My Boss Doesn’t Listen to Me

On April 23, 2013April 21, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You probably consider yourself to be an excellent employee, student, contributor or active participant in your life but there still may be one area you’ve overlooked.

Listening is an art that starts with you. It’s ironic but actually true. Be a good listener first; they will follow. I know sounds counter-intuitive but if you just shut up and listen…I mean really listen… you will end up with followers. So you want to lead by example; listen by example.

So you’re in the staff meeting and have a brilliant idea on how to address the revenue short fall. Or your boss is unloading on you about the operations manager from the plant in Detroit. You probably want to stand on the conference table and get everyone’s attention- bad idea. Frequently it is just best to bite your tongue and do nothing. We’ve all worked with the “someone” who constantly interrupts, who has to have the last word, who just can’t let a topic, an argument or really anything go. Don’t be that person. Be the listener and they will follow.

Here are the 6 steps to being a better and active listener:

1. Seek first to understand. If you focus on understanding (instead of your rebuttal), you will be much more engaged with what is being said. As David Rock writes in “Quiet Leadership”, listen for potential. Ask questions to expand on your boss’ ideas. Help her gain insight. She’ll appreciate the space to develop ideas. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to vent, merely vent about a work situation and my husband jumped to give me advice. I just wanted someone to vent to; someone to understand.

2. Don’t drift. If you are thinking about your grocery list or if you forgot to record American Idol – You.Are.Not.Engaged.In.Listening. Turn off your cell notifications. Put your technology away. Be in the moment and just listen. And if you find yourself drifting; ask a clarifying question. Apologize and say you were preoccupied for a moment and get back into the listening mode.

3. Let there be silence. It’s amazing how we all feel obligated to fill space up with the sound of our voice. Let there be an awkward silence. There is power in silence and more importantly time to reflect and understand (refer to #1). In fact, those who prefer introversion will appreciate the time to reflect. Don’t drive the bus over someone’s time to reflect; be comfortable with the silence.

4. Reflect. Ask questions to expound on your boss’ ideas. Seek clarity. Is there something you don’t understand? Do you really understand the rationale? “So what I hear you saying is that we need to make some difficult cuts and you’re not completely sure where to make them. How much time do we have to make the decision?” Reflecting keeps you in the present.

5. Check assumptions. It is amazing how quickly our mind works and how our internal dialogue will immediately jump to the worst-case scenario. Like “yeah…this idea will never work. Last time we did this it was an epic fail”…meanwhile we are smiling and nodding. Or we immediately discount someone’s ideas, “Nah, tequila shots for lunch is a horrible idea.” Yes, this is a bad idea, just don’t say it and shut down the idea machine. “tequila shots…OK, what else….” Check your assumptions to stop your inner dictator from running its mouth; and killing the idea before it ever gets launched.

6. Don’t interrupt. If you are interrupting, you are not listening. You just put your agenda first. You just shut the other person down and basically said…”my idea is way better than yours so shut up”. Your boss’ idea, your partner’s idea, your child’s idea….are all the best ideas, because they own it. They will see it through. Your idea? Not so much. Interrupting stops your boss from finding insight.

Full disclosure. I’ve been working on this for years and it’s not easy. It won’t happen overnight but if you keep this at the forefront with every interaction you have, you will improve and others, including your boss, will start to follow.

Heels dug in.

On July 24, 2012July 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Most people don’t embrace change. It can be difficult. It’s so much easier to dig our heels in and be inflexible. It’s a great offense. Inflexible people are left alone. They are too difficult to deal with. Leave Joe alone, he’ll never get on board with this idea. Pretty soon the world is dancing around Joe because they don’t want to deal with his stubbornness. He’s out of the loop.

Organizations do this as well. It’s easy to get caught up in “doing it the way we have always done it” mentality. It’s hard to create change. Especially in long established businesses. Unless there is a business necessity (imperative), it’s so much easier to keep it status quo. It’s the path of least resistance. Why do a leadership initiative? Incentive plan? Enter a new market? If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.

I’ve been traveling this past week. I live in Eastern North Carolina. The land of free parking, no sidewalks and a six-mile commute with one red light. Every time I head to New York City, I need to load up on coins, cash and the capacity to adapt (easily). In the last six days I’ve been through twenty toll booths. Some took $.90, others $12.30. I needed to be flexible. The GPS was lost half the time because of new construction or, in the case of downtown Trenton, they didn’t have roads on their map. We needed to just go with the flow. Or as my son, who was my copilot at the time said, “Read the signs.” What a concept. Read the signs. If I’d had my heels dug in, I’d still be in Trenton. Actually, I’d be on an off ramp in Baltimore in the fetal position.
So, how do you embrace change? Break out of the status quo. Here are 6 steps to dig out those heels.

