptions lapse.  I don’t get the local newspaper anymore.  Set the timer and take 10 minutes to clean out your kitchen junk drawer, your closet or your car.  De-cluttered means less distractions.

2. List.  Close your office door and make a list.  Do a brain dump of everything you want or might want to get done takes a lot of actors out the mix and off your “stage.” If I’m in class and just remembered I need shampoo from the store, that bottle of shampoo is going to sit on my stage (maybe) and trip up my other actors.  Do a brain dump to get it off the stage.  Or better yet, get Wunderlist (a wonderful free app for making and organizing task lists) and put it on your grocery list.

3. Focus. This is the hard part.  Pay attention to the task at hand.  If you are on a conference call and start going through your email; you are not listening.  You are reading email.  If reading email is more important, then hang up the phone.  If the conference call is more important, then shut down the email.  You are going to have to start making choices.  So choose.

4. No.  You’re going to have to do it.  Turn off the TV.  Send it to voice mail.  Don’t go to the conference.  Get off the committee.  I can see you rolling your eyes but it’s true.  Just because you can check email 24/7 doesn’t mean you have to.  The world will still be there tomorrow.  Just say NO.

5. Imperfection.  Do it imperfectly at first.  It’s OK.  It’s fine if you back slide a little.  Small messy steps are more important than no steps.  There is going to be that phone call you were waiting for as you’re driving north on 101.  Maybe you can pull over and take it.  Maybe you can explain and call them back later.  Don’t beat yourself up.

6. Meditation. Taking just a few minutes a day to meditate can make a huge difference in your ability to focus.  Lydia Dishman writes in a article for Fast Company, “It takes only five minutes a day and plays to a common theme in our information-deluged culture. Start by picturing a TV screen with a news ticker running along the bottom”.  Find some ways to fit meditation into your schedule and your ability to focus or laser in on one task will improve.

The fact that you’re aware and trying will help you make more effective and smarter decisions.  Sometimes a shampoo bottle will come rolling onto the stage.  It’s OK.

Are you putting your best cast on the stage or is it full of shampoo bottles?

Smiling is the Secret Weapon.

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I have pretty much a stone face when I don’t smile.  I look like I am pissed off.  I remember when I was a restaurant owner of a Sizzler many years ago that the customer’s thought I was angry all the time.  I would walk through the restaurant looking for empty plates to bus and half filled water glasses and the whole time, I looked like an army officer reviewing the troops.  

 A turning point for me was a course I took on presenting skills from Dale Carnegie taught by master facilitator, Jackie Kellso.  We had to present about 7 times over the course of two days in front of a group of strangers (classmates).  They video taped each time you presented.  You can imagine how terrified I was when they said we would be videotaped.  After you presented in front of the class, you would take turns reviewing the video tape privately with a coach in another room.  Ugh.  The first pass?  I never cracked a smile.  It’s difficult to listen to someone who never smiles.  It’s off putting;  puts the audience on edge.

Which picture is the genuine smile?
Which picture is the genuine smile?

The good news is that by the last videotaped presentation, I was learning to smile.  The amazing thing was the feedback from my classmates.  They all said that my face lit up.  I know we’ve all heard that before and it sounds cliché, but when I saw the video tape, they were right.  I wanted to listen to that woman.  The one in the last video tape. 

Here are some ways to find your smile:

1. Paint it On.  Put on a forced smile. There is interesting science even about a “forced” smile.  In 1988, German scientists did experiments on subjects when they were  forced to smile or frown.  Psychology Today writer Karen Kleiman wrote that when subjects were forced to smile by holding a pencil between their teeth and then read cartoons, they saw the cartoons as funnier than those who were forced to frown.  So paint one on.

2. Lifetime.  You’ll need to try  and smile consistently over a lifetime. According to a blog post by Leo Widrich, “In the famous yearbook study, they tracked the lives of women who had the best smiles in yearbook photos compared to the rest. Women who smiled the most lived happier lives, happier marriages and had fewer setbacks.”  Sounds like something we all need to sign up for. This is not a one time shot.

3. Genuine is better. The thing to remember is that a genuine smile is more effective than a fake smile; even though smiling, period is better than a stone face.  So how to you make a genuine smile?  It involves your orbicularis oculi.  Say what?  These are the muscles around your eyes.  Fake smiles involve just your mouth where as a genuine smile involves your mouth and the area around your eye sockets.  If you have crow’s feet; you’ve been smiling a lot; genuinely smiling a lot.  So the secret hand shake is smiling genuinely and often.

