Martin Seligman – Workplace Navigator

I recently read an interesting book by Gabriella Kellerman and Martin Seligman called Tomorrowmind. It’s a thought provoking book that looks at thriving at work with resilience, creativity and connection. Since I spent a good deal of my time coaching others, many of the tips resonated for me. They posit that we are naturally better at hunting and gathering and that every other kind of work is fundamentally a mismatch for our brain.

As Kellerman and Seligman wrote, “Today our work is fast, uncertain, and full of complexity. We’ve come to expect that the challenges of next week will eat those of this week for lunch. Hunters and gatherers didn’t have to deal with that. The critical changes they saw were sudden and urgent, so our brains register change as threat. A huge part of the challenge of thriving at work today is overcoming the mental patterns that made sense for hunter-gatherers but no longer serve us today.” I can feel like I’m on high alert all week and yet, I’m never going to be eaten by a lion or the marketing department. The book looks for ways to cope with this mismatch.

Here are 5 tricks to connection and creativity:

Time Famine. It frequently feels as if we don’t have enough time. Feeling like you have little time is detrimental to connecting with others. I can remember our weekly staff meetings at a company I worked for and the first half hour was spent talking about sports and events from the weekend. It was time to connect. I remember thinking it was a waste of time but now I see that it was bringing about connection. In a study called “Giving Times Gives You Time”, they found that, “Doing kind acts for others, even just for 15 minutes, converted people from time famine to time abundance.” When you feel behind think about ways to do something kind for others.

Connection Time. Human beings are really bad at estimating the time something will take. Whether it’s goal setting or how long it will take to make a bed, we are woefully inaccurate. As the authors wrote, A host of studies have been done looking at how long it takes for doctors to make patients feel seen and heard and cared for. It turns out to take less than one minute of kind words for a doctor to connect with their patient deeply enough to influence health outcomes and lower patient anxiety. Even increments as short as 10 seconds can make a difference.” Don’t we all have 10 seconds to connect? Some examples are, “It was so nice to catch up with you today. Let’s please do it again soon.”—three seconds. “I really admire how you navigated that question.”—two seconds. “I can tell you worked hard on this. Thank you for all of your effort. I’m so glad that we’re in this together.”—five seconds.” Spend time connecting.

Novelty. In order to build on your creativity, work in some novelty into your day. Shake up your morning routine, drive a different route to the grocery store or work, or reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. A friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in a while sent me a text about meditation a few weeks ago. Out of the blue. It made me think about my meditation routine and also introduced a new book for my reading list (Who knows? I might end up writing about it here). Novelty introduces new pathways for your brain. I think this is why I like to travel so much, finding new experiences enhances my creativity.

Embrace Ambiguity. This is definitely a barrier for me. I put off writing this piece for a while because I can feel uneasy about getting started if I can’t picture the whole thing in my mind. This is a cornerstone of procrastination. I want to see the whole thing and get it done in one sitting. That, unfortunately, is rare and difficult in the current state of technology and the world. As they wrote, “The murky uncertainty of the early phases of the creative process can feel uneasy to some of us, and we want to end them as quickly as possible. But when we shortchange the divergent parts of creativity, we put a ceiling on just how imaginative our solutions can be. Know that it’s normal to feel a little uneasy in ambiguity, but you can get used to it and even start to enjoy it. Try stretching this ambiguous phase just a little bit longer each time you hit it.” I know it sounds painful to me. Sitting in discomfort can be the mother of invention.

Creative Confidence. Henry Ford famously said “If you think you can, if you think you can’t, either way you are right.” In the book Limitless by Jim Kwik, he writes about creating a limitless brain and practically every step starts with the belief that you can. If I went around saying I have a bad memory….well…I’ll have a bad memory. My body, my brain are feeding off each other. If I walk around saying I can learn to improve my memory, I will. Think about the language you use in your head. Catch yourself and others when they spark innovation even in the smallest of ways. Create creative confidence in yourself and others.

