7 Steps to Turning Around Your Slacker Employee.

On December 15, 2013December 15, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Human Resource professionals have experienced this and are usually on the losing end of the stick. Here’s the situation: The manager has an employee (dare I say slacker) with a performance issue but they continually overlook their shortcomings. They figure it will just go away. So whatever the behavior – it is ignored. Normally, Human Resources gets brought in when the manager is fed up and wants to take action. Usually the employee is oblivious because they’ve not known there was a problem. This is a losing battle. IT WON’T WORK.

Stalling or waiting for something to turn around is like hoping the grass will get cut on its own. There aren’t little fairies that will come in the middle of the night with a weed whacker. You’re going to need to get out the lawn mower. Um. (Not literally for the employee – that would be a different HR nightmare).

When you have an employee, client or child who is consistently late – stalling is going to exacerbate the problem. When someone’s task or functionality is wrong, incomplete or insufficient; stalling will not correct the issue. Nine times out of ten, when you are sitting in your office, sofa or car rolling your eyes because you are not happy with the outcome, yet keeping silent; you are stalling. And. IT WON’T WORK.

So if you are ready to get out the lawn mower and stop believing in lawn fairies, this is what you need to do:

1. Grip. As in, “Get a grip.” You are going to need to address this. You need to wake up and realize that putting it off is not the solution. You are assuming that the offender knows what they have done. Odds are they don’t. They don’t have x-ray vision and are not clairvoyant. You think they should know. Isn’t it obvious that they have been late for the last three weeks? If you haven’t said anything, they don’t know.

2. Facts. Gather the facts at hand. Did you say they needed to turn in the weekly report by Friday? How many times have they missed the deadline? Go through your email, your inbox, your files and figure out when they were late or incomplete. Get your facts together. Write it up.

3. Review. Was there a reason they were late? Look at the calendar. Were they sick, on vacation or working on a last minute project? Why are they always late with this particular report? Is there a valid reason? Make sure it makes sense and that your expectations are reasonable. If you expect your son to cut the lawn and he’s been at camp for the last six weeks – this would not be a reasonable expectation

4. Craft. Craft your expectations into a reasonable non-threatening sentence or two. If you can’t describe the issue in less than two sentences – you are trying to tackle too many problems. You should not be trying to decimate someone’s self esteem. You are trying to resolve an issue. Pick the one that is bugging you the most and craft your two sentences. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t bite off too much. Zero in on THE issue. If you tell your son he hasn’t adequately cleaned his room, is late doing the dishes, did a lousy job at mowing the lawn, and still hasn’t called his grandmother, he will be lost and dejected.

5. Jump. Go for it. Find the right time and place(see my post on Unresolved Conflict) and then address the issue. It might just be as simple as, “I’ve notice you’ve been late three times this week and four times last week. It’s important that we are on time because our customers are depending on us.” Or, “Your reports have been on time but weren’t as complete as I expected. There weren’t any notes on productivity or quality parameters in the last four reports.” This works much more efficiently than shooting from the hip. You’ve got your facts, you verified that they are reasonable and you have zeroed in on what it important. Whew.

6. Listen. Let them vent, explain, bitch or cry. Now it’s all about them. Let them fix the problem. You can add your two cents but let them work out how they want to resolve it. Don’t take the monkey back and don’t tell them how to resolve it. This is their issue and if they don’t decide how to resolve it – they will not have buy in. Advice giving is a buzz kill. You need to just be there for the brain storming. The monkey is now officially on their back.

7. Faith. Make sure you have let them know that you believe in them. This might be difficult when you are exasperated but it’s important. People want to live up to your expectations but they can’t give what you want unless you give them the latitude and faith. “I know you can be on time going forward Suzie.” “I can’t wait to see the next report because I believe we have resolved the issues.” “I’ve seen you to a great job on the lawn before and I trust you to do it right the next time.” End of discussion. Pat them on the back and you are on your way.