4.  Be happy. Another trick I use is to think about something happy:  Like my dog wagging her tail, my son imitating a Scottish accent, my daughter’s silly sounds that she makes.  Keeping the happy moment inventory in my brain helps me bring it out when I need it.  It helps me naturally smile.

5. Mirror, Mirror. Stand in front of the mirror and practice.  I remember doing this in junior high before yearbook pictures were to be taken.  I had evidence that I was a poor “smiler” for school pictures so I worked on smiling so I could remember how my face felt.  You don’t have a mirror when they take the photo although now we all have the capabilities of doing “selfies” with our phones but back then…no such luck.  Practice making the sincere smile, and etch into your memory.  You’ll be able to pull it out on command.  “Say Cheese”.

These are just a few ideas from a Recovering Stone Face.  What techniques do you use to keep those pearly whites showing?  Leave a comment. (The answer is B)

Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Case for Leaving.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

In last week’s post, I made the case for staying at your current job.  This week, I’m looking at case for leaving, jumping ship as it were.  As a study by Assochom revealed, “About 70 percent of [survey] respondents said that employees who quit their jobs complain about the indifferent attitude of their bosses or immediate supervisor.”  I’ve left several jobs because I just couldn’t stand my boss.  I didn’t find an indifferent attitude as the cause of my dismay as much as either poor ethics or micro management (the opposite of indifference?). Should I Stay or Should I Go. The Case for Leaving.

I would venture to say that another cause  is culture.  The  culture of a Company  is something that morphs over time.   When you came on board, they were really family friendly and then two CEOs later, you feel guilty for asking to leave early for a PTA meeting.   One or two changes in senior positions can change the culture of the company to make it more unpalatable for the folks in the trenches.   I remember an incident when I was in Human Resources and the Company would not terminate a manager who had falsified time card records for a friend.  Turning a blind eye to this was not something I could tolerate.  I had to leave.  That incident had changed the culture of the organization in such a way, that I could not stay.

So here are some reasons to leave:

1. Poor Business Ethics.   When I went looking for a new position after the timecard falsifying incident  and a potential employer asked me why I was looking, I would say “Poor business ethics”.  End of story.  You don’t need to bash your current organization; you don’t need to dig out all the dirty details, that’s just not necessary.   Most of us have been around the block and it’s a valid, if not compelling, reason to leave.

2. Get Off the Sinking Ship.  Depending on your position in the company, you usually can see when the ship is not moving forward any longer.  It may be my years in the restaurant industry, which is notorious for high failure rates but once a paycheck bounces, look for that door.  Update your resume.  Hit the pavement.  When creditors are always calling or accounts payable (money owed to other folks) is over 90 days?  Call your friendly head hunter.

3. You’re Losing Your Soul.  If the mission of the company doesn’t match your values, it may be time to start looking for greener pastures.   There was a time a few years ago when I had to lay off employees who had worked for the company for more than 15 years.   It was killing me inside.  I knew it wasn’t my decision and that it had a “business purpose” but I have to say I wanted to walk.  At the end of the day, you have live with yourself and no job is worth giving up your values.  If you are losing your soul, it’s probably time to leave.

4. An Offer You Can’t Refuse.  This is one of the best reasons to leave.  Someone offers you so much money, or time off, or world travel or autonomy and independence…that you can’t refuse?  It might be scary, or stretching your comfort zone or require moving your whole family, but if it feeds your soul? Take it.  I applied for a job a few years back at a highly acclaimed university.  My family was worried that I would be moving.  I never got past the application stage, but I can assure you, that if I had the offer, I would have taken it. There are some situations which are worth turning your life upside down over.

5. Personal Obligations.  This is the reason I left the hospitality industry.  Somewhere back when I was in my late teens  I decided that I love the hospitality industry.  I loved working and serving folks on Friday and Saturday nights.  I loved providing a great experience for patrons of the establishments I worked for or owned.  By the time I was in my thirties, I had two small kids and suddenly working weekends wasn’t so much fun and, was now, a burden.   Your obligations in your life change.  So will your career.

6. Go With Your Gut.  There may not be an apparent reason why you should leave.  Sometimes the Kool-Aid you used to love, suddenly tastes funky for no reason.  It’s like the job I left over timecards.  I found out years later that the manager I wanted to be gone was blackmailing someone in a position of power in the company.  I intuitively knew there was a reason to leave, and I did. I never looked back.

