Tag: joy

🫰🏻6 Effortless Tips

On By Cathy NoiceIn Cathy NoiceLeave a comment

I can make things a lot harder than they need to be.  In fact, as Greg McKeown writes in his book, Effortless, “Challenge the assumption that the “right” way is, inevitably, the harder one.” I remember seeing Diana Kander last year at a coaching conference and her saying that we have an additive bias.  So instead of what do I need to add to my list, what should I stop doing?  This came up for me recently in my morning routine. I have been doing a brain teaser app for almost ten years.  The majority of the games are no fun for me anymore, I’ve long ago plateaued at a certain level and it’s become an annoyance.  So, I stopped doing it. McKeown sheds light on the things I rarely question because it’s a habit or it’s expected or I’m in an out-of-date paradigm. 

Here are 6 tips towards effortlessness:

Find easy. McKeown recommends asking yourself, “What if this could be easy?” McKeown calls this Effortless Inversion. He shares an experience when he over prepared for a presentation on leadership, and because he over prepared, he bombed. I facilitate trainings frequently and I know if I have cue cards or too strict an agenda, it’s never as good as when I am in the moment and adapt and adjust to the audience.  Something is taking too long but the group is in a zone?  Cut the content piece that will take 15 minutes.  I’ve learned in over 30 years of facilitation; the easiest course is the best instead of trying to cram everything I ever knew on the subject into the heads of the participants. Look for the easy path.

Presence. It’s so easy to get caught up in a work messaging channel, your social media feed or your news feed. I think of how a crawler on the bottom of a screen just creates a sense of doom.  I feel like I have to read so I don’t miss out but 99% of the time it’s not critical. When my mind is distracted, everything seems harder.  I can’t seem to catch a break and be in the present moment. McKeown suggests clearing the clutter (in this case visual clutter).  Get rid of the irrelevant so you can make space for what matters. When I get caught up in overwhelm, I head outside for a 10-minute walk to flush out the clutter. Being present makes things more effortless.

Add joy. “It’s no secret that many essential activities that are not particularly joyful in the moment produce moments of joy later on,” writes McKeown. “But essential activities don’t have to be enjoyed only in retrospect. We can also experience joy in the activity itself.” I have learned to enjoy doing the dishes.  I also try to add joy by either playing dance music while I put the laundry away or listen to books or podcasts while commuting or on long drives. I look forward to long drives because I know I’ll probably finish a book I’m reading and get to start a new one. I light a candle when I meditate although while I find it essential, I don’t find it to be arduous. It helps me look forward to it though. Figure out ways to add joy.

Just start. When I finished reading 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman, my biggest takeaway was doing what he calls “serializing” which is putting aside 30, 60 or 90 minutes a day across the work week to do focus work.  You don’t have to label it with a specific task, you just need to get started on whatever has risen to the top of your to do list that requires focus.  The main thing is to just start. Because most focus work takes more than 30 minutes to do, you start but don’t finish.  We procrastinate because, if we don’t have time to finish, we don’t start.  If you let go of the idea that you have to finish, it’s much easier to get started. McKeown writes, “Instead of procrastinating, wasting enormous amounts of time and effort planning for a million possible scenarios, we can opt for taking the minimum viable first action: the action that will allow us to gain the maximum learning from the least amount of effort.” Take the minimum viable first step.

Fail cheaply. Practically everything I write is what Anne Lamont calls a $hitty first draft. I don’t bother perfecting outside of obvious typos if I glance back at the last sentence. My long-suffering editor Susan can attest to this.  The main thing to me is to get started and get the words and ideas on paper. I don’t get wrapped up in perfection. I’ve seen many of my clients get stuck in perfection. In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, there was a classroom of photographers who were divided into two groups, the quantity group (take as many photos as you can) and the quality group (focus on each photo being perfect).  At the end of the semester the quantity group had the best photos. Fail cheaply and often.

Set limits. This is all about setting a pace.  A pace that can be maintained.  I think of my calendar, I don’t want to work past 4 PM.  It’s a rare week when I do.  I also don’t work Friday afternoons.  I never write more than one blog post a week.  As McKeown wrote, an effortless pace: slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Reject the false economy of “powering through.” Create the right range: I will never do less than X, never more than Y. Recognize that not all progress is created equal. Keep a range and pace that works on a consistent basis.