Communicating is always a work in progress. Don’t get discouraged if it’s messy the first few times around. Just make sure you take that step. Quit rolling your eyes in disgust and start addressing those issues that are bugging you. Turn around that Slacker, one conversation at a time.

What would you do?

Unresolved Conflict: The Elephant in the Room

On July 7, 2013July 7, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

As a restaurant owner and Human Resource professional over the past 20 plus years, I’ve seen plenty of unresolved workplace conflict. It’s like the kitchen garbage can with rotting shrimp shells in the bottom; everyone smells it but no one wants to deal with it. So we let it fester and things fester.

Blood pressure rises, people start avoiding each other, less eye contact; our mind goes wild with what we figure the other person is thinking. We think we know their true motivation as the paranoia mounts.

There were countless times I was brought in to end the avoidance….to get to the bottom of the smelly mess. So how do you handle the conflict? Here are some tried and true maneuvers:

1. Timing is everything. Don’t talk to someone when they just get back from vacation and are buried in email and return phone calls. Give them a day or two to dig out and take a temperature check. Read their body language. A little tension in the shoulders? Using short curt sentences? Relax and wait. Sense of humor is back? Just got a great sales report? This might be your opening.

2. Privacy. This cannot be emphasized enough. Don’t bring up the smelly issue in front of or within ear shot of any other human being. Never. Ever. Their listening skills will be out to lunch and their blood pressure will shoot up. No one likes to be embarrassed and if there is even the slightest chance that UPS delivery guy might walk by; relax and wait.

3. Facts. Research your smelly issue thoroughly. No hunches. No assumptions. No jumping to conclusions. Do your best reconnaissance, you watch CSI, investigate. This is especially true in the “he said, she said, they said and we said” type of smelly issue. Find any and all witnesses and alleged witnesses (I can’t tell you how many times in a harassment investigation that the “alleged witness” wasn’t even at work that day). Don’t go at fact finding to just make sure you are“right”.

4. Suspend Assumptions. This goes closely with #3 but it’s imperative that you don’t decide the other person’s motivation; their ulterior motives. You’ll have them being one step below Bernie Madoff if you’re not careful. Empty your head of all your negative stereo types, like “Joe is always out for himself” or “Suzy is out to get me”. Really? You know all that? As Byron Katie says at her website “the work”, “Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” Turn off mister ego and shut down your assumption machine.

5. Craft. Think it through. How are you going to broach the subject? Maybe test the waters with another agenda item that isn’t confrontational like “I want to thank you for your help on the turnover report. It really saved me some time and I got a chance to work on a more pressing project”. A sincere, specific compliment is a nice lead in. I can hear you nay-sayers out there…but I can’t think of anything nice to say. Revisit #4. Phrase the issue in terms of the other person’s viewpoint. What is a reasonable explanation for their egregious act? Give them an out like, “I’m sure you didn’t realize that when I was excluded from the finance team, I felt like you didn’t trust me”, or “I don’t think you are aware but when you told Suzy about the layoff plan, she assumed her job was in jeopardy”. Think it through and craft the one or two sentences (no more) to summarize and present the smelly issue at hand (stay away from Never, Always and Should).

6. Love. What are you crazy? Love my co-worker, boss, workplace nemesis? I don’t know why it works but if you decide you love someone, even your worst enemy ,the whole thing just works better. Maybe it’s ch’i, but mentally embracing the other person (do not do this literally…for obvious reasons) helps you to be open to the possibilities; love your enemy. Bob may never include you on the email with the financial reports but if you love him, it dampens down the resentment and blasts open the possibility of resolution. This also helps with #4.

7. Do it. When you have completed the preceding steps; just do it. Have the conversation. Stay open minded and believe in a positive outcome. Sometimes, OK a lot of times, it’s a complete surprise to the other person. But it’s amazing how often people tip toe around an issue, especially a smelly one, and the offending person, had no idea that they angered you or that several people were avoiding them. Most of the time people don’t realize how they are perceived and want to do their best. Nine times out of ten, they apologize. Give them the chance.

This might be messy the first, second or third time around. But this is going to build trust in the long run. You will be the Go-To person for conflict resolution and honest constructive feedback. Slay the elephant.

