6 Steps to Realistic Optimism.

On November 24, 2013November 24, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’ve written about optimism before and, recently, have adjusted my viewpoint. In reading several articles and the book “The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working” by Tony Schwartz, I’ve come to realize that optimism is critical but, more importantly, it has to be realistic. Tony gives the example of a 5’4′ guy who wants to play basketball. Unrealistic optimism would show up as this guy wants to play in the NBA. Realistic optimism shows up as this guy wants to be the best basketball player he can be. It’s an adjustment in perspective or focus, the ability to see that it might be a struggle and it’s going to take hard work but you feel like you can persevere.

Basically, it’s turning blind faith or just plain wishing into reality. I’ve wanted to go to Paris for the last twenty plus years. I have yet to go. I know I’m going to go but the reality of two kids in college, a mortgage, my parents now living ten feet away…well, the reality is, that it’s a few years off. I am confident that I will be standing on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées at some point with a warm baguette in hand, it’s just going to take some planning and patience.

So how do you go from wishing to reality? Here are some tips.

1. No Storytelling. I see this in clients all the time. They tell themselves that they can’t do something. I can’t get that promotion. I can’t get a CPA. I can’t move to San Francisco. The old Henry Ford adage is right. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” It is not possible to succeed if you think you can’t. Stop telling yourself stories.

2. Lenient. As Tony Schwartz recommends, you need to be lenient and forgiving in your evaluation of past events. So if you didn’t pass the exam the first time, meh…you were having a bad day. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep. Cut yourself some slack. Forgive yourself. I cook on a regular basis; I can assure you that if all I focused on was my failures, we would be eating out for Thanksgiving. Be lenient in your view of past events.

3. Gratitude. Frequently show gratitude for your current situation. Do you have electricity? A roof? A job? Dwell on the positive. In a consumer society, we can constantly focus on what we don’t have. This will leave you empty. You will be constantly looking to fill the shelves and your attic with things. Appreciate the present in all its imperfection. Got gratitude?

4. Possible. Mission possible. This is the glass half full mentality. I can remember telling my doctor that I was planning to run a half marathon. I was worried that I wouldn’t do it fast enough. He said, “You can always walk it”. What a relief! Refocusing on what could be, made it attainable. Focus on what is possible.

5. Acknowledge. The key to success is acknowledging that it won’t be easy. Psychologist Gabriele Oettingen did a study with obese women. The women who thought that losing weight would be a walk in the park lost less weight than those who understood that there may be some adversity along the way. Think through what possible adversity you might encounter along the way. Krispy Kremes at the breakfast meeting, free toffee samples at the grocery store and sub freezing temperatures for your 6 AM run. Acknowledge adversity but don’t let it stop you.

6. Honest. Be honest with yourself. If you are 6’4″, a career as a jockey isn’t likely to be fruitful. If it’s your passion and you understand that you will never race in the Triple Crown, then go for it. Make sure you are realistic in your self view. I remember being on the swim team in high school. I was the slowest on the team but by year end, I had improved my time the most. That’s all that matters. I knew I wasn’t going to win any races but focusing on my own improvement paid dividends. Be honest.

To move from wishing to success involves optimism with a reality check.

7 Characteristics of Leadership I Learned From Sir Ernest Shackleton.

On November 17, 2013November 14, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator1 Comment

“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success”. Sir Ernest Shackleton

I just read Alfred Lansing’s book, “Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage.” The book is about the voyage of the British ship “Endurance” in 1914 and, it’s leader, Sir Ernest Shackleton. It is an amazing account of the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition and how 28 men survived for 21 months after the ship was beset in the ice floes of Antarctica. How does a man lead 27 men to safety in sub freezing temperatures, no digital equipment (not even a radio) and countless obstacles (including climbing for 36 hours over uncharted mountains without climbing gear); leadership and grit, that’s how.

The ship was first beset in the ice floes for 9 months and then, the pressure of the ice pack slowly (but surely) crushed the boat, so the crew of 28 had to take to the ice pack on the Weddell Sea. The ship sank about 30 days later after the crew had taken most of the provisions and three life boats off the ship. The rest of the odyssey involves 7 months of camping on ice, rowing on the open seas in lifeboats, breaking the group up and eventually, hiking uncharted mountains without any gore tex or ice picks to an eventual rescue of the entire group (every frostbitten one).