Simple and effortless is easier than hard and complex.  It’s about keeping boundaries, letting others know what they are and keeping yourself accountable. Which will you try first?

😊5 Tricks to Find Joy

On By Cathy NoiceIn Cathy NoiceLeave a comment

Happiness and joy used to feel elusive.  They felt like unattainable States of Being.  I’d be happy when I got married, had a child, bought a house, sold a house, got into college, graduated, traveled to Paris, paid off student loans, found my soul mate.  The list was never ending. There seemed to always be another door to walk through to get there.  I never seemed to arrive at the train station called “Joy”. I find that the issue is that joy cannot be found outside of myself.  It must be found within and it doesn’t take a particular milestone or a million dollars to achieve it.  

Here are 5 tricks to find joy:

The Love Wave.  I read this a few months ago on Tiny Buddha in an article by Jennifer Agugliaro. It’s about taking a moment to connect your heart with someone in your life.  As Agugliaro wrote, “Close your eyes and take a minute to connect in your heart with a person in your life that could use a little love. Feel yourself smiling into their eyes and embracing them in a giant, warm hug. Allow the love to flow. Sit in this love. Let it grow in strength and surround you both. Then send it out into the world, creating a wave of love. Know that you can come back to this place of flowing love at any time.” I do a loving kindness meditation each morning and I usually focus on one person in my life to concentrate on to send out my Love Wave.  It’s such a joyful feeling to wish love to someone in my life. 

Being Present.  In this distracted world full of screens and notifications, try coming back to the present moment. I find it easiest to do this outside (especially weather permitting). Walk out your front door and just stand there for a moment.  Or take a five-minute walk.  What do you see?  The rustling leaves, the worm on the ground, the neighbor’s dog. What do you feel? The breeze, the sun, the rain drops.  What do you smell? The honeysuckle, the cut grass, a wood fire. What do you hear? The birds, a car, a lawn mower.  It’s the noticing that brings me joy. This moment as it stands will never be the same again and I was able to find joy in that moment.

Acts of Kindness.  Kindness and altruism are great for connection, a sense of belonging, purpose and wellbeing.  It’s almost like you get more back than you give. It also doesn’t have to be a long-term commitment.  It could be as simple as holding the door open for someone, picking up trash, or paying for someone else’s coffee.  I had an issue with my credit card on a bus while traveling to Oxford, England. I started to walk off the bus and the guy behind me asked what the problem was, and he went ahead and paid for me.  It was such a great feeling that a man I would never see again helped me out. I definitely spent the week paying it forward with small acts of kindness. Start a kindness wave and feel the joy.

The Vulcan Mind Meld. Agugliaro espoused, “Close your eyes and imagine yourself ten years from now. Give your future self that thing you believe will bring you happiness. Maybe it’s kids, money, power, or something else entirely. Notice how you feel. You might feel confident and secure. Or perhaps loved and important. Whatever you feel, allow it to expand and grow. Sit in it. Enjoy it. Then, while keeping your attention on the way you feel, bring back the image of yourself today. Think about what you already have that fulfills you. Maybe you don’t have kids, but you have amazing friends. Maybe you wanted a better income, but you can afford things you enjoy already. Look for the abundance within you now. Keep going until your “present self” feels the same as your “future self.” It’s almost like a mind meld—make those two beings, one. Again, sit in the wonderfulness of it all. When you are ready, open your eyes.” This reminds me of a time travel meditation from “The 30-day sobriety challenge” where you see yourself in 10 years if you keep doing what you are doing and then you imagine yourself in 10 years if you give up drinking.  It was quite profound for me.  Imagine the future you want and then meld it into today.

Gratitude.   I almost always start my coaching session with asking, “What are you grateful for?” This helps my clients take stock in what is going right. It’s easy to get caught up in what is going wrong since we all have a negativity bias. I write a gratitude journal every morning with 5 things I’m grateful for and one thing I’m grateful for that I did such as, wrote a blog post, went for a swim or rode my bike.  Being grateful makes me more joyful.  It helps me focus on the relationships in my life, how fortunate I am and the wonderful things that surround me in the world.  This brings me joy.