1. Scan. As in scan the environment. Are those around you avoiding you? Have you been invited to be on an ad hoc committee? Are you out of the loop? Are you still wearing bell bottoms? Are you stuck in Trenton? Your coworkers are perfectly happy to leave you in the dust if you are not open to change. Nobody likes to associate with “Debbie Downer”. Take the temperature of your environment and see if you are reading the signs.

2. Survey. Take a poll. What do your closest friends think? Ask your boss. Ask your husband. Ask your mother (OK…I know I’m pushing it a little far). “Do I seem open to new ideas?” Perception is reality. If you are perceived as a stick in the mud, you probably are a stick in the mud.

3. Listen. When you survey, you need to be open enough to listen. If you ask the question, you need to be able to listen to the answer. In fact, if you aren’t willing to listen, don’t even ask. One of the most counter-productive exercises is for an organization to do an employee survey and then do nothing.

4. Plan. So what can you do about the perception? You’re going to need to take a hard look at yourself and start paying attention to the “signs.” Maybe you need to work on not interrupting or your need to be right all the time. Maybe you’re going to need to back off from being in control all the time. Maybe you just need to buy some new clothes. Yeah. Seersucker is dead and so are bell bottoms.

5. Start digging out. One shovel at a time. There is no magic pill. This is going to take work and all you can do is start. One interaction at a time. I remember that when I first started working on showing more appreciation, I missed the boat several times. I’d forget to thank my assistant for getting the report done so quickly or my husband for taking out the trash. But at least I started somewhere and I can tell you that now I am much more consistent about showing appreciation. But I had to take that first step.

6. Reflect. You can do this in any form you like. Maybe in a journal, meditating or brushing your teeth. How are you doing? Do you feel like you are making strides? Are you getting positive feedback? Are you getting less negative feedback? Maybe you were selected for the next ad hoc committee. Maybe you didn’t overreact when you ended up getting off at the wrong exit. Congratulate yourself. You are on your way.

What would you do?

Triskaidephobia

On July 17, 2012July 15, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is my 13th blog post and I have the fear of the number 13; hence the title. Ironically, it’s my daughter’s favorite number. There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear. This is easily explained by example: there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear. On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you. I suffer from both. I am the biggest wuss in my house. Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

In Galvin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, the case is made that some fear is innate. Fear can save your life as he shows in an example in the book. The simple act of an attacker closing a window as he leaves his victim behind in the room and, intuitively, the victim realizes that if she doesn’t get out of there, she will be a murder victim. She does and lives to tell about it.

There is the completely neurotic fear that my dog, Baci, suffers from. She won’t step on a different surface. New hardwood, tile, slate or plywood. She will not step over it, onto it or around it. She is paralyzed. It seems so irrational but there must be something to this paralysis. Did she step onto some surface in her puppydom that caused this irrational fear?

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

1. Check First. Is this rational? What are you basing this on? Is the cockroach really going to attack you? When did you last read the headline – “Mother Killed By Palmetto Bug.” Think about this in relation to YOU – Would applying for that new position mean you would lose your current job? Nah. Face it, most decisions you make are not catastrophic. But investigating what your fear is based on is important; especially when it comes to your future in the workplace.

2. Research. I find that researching all available scenarios helps. If you are looking for a new job, maybe this means looking down avenues you would typically not consider. Maybe you would be willing to move or adding an extra 30 minutes to your commute. Maybe look at a different industry. Baci is constantly testing the waters; especially if there is a desirable tennis ball in the middle of the piece of plywood. Doing the research makes it easier for her to take the next step.

3. Test. Take a step. Go grab your slipper from the other room. At least you’ll be prepared to smack that cockroach. Call a friend you know in the industry you might want to move to and ask what opportunities are available. Baci starts by putting out a paw and then retreating. She’s testing her hypothesis. You are going to have to test the waters. Start writing the blog even if you don’t finish it in the first pass.

4. Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared. Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trails last week. There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to. I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out – watch it here. Do it scared.