This is what Shackleton taught me about leadership.

1. Honest. Shackleton was brutally honest in the expectations of the expedition (see quote above). Safe return doubtful. Only those who are up to the challenge are going to sign up. All leaders can learn from this. Don’t sell the job as something it isn’t. If the work is tedious, say it. If there is constant travel, be upfront. Be honest when you are bringing someone on to your team.

2. Team. Shackleton built a cohesive multi-national team of 28. He made an instant gut decision. He asked Reginald James if he could sing (he could and was chosen). Two Surgeons, a tried and true Navigator, Photographer, Artist, Seaman, Cook and Carpenter. He fit the team together like a puzzle. Great leaders do. They don’t look for carbon copies of themselves, they look for complementary pieces. Have a diverse team of talent and character with traits that don’t resemble you.

3. Decisive. Shackleton made a decision and stuck to it. There was no waffling. When you decide to get off a breaking ice floe, you can’t turn back. He adjusted the goal several times from one island to another but he never waffled. The men knew that Shackleton could be counted on. When you lead, be decisive. Your folks are counting on you.

4. Inclusive. He was constantly seeking opposing viewpoints. He would listen to other’s viewpoints whether it was which direction to go or how much food to dole out. In the end, he would make the decision, but everyone would be heard. When they were on the 7 day sail to Elephant Island, if one person was chilled, he ordered hot beverages for all. Inclusive leaders have their finger of the pulse of the group as a whole.

5. Delegate. Shackleton delegated clearly, definitely and with no regrets. He left Frank Wild in charge of 22 men on Elephant Island. Everyone knew Wild was in charge and Shackleton left him there with full confidence that Wild would succeed. He did. Delegate projects with full confidence in your team. Don’t waver or take it back. Delegate with clarity.

6. Improvise. Obviously they had to constantly improvise. Wood from the sinking ship was used for shoe bottoms, blubber from penguins to light the lamps, lashing three men together to slide down a mountain face like a toboggan. Shackleton and his men made do with what they had. Don’t wait for the next software upgrade or next year’s budget to move the project forward. Improvise with what you have now.

7. Faith. Shackleton had unfailing faith and optimism. He kept the more pessimistic and ornery folks in his tent, lest they infect the others. You cannot survive 21 months in the bleakness of the Antarctic with little more than the clothes on your back, a compass and a stove without optimism. Leadership is all about having undying faith that you can overcome any obstacle.

I have to say that as I read the book, I was stunned, and impressed with the insurmountable obstacles that they did overcome and for Shackleton’s heroic, unfailing, inspiring leadership.

Just say No.

On July 28, 2013August 3, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’m not sure why, but I have been the trigger person for most of my career. The gunslinger brought in to say, No. Human Resource professionals are frequently referred to as The Fashion Police (that skirt is too short), The Personal Hygiene Moderator (deodorant is a necessity), Policy Patrol (insubordination IS grounds for termination) and, worst of all, the b-word. So why can’t everyone else draw a line in the sand? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve asked myself that. They are in avoidance.

It’s so much easier to bring someone else in to say No. You can stay at arm’s length, point the finger and, in essence, say, “This wasn’t my decision”. Let someone else be the trigger person and stay clear of the wake.

Try taking a giant step forward and say No. Here are the reasons why you should:

1. Respect. People pay attention to those who pull the trigger once in a while. You earn the reputation for being someone who has a backbone and stands up for their principles. People want you on their team when they know you can be counted on to make the tough decisions even if they are unpopular.

2. Honest. We’ve all known people who are brown-noses. How many corporate projects have you been party to that went in the wrong direction because no one in the crowd wanted to say No. Earning the reputation for being candid takes a few No sayings. I’m not advocating just blurting out No but a well-polished, properly crafted No will increase your authenticity.

3. Less Bunkum. I had to look up that one up in the thesaurus to keep this polite. When you get the promotional phone calls for a vacation getaway; don’t hang up. Say No and take my number off your list. Disingenuous people stay away from No sayers. They move on to fawn over someone else who doesn’t mind swimming in bunkum.

4. Relief. Unresolved conflict can fester. Be the one to step forward and make the decision. Do you really want to be up at 3 AM worrying about how you tell the PTA that you want off the committee? When you have given that well-crafted No; you’ll be sleeping like a baby.