Let me know what you think. What workplace conflict are you dealing with?

Do You Need to be Right?

On May 14, 2013May 12, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

In the workplace, in sports and in relationships there is a high priority placed on who is right. I had the great pleasure of seeing Edward G. Hochuli speak last year at a conference. He is a NFL referee and has been for some 20 plus years. He studies the rules of the game every day…all year. Yes; every day. This is a guy who has to get it right or he’ll receive thousands of emails, bad press and public ridicule. How about you?

I think this illustrates the importance that is placed on rules and, in turn, who is right. The problem is this can be counterproductive in the workplace. Having the last word and being right has the potential to be really damaging to the relationships around you. Even Dr. Phil, whether you like him or not, refers to Right-fighters. It’s the perfect term for those who are mono-focused on winning their point at all costs.

Think about it for a moment. Who was the last know it all that you enjoyed being around, or collaborating with, or, worst of all, reporting to. I’d like to suggest that maybe we should try to just let that ego attachment go. This can be quite a challenge especially for any of us baby boomers out there who had to line up for recess, cross the street at the cross walk and never raised their hand in class unless they were positive they had the right answer.

I think that Dale Carnegie got it right when, in his principles for “Win People to Your Way of Thinking”, he said “Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

So you’re probably wondering how to you bite your tongue when our culture and workplace have placed such a high priority on being right?

Here are 5 ways to find peace and do that:

1. Listen. Figure out if there is something you can find agreement on. You might disagree with the direction of the project at hand but you might be able to agree that you’ve got the right team assembled and that you will not all agree but you all need to listen and respect others opinions. There must be that acknowledgement that you’re all trying to get to completion and benefit from the process. Listen for agreement.

2. Reflect. Reflect on the impact. How important is it to put someone in their place? What will you gain from it in the end? What will this do to the value of your “stock”? In, other words, who else is going to want to work with you or value your opinion if you are constantly pointing out that you are right….and therefore, everyone else, is wrong. Reflect before you start pointing your finger.

3. Patience. Is this the time and place to “put this person in their place”? If this is your direct report, a peer or, worse yet, your boss…think long and hard about how this might damage your relationship. At least find a more opportune time (i.e. less embarrassing) to sit down and listen to their reasoning and talk it out so that you come to a common understanding. Swallow your pride and be patient.

4. Check in. What is your own ego saying to you? Are you really that dependent on being right to feel good…to have self-respect? Is this the measure of your self-worth? Do you really want to be known as that Right Person at the expense of all else? Check in to keep your ego at bay.

5. Silence. It’s golden. In this world of bombarding news, marketing and media; sometimes silence is the most powerful message you can have and share with others. Just keep your mouth shut and embrace silence.

Several of my coaching clients keep track of when they try to make a personal change. They will record every time they change their perspective on a situation and the way they changed their reaction. See if you can give up on the almighty rightness and find peace.

It’s good to ask yourself on a fairly regular basis – When was the last time you “fell on the sword” and let someone else be right? Leave a comment below so we can all learn.

Stress buster

On March 26, 2013March 21, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator5 Comments

I had the privilege of hearing Jon Gordon speak at a Capital Associated Industries conference recently. He is the author of several books but the one quote I took away from the lecture was “Be positive! You can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time.” How true is that! When was the last time you were stressed while praying or meditating? So when you’re running late for work; be thankful that you have a job and a car that’s working.

Jon Gordon’s recent book is “The Positive Dog”. It talks about how positivity in your relationships and at work will not only make it better for you but for those around you as well. Haven’t we all been there? You know who the Debbie Downers of the world are; and you try and stay clear of them. The guy who is constantly saying that the sky is falling? Yeah. Skip lunch with him. You’ll have a gun to your head if you hang out with him for too long. Positivity rules. And it is the ultimate stress buster.