5. Pathways. You are going to need to lay some new neural pathways. Charles Duhigg compares them to ruts in the mud. It’s really difficult to change ruts. The only way is to start working on it. This is extremely hard for me. Take a breath, regroup and lay down a new rut.

My dog Baci is amazing at this. First, she is paralyzed by the new hardwood floor in the dining room. She won’t set a paw on the floor. But her favorite window for squirrel hunting is only three feet away…across the new surface. She runs around to all the entrances to check that the new surface is everywhere. She looks at my husband to be assured that the new surface is safe. Sniffs. Tests it with her paw. Retreats. It may take an hour or three days, but eventually she is trotting up to her favorite spot staring out the window, standing proudly on the new hardwood floor. She’s laying new neural pathways.

How about you?

The Big Lie

On July 3, 2012July 3, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

In addition to being a recovering interrupter, I am also a recovering multitasker. There was a time, about 15 years ago, when I was a commuter in Northern California, in which I would apply makeup, drink a Venti Mocha, talk on my cell phone AND drive my car between Windsor and Petaluma. Not too good. I was under the delusion that I was getting so much accomplished – that I was Super Woman.

As technology exploded in the 90s, there was the imperative to keep 10 balls in the air at one time, and it hasn’t stopped. Dr. David Rock has busted the multitasking myth with his book “Your Brain at Work.” In the book he compares your frontal cortex which is the size of a postage stamp and where you make all your decisions, to a stage in a theater. And this stage is not the size of Madison Square Garden or even Carnegie Hall. It’s more like a puppet theater with room for about three hand puppets max. In Dr. Rock’s analogy, your frontal cortex is being bombarded with actors trying to get on stage. And the more actors you have on stage, the more your decision-making diminishes. For each additional task (actor) on stage, the more your performance drops.

Christine Rosen, who wrote the article “The Myth of Multitasking,” agrees with Dr. Rock and says that the result of multitasking is a 10-point drop in IQ or twice the drop as for marijuana users. And we all know that multitasking while driving (you know, like applying make up and talking on your cell phone) is worse than drunk driving. Tsk, Tsk.

So here are a few steps to bring us back on the road to monotasking:

1. Clear. As in clear all the clutter. I have been letting my magazine subscriptions lapse. I don’t get the local newspaper anymore. Set the timer and take 10 minutes to clean out your kitchen junk drawer, your closet or your car. De-cluttered means less distractions.

2. List. Close your office door and make a list. Do a brain dump of everything you want or might want to get done takes a lot of actors out the mix and off your “stage.” If I’m in class and just remembered I need shampoo from the store, that bottle of shampoo is going to sit on my stage (maybe) and trip up my other actors. Do a brain dump to get it off the stage. Or better yet, get Wunderlist (a wonderful free app for making and organizing task lists) and put it on your grocery list.

3. Focus. This is the hard part. Pay attention to the task at hand. If you are on a conference call and start going through your email; you are not listening. You are reading email. If reading email is more important, then hang up the phone. If the conference call is more important, then shut down the email. You are going to have to start making choices. So choose.

4. No. You’re going to have to do it. Turn off the TV. Send it to voice mail. Don’t go to the conference. Get off the committee. I can see you rolling your eyes but it’s true. Just because you can check email 24/7 doesn’t mean you have to. The world will still be there tomorrow. Just say NO.

5. Imperfection. Do it imperfectly at first. It’s OK. It’s fine if you back slide a little. Small messy steps are more important than no steps. There is going to be that phone call you were waiting for as you’re driving north on 101. Maybe you can pull over and take it. Maybe you can explain and call them back later. Don’t beat yourself up.

The fact that you’re aware and trying will help you make more effective and smarter decisions. Sometimes a shampoo bottle will come rolling onto the stage. It’s OK.

Are you putting your best cast on the stage or is it full of shampoo bottles?

S.P.E.L.L. it out.

On June 26, 2012June 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

Clarifying expectations is so critical in all aspects of life; like when you have a new employee, when your child cleans their room and, even when we start on a new project. If you don’t spell out the expectations, it will, at the very least be frustrating and at its worst, an epic fail. I see this step being skipped constantly. Why bother? Shouldn’t your child know what the expectations for a clean room are? Didn’t we hire that employee because they were the most qualified for the job? Haven’t you accomplished other projects? You will be doomed for disappointment without clarifying expectations.