5. Empowerment. Saying No is gratifying. You can look yourself in the mirror and know that you stood up for something; you stood up for your beliefs. It might have been difficult (it almost always is uncomfortable…messy even) but once you get past the No, your self confidence will be rebooted.

6. Culture. No one likes co-workers who get away with clocking in late, not pulling their weight, constantly stepping over the line that no one else would dare to cross. That crowd; the group at large. They are rooting for you. They want you to pull the trigger. Be the gunslinger for the 95% who are pulling their weight. Raise the tide for the culture of your company.

It’s not easy. But you need to do it. Be the go-to gunslinger. Everyone is waiting for you to be a No sayer. Draw a line in the sand.

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Triskaidephobia

On July 17, 2012July 15, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is my 13th blog post and I have the fear of the number 13; hence the title. Ironically, it’s my daughter’s favorite number. There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear. This is easily explained by example: there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear. On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you. I suffer from both. I am the biggest wuss in my house. Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

In Galvin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, the case is made that some fear is innate. Fear can save your life as he shows in an example in the book. The simple act of an attacker closing a window as he leaves his victim behind in the room and, intuitively, the victim realizes that if she doesn’t get out of there, she will be a murder victim. She does and lives to tell about it.

There is the completely neurotic fear that my dog, Baci, suffers from. She won’t step on a different surface. New hardwood, tile, slate or plywood. She will not step over it, onto it or around it. She is paralyzed. It seems so irrational but there must be something to this paralysis. Did she step onto some surface in her puppydom that caused this irrational fear?

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

1. Check First. Is this rational? What are you basing this on? Is the cockroach really going to attack you? When did you last read the headline – “Mother Killed By Palmetto Bug.” Think about this in relation to YOU – Would applying for that new position mean you would lose your current job? Nah. Face it, most decisions you make are not catastrophic. But investigating what your fear is based on is important; especially when it comes to your future in the workplace.

2. Research. I find that researching all available scenarios helps. If you are looking for a new job, maybe this means looking down avenues you would typically not consider. Maybe you would be willing to move or adding an extra 30 minutes to your commute. Maybe look at a different industry. Baci is constantly testing the waters; especially if there is a desirable tennis ball in the middle of the piece of plywood. Doing the research makes it easier for her to take the next step.

3. Test. Take a step. Go grab your slipper from the other room. At least you’ll be prepared to smack that cockroach. Call a friend you know in the industry you might want to move to and ask what opportunities are available. Baci starts by putting out a paw and then retreating. She’s testing her hypothesis. You are going to have to test the waters. Start writing the blog even if you don’t finish it in the first pass.

4. Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared. Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trails last week. There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to. I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out – watch it here. Do it scared.

5. Pathways. You are going to need to lay some new neural pathways. Charles Duhigg compares them to ruts in the mud. It’s really difficult to change ruts. The only way is to start working on it. This is extremely hard for me. Take a breath, regroup and lay down a new rut.

My dog Baci is amazing at this. First, she is paralyzed by the new hardwood floor in the dining room. She won’t set a paw on the floor. But her favorite window for squirrel hunting is only three feet away…across the new surface. She runs around to all the entrances to check that the new surface is everywhere. She looks at my husband to be assured that the new surface is safe. Sniffs. Tests it with her paw. Retreats. It may take an hour or three days, but eventually she is trotting up to her favorite spot staring out the window, standing proudly on the new hardwood floor. She’s laying new neural pathways.

How about you?

The Big Lie

On July 3, 2012July 3, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

In addition to being a recovering interrupter, I am also a recovering multitasker. There was a time, about 15 years ago, when I was a commuter in Northern California, in which I would apply makeup, drink a Venti Mocha, talk on my cell phone AND drive my car between Windsor and Petaluma. Not too good. I was under the delusion that I was getting so much accomplished – that I was Super Woman.