I think that novelty also provides joy and I believe it’s related to being present and gratitude.  I rode my bike for the first time in over a year and it was a joyful experience mostly because I was so present (it’s hard to ride a bike on a new pathway and not be present!).  But I was grateful because I made the opportunity happen.  I try to make finding joy an everyday event regardless if I’m trying something new or I’m sitting with a cup of coffee next to my dog.  How do you find joy?

My daughter. My Hero.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Cathy NoiceLeave a comment

This is for my daughter on her twenty-ninth birthday!

My daughter, Natalie, is my stable rock. My ballast. My hero. She has recently turned twenty-five and moved to Seattle about a year ago.  I had the great fortune to spend a recent weekend with her in New Mexico where she was born.  It was great fun to return to a state that has many natural marvels and be able to give context to how her life began.  Some twenty-six years earlier, my first husband and I moved to Albuquerque to run a restaurant and try our luck as entrepreneurs.  The restaurant eventually failed and put immense pressure on our marriage.  The wonderful shining glory that came out of that ill fated move to Albuquerque was a delightful, precious blue-eyed baby girl with an infectious smile and laugh.

Outside of a return trip to New Mexico when Natalie was eight, she has not returned.  She has faint memories of that trip and certainly does not remember her first four months of life in the Land of Enchantment. We had a lot of fun returning to where it all began. It also brought up some of the reasons I have depended on her for so much in her quarter century on the Earth.

32105357_10156289247988688_8586567131481505792_o
My brother, Rick, my daughter, Natalie and I hiking in New Mexico in 2018

Here are the ways Natalie is my hero:

Open. Natalie is open to any and all adventures. We did not have much of an agenda once we landed at Albuquerque’s Sunport except for a restaurant reservation or two.  Whether it was strolling the plaza in Santa Fe or taking a hike around a reservoir, Natalie was open.  She had no deadlines, no agenda, no must-see spots.  I feel like so many people in life have hidden agendas or hidden intentions.  Not Natalie. Anything goes. Wanna hike?  Sure.  Shop? You bet. Sleep in? OK. It makes me rethink how open I am to what is next. Be open.

Decisive.  Natalie may be open to all the options but once she has made up her mind, or the group has made up their mind, she goes after it. We had decided to hike Tent Rocks located outside of Santa Fe with my brother, Rick.  Once the decision was made, there was no going back.  I’m pretty sure that even if it was raining or 110 degrees, Natalie would have made it to the top of that slot canyon. She was committed. Even a random crossing of a rattlesnake on our path could not deter her from her destiny. Once you have weighed out all your options, be decisive.

Empathy. I have always had an issue with balance. I pause at the top of steps and escalators to get my barring. There were several times along the hike that Natalie grabbed my hand. I didn’t ask. She knew. When navigating very narrow footings, she said, “just one foot in front of the other.” I didn’t ask. She knew. As we hiked she would insist on a water break.  Not for her. For me. She pays attention. She senses the discomfort. She anticipates the need. It’s such a gift that I don’t know she is even aware she has it. Be in tune to those around you.

Navigator. Natalie and I had explored a trail near Santa Fe around a reservoir.  The trail was not well marked.  Towards the end of the hike we lost the trail. Pretty soon we were hiking through low uncharted brush and no fellow hikers were to be seen.  We had no GPS.  No cell coverage. I felt a bit of concern. There was no need. Natalie had a feel for where we were and led us back to the trail head and parking lot. There have been many hiccups and storms in my life over the last year and Natalie has been the calm navigator seeing me through. Make sure you have a sound navigator to help you through the storms.

Ballast. Every boat has a ballast to weight the boat upright. Natalie is my ballast. She is rarely rattled by events and keeps an even demeanor.  I can be easily flustered and fly into worst case scenarios. Natalie keeps me balanced by listening and asking questions to help me understand my own thinking. I may be ready to unload all the cargo on the boat or drop anchor but Natalie is the voice of reason.  Who is your ballast.  Maybe you are a ballast for someone else.  It’s important to have a ballast to even things out.

