Tag: coach

6 Ways to Get Unstuck Today🙃

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You meant to start that exercise program this morning but hit the snooze button instead.  You were going to reach out to your friend for a referral and blew it off–and your thought was probably along the lines of, “He doesn’t know anyone who needs my kind of services.”  You had to start on that big gnarly project but decided to scroll through Facebook instead for an hour or so.  You just never seem to get unstuck.  It feels like your days are quicksand and the new normal is sucking you in.

I was in that place some ten years ago.  I never seemed to have forward momentum.   I also had an aversion to change.  Most people do.  I’d rather watch television all day with my free Saturday or bake the perfect loaf of bread than take on a project.  I also didn’t think that I had anything to share with the world.  I had just finished up my coach training with the Neuroleadership Group and I was being coached by my fellow students on a weekly basis.  I had the revelation that I was stuck.  With the help of my fellow coaches, I finally was unstuck.  So this what I learned.

6 ways to get unstuck today:

1. You are not an impostor.  Practically everyone feels like an impostor.  Someone will find out that you aren’t the greatest mother, accountant, teacher, writer, or cook.  This can be paralyzing.  My coach was working with me recently.  I felt like I wasn’t an author.  She reflected back to me what the source of that limiting belief was.  I realized that I had been writing for over four years, have been read in over 100 countries and had over one thousand followers.  She asked me to say it.  “I am an author.”  I owned it.  What do you need to own?

2. Path of least resistance.  Figure out what the project or activity is that you need to break out of and create the path.  I keep my sneakers, shorts and t-shirt in my bathroom closet.  I can get up in the dark, dress and head out before I change my mind.  If I had to turn the lights on in my bedroom and scour around for my walking garb, I likely would roll over and hit the snooze.  If you want to take up the guitar again, get it out of the closet and put it in plain sight.  If you want to walk during your breaks at work, take your spare sneakers to work and put them under your desk.  Basically, you’re eliminating the excuses you would normally come up with.  Create the path to your new goals.

3. Clear the decks.  When I write or work on a project, I clear my desk of any clutter like post its, papers, books, magazines, invitations or mail.  So if I’m in the middle of two projects, I put one of the projects away.  It’s out of mind.  This frees me up to work on what is in front of me without visual distraction.  There is no excuse.  I don’t end up going down some rabbit hole of “Should I go to the conference in Austin?”  “I wonder what that letter is about.”  “Why did I buy that book?”  The only thing on my desk right now is my computer, a lamp, a glass of water and a picture of my kids.  So before you get started, stash the clutter.

4. Digital sabbatical.  I have not tried to go without social media and email for a day except for when I was caught in the Seattle a month ago without power and Wi-Fi.  It is really freeing to not be constantly checking for notifications.  But I DO put my phone in my purse or another room when I am writing.  Like right now.  My email and social media on my computer is shut down.  No bings, chimes or pings to bother me and veer me from my focus.  About two months ago, I turned off all notifications on my phone except for text.  My reasoning is that my kids typically are the ones who text me, which may end up being important.  For you, it might be something else.  Seeing a little red number 4 in the corner of my Facebook app used to drag me right back into opening the app to check out the latest Like.  Now I do that when I am free and not trying to accomplish something.  Set up Digital-Free Times.

5. Is it important?  When my fellow student coach would work with me, if something wasn’t accomplished, they would ask, “Is it still important?”  Say you didn’t sign up for that 5k or start going to the gym like you said you wanted to.  Maybe it’s not important any more.  Maybe it is.  It’s still a good idea to reflect on.  What is the “why” of what you are doing?  What is the higher goal?  I used to run in the morning because I was training for a marathon.  Now I walk in the morning to just get outside, listen to a book and feel refreshed.  It’s like that task you’ve moved 5 times on your task list.  Is it still important?  If not, delete it.  If it is, do it.

6. Start.  I am amazed what I can get done in 5 minutes.  Before I taught Franklin Covey’s ‘5 Choices’ class, I used to procrastinate if I had five minutes before a meeting started.  Now I’ll return a phone call, finish an email or make a hotel reservation.  I am amazingly more productive.  Any free time is an opportunity to start.  At home, I will pick up a book and read a page or two or put my grocery list together.  The point is, I start.  If I don’t get it done before another commitment, no sweat.  I’ll get back to it after the meeting is done.

I got unstuck through working with a coach.  There is a perception that asking for help is a sign of weakness.  It’s really a sign that you are ready for forward motion.  What do you want to get started on?