As technology exploded in the 90s, there was the imperative to keep 10 balls in the air at one time, and it hasn’t stopped. Dr. David Rock has busted the multitasking myth with his book “Your Brain at Work.” In the book he compares your frontal cortex which is the size of a postage stamp and where you make all your decisions, to a stage in a theater. And this stage is not the size of Madison Square Garden or even Carnegie Hall. It’s more like a puppet theater with room for about three hand puppets max. In Dr. Rock’s analogy, your frontal cortex is being bombarded with actors trying to get on stage. And the more actors you have on stage, the more your decision-making diminishes. For each additional task (actor) on stage, the more your performance drops.

Christine Rosen, who wrote the article “The Myth of Multitasking,” agrees with Dr. Rock and says that the result of multitasking is a 10-point drop in IQ or twice the drop as for marijuana users. And we all know that multitasking while driving (you know, like applying make up and talking on your cell phone) is worse than drunk driving. Tsk, Tsk.

So here are a few steps to bring us back on the road to monotasking:

1. Clear. As in clear all the clutter. I have been letting my magazine subscriptions lapse. I don’t get the local newspaper anymore. Set the timer and take 10 minutes to clean out your kitchen junk drawer, your closet or your car. De-cluttered means less distractions.

2. List. Close your office door and make a list. Do a brain dump of everything you want or might want to get done takes a lot of actors out the mix and off your “stage.” If I’m in class and just remembered I need shampoo from the store, that bottle of shampoo is going to sit on my stage (maybe) and trip up my other actors. Do a brain dump to get it off the stage. Or better yet, get Wunderlist (a wonderful free app for making and organizing task lists) and put it on your grocery list.

3. Focus. This is the hard part. Pay attention to the task at hand. If you are on a conference call and start going through your email; you are not listening. You are reading email. If reading email is more important, then hang up the phone. If the conference call is more important, then shut down the email. You are going to have to start making choices. So choose.

4. No. You’re going to have to do it. Turn off the TV. Send it to voice mail. Don’t go to the conference. Get off the committee. I can see you rolling your eyes but it’s true. Just because you can check email 24/7 doesn’t mean you have to. The world will still be there tomorrow. Just say NO.

5. Imperfection. Do it imperfectly at first. It’s OK. It’s fine if you back slide a little. Small messy steps are more important than no steps. There is going to be that phone call you were waiting for as you’re driving north on 101. Maybe you can pull over and take it. Maybe you can explain and call them back later. Don’t beat yourself up.

The fact that you’re aware and trying will help you make more effective and smarter decisions. Sometimes a shampoo bottle will come rolling onto the stage. It’s OK.

Are you putting your best cast on the stage or is it full of shampoo bottles?

S.P.E.L.L. it out.

On June 26, 2012June 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

Clarifying expectations is so critical in all aspects of life; like when you have a new employee, when your child cleans their room and, even when we start on a new project. If you don’t spell out the expectations, it will, at the very least be frustrating and at its worst, an epic fail. I see this step being skipped constantly. Why bother? Shouldn’t your child know what the expectations for a clean room are? Didn’t we hire that employee because they were the most qualified for the job? Haven’t you accomplished other projects? You will be doomed for disappointment without clarifying expectations.

I can imagine that if we did a poll of one hundred parents about their expectations for room cleanliness that we would find at least 80 different sets of expectations (this assumes that some of those poled are married and have already had a few grumbles about room cleanliness and, therefore, have the same expectations). The point is, you cannot assume that we would all agree about what a clean bedroom is. And we certainly cannot assume that your child has the same standards.

Your child gets grounded because they didn’t realize that stuffing all the toys under the bed does not mean “clean”. You’re disappointed in the home improvement project because you didn’t realize that fixtures you really wanted were five times more expensive.

So how do you avoid the tendency to think that everyone knows your expectations through osmosis and get down to the nitty gritty before you send that new employee off into battlefield of ambiguous work standards? Here are a few steps.

1. Reflect. What do you want? What does the perfect outcome look like? You need to be clear with yourself and/or the team before you set your new employee a drift. Why did we have to hire someone new? Did the last customer service rep go down in flames because he didn’t know that the schedule was completely inflexible? As they say, history tends to repeat, so reflect on what went wrong (or right) the last time.

2. Anticipate. When I send my husband to the grocery store for milk, you might think that is a very basic, simple item for him to purchase. Well, it isn’t. I need to anticipate who will be opening that refrigerator door for the next seven days. If it’s my daughter, it better be soy milk. If it’s my son, it better be organic skim milk. If my husband is the intended user, it better be 2% lactose free milk. Simple item. Complex expectations.