Joy. Natalie has infectious energy. She also happens to be a great selfie taker.  There she is in the center of the photo flashing her enchanting smile.  I cannot look at a photo of her without smiling. She is joy. She is possibility. She is magic. There are very few people that I know who exude that joyful energy. It sparks action. Everything seems possible when there is joy in the room.  I am so fortunate to have her in my life. Find joy.

I am so proud to be Natalie’s mother and, most importantly, that she is in my life. She makes everything brighter and more amazing. Who is your hero?

My Hero. My Daughter.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Cathy NoiceLeave a comment

I originally posted this four years ago. She is still my hero.

My daughter, Natalie, is my stable rock. My ballast. My hero. She has recently turned twenty-five and moved to Seattle about a year ago.  I had the great fortune to spend a recent weekend with her in New Mexico where she was born.  It was great fun to return to a state that has many natural marvels and be able to give context to how her life began.  Some twenty-six years earlier, my first husband and I moved to Albuquerque to run a restaurant and try our luck as entrepreneurs.  The restaurant eventually failed and put immense pressure on our marriage.  The wonderful shining glory that came out of that ill fated move to Albuquerque was a delightful, precious blue-eyed baby girl with an infectious smile and laugh.

Outside of a return trip to New Mexico when Natalie was eight, she has not returned.  She has faint memories of that trip and certainly does not remember her first four months of life in the Land of Enchantment. We had a lot of fun returning to where it all began. It also brought up some of the reasons I have depended on her for so much in her quarter century on the Earth.

32105357_10156289247988688_8586567131481505792_o
My brother, Rick, my daughter, Natalie and I hiking in New Mexico

Here are the ways Natalie is my hero:

Open. Natalie is open to any and all adventures. We did not have much of an agenda once we landed at Albuquerque’s Sunport except for a restaurant reservation or two.  Whether it was strolling the plaza in Santa Fe or taking a hike around a reservoir, Natalie was open.  She had no deadlines, no agenda, no must-see spots.  I feel like so many people in life have hidden agendas or hidden intentions.  Not Natalie. Anything goes. Wanna hike?  Sure.  Shop? You bet. Sleep in? OK. It makes me rethink how open I am to what is next. Be open.

Decisive.  Natalie may be open to all the options but once she has made up her mind, or the group has made up their mind, she goes after it. We had decided to hike Tent Rocks located outside of Santa Fe with my brother, Rick.  Once the decision was made, there was no going back.  I’m pretty sure that even if it was raining or 110 degrees, Natalie would have made it to the top of that slot canyon. She was committed. Even a random crossing of a rattlesnake on our path could not deter her from her destiny. Once you have weighed out all your options, be decisive.

Empathy. I have always had an issue with balance. I pause at the top of steps and escalators to get my barring. There were several times along the hike that Natalie grabbed my hand. I didn’t ask. She knew. When navigating very narrow footings, she said, “just one foot in front of the other.” I didn’t ask. She knew. As we hiked she would insist on a water break.  Not for her. For me. She pays attention. She senses the discomfort. She anticipates the need. It’s such a gift that I don’t know she is even aware she has it. Be in tune to those around you.

Navigator. Natalie and I had explored a trail near Santa Fe around a reservoir.  The trail was not well marked.  Towards the end of the hike we lost the trail. Pretty soon we were hiking through low uncharted brush and no fellow hikers were to be seen.  We had no GPS.  No cell coverage. I felt a bit of concern. There was no need. Natalie had a feel for where we were and led us back to the trail head and parking lot. There have been many hiccups and storms in my life over the last year and Natalie has been the calm navigator seeing me through. Make sure you have a sound navigator to help you through the storms.

Ballast. Every boat has a ballast to weight the boat upright. Natalie is my ballast. She is rarely rattled by events and keeps an even demeanor.  I can be easily flustered and fly into worst case scenarios. Natalie keeps me balanced by listening and asking questions to help me understand my own thinking. I may be ready to unload all the cargo on the boat or drop anchor but Natalie is the voice of reason.  Who is your ballast.  Maybe you are a ballast for someone else.  It’s important to have a ballast to even things out.

Joy. Natalie has infectious energy. She also happens to be a great selfie taker.  There she is in the center of the photo flashing her enchanting smile.  I cannot look at a photo of her without smiling. She is joy. She is possibility. She is magic. There are very few people that I know who exude that joyful energy. It sparks action. Everything seems possible when there is joy in the room.  I am so fortunate to have her in my life. Find joy.

