obstacles – Workplace Navigator

Your thoughts are in charge of everything. It’s rather overwhelming to think that we actually have control of that tickertape in our heads that never seems to stop. But when was the last time you thought something would go wrong and inevitably it did. If you are positive your boss won’t like the idea, it’s not likely they will. When an obstacle comes along you say to yourself, “That’s it, there’s no way I can overcome this”. In author Ryan Holiday’s book, The Obstacle is the Way, he proves through many historic figures like John D. Rockefeller and Lawrence of Arabia, that the obstacle is actually showing you the way. Usually the obstacle is the best way. Sometimes the obstacle is telling you to zig instead of zag.

Reframing the way the way you see (more importantly think about) obstacles can be empowering actually. Some of my best work has come from obstacles. Whether it’s a new slant on a recipe because I forgot to buy tofu and used cashews (in a lasagna, trust me it’s awesome) or when I couldn’t use PowerPoint at a training I was facilitating and had to use good old fashioned flip charts (best interactive training ever). How you face and think about the obstacle is the key to moving forward, if not sideways or three steps backwards; suddenly you are on an even better, more awesome path.

So here are the ways to reengineer your head:

1. Calm. Stay calm and carry on. Panic is mental suicide. Unless there is a fire or an earthquake or an actual bear staring you in the face, take a deep breath. Actually try “calming” breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 2 seconds and then SLOWLY exhale for 4 seconds. Please do this slowly or you will hyperventilate which is completely counterproductive. Folks who meditate or practice yoga know all about staying calm and focusing on your breath. If you breathe calmly for a few minutes, the disaster in front of you won’t seem so bad. All the chemicals in your brain will be diverted to glands that produced them. Practice being calm.

2. Don’t catalog. Sitting around cataloging all the reasons why you “can’t” and pointing the finger at all those who have done you wrong is only going to make the obstacle that much bigger and insurmountable. This is completely unproductive and will make you more fearful, full of anxiety and immobile. This is what your inner critic wants you to do. Stuff a sock in their mouth. Think about the present moment. Is your dog sleeping soundly looking completely peaceful ? Is there a slight breeze outside? Is the glass of water cool and thirst quenching? See you’ve forgotten all about your catalog of woes.

3. Perception. We get to decide our perception of events. Your thoughts interpret the meaning. If your spouse doesn’t say “Good Morning”, it doesn’t mean she is angry at you. If the potential client doesn’t return the phone call, it doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. If you ask for feedback on a project and they haven’t responded, it doesn’t mean that they don’t like it. You get to choose. Imagine it was all in a foreign language and you needed a translator app to figure out the meaning. Your perception dictates its meaning.

4. “I”. Ryan Holiday suggests eliminating the “I” in front of statements. Things like “I can’t sing” or “I hate Mondays” or “I am stupid”. Suddenly your interpretation is personal. It becomes very difficult to back away and reframe a statement that starts with “I”. Choose not to put the “I” in front and leave it objective. At arm’s length instead of owning it. It keeps distance between what your mind is telling you and reality. If you trip on the side walk, there is no implication. It is what it is. No need to infer that “I am a klutz”. Keep your distance by eliminating “I”.

5. One off. Each obstacle is a one off. There is no exact moment or situation that ever repeats. Just because you lost that client doesn’t mean you will lose all your clients. Just because no one bought the product today doesn’t mean it’s a bad product. Don’t assume that one rejection or unanswered email is a trend. The beginning of the end. As Richard Branson says “Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.” Get past the disappointment or let down and move on. It’s just a one off.

6. Opportunity. View an obstacle as an opportunity. How can you grow from this? How can you capitalize on the set back? Is there a new path you should be going down? One of the most painful events of my life was shutting down a restaurant I owned and had put my heart and soul into. I learned a lot about myself and my ability to move on. The funny thing is that if I had not shut down that restaurant and it had been a huge success, I never would have learned about my abilities to be a great coach and facilitator. I would have been stuck on the same path and entrenched in my belief that I could only manage restaurants. One door closes and another one opens. Move on. Look on it as an opportunity.