🫣5 Fixes for Imposter Syndrome

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There have been countless times in my life where I felt like an imposter. When I was in Junior High, I was first flute in the All-State Orchestra (granted Delaware is a very small state). I was initially proud of making first chair only to be overwhelmed by feeling like I would be caught. Found out. Attending the Hotel School at Cornell University where I was a work study student feeling completely inadequate with my fellow upper crust students whose pedigree far outranked my own. My first job out of college as a manager for a catering company in Manhattan. I was a 21-year-old woman working in a basement with 25 men, some twice my age, trying to manage a fast-paced catering business where the only rule was to “yes” to any customer request (i.e., lunch for 100 people in 45 minutes). Every day in that basement was complete anarchy with four phone lines of incoming orders and trying to supervise a largely immigrant crew. I felt like I would be unmasked every day.

As written by Chris Palmer for the American Psychological Association, “Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud (Bravata, D. M., et al., Journal of General Internal Medicine, Vol. 35, No. 4, 2020). These feelings can contribute to increased anxiety and depression, less risk-taking in careers, and career burnout.” 82% of people are feeling the same way as me?  This doesn’t surprise me because I coach people every day who struggle with these same feelings. This manifests in my clients as countless work hours, fear of delegation and perfectionism. 

Here are 5 fixes for imposter syndrome:

  1. Shine a light.  It starts with acknowledging you are feeling inadequate, or you are harboring doubts. As Jack Kelly wrote for Forbes, “The first thing you should do is acknowledge these feelings when they arise. There’s no need to hide it from others or feel badly about harboring these thoughts. By confronting your self-defeating thoughts, it’s the start of taking proactive steps to change your mindset.” Turn on that light switch and make what is in the back of your brain into the light.  Acknowledging is the first step in addressing it.
  2. Acknowledge your accomplishments. It’s really easy to have amnesia about your accomplishments.  Did you grow up in a single parent home and manage to graduate from high school? Are you able to speak two languages? Have you been able to raise a child to adulthood? Did you thwart a deadly illness? Have you finished a 5k? Did you finally earn that certification you always wanted? I remember finally crossing the mile high bridge on Grandfather Mountain.  I was terrified, but I did it. Write down your accomplishments and take stock.
  3. Watch your self-talk. I find the easiest way to reframe self-talk is to use the third person.  So instead of saying “I’m an idiot”, I think “Cathy you’re an idiot”.  Seems harsh.  I would NEVER call anyone an idiot so why the heck would I call myself an idiot.  It’s similar to reframe it to what you would say to a friend.  As Palmer wrote, “Try to observe when your impostor feelings surface and how you respond to them.” Be compassionate in your self-talk.
  4. Let go of perfectionism. I’ve coached countless folks who struggle with perfectionism.  In my mind it’s the manifestation of imposter feelings.  So, they constantly work harder and longer to make their output as perfect as possible so that no one will find out that they are imperfect and, therefore, an imposter. Palmer wrote, “It may help to release yourself from rigid roles. For example, Orbé-Austin said people with impostor phenomenon often see themselves as helpers––people who come to the rescue. “Breaking free from those roles so you can be someone who doesn’t know it all or someone who can’t always help can allow us to be more robust people and professionals,” she said.” Perfection is failing, it’s suffocating and keeping folks stuck.
  5. Share your thoughts. Perhaps through therapy, a coach, or a trusted friend, share your imposter feelings with someone you can confide in. I find when I coach that when my client actually says something out loud (instead of rumination), it will bring insight.  Saying it out loud makes it real and prompts examination. As Kelly wrote, “By sharing with others, it will release the pent-up burden. You’ll quickly find out that you’re not alone and this is shared by many other professionals. You will feel a big sense of relief once you find out that it’s commonplace, you’re in good company and it’s not just you.” Share your thoughts so others can weigh in and help examine their validity.

I believe that comparison is at the root of most imposter feelings. I envy my neighbors new Tesla, my friend’s vacation to the Alps, or my sister’s promotion to Vice President. Comparison is the thief of joy and will keep me in the imposter zone. As a friend said to me recently, “Stay in your lane.” Focus on what’s in front of you and your experience and let others focus on their lanes. How do you address imposter feelings?