3. List. It’s a good idea to have a list; whether it be a written checklist, employee manual or just a short mental checklist. “Benson”, that’s my son, “a clean room means clean clothes hung up or folded and put away, the bed being made and no items on the floor”. In my days as a Sizzler restaurant owner, we had a pre-meal checklist for each meal period. It was important that even the temperature ranges for the food was spelled out. Soup < 145 degrees.

4. Engage. Have a conversation. It might even be a lecture. But explain your list. As in, the soup needs to be over 145 degrees because we don’t want anyone getting sick. The bed needs to be made because we are having visitors this weekend. We need personal phone calls kept to a minimum because we have a limited amount of incoming phone lines. Explain the rationale. It makes for more buy in.

5. Clarify. There may be a deadline. There might be a budget. There may be other resources. If the grandparents are arriving at 6 PM, this might be important information when my husband heads out for milk at 5 PM. The new employee might want to know who else on the team has done this job so they have them as a crutch. S.P.E.L.L. it all out.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Unfortunately, this is not a one shot deal. It can be time consuming and tedious. It was obvious which Sizzler restaurant was not using its pre-meal checklist. And it usually translated into lower sales. The customers had expectations.

Take the time and energy to S.P.E.L.L. out your expectations. It will save you frustration, time and energy. It will also keep your relationships on a higher plane. Those around you will appreciate knowing what to expect.

What would you do?

Interrupters Anonymous.

On June 19, 2012June 17, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is really hard to write about. I’m Cathy Graham. I’m an interrupter. It’s been 3 hours since my last interruption. So you other interrupter’s out there are saying, so what? I’m sure you have something important to say. What’s the big deal?

It is a big deal. It shuts the door. It says that my idea or thought or rebuttal is more important than your idea or thought. I am not saying that I am the only guilty party. We are a society of interrupters. Every good political debate, decent reality show and “60 Minutes” investigation usually involves someone interrupting someone else. Shame on all of us.

Some of you aren’t interrupters. Thank you. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. For the rest of us those who will admit we have a problem let me give you a few pointers on how to get over to the other side.

1. Listen. I know I’ve written about this before but it cannot be over stated. Actively listen and quit letting your mind wander into the war zone of rebuttals and/or watching the clock so that you can pretend that you are really listening. Hmmm. I’ve let my co-worker talk for at least 2 minutes, so now is my time to jump in. Stop. Turn on all receptors.

2. Digest. Take in the conversation or discussion. If this is a team meeting, take it all in. Try and get the whole picture of the other participants’ viewpoint. Is your teammate telling you he can’t get the project done; or just not done in the parameters that the team wanted? Or by the deadline he initially agreed to? Take in every detail. Knowing all the details will help you in the end and the rest of the team will be impressed with your knowledge of the facts and details (pretty cool, huh?).

3. Suspend. Stay far away from making assumptions. This is dangerous territory. If you are assuming then you are not digesting. There is no way possible for you to read someone else’s mind. You might have a good guess as to someone else’s motivation but you can’t know for sure. Your boss might have shot this idea down ten times before but assuming she is shooting you down now puts you on the defensive and lights the match for interrupting. Suspend all your beliefs and assumptions. Really.

4. Pause. As in, wait a cotton pickin’ minute. OK, maybe not a minute, but wait 5 seconds. Let there be a little air in the room. Let everyone take a breath. Don’t be waiting at the ready to rebut and/or shoot down whatever idea has just been floated. Pause and take a breath. And if someone else jumps in, this is your opportunity to learn patience (not my strong suit…this is where I struggle). Engage in listening mode and bite your tongue.

5. Unselfish. It’s all about them. Unless this is your wedding day, Eagle Scout induction or your retirement lunch, this is always about them. Them, as in, everyone else in the room; your teenage daughter, your boss, your coworker, the soccer team or the class. If you keep them as your focus, you slowly eliminate the amount of interrupting you are doing. If you can keep your focus on them, on their ideas; you will break your habit.