I am so proud to be Natalie’s mother and, most importantly, that she is in my life. She makes everything brighter and more amazing. Who is your hero?

My daughter. My hero.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Cathy Noice Graham, Workplace Navigator1 Comment

My daughter, Natalie, is my stable rock. My ballast. My hero. She has recently turned twenty-five and moved to Seattle about a year ago.  I had the great fortune to spend a recent weekend with her in New Mexico where she was born.  It was great fun to return to a state that has many natural marvels and be able to give context to how her life began.  Some twenty-six years earlier, my first husband and I moved to Albuquerque to run a restaurant and try our luck as entrepreneurs.  The restaurant eventually failed and put immense pressure on our marriage.  The wonderful shining glory that came out of that ill fated move to Albuquerque was a delightful, precious blue-eyed baby girl with an infectious smile and laugh.

Outside of a return trip to New Mexico when Natalie was eight, she has not returned.  She has faint memories of that trip and certainly does not remember her first four months of life in the Land of Enchantment. We had a lot of fun returning to where it all began. It also brought up some of the reasons I have depended on her for so much in her quarter century on the Earth.

32105357_10156289247988688_8586567131481505792_o

Here are the ways Natalie is my hero:

Open. Natalie is open to any and all adventures. We did not have much of an agenda once we landed at Albuquerque’s Sunport except for a restaurant reservation or two.  Whether it was strolling the plaza in Santa Fe or taking a hike around a reservoir, Natalie was open.  She had no deadlines, no agenda, no must-see spots.  I feel like so many people in life have hidden agendas or hidden intentions.  Not Natalie. Anything goes. Wanna hike?  Sure.  Shop? You bet. Sleep in? OK. It makes me rethink how open I am to what is next. Be open.

Decisive.  Natalie may be open to all the options but once she has made up her mind, or the group has made up their mind, she goes after it. We had decided to hike Tent Rocks located outside of Santa Fe with my brother, Rick.  Once the decision was made, there was no going back.  I’m pretty sure that even if it was raining or 110 degrees, Natalie would have made it to the top of that slot canyon. She was committed. Even a random crossing of a rattlesnake on our path could not deter her from her destiny. Once you have weighed out all your options, be decisive.

Empathy. I have always had an issue with balance. I pause at the top of steps and escalators to get my barring. There were several times along the hike that Natalie grabbed my hand. I didn’t ask. She knew. When navigating very narrow footings, she said, “just one foot in front of the other.” I didn’t ask. She knew. As we hiked she would insist on a water break.  Not for her. For me. She pays attention. She senses the discomfort. She anticipates the need. It’s such a gift that I don’t know she is even aware she has it. Be in tune to those around you.

Navigator. Natalie and I had explored a trail near Santa Fe around a reservoir.  The trail was not well marked.  Towards the end of the hike we lost the trail. Pretty soon we were hiking through low uncharted brush and no fellow hikers were to be seen.  We had no GPS.  No cell coverage. I felt a bit of concern. There was no need. Natalie had a feel for where we were and led us back to the trail head and parking lot. There have been many hiccups and storms in my life over the last year and Natalie has been the calm navigator seeing me through. Make sure you have a sound navigator to help you through the storms.

Ballast. Every boat has a ballast to weight the boat upright. Natalie is my ballast. She is rarely rattled by events and keeps an even demeanor.  I can be easily flustered and fly into worst case scenarios. Natalie keeps me balanced by listening and asking questions to help me understand my own thinking. I may be ready to unload all the cargo on the boat or drop anchor but Natalie is the voice of reason.  Who is your ballast.  Maybe you are a ballast for someone else.  It’s important to have a ballast to even things out.

Joy. Natalie has infectious energy. She also happens to be a great selfie taker.  There she is in the center of the photo flashing her enchanting smile.  I cannot look at a photo of her without smiling. She is joy. She is possibility. She is magic. There are very few people that I know who exude that joyful energy. It sparks action. Everything seems possible when there is joy in the room.  I am so fortunate to have her in my life. Find joy.