😃 5 Tips to Setting Boundaries

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I’ve been a professional coach for the last 15 years and have spent the last 3 years doing it full time.  I have seen themes amongst my clients with the most prevalent being the inability to set boundaries. This was especially true when many of us became remote workers at the beginning of the pandemic. Half-naked spouses walked in the background of zoom calls, we were literally transported into colleagues’ bedrooms inclusive of unmade beds, screaming children and lounging pets. There never seemed to be an off switch to my laptop and the demands never seemed to stop.  We’ve slowly inched back to what is nostalgically sort of normal (but not really).  It’s time to start rebuilding the boundaries that we either had before the pandemic or start all over and initiate some boundaries from scratch.

I love this quote from Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, “Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, “better than,” and/ or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It’s an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.” Instead of walking around with resentment, think about one new boundary you could set up now so that you can take back control of your life.

Here are 5 tips to setting boundaries:

Minimize Notifications. I had a client complain about their spouse because they were unwilling to make dinner when she was delayed at work.  I shared the Brene quote about resentment and said, “It sounds like he’s setting a boundary and perhaps you resent him for it.” She told me that the next evening she received a text a 3 AM.  It ruined her sleep.  She had an epiphany that she needed to set a boundary.  She set up her phone to not receive text notifications from 9 PM until 5 AM. I can remember when I first got my laptop, I was getting bells and beeps for all kinds of reasons and I spent the next week figuring out how to turn them off. Most notifications are nothing but distractions and they invade at the most inopportune times like sleep or when you want to be fully present. Turning off notifications that aren’t useful is one boundary you can set.

Communicate with Clarity.  I love the Power of the Positive No by William Ury because it’s all about communicating your values proactively instead of falling into resentment. The template is Yes, No, Yes.  The first yes is what you value like “I value being present for my family when I’m not working”, the no is “I won’t be receiving notifications after work hours” and finally the last yes which is “If it’s truly an emergency I propose you can call my cell phone.” Setting expectations is a key part of setting boundaries.  If you aren’t going to answer email or will be responding to slack messages at the end of the day, let your employee, coworkers and boss know.  It can be quite jarring when someone who would answer you immediately suddenly starts answering texts the next day.  Communicate your boundary upfront.

Get Uncomfortable. Setting boundaries is about leaning into discomfort. I typically don’t have clients of Fridays and I don’t have clients after 3 PM so that I can go swimming at a local pool. It can be uncomfortable when someone wants me to set up a recurring appointment during these times.  I don’t necessarily have a conflict but this is my time.  I have to make myself and what Stephen Covey referred to as Q2 time or quadrant 2 time, that which is important but not urgent.  Lots of things fall into this quadrant like writing this blog, going swimming and working on ancestry projects. It’s uncomfortable to make this a priority. It doesn’t help that women aren’t typically good at advocating for themselves.  To advocate for yourself by setting boundaries is to get uncomfortable. 

Others May Not Get It. When I start advocating for myself with boundaries there is a good chance that other folks won’t get it.  They may push back. It’s fine to empathize with “I can see you are frustrated I won’t change my schedule on Fridays” or “I can see you are upset that I didn’t respond to your email until this morning.” Just because someone else isn’t comfortable with your boundary is not an indication that the boundary is not useful or needed. As Wayne Dyer said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  Let go of the expectation that others will understand your boundary.

Stay Flexible. I go to bed at an outrageously early time for a grown adult.  I usually head to bed at 8:30 PM. This has contributed greatly to better sleep for me.  I have learned that if my kids are home or I am visiting others, I will need to be flexible. I recently saw my kid’s uncle in New York.  I hadn’t seen him in over 10 years and it meant driving a night (something I try to avoid) and not getting home until 10 PM.  Yes, I have boundaries but I need to be flexible and adaptable to the situation at hand.  I also have to pick up my son in the middle of the night as he travels back from several weeks overseas in the Republic of Georgia.  I may flex or update my boundary but I’m able to resume it, if it’s still a priority to me. 

As I frequently tell my clients it’s important to start small. I think of Tim Ferris’ book, “The 4-hour workweek,” in which he only responds to emails once a week and he had clearly outlined boundaries throughout his week so that he is able to only work 4 hours a week.  That is great for Tim.  It’s not necessary to start there for you or me.  Start small and get a win on creating one tiny boundary.  What boundary will you try first?

😉 6 Reasons Why You Need a Coach

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Bill Gates famously said “Everyone needs a coach. It doesn’t matter whether you are a basketball player, a tennis player, a gymnast or bridge player.” There is a misperception that getting coached, whether it be for personal or business reasons, implies that you are defective or perhaps less than. I love the analogy a recent facilitator for my Advanced CliftonStrengths Coaching said: “You won’t go up to an NBA basketball star and tell them they don’t need a coach anymore.” So, if you have hit mastery, it’s OK to just coast on your laurels.

