Patience is the ability to reframe oneās reality into something that is more acceptable.Ā So, if there is suddenly a delay on the highway on the way to the airport, you can reframe it in a way that doesnāt cause you anger and frustration.Ā Perhaps there is another flight if you miss this one or maybe I get to spend one more day in paradise or in my cozy home. Jane Bolton wrote in article for Psychology Today that āimpatience was a happiness killer.ā That got my attention.Ā My habitual slide into impatience was killing my happiness.Ā Perhaps it was time to address my foot tapping anxiety, my constant clock watching or interrupting others to āget to the pointā and embrace the space for just this moment. Ā
Here are 6 tips on developing patience:
- Determine what type of impatience you are suffering from.Ā Ā Sarah Schnitker breaks it down into three types: Interpersonal patience (our ability to be patient with others like children and co-workers), patience in life hardships (when we deal with a significant setback like a hurricane or loss of a spouse or job), and patience for daily hassles (the irritation of daily hassles like wifi outages and traffic issues).Ā I tend to have an easier time with being patient interpersonally but can completely lose my cool when my Wi-Fi slows down or other daily hassles.Ā I can struggle with wanting to push a rope like when my returning to my house after Hurricane Matthew was dependent on one lowly cabinet that was back ordered.Ā Without the cabinet, canāt have a counter top, therefore, canāt have a sink, therefore canāt put in the flooring.Ā Ugh. Itās good to know that Iām strong in some areas so maybe I can build in other areas.
- Be an active listener.Ā Itās pretty hard to fake being aĀ good listener.Ā I knew an executive that was pretty good at faking listening but regardless of what story I was telling, they would respond with a completely unrelated statement.Ā Although they were great at maintaining eye contact and leaning in, their lack of understanding with a reframe of what I said, asking a relevant question or giving additional information made it clear they werenāt listening. Failing to be an active listener creates disconnection. I try not to check out but look for ways to create understanding by reframing and asking clarifying questions.
- Pay attention when the irritation starts.Ā Ā I recently completed a long drive from Jekyll Island Georgia to Durham NC.Ā Every time I would see brake lights a quarter mile ahead headed north bound on 95, I could feel the stress take over.Ā I personally have been stuck in a 4 hour delay on 95 before and just the whisper that it could happen again can cause me angst. There was an oversize load that several semis needed to pass.Ā I remember thinking, āWell, let this just pass.āĀ I actually got in the slow lane to let all my impatient road buddies pass.Ā We were going 50 miles an hour after all, itās not like I was walking home.Ā But knowing that I was starting to get frustrated help center me.
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.Ā As written on the Goodwill Blog, āWaiting around for something you really want or need doesnātāt feel good. For many of us, waiting can be downright uncomfortable. And this discomfortĀ often results in feeling impatient. How do you fix this? You can increase your tolerance for uncomfortable waiting periods by making yourself wait more often. That might sound counterintuitive, but, if you think about it, you can really become a more patient person.āĀ I remember reading this many years ago and the example was to get in the longest checkout line at the grocery store or (God forbid) DMV.Ā
- Stop Multitasking.Ā As much as I like to think that I am robustly juggling several things flawlessly, I am, in fact, just skimming from one task to another to another and spreading myself too thin.Ā As written by Goodwill, āMultitasking can also force us to move too quickly from one task to another. We might then expect others to move quickly with us.Ā Forcing others around us to rush is a form of interpersonal impatience, and it can put a bad taste in othersā mouths about you.ā The opposite of this is uni-tasking.Ā Focus on what is in front of you right now and put away everything else as a distraction.Ā
- Be here now.Ā Ā When I was in that āalmost stuck on 95 northā moment. I remember pulling into the right lane and thinking, these other folks like these truckers have some place they have to be.Ā I only have to be here alive, safe and with plenty of gas.Ā Iāll let everyone else be on their way and, eventually, Iāll be able to pass when itās the right time for me. I always love Rick Hansonās question, āAre you alright right now?ā Yes, yes I am. And now. And now.Ā And now. When I am Ok with the current moment, I donāt need to get impatient for the next moment.
I always admired my late father for what I saw as his infinite patience. A 35-year veteran of teaching 8th grade history and a doting grandfather to 4 grandchildren. He was, as I reflect back, always just in the moment. I imagine channeling him when I have felt impatience rear its ugly head. āWhat would Daddy do? āHow do you find patience?