7. Too Much Baggage.  Sometimes you know too much.  You know where all the bodies are buried, all the skeletons and all the missteps of the past.  Sometimes you just can’t do the heavy lifting anymore.  Sometimes it best to not be the last person to turn off the light and lock up the place.  If you can’t find a way to let go and you are waking up at 4 in the morning unpacking that baggage,  it’s time to go.

8. There is No Moon.  Your new opportunity promised you the moon and, after a year, you discover there is no moon.  The job was not as advertised and now you are languishing in a career that is taking you in the wrong direction.  There are parts of your grey matter that are fading away from lack of use.  Time to get your groove back and move on.

It’s cliché to say that when one door closes, another one opens but it’s so true.  There are times when it’s best open the next door.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Case for Staying.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

Should I stay or should I go?  There are a plenty of reasons to leave a job.  You don’t like your boss. The company is floundering.  You can’t stand the person in the cube next to you.  In fact, your brain is always looking for danger; the fight or flight response.  It’s really easy to make the case that you should move on, because your brain is wired that way.  Let’s look at all the reasons why you should stay. should I stay or should I go

1. The Devil You Know – Any new job is a giant unknown. Even if you are returning to a position you held in the past, it’s still an unknown because you don’t know what has changed.  It’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.  Even if the parking is lousy with your current job or the commute is brutal; you know it because you’ve lived it. If your boss is a jerk on Monday mornings or your email crashes every Tuesday, you know it.  Knowledge is power. 

Have you ever seen the new college graduate employee walk into their first day on the job wearing a jacket and tie?  Right, and it’s dress down week.  All the employees are in polos and jeans and the newbie is sticking out like a sore thumb.  Do you really want to be that guy?  I don’t think so. 

2. Benefits. I can hear the folks under 30 groaning.  Why care about benefits?  I’m not sick.   Maybe it’s my 7 plus years in the insurance industry or my 20 plus years in Human Resources but you just never know what tomorrow is going to bring.  The main thing is to make an accounting of your current benefits and what it will cost to replace them in your next position. Sometimes we take if for granted that every company offers the same benefit package. Make sure you know the numbers.  And maybe even be grateful, if your current employer is generous with their benefits.  You should view your benefits as part of your income.  Trust me, without them you’ll be paying out of your pocket.

3. You Know Where the Landmines are. There is personal information that you stubble on over time.  Your boss’s child has cerebral palsy, your co-workers son just came out of the closet, and the customer service rep’s wife is a drug addict.  This is not obvious stuff and it’s not like it should matter in the workplace but it shows up when you least expect it.  My kid’s are Hispanic.  I am not.  It is not obvious from the pictures on my desk.   If someone lumps all Hispanics into being Mexican and derides them,  my skin crawls and my opinion of the offender changes dramatically.  There are social landmines within every company and the longer you’ve been somewhere, the more you know.  There are pluses and minuses with this. 

4. Your Resume Looks Better. This is why it’s a good idea to stick it out.  One more month at your current employer is one more month on your resume.  I know that the statistics from the Society of Human Resource Management say that 61% of resumes have inaccuracies on them but don’t cover up gaps.  Any company that you want to work for is going to do some fact checking.  Be honest.  Don’t jump the ship you are  on until another one comes along.  If your current job is overwhelming, see if you can take a step down, back, get help or work part time; anything to avoid that gap in employment.  If you are being laid off, then start volunteering at Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels, the Boys and Girls Club, the local community college’s literacy program.   The last thing you want to do is look like you are on the couch or watching YouTube all day. 

5. It’s Easier to Add Skills. Get on a new project team.  I had a Plant Manager years ago who asked me to lead a group around the book, “Discipline without Punishment” by Dick Grote.  It was a great idea.  It’s true that it fit the organization for the Human Resource Manager to lead the team but it gave me a perspective from all aspects of the plant and we did a great job implementing the ideas in the book.  If you can get on a new or existing team, raise your hand high.  Step up and do the things that scare you.

6. Achievements are Easier on the Home Turf. This is similar to school sports.  It’s easier to win on the home field.  You know where all the divots in the field are.  The folks in the stands are  rooting for you.  It’s just easier to succeed in the space you know.  It’s also easier to slam the football down in the backfield and dance.   The crowd around you knows you.  They expect you to understand the impact of your accomplishments. 

This also could be a good way to decide that you want to stick it out in your current situation.  Cool your jets so to speak.  Maybe your job isn’t as bad as you thought it was. Maybe you should start taking advantage of the resources around you.  Regardless, it’s food for thought.