Here are some tips on how to increase your positivity:

1. Stop. The minute you start catastrophizing some adverse event, you need to STOP. In Martin Seligman‘s book “Learned Optimism”, he recommends physically hitting the wall and saying “Stop!” If there isn’t a wall handy, try a rubber band on your wrist and snap it (hard) and say “Stop!” As Seligman says, this disrupts the thoughts. So if you are thinking your daughter was in a car accident because she is 10 minutes late, just smack yourself and say “Stop!”

2. Truth. As Byron Katie says in her book “Loving What Is”, is it the truth? If you are telling your self that your boss hates you, that your spouse doesn’t love you or that you’ve blown your diet; take a second look. Stuff a sock in your Inner Dictator, and ask yourself if it’s true. Dust off the evidence and analyze what you know to be absolutely true. What evidence do you have other than what your Inner Dictator has said? The boss is in the middle of an acquisition and is overwhelmed. Your spouse is working overtime and needs some appreciation. One brownie and a glass of Zinfandel is not blowing a diet. Make sure you know the truth.

3. Spill. Set the timer, grab a pen and spill your guts on paper. Dump all the worries, self-doubt and demons on some good old college ruled paper. This is amazingly freeing. Suddenly the stage of your prefrontal cortex is wide open, now that you have all the villains, bad actors and stage hands safely cleared off. Getting it all on paper and out of your head is such a relief. From there, light a match and literally “burn up your worries”. Spill your guts so you can look at the positive.

4. Blessings. Count your blessings. Inspiring coach Michele Woodward recommends counting three things you are thankful for before you get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I cheat and count ten things I’m thankful for. Being grateful starts your day off with optimism. It might just be the roof over your head, your hardworking spouse and your dog (who is happy to see you no matter the circumstances…actually I’m usually the one that feeds her and she knows where her bread is buttered). An attitude of gratitude is an attraction magnet. Who would you rather hang out with, Sue Ann Nivens or Simon Cowell? I’m guessing the one who counts their blessings.

5. Discourse. Martin Seligman also recommends getting a close trusted friend and modeling the self talk in your head through some discourse. Your role is to take the positive angle and your trusted buddy takes your normal self talk of pessimism. So your buddy starts off with “You messed up that project and everyone is disgusted with you. You are so lazy”. You respond with, “It’s true I delivered the project late but the project itself was spot on. I know my boss was upset it was late, but he appreciated the quality of the project. I’m a hard worker. I was just a little overwhelmed and that caused me to be late.” The point is, that if you get good at arguing for you instead of against you (in your self talk), it will become second nature to stand up for yourself against your inner dictator. Grab a buddy and engage in discourse.

It’s amazing how much stress can be created by our inner dictator. Embracing optimism and positivity can have a huge impact on your ability to roll with the punches. The most important thing that Martin Seligman has found in his research is that you can learn to be optimistic. I hope a few of these techniques will help be a stress buster in your life.

Hold ’em or fold ’em

On February 12, 2013February 11, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

One of the most difficult decisions in life can be when to give up and throw in the towel. Taking the step to cut your losses – whether it’s a relationship, a job or terminating that employee who just isn’t turning around – is a painful arduous decision. Frequently, it feels like you are the failure. “If I was just a little more patient…hard working…helpful…compassionate….fill in the blank.” Some of us carry the burden of someone else’s failure.

It can be a tricky decision to know when to cut the ties. As Kenny sings, “Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.” Perhaps it is always a gamble. Maybe the person you are leaving really is “the one”. Maybe this next job isn’t the dream job. Maybe that employee can turn a new leaf. There are no crystal balls. There is only the decision.

So how to you determine if it’s time to cut your losses?

Here are some ideas:

1. Time. Put a little time between you and the incident or the, “Why don’t you sleep on that?” syndrome. Your boss blew up at you. Your partner embarrassed you in front of some friends. The employee just pulled a knucklehead move and everyone is talking about it at the water cooler. This is not the time to make a decision. Your blood pressure is up, that vein is bulging at the side of your temple and your lizard brain (that isn’t very rational) is in full control of your brain.

Give yourself a time out.