I can imagine that if we did a poll of one hundred parents about their expectations for room cleanliness that we would find at least 80 different sets of expectations (this assumes that some of those poled are married and have already had a few grumbles about room cleanliness and, therefore, have the same expectations). The point is, you cannot assume that we would all agree about what a clean bedroom is. And we certainly cannot assume that your child has the same standards.

Your child gets grounded because they didn’t realize that stuffing all the toys under the bed does not mean “clean”. You’re disappointed in the home improvement project because you didn’t realize that fixtures you really wanted were five times more expensive.

So how do you avoid the tendency to think that everyone knows your expectations through osmosis and get down to the nitty gritty before you send that new employee off into battlefield of ambiguous work standards? Here are a few steps.

1. Reflect. What do you want? What does the perfect outcome look like? You need to be clear with yourself and/or the team before you set your new employee a drift. Why did we have to hire someone new? Did the last customer service rep go down in flames because he didn’t know that the schedule was completely inflexible? As they say, history tends to repeat, so reflect on what went wrong (or right) the last time.

2. Anticipate. When I send my husband to the grocery store for milk, you might think that is a very basic, simple item for him to purchase. Well, it isn’t. I need to anticipate who will be opening that refrigerator door for the next seven days. If it’s my daughter, it better be soy milk. If it’s my son, it better be organic skim milk. If my husband is the intended user, it better be 2% lactose free milk. Simple item. Complex expectations.

3. List. It’s a good idea to have a list; whether it be a written checklist, employee manual or just a short mental checklist. “Benson”, that’s my son, “a clean room means clean clothes hung up or folded and put away, the bed being made and no items on the floor”. In my days as a Sizzler restaurant owner, we had a pre-meal checklist for each meal period. It was important that even the temperature ranges for the food was spelled out. Soup < 145 degrees.

4. Engage. Have a conversation. It might even be a lecture. But explain your list. As in, the soup needs to be over 145 degrees because we don’t want anyone getting sick. The bed needs to be made because we are having visitors this weekend. We need personal phone calls kept to a minimum because we have a limited amount of incoming phone lines. Explain the rationale. It makes for more buy in.

5. Clarify. There may be a deadline. There might be a budget. There may be other resources. If the grandparents are arriving at 6 PM, this might be important information when my husband heads out for milk at 5 PM. The new employee might want to know who else on the team has done this job so they have them as a crutch. S.P.E.L.L. it all out.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Unfortunately, this is not a one shot deal. It can be time consuming and tedious. It was obvious which Sizzler restaurant was not using its pre-meal checklist. And it usually translated into lower sales. The customers had expectations.

Take the time and energy to S.P.E.L.L. out your expectations. It will save you frustration, time and energy. It will also keep your relationships on a higher plane. Those around you will appreciate knowing what to expect.

What would you do?

Interrupters Anonymous.

On June 19, 2012June 17, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is really hard to write about. I’m Cathy Graham. I’m an interrupter. It’s been 3 hours since my last interruption. So you other interrupter’s out there are saying, so what? I’m sure you have something important to say. What’s the big deal?

It is a big deal. It shuts the door. It says that my idea or thought or rebuttal is more important than your idea or thought. I am not saying that I am the only guilty party. We are a society of interrupters. Every good political debate, decent reality show and “60 Minutes” investigation usually involves someone interrupting someone else. Shame on all of us.

Some of you aren’t interrupters. Thank you. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. For the rest of us those who will admit we have a problem let me give you a few pointers on how to get over to the other side.

1. Listen. I know I’ve written about this before but it cannot be over stated. Actively listen and quit letting your mind wander into the war zone of rebuttals and/or watching the clock so that you can pretend that you are really listening. Hmmm. I’ve let my co-worker talk for at least 2 minutes, so now is my time to jump in. Stop. Turn on all receptors.

2. Digest. Take in the conversation or discussion. If this is a team meeting, take it all in. Try and get the whole picture of the other participants’ viewpoint. Is your teammate telling you he can’t get the project done; or just not done in the parameters that the team wanted? Or by the deadline he initially agreed to? Take in every detail. Knowing all the details will help you in the end and the rest of the team will be impressed with your knowledge of the facts and details (pretty cool, huh?).

3. Suspend. Stay far away from making assumptions. This is dangerous territory. If you are assuming then you are not digesting. There is no way possible for you to read someone else’s mind. You might have a good guess as to someone else’s motivation but you can’t know for sure. Your boss might have shot this idea down ten times before but assuming she is shooting you down now puts you on the defensive and lights the match for interrupting. Suspend all your beliefs and assumptions. Really.