I am so proud to be Natalie’s mother and, most importantly, that she is in my life. She makes everything brighter and more amazing. Who is your hero?

7 Ways to Take the Road Less Traveled. My Daughter, My Hero.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

“I’m not here to give people voices because I don’t have the ability to do so for anyone but myself.  All I do is merely remind them that we are all human and that all stories are deserved of being heard.” – Natalie Robles

My daughter, Natalie, graduated from Duke University this past Sunday. I could not be prouder of her accomplishment. Not that it’s Duke or that she is graduating from college period. It’s that she has always taken the road less traveled; thrown herself into and embraced every experience. She has always followed her heart regardless of naysayers along the way. She has always been true to herself. She is my hero. My Daughter, My Hero

Natalie started school a year early. At the age of 4, she knew her alphabet and numbers and tested into kindergarten. In a time where parents are red-shirting (holding their kids back a year) so that they can excel at sports and academics, she was a maverick. She held her own and still placed into the accelerated classes throughout elementary school and into high school. As a sophomore in high school, she auditioned for an elite residential arts school (some 3 hours from home) and managed to be accepted into their prestigious music school. These are very brave steps for a 15 year old fledgling clarinetist but she did it. Her fearlessness, resilience, fortitude and aspirations made her my hero.

Natalie has a laundry list of attributes, but these are the one’s that stand out for me:

1. Resilience. Natalie bounces back even when things are tough. She had a terrible experience her Junior year of high school with a roommate. The roommate left school but Natalie returned the next year. She has had frost bite from backpacking in the snow and returned the following year for the same subzero experience.   She had an unpaid internship in NYC, living hand to mouth for 8 weeks and went back the following summer for yet another unpaid internship in NYC. She may struggle and stumble but she will not fall.

2. Curiosity. In Natalie’s freshman year of college, she hiked for 2 weeks in the Pisgah National forest, performed in a dance recital (she had never taken dance), played with the symphony, tromped around at half time at the football games in the marching band, joined the water polo team (yeah…a newbie), and taught at local elementary schools in her..ahem…”free time”. Natalie inhaled every opportunity. Not all of them were her cup of tea, but she tried them all on for size.

3. Openness. Natalie’s passion is documentaries. It aligns with her ability to let folks find their voice. She doesn’t rush. She doesn’t push. She is present and listens. She distills and edits and blends and creates magic. She is open to all possibilities. And we get to enjoy the product of her openness.

4. Empathy. Her first experience with documentaries was in Medillin, Colombia. She was selected for a Summer program during her freshman year to travel to South America and document families displaced by drug violence.  When she was instructed to interview some three to four families a day, she balked. She could feel the tension in folks as she tried to film. She knew they weren’t comfortable. She wanted to spend time with one family. She wanted to go back to the same family so that she could create trust. She did. She connects with folks and regardless of the cultural and language barriers, she honors them.

5. Decisiveness. Every family has disagreements. It might be what restaurant we are eating at or which movie to rent. The rest of us can get into a quagmire of indecisive infinite possibilities and unspoken agendas. Natalie takes the reigns and makes a decision. Done. Resolved. (Thanks)

6. Joy. As I write this, Natalie is having her wisdom teeth removed. I can hear her in the exam room laughing. She has an infectious laugh that I would recognize anywhere. She brings that joy and laughter to endless folks. No one is immune to her joy (especially her brother). They can crack each other up with just a look. She brings joy.

7. Bravery. Natalie went to a camp in the golden hinter lands of Northern California at the ripe old age of 8. It was emotional to leave your first born in what we later referred to as the “hippie” camp. When I returned to pick her up some three weeks later, she showed us the 20 foot high platform she had, while harnessed, jumped off of as she took a leap of faith to grab a trapeze. She has run a 10k obstacle course race, tried zero gravity and Bikram yoga, auditioned for countless music camps and organizations, and, her greatest feat, repelled up a mountain side after several years of conquering her fear. She faces her limiting beliefs.

I remember when Natalie left for Colombia some three years ago, she read a diary of a journey I had taken to South America some 30 years before. She said, “Mommy, I’m following in your footsteps”. In reality she has gone way beyond the steps I’ve taken. I can only hope to be as accomplished in my entire life as she has been in just 21 short years. My hero.