2. Distance. Put some distance between you and the incident. I’m not suggesting an impromptu trip to Paris (although it would be fun). Leave the office and take a walk in a local park. Leave the spousal argument and go to the movies. Take a mental health day and go get a pedicure/haircut/facial/whateveryouwant. Stewing in the same house, office or classroom as the object of your ire is not going to help you get perspective.

Get some distance. Literally.

3. Write. Dump all your concerns on a page. Don’t edit. Just dump. If you need some ideas, read a great book by Mark Levy called “Accidental Genius“. He recommends “free writing” to work out problems, coming up with new perspectives and just enhancing creativity. One of his ideas is to have a conversation (on paper) with someone else. So explain your situation to Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, or Helen Keller. Take both perspectives (yours and your historical figure) as you “talk out” the situation. You might get done and figure out that Helen told you to appreciate what you have and go back to work. Gandhi might tell you to move on. You don’t know what you might come up with until you start writing.

So write.

4. Third Party. Get a third party. BFF. Marriage Counselor. Career Coach. Your Dad. Talk to someone outside of the situation. Find someone unbiased. Your best friend at work isn’t likely to be unbiased about the boss. Your Dad won’t be unbiased about your spouse. But if you switch them up, you might have an un-jaded perspective. I find that the insights of others can be enlightening. It’s a great way to test your assumptions and to clarify motives.

Get perspective.

5. Decide. Are you in or are you out? Make the decision. Whatever you decide, make the commitment. If you are in, then you are All In. Don’t decide that you hate your job and then stay; retiring but still showing up for work. Give it your all. You can’t stay on the fence. That’s not fair to anyone. If you decide to stay with your partner, then stay with all your heart. If you decide to fire the knucklehead; then do it with grace and dignity.

And move on. Decide, commit and have not regrets.

This process can be painful. These are crucial decisions. Hopefully, these are rare events in your life, they have been in mine. But hanging out on the fence can be even more painful to everyone involved. It’s time to decide – hold ‘em, fold ‘em – there is no in between.

Rising to the Review

On January 15, 2013January 13, 2013 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

For many of you out there, this time of the year is when the rubber meets the road, when your boss let’s you know where you stand or, as the leader, you need to size up your direct reports. Yep, you guessed it – The Dreaded Annual Review. Ugh. As a Human Resource professional, I have read thousands of annual reviews. Some well crafted, some not. Some meandering diatribes that serve no purpose but to prop up the author, some with one or two sentence milk toast generalizations that do little more than say “hey, you showed up for work.”

I’ve wondered sometimes what would happen if we had to give an annual review to our spouse or visa versa. I can imagine my husband saying, “Great job this year on Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner but can we back off the bell peppers for 2013?” It’s really difficult to summarize the 2080 hours of work into one or two pages of meaningful, pertinent, impactful prose.

Here are some pointers on how to survive the process:

1. Embrace. This is going to sound counter intuitive but – try to embrace the process. If you dwell on the dread, you will delay the inevitable and suffer the process; whether giving or receiving. Drafting the review hours before you have to sit down and give the review will not be your best work. It will be rushed, poorly thought-out and not likely to be thorough. If you set the intention that you look forward to the process, the end product will be all the better (and it will won’t be as painful). If you’re about to receive a review and aren’t open to constructive criticism, you won’t be able to benefit at all from the process.

2. Document. The traditional advice from a Human Resource professional is, “Document, document, document.” I’m not advocating “building a file”, I’m advocating that you make detailed notes throughout the year. Many annual reviews are a reflection of what has happened in the last two months. All the great breakthroughs and successes from last February are a faint memory. Memorialize the high points as well as the low points; there will be both.

3. Dissonance. Most of us look for consonance. We look for information to back up our beliefs. So if we think that our assistant is sloppy, we look for more information that backs up our belief that he is slipshod. So all we will see is misspellings, input errors and crumbs on the keyboard. Look for the dissonance; seek out neatness, examples of straightforward execution, tidiness.