4. Pause. As in, wait a cotton pickin’ minute. OK, maybe not a minute, but wait 5 seconds. Let there be a little air in the room. Let everyone take a breath. Don’t be waiting at the ready to rebut and/or shoot down whatever idea has just been floated. Pause and take a breath. And if someone else jumps in, this is your opportunity to learn patience (not my strong suit…this is where I struggle). Engage in listening mode and bite your tongue.

5. Unselfish. It’s all about them. Unless this is your wedding day, Eagle Scout induction or your retirement lunch, this is always about them. Them, as in, everyone else in the room; your teenage daughter, your boss, your coworker, the soccer team or the class. If you keep them as your focus, you slowly eliminate the amount of interrupting you are doing. If you can keep your focus on them, on their ideas; you will break your habit.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Just like your shampoo bottle recommends. Just keep on keeping on. There will be times when this is irresistible. Like when someone tries to instruct me that Napa Valley has the best Zinfandels. I need to just smile and listen patiently and choke the words back that want to spew forth. Let them have their peace. Let them impart their knowledge. When a manager tries to explain a labor law that I know intimately as well as the latest regulations I smile and let them have their due. I’m not going to say that I won’t say anything. But if they ask? Sonoma Valley Old Vine is the best, in my humble opinion. But what do you gain by interrupting to bestow that fact. Unless you’re tasting wines or buying a winery, let them have their way.

I find this to be especially effective with hot button issues like politics, religion and most sporting events (my college Alma Mater is worth interrupting for). I will say that when I listen patiently, smile and acknowledge others in a heated debate or team discussion, it really improves your reputation. People gravitate to the person who listens rather than tries to interrupt. So if you have the habit, acknowledge it and start working on it. You will be on your way to being a social magnate.

What if you just said “No”?

On May 29, 2012May 28, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator6 Comments

I’m not sure why, but I have been the trigger person for most of my career. The gunslinger brought in to say, No. Human Resource professionals are frequently referred to as The Fashion Police (that skirt is too short), The Personal Hygiene Moderator (deodorant is a necessity), Policy Patrol (insubordination IS grounds for termination) and, worst of all, the b-word. So why can’t everyone else draw a line in the sand? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve asked myself that. They are in avoidance

It’s so much easier to bring someone else in to say No. You can stay at arm’s length, point the finger and, in essence, say, “This wasn’t my decision”. Let someone else be the trigger person and stay clear of the wake.

Try taking a giant step forward and say No. Here are the reasons why you should:

1. Respect. People pay attention to those who pull the trigger once in a while. You earn the reputation for being someone who has a backbone and stands up for their principles. People want you on their team when they know you can be counted on to make the tough decisions even if they are unpopular.

2. Honest. We’ve all known people who are brown-noses. How many corporate projects have you been party to that went in the wrong direction because no one in the crowd wanted to say No. Earning the reputation for being candid takes a few No sayings. I’m not advocating just blurting out No but a well-polished, properly crafted No will increase your authenticity.

3. Less Bunkum. I had to look up that one up in the thesaurus to keep this polite. When you get the promotional phone calls for a vacation getaway; don’t hang up. Say No and take my number off your list. Disingenuous people stay away from No sayers. They move on to fawn over someone else who doesn’t mind swimming in bunkum.

4. Relief. Unresolved conflict can fester. Be the one to step forward and make the decision. Do you really want to be up at 3 AM worrying about how you tell the PTA that you want off the committee? When you have given that well-crafted No; you’ll be sleeping like a baby.

5. Empowerment. Saying No is gratifying. You can look yourself in the mirror and know that you stood up for something; you stood up for your beliefs. It might have been difficult (it almost always is uncomfortable…messy even) but once you get past the No, your self confidence will be rebooted.

6. Culture. No one likes co-workers who get away with clocking in late, not pulling their weight, constantly stepping over the line that no one else would dare to cross. That crowd; the group at large. They are rooting for you. They want you to pull the trigger. Be the gunslinger for the 95% who are pulling their weight. Raise the tide for the culture of your company.

It’s not easy. But you need to do it. Be the go-to gunslinger. Everyone is waiting for you to be a No sayer. Draw a line in the sand.

What my dog has taught me about leading others or….The Pink Jacket Story

On May 8, 2012May 8, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator14 Comments

Dogs are amazing at reflecting back what humans’ desire. Most of us treat our pets like they are part of the family but I think my dog, Baci, thinks that she is an employee and a damn good one. My relationship with her has taught me as much as any off site training or college course. Our relationship is simple and can guide you in your relationships at work.