I have to say that as a coach, I am suspicious when another coach doesn’t have a coach. How can you coach if you don’t see the value for yourself? I see having a coach as sharpening my saw and realizing that I’m not finished. I have room to grow. Unfortunately, many organizations only use coaching to turn a bad egg around, which gives it a bad reputation. Coaching is embraced by many organizations as a perk and it enhances their workforce.

Here are the six reasons why you need a coach:

  1. Clarity: Perhaps it’s hyperconnectivity or maybe the clatter of conflicting and competing goals, but coaching has brought clarity to my life. I can get wrapped up in the immediacy of getting laundry done, packing for a trip and making sure bills are paid instead of being clear about the path I am headed down. I find this to be especially beneficial when there is more than one apparent goal. I have been coached about the priorities in my life dozens of time and it’s not until the distractions are temporarily put to rest during coaching that I realize that supporting my loved ones is the most important goal for the next few months. Coaching has helped clear the fog and provided clarity.
  1. Blind spots: There are many things that I take for granted or have made assumptions about for years; some, even decades. Coaches help you seen the unseen. They uncover the pattern that is not apparent. I just worked with a CEO the other day who realized that he had no problem paying compliments to his child but was hypercritical with his direct reports. This was a blind spot. He realized that if he could focus the same openness and benevolence with his direct reports, he would be more approachable and a better leader. Coaches help shine a light on the blind spots.
  1. Perspective: Coaches don’t have a dog in the fight. They are outside the situation. They aren’t your direct report, your boss or your partner. There are very few people in your life that have this perspective. This makes them much more unbiased and open to possibility. My child, my parent or my boss might try and limit my choices and add to my limiting beliefs, but a coach can set up a safe space where anything is possible. They can also suggest resources that might be helpful. I remember when my marriage suddenly and unexpectedly dissolved, my coach, Tammi, suggested a book by William Bridges called Transitions. It was invaluable to help me make sense of being in the neutral zone for many months. The neutral zone is the time between the old reality and sense of identity and the new one. I don’t think I would have found it on my own. Coaching provides a different, neutral perspective.
  1. Accountability: When I coach, I ask my client if they want any accountability around the actions they have come up with. The important thing to remember is that coaches don’t decide on action items, the client does. So, if my client decides they are going to go to one networking event per week, month or year, that was their decision. When you come up with your own action items, you are much more motivated to see it through. You own it. If you want accountability or not, you are the best to decide. Some clients (like those who are naturally responsible) don’t need any accountability. But as a client said this week, “Oh yeah. I’ll forget and won’t make this happen unless you follow up with me.” So as a client you may or may not need the accountability. A coach is there to help with accountability.
  1. Powerful questions: Coaches employ powerful questions to help tease out insight. As my Neuroleadership Coach Training taught me, new connections between neuropathways are made with powerful questions. This is virtually impossible on your own. The other thing is that powerful questions have a positive forward-looking perspective. Sample questions are: “What is possible? What if it worked out exactly as you wanted it? What does success look like? What do you want?” In a safe space, these questions open up and create new thought pathways. Coaching is about powerful questions.
  1. Happier: I have found that most of my clients are happier. I have found myself to be happier once I started being coached. I feel more balanced and less frazzled. I have changed other things in the same timeframe, including being sober and a long-standing meditation practice, but I believe that checking in with Tammi once a month has brought about a new balance and perspective. She has been with me on my journey for over five years and has seen the highs and lows. I appreciate the space she creates for me to do my best work and reflect. As William Arruda wrote for Forbes, “Because coaches help you identify and align your values, create a focus, cut through clutter, and clear tolerations, they help you increase your professional fulfillment.” Coaching makes you happier.

It’s important to know that coaching is not mentorship, consulting or therapy. I know that many clients say it “feels” like therapy, but therapy has a backwards view and coaching has a future, positive view. It feels like therapy because there is someone who is deeply connected and listening to you. It’s the gift of truly being heard. Have you thought about having a coach?

😳5 Steps to Capitalize on Regret

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I recently read Daniel Pink’s, The Power of Regret. It is a thought-provoking book on a feeling that most of us shun.  It seems counterintuitive to focus on a negative emotion that could potentially lead down a dangerous path of rumination. Pink bravely investigates the topic by drawing on research in economics, neuroscience, psychology and biology.  His findings were thought-provoking; while regret is universal, it doesn’t need to be negative. 