4. Equilibrium. Seek out balance. Focusing on only negative feedback can be demoralizing. Only “pumping sunshine” can be just as detrimental. Most of us want to know what we can work on to get better. In a recent training there was an excellent analogy that a tri-athlete is constantly working for better form and time. You never “arrive” at perfection; we are all works in progress.

5. Craft. Craft the message. Phrasing developmental feedback in the form of what the person can do “more” of is important. As I have posted before, trying to do “less” is much more difficult to measure. Doing “more” is proactive. So I should suggest that my assistant be “more” detail oriented instead of being “less” sloppy. Stay away from negating words like “but” and “however”. They erase any words before them.

6. Eyes. Get a second set of eyes to read what you have written. Getting a second opinion from someone you trust is important for perspective. Sometimes we get caught up in our own “junk”. You could end up dwelling on Excel techniques for a third of the review and not realize that you’ve lost balance in the appraisal. You may use euphemisms that are lost out of context. Having a second set of eyes can help clear up the message.

I hope this has alleviated some of the dread and challenges that come with drafting annual reviews. You can make a difference with a well crafted appraisal and investing the time to deliver a balanced, well thought out message will be appreciated by the receiver.

Soothe your Inner Dictator

On November 27, 2012November 27, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

It’s difficult to control our inner dictator. Most of us are trying to work on something. Exercising more, spending less money, eating more fruits and vegetable, stopping procrastination…pick your poison. The minute we derail, we beat ourselves up. “Cathy, you lazy wench, why did you sleep in and not go for a run this morning?”, “Why did you go out to dinner when you said you would save money this month?”, “Dummy, you spent 2 hours on Facebook when you could have been doing homework.” “What is wrong with you?” Sound familiar? Your dictator has taken over.

According to Dr. Kelly McGonigal and her book “The Willpower Instinct,” carrying around this guilt and reprimanding ourselves with this self talk is actually going to encourage more self defeating behaviors. What? Is she crazy? I would be completely out of control if I didn’t reprimand myself. My dictator is doing a great job of keeping me under wraps. Really?

One of the studies in the book took place at Carlton University in Ottawa, Canada. They tracked the procrastination habits of students over the course of the semester. The ones who were self critical for the way they performed on the first exam were much more likely to make it a habit and procrastinate on subsequent exams. Those who forgave themselves for procrastinating on the first exam, did far better and improved their study habits. Doesn’t it seem so much easier to have some self compassion and to soothe your inner dictator?

Here are some ways to calm your dictator:

1. Forgive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Let go of your grudges towards others. If you can’t forgive them and their failures, how can you possible forgive yourself. I was tormented by resentment of an ex for years. It got me nowhere but more stressed out, paranoid and resentful (as I recounted all his sins against me and mankind). It wasn’t hurting him, it was hurting me. Release it and move on.

2. Self Compassion. Once you have forgiven others, it should be easier to forgive yourself and your failures. Try to imagine if you would say any of the things that you say to yourself, to a close friend or your child. Imagine your best friend getting on a scale and you say to them “Hey fatso, that’s what you get for eating all that cake last night.” Why would you talk to yourself with any less compassion as you would a friend. Forgive yourself.

3. Escape. Anticipate the feeling of giving in when you are stressed out and plan your escape. So if I’m used to grabbing a glass of wine when I get home from a stressed out day at work, have an alternative escape plan. A healthier option. A walk, some yoga, praying, crotchet, reading, gardening, P90X. What ever you enjoy that is counter to your normal unhealthy default escape. This will trip up your inner dictator.

4. Envision. Envision being successful with a few bumps along the way. This is what kills most New Year’s resolutions. You join a gym and say you will go every day and then when the first bump in the road comes along (such as I couldn’t get a babysitter) you abandon the plan. Resolution over. Realize you are going to have set backs and keep on keeping on. In the story of the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise always wins.

5. Awareness. Watch how you talk about yourself to others. I know several colleagues who constantly put themselves down or are down on life. “I’m having a bad hair day.” “I’m overloaded.” “I’m tired.” “I’m sick.” First of all, do you want to be around someone who is such a downer? Second, how can you possible have a good day when you are saying this out loud? If you are feeling a little tired, say “I’m feeling great.” And add a smile. It will turn your day around and others will be attracted to your energy.