I love that throughout the book they refer to the whitewater world of work. It can really feel like we are running rapids all day and these are terrific ideas to expand your time and enhance your creative juices. Which one will you try first?

I had the privilege of hearing Jon Gordon speak at a Capital Associated Industries conference recently. He is the author of several books but the one quote I took away from the lecture was “Be positive! You can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time.” How true is that! When was the last time you were stressed while praying or meditating? So when you’re running late for work; be thankful that you have a job and a car that’s working.

Jon Gordon’s recent book is “The Positive Dog”. It talks about how positivity in your relationships and at work will not only make it better for you but for those around you as well. Haven’t we all been there? You know who the Debbie Downers of the world are; and you try and stay clear of them. The guy who is constantly saying that the sky is falling? Yeah. Skip lunch with him. You’ll have a gun to your head if you hang out with him for too long. Positivity rules. And it is the ultimate stress buster.

Here are some tips on how to increase your positivity:

1. Stop. The minute you start catastrophizing some adverse event, you need to STOP. In Martin Seligman‘s book “Learned Optimism”, he recommends physically hitting the wall and saying “Stop!” If there isn’t a wall handy, try a rubber band on your wrist and snap it (hard) and say “Stop!” As Seligman says, this disrupts the thoughts. So if you are thinking your daughter was in a car accident because she is 10 minutes late, just smack yourself and say “Stop!”

2. Truth. As Byron Katie says in her book “Loving What Is”, is it the truth? If you are telling your self that your boss hates you, that your spouse doesn’t love you or that you’ve blown your diet; take a second look. Stuff a sock in your Inner Dictator, and ask yourself if it’s true. Dust off the evidence and analyze what you know to be absolutely true. What evidence do you have other than what your Inner Dictator has said? The boss is in the middle of an acquisition and is overwhelmed. Your spouse is working overtime and needs some appreciation. One brownie and a glass of Zinfandel is not blowing a diet. Make sure you know the truth.

3. Spill. Set the timer, grab a pen and spill your guts on paper. Dump all the worries, self-doubt and demons on some good old college ruled paper. This is amazingly freeing. Suddenly the stage of your prefrontal cortex is wide open, now that you have all the villains, bad actors and stage hands safely cleared off. Getting it all on paper and out of your head is such a relief. From there, light a match and literally “burn up your worries”. Spill your guts so you can look at the positive.

4. Blessings. Count your blessings. Inspiring coach Michele Woodward recommends counting three things you are thankful for before you get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I cheat and count ten things I’m thankful for. Being grateful starts your day off with optimism. It might just be the roof over your head, your hardworking spouse and your dog (who is happy to see you no matter the circumstances…actually I’m usually the one that feeds her and she knows where her bread is buttered). An attitude of gratitude is an attraction magnet. Who would you rather hang out with, Sue Ann Nivens or Simon Cowell? I’m guessing the one who counts their blessings.

5. Discourse. Martin Seligman also recommends getting a close trusted friend and modeling the self talk in your head through some discourse. Your role is to take the positive angle and your trusted buddy takes your normal self talk of pessimism. So your buddy starts off with “You messed up that project and everyone is disgusted with you. You are so lazy”. You respond with, “It’s true I delivered the project late but the project itself was spot on. I know my boss was upset it was late, but he appreciated the quality of the project. I’m a hard worker. I was just a little overwhelmed and that caused me to be late.” The point is, that if you get good at arguing for you instead of against you (in your self talk), it will become second nature to stand up for yourself against your inner dictator. Grab a buddy and engage in discourse.

It’s amazing how much stress can be created by our inner dictator. Embracing optimism and positivity can have a huge impact on your ability to roll with the punches. The most important thing that Martin Seligman has found in his research is that you can learn to be optimistic. I hope a few of these techniques will help be a stress buster in your life.