6. Rinse and Repeat. Just like your shampoo bottle recommends. Just keep on keeping on. There will be times when this is irresistible. Like when someone tries to instruct me that Napa Valley has the best Zinfandels. I need to just smile and listen patiently and choke the words back that want to spew forth. Let them have their peace. Let them impart their knowledge. When a manager tries to explain a labor law that I know intimately as well as the latest regulations I smile and let them have their due. I’m not going to say that I won’t say anything. But if they ask? Sonoma Valley Old Vine is the best, in my humble opinion. But what do you gain by interrupting to bestow that fact. Unless you’re tasting wines or buying a winery, let them have their way.

I find this to be especially effective with hot button issues like politics, religion and most sporting events (my college Alma Mater is worth interrupting for). I will say that when I listen patiently, smile and acknowledge others in a heated debate or team discussion, it really improves your reputation. People gravitate to the person who listens rather than tries to interrupt. So if you have the habit, acknowledge it and start working on it. You will be on your way to being a social magnate.

Appreciation. A lesson from my dad.

On June 5, 2012June 3, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator6 Comments

There isn’t a conference I attend or a book that I read that does not bring up the importance of appreciation. It’s critical to everything: employee engagement, marriage, child rearing, influencing others and business success. Appreciation is the root to success in all things. But where is it? Dig into your pockets and see if you have had your full load of appreciation today. It’s doubtful, though. Unfortunately, it’s the road less traveled. Showing appreciation is that disappearing path in the woods that is covered in brush and pyracantha. Most just don’t bother.

When I was younger, my mother cooked for my family every night, without fail. My father complimented her on her cooking prowess every night, without fail. There we were, the five of us, sitting at the table as a family and with the first bite, my dad always said, “Hmm, honey, this is good.” This could be part of the reason she cooked every night. She knew she would be appreciated.

IMG_1549 (2) — My daughter, my dad and my mom at the kitchen table.

Dale Carnegie, Tom Rath, Marshall Goldsmith, Stephen Covey, Gary Chapman and Patrick Lencioni (plus many others) have all touted the benefits of appreciation. And the benefits are countless. So let me give you a few pointers on how to start down that road.

1. Notice. You are going to need to pay attention to the world around you. Awareness of what is going on, or not going as the case, may be is the first step. Did your son actually put all his clothes away without any hesitation? Did your husband mow the lawn or finally replace that light bulb in the bedroom? Has your assistant updated that monthly report you haven’t looked at in three months without fail? If you aren’t paying attention, you will not have the opportunity to appreciate.

2. Value. It’s the little things that matter. The chore I hate the most in my life is emptying the garbage. It’s a little thing. It takes all of 3 minutes to haul the garbage bag out to the trashcan , but I loathe doing it. So when I run across an emptied garbage can, it is a gift. If the implementation team worked extra hours over the weekend to make the new software seamless first thing on Monday morning, it is a gift. If I value it as a gift, then I know I will appreciate it. My dad valued a hot, home cooked meal and he showed his appreciation.

3. Spontaneous. Appreciation is not very effective if you drag your feet before you give appreciation. OK, so for a wedding gift, I think the etiquette books give you up to a year—not true with the receptionist’s new haircut. If you wait on complimenting her for, well, a year, it turns out to be kind of pointless. If you love that color blouse on someone, tell them. If you just realized that the dishwasher was emptied by the dishwasher elf (…the only person in my house that would do that is my dear sweet lovable husband), make sure you thank them (him).

4. Gossip. There is nothing better than to hear that someone else spoke highly of you. This happened to me this week and, frankly, prompted me to write this post. A colleague of mine met, by happenstance, a Rotary friend of mine. The colleague told me how my Rotary friend had been singing my praises as a Rotarian. Wow. If that isn’t the best appreciation to get…through a little gossip.

5. Park it. Your ego, that is. If you are worried about getting a compliment in return, this will not work. If you come strutting in to the office with your new Jimmy Choo wedges, and start working your way down cubicle row complimenting everyone’s shoes. It will be obvious that it is more about you than them. The appreciation faucet works best if it’s running in one direction…and that is towards others with no expectation of anything in return. If you don’t park your ego, it could appear as if you are not sincere.

6. Bask in it. This is going to feel good. Being an appreciator is like being a ray of sunshine. You never know who you are going to run into that you get to shine light on for but it is really gratifying. Paying it forward with one compliment at time.

So go out there and take a few steps down the road of appreciation. See how many steps you can take each day.

What has your dad taught you?