This is a difficult process and it isn’t easily changed over night. Your dictator has been in control for a long time so don’t plan a coup d’état. Slowly but surely pacify your dictator’s power by reflecting on how you are viewing things and what you are letting your dictator control (and say). Soothe your inner dictator.

What is your dictator saying?

Elevating Esteem

On October 30, 2012October 30, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I have been facilitating the “Essentials of Leadership” class by Development Dimensions International (DDI) for over 10 years. The first Key Principle is “maintain or enhance self esteem”. I find it interesting that in most classes, the concept of enhancing self esteem is much more difficult if the person you are interacting with appears to be confident. Why enhance a self esteem that already seems to be adequately enhanced? Why stroke someone who seems to be already full of themselves? It would be like paying a compliment to Arnold Schwarzenegger or Donald Trump. Why do that? They don’t need it.

I think we also get repelled when complimenting someone who is of higher status, say your boss or a peer who is obviously bringing in a bigger paycheck. What’s the point? They never compliment me. Why add to their bucket if they aren’t adding to mine? Maybe their bucket will overflow and I won’t have any.

On the flip side, it so easy to give an “Atta boy” to your child for the smallest of achievements. Heck. I even say “good girl” when my dog stops to piddle when I walk her. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, “Esteem” is one step below “Self Actualization”. So creativity and problem solving (Self Actualization) can’t even happen unless the Esteem is met first. I think we better get on the stick and start enhancing everyone’s self esteem regardless of their status or position in life.

Here are some ideas on how to elevate self esteem:

1. Thanks. It’s important to thank those around you. Whether it’s the server who refilled your water glass, the guy who bagged your groceries or your boss when she gives you some direction on the project; it never hurts to thank someone for even the smallest deed. When my son finally gets to the dishes three hours after dinner is done, I thank him. It might be late, I might be frustrated but it’s better to encourage the behavior rather than to diminish his self esteem.

2. Appreciation. I think this is one small step up from thanks. It’s expanding the idea of thanking someone with just a bit more detail. For instance, “Thanks for emptying the garbage” or “I appreciate that you put more detail in the report.” It specifies what exactly you are appreciating. “Thanks for responding in a timely manner.” This is going to encourage more of the same.

3. Connect. If you connect it to how or why the behavior was important, it reinforces the behavior. So that might look like “Because you emptied the garbage for me, I made it to my meeting on time, thanks” or “Since you put more detail in the report, the committee understood the impact of the decision, thanks”. If you can tie the behavior to an impact on the organization, group or to you personally, you start hitting the sweet spot of enhancing self esteem.

4. Sincere. This is difficult to gauge but I think we all know in our gut when someone is being insincere. Somehow the compliment falls flat. Perhaps it’s the inflection in the voice or that someone is normally sarcastic so it’s difficult to tell when sarcasm stops and sincerity begins. It starts with you. Be sincere. If you know in your heart you are sincere; it won’t fall flat.

5. Specific. The more specific you are; the more bang for the buck. There is a difference between “You look great” to “I love your blouse” to “That blouse is beautiful, the color highlights your eyes.” They are all good. The last statement is just more effective because it’s more specific. The enhancement of the self esteem is even greater.

6. Equal Opportunity. Be an equal opportunity enhancer. The meek of the world are not the only ones who need enhancement. I think blowhards like Trump need enhancement as well. I think that arrogance can be a sign that someone is over compensating for not receiving enough positive strokes in their life. The best defense is a good offense. People around them think they are full of themselves but inside they are yearning for validation. Go ahead and fill their bucket. You will feel better for it. Honest.

There is pay off for all this. People naturally gravitate to positive people. The neighbor I grew up next door to as a kid was always positive and constantly enhanced my self esteem. She always looked for the best in me. Be that positive influence on others in your life and they will gravitate towards you.

How do you enhance self esteem?