7. Reframe. Try and reframe. Think about the possible upside to this set back. Is there another way of looking at this? The upside of closing my restaurant was I had a ton of free time and could see things from a new perspective. I had to take stock and find a new door to open. I couldn’t have done that if I melted into depression and had given up. So if you didn’t pass the exam, maybe it’s not for you, maybe you need to work harder, maybe everyone failed the exam, maybe it was graded incorrectly. Reframe and move on.

I hope I’ve given you a new way to look at obstacles in your life so that they don’t carry the same weight. Don’t be burdened by your own thoughts. I’m not suggesting that the tickertape in your head ever shuts down but putting them in the right context and not letting them have power is liberating.

I’ve been taking Patti Digh’s Project 137 for the last few months. Project 137 has activities each day to help live your life to the fullest. This is what came up the other day:

Where are you, right now, in your journey? Be fully there.

Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.

Be fully where you are. The obstacles you face there are moving your story

forward. Embrace them.

This was really enlightening. I have written about staying off someone else’s path before, but actually viewing obstacles as moving myself forward was completely new to me. It’s so easy to get discouraged by an obstacle and letting it demoralize you. Put your hands up in the air and throw in the towel.

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Here are some thoughts about how having obstacles can move you forward:

Re-frame the obstacle. I received some life-altering bad news yesterday. I was angry. I felt deceived. I felt like I just could not catch a break. And then, as I do with many of my coachees, I re-framed it. This news was not a death sentence. It wasn’t even a health issue. It was just about money. I realized by the time I went to bed that it was just money. I didn’t lose a loved one, my health was fine and my career in tack. So it’s just a challenge I need to get past and will be stronger for it. Put the obstacle under a new frame.

Take stock. I write in a gratitude journal every day. This is incredible helpful when life throws you a few challenges. I had a serious scare earlier this week with a loved one. I took stock in the fact that the loved one was just fine and how happy I was that they were fine. I’m happy my dog is safe when I return home from being on a business trip. I appreciate that a friend took time to speak to the class I was facilitating. I am grateful that my career is so successful. I write five things (sometimes more) that I am grateful for every day. It helps me realign the universe to having my best interest at heart. Take stock.

Take the turn. Have you ever used the GPS to get through something like the Hampton Roads area of Virginia? I cannot make it through the Norfolk/Newport News area without taking the wrong exit, or being in the wrong lane while my exit is three lanes over. So I have a choice. I can get angry and beat myself up or I can take the next turn and get back on track. Just because it didn’t go as planned, just adapt. Be flexible and don’t let your inner critic hijack your emotions. Just relax and take the next turn.

Stay positive. As Patti writes in Project 137, “Don’t let your struggle become your identity.” When I went through a huge life pivot point some 6 months back, I defined my entire life by the pivot point. All my worthiness was wrapped up in a decision that someone else made. I was not moving forward. In fact, I was trying my hardest to move backwards. I was living in the space of constant struggle. It took a few months, but I finally figured out that forward positive motion was the only answer. I couldn’t live in self despair. I had to see what was possible instead of wallowing in grief. Staying positive lets you see what is possible.

Understand your story. Brene Brown writes in Rising Strong, “In the absence of data, we will always make up stories. In fact, the need to make up a story, especially when we are hurt, is part of our most primitive survival wiring. Mean making is in our biology, and our default is often to come up with a story that makes sense, feels familiar, and offers us insight into how best to self-protect.” Knowing that you are filling in the blanks for data that is missing is important to recognize. It’s amazing how paranoid I can get when I am missing a few data points. When I acknowledge that I am “fabricating data” for the story in my head, it brings me back to reality and helps me redraft the story with more positive data. You are the author of the story in your head, and you are allowed, actually encouraged, to rewrite the story for the happy ending.

In an era of constant change and ambiguity, it can be overwhelming when a challenge arises. It’s important for all of us to remember, including myself, that it’s our response to the obstacle that is what’s most important, rather than the challenge itself. What obstacles are you facing?