1. Trust. Baci expects her meals to be timely and fair. She’s the first one to speak up if the kibbles are late to the bowl. My employees and customers expect the same when it comes to compensation, goods or services….better be on time and accurate or there will be attrition.

2. Appreciation. There isn’t a dog who doesn’t demand their belly scratched once, twice, countless times a day. Your coworkers, boss or client wants the same “scratch” but I doubt they are up front about asking for it. Show them appreciation….more frequently than they expect.

3. Dutiful. Baci has very clear duties at the Graham House….keep it free of all squirrels, geese and lizards. She does an outstanding job. I am confident that she is on duty no matter what. We haven’t had squirrels take up residence…so I know she is on top of her game. You should have the same confidence in those who surround you at work. It’s best to assume they have your best interest at heart. That they are looking out for you…if some squirrels move in…then clarify what your expectations are.

4. Perspective. Baci has a different lens. She views things from ground level. I might be cutting up raw beef on the kitchen counter or potting a plant. She doesn’t care except for whatever falls on the floor…and hopefully it’s the former. Your clients, cohorts and boss all have a different perspective and some are from the penthouse and others are in the basement. Make sure you know their perspective if you end up dropping something or having the last word.

5. Attention. I admit that I lose sight of Baci’s priorities when I’m in my office concentrating on work. Sometimes I get up from my desk to find her sprawled at my feet and surrounded by her army of toys. She has carefully brought each toy as a gift while I wasn’t paying attention. Are your direct reports doing the same? Showing up early, staying late…working extra hours on that overdo project…are you paying attention?

6. Needs. Baci is exasperating at times. She can’t decide if she wants in or out…to sit on my lap or my husband’s….upstairs or down. Are your clients fickle and difficult to figure out? Are they changing their minds and causing you frustration. They are taking the cue from your guidelines and how malleable you are (I give in more easily than my husband on letting Baci in or out). Are you meeting your clients’ needs or tuning them out?

7. Team player. I love to dress up Baci. And she is happy to oblige (ok…I’m not sure she’s happy). Whether it’s some Halloween monstrosity or a pink rain jacket that I happen to think is cute; she patiently shows up to be the team player; poses for pictures and moves on. I bet there are things your co-workers put up with…just cause you think it’s cute…or critical. Are you letting them put on that pink rain jacket once in a while?

Animals teach us humility, patience and appreciation. Maybe it’s time we apply those lessons to the human race.

What role does your pet play in your home?

My boss doesn’t listen to me…what now?

On April 22, 2012April 22, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator5 Comments

You probably consider yourself an excellent employee, student, contributor but there may be one area you’ve overlooked.

Listening is an art that starts with you. It’s ironic but actually true…be a good listener first and they will follow. I know this feels counter intuitive but if you ….yourself….just shut up and listen…I mean really listen… you will end up with followers. Lead by example. They’ll actually listen to you at some point.

We’ve all worked with the someone who constantly interrupts, who has to have the last word, who just can’t let a topic or, worse, an argument go. Don’t be that person. Be the listener.

Here are the 6 steps to being a better, active listener:

1. Seek first to understand. If you focus on understanding (instead of your rebuttal), you will be much more engaged with what your boss is saying.

2. Don’t drift. If you are thinking about your grocery list or if you forgot to record Modern Family; you.are.not.engaged.in.listening.

3. Let there be silence. It’s amazing how we all feel obligated to fill the space up with the sound of our voice. Let there be an awkward silence. There is power in silence and more importantly time to reflect and understand (refer to #1).

4. Reflect back. Ask questions to expound on your boss’ ideas. Seek clarity. Is there something you don’t understand? Do you really understand the rationale?

5. Check assumptions. It is amazing how quickly our mind works and how our internal dialogue will immediately jump to the worst case scenario. Like “yeah…this idea will never work. Last time we did this it was an epic fail”…meanwhile we are smiling and nodding. Check your assumptions to stop your internal dialogue from running its mouth; and killing the idea before it ever gets launched.

6. Don’t interrupt. If you are interrupting, you are not listening. You just put your agenda first. You just shut the other person down and basically said…”my idea is way better than yours so shut up”.

Do you have tips for better active listening? I’d love to hear what you have to say….leave a comment (and make sure you share).