Lawnmower Fairies

On July 31, 2012July 29, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator1 Comment

Human Resource professionals have experienced this and are usually on the losing end of the stick. Here’s the situation: The manager has an employee with a performance issue but they continually overlook their shortcomings. They figure it will just go away. So whatever the behavior – it is ignored. Normally, Human Resources gets brought in when the manager is fed up and wants to take action. Usually the employee is oblivious because they’ve not known there was a problem. This is a losing battle. IT WON’T WORK.

So if you are ready to get out the lawn mower and stop believing in lawn fairies, this is what you need to do:

What would you do?

Heels dug in.

On July 24, 2012July 23, 2012 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Most people don’t embrace change. It can be difficult. It’s so much easier to dig our heels in and be inflexible. It’s a great offense. Inflexible people are left alone. They are too difficult to deal with. Leave Joe alone, he’ll never get on board with this idea. Pretty soon the world is dancing around Joe because they don’t want to deal with his stubbornness. He’s out of the loop.

Organizations do this as well. It’s easy to get caught up in “doing it the way we have always done it” mentality. It’s hard to create change. Especially in long established businesses. Unless there is a business necessity (imperative), it’s so much easier to keep it status quo. It’s the path of least resistance. Why do a leadership initiative? Incentive plan? Enter a new market? If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.

I’ve been traveling this past week. I live in Eastern North Carolina. The land of free parking, no sidewalks and a six-mile commute with one red light. Every time I head to New York City, I need to load up on coins, cash and the capacity to adapt (easily). In the last six days I’ve been through twenty toll booths. Some took $.90, others $12.30. I needed to be flexible. The GPS was lost half the time because of new construction or, in the case of downtown Trenton, they didn’t have roads on their map. We needed to just go with the flow. Or as my son, who was my copilot at the time said, “Read the signs.” What a concept. Read the signs. If I’d had my heels dug in, I’d still be in Trenton. Actually, I’d be on an off ramp in Baltimore in the fetal position.
So, how do you embrace change? Break out of the status quo. Here are 6 steps to dig out those heels.

1. Scan. As in scan the environment. Are those around you avoiding you? Have you been invited to be on an ad hoc committee? Are you out of the loop? Are you still wearing bell bottoms? Are you stuck in Trenton? Your coworkers are perfectly happy to leave you in the dust if you are not open to change. Nobody likes to associate with “Debbie Downer”. Take the temperature of your environment and see if you are reading the signs.

2. Survey. Take a poll. What do your closest friends think? Ask your boss. Ask your husband. Ask your mother (OK…I know I’m pushing it a little far). “Do I seem open to new ideas?” Perception is reality. If you are perceived as a stick in the mud, you probably are a stick in the mud.

3. Listen. When you survey, you need to be open enough to listen. If you ask the question, you need to be able to listen to the answer. In fact, if you aren’t willing to listen, don’t even ask. One of the most counter-productive exercises is for an organization to do an employee survey and then do nothing.

4. Plan. So what can you do about the perception? You’re going to need to take a hard look at yourself and start paying attention to the “signs.” Maybe you need to work on not interrupting or your need to be right all the time. Maybe you’re going to need to back off from being in control all the time. Maybe you just need to buy some new clothes. Yeah. Seersucker is dead and so are bell bottoms.

5. Start digging out. One shovel at a time. There is no magic pill. This is going to take work and all you can do is start. One interaction at a time. I remember that when I first started working on showing more appreciation, I missed the boat several times. I’d forget to thank my assistant for getting the report done so quickly or my husband for taking out the trash. But at least I started somewhere and I can tell you that now I am much more consistent about showing appreciation. But I had to take that first step.

6. Reflect. You can do this in any form you like. Maybe in a journal, meditating or brushing your teeth. How are you doing? Do you feel like you are making strides? Are you getting positive feedback? Are you getting less negative feedback? Maybe you were selected for the next ad hoc committee. Maybe you didn’t overreact when you ended up getting off at the wrong exit. Congratulate yourself. You are on your way.

What would you do?