As Amy Blaschka wrote for Forbes, “In conducting his World Regret Survey, in which he collected regrets from more than 16,000 people in 105 countries, Pink found that most people have regrets that fall into four core categories:

  1. Foundation regrets — “If only I’d done the work.”
  2. Boldness regrets — “If only I’d taken the chance.”
  3. Moral regrets— “If only I’d done the right thing.”
  4. Connection regrets— “If only I’d reached out.”

As Pink wrote, “When we handle it properly, regret can make us better. Understanding its effects hones our decisions, boosts our performance, and bestows a deeper sense of meaning.” Pink suggests a 3-step process to tackle regret properly.

5 steps to capitalize on regret:

  • Undo it. If possible, undo the damage you’ve done.  Apologize for the pain you’ve caused or for not staying in touch or for the deeds you committed. I recall someone I went to elementary school with reached out to me some ten years ago.  I was on the west coast at the time and we met for coffee.  We chatted and caught up and then they apologized for bullying me in grade school.  I have to admit that I was bullied by so many during school, I had forgotten this person’s bullying but I so appreciated that they apologized.  Maybe it’s telling the truth, writing a check, going back for the degree, calling a long-lost friend or returning an heirloom. If there is a way to undo it, do it.
  • “At least.” Silver medalists are rarely smiling as much as the bronze medalists.  The silver medalist is thinking “if only” and the bronze medalist is thinking “at least” I made the podium.  Think more like a bronze medalist. I’ve done this with my children’s dad.  I will randomly remember a breach of trust he committed (some thirty-five years ago!), and then I think, “Well, at least I have two healthy, vibrate children or at least I travelled around South America with him”. It could always have been worse. Try on “at-least “Ing. 
  • Self-disclosure. Find a friend, sister or coach or pick up a pen and start writing. As Kevin Delany wrote for Charter Works, “Writing or talking about a regret can help move it from a place of emotion to a place where you can analyze it. Research has shown that just writing about a regret can make abstract emotions more concrete and lighten the burden.” I remember when my second marriage ended, I wrote several long diatribes to my ex.  I never mailed them but the release helped me transform the pain into forward motion.  Instead of getting caught up in the regret, I was able to slowly realize that this was actually a positive direction and that I wasn’t stuck any longer.  In retrospect, it was a boldness regret that I didn’t decide to take the chance to leave him but regardless, I was now free.  Bring it into the light and practice self-disclosure.
  • Self-compassion.  As Blacshka wrote, “We tend to treat ourselves far worse than we would ever treat others, whether they’re friends, family, or even strangers facing the same mistake. And berating ourselves when we’re already frustrated and feeling like a failure is counterproductive. Instead, we’re much better off extending ourselves the same kindness, warmth, and understanding we’d offer a good friend. By normalizing our negative experiences, says Pink, we neutralize them.”  What would you say if your child or friend came to you with the same regret?  That’s the self-talk you need to rectify the regret. 
  • Self-distancing.  Distancing doesn’t mean hiding or numbing out.  Self-distancing is putting space, time or language between you and the regret. Putting space between you and the regret is taking a different vantage point like being a fly on the wall.  How would the fly see the situation?  Putting time in between is looking out ten years and seeing what advice you would give yourself now.  I remember doing a time travel meditation after I gave up alcohol to project out how I would look in ten years if I kept the same pace of drinking. It’s really grounded me in sticking to my sobriety.  Using language is all about using the second or third person. Pink says that “when we abandon first person in talking to ourselves, the distance that creates helps us recast threats as challenges and replace distress with meaning.” Figure out how to distance yourself to get a new perspective.

Reading the book and writing this piece has brought up several regrets for me but I have to say that it’s been beneficial.  It has instructed me on the path forward, provided clarity and I feel lighter from the experience.  Regret doesn’t have to just be negative, it can be powerful. 

Got Imposter Syndrome? Here Are 5 Fixes.

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There have been countless times in my life where I felt like an imposter. When I was in Junior High, I was first flute in the All-State Orchestra (granted Delaware is a very small state). I was initially proud of making first chair only to be overwhelmed by feeling like I would be caught. Found out. Attending the Hotel School at Cornell University where I was a work study student feeling completely inadequate with my fellow upper crust students whose pedigree far outranked my own. My first job out of college as a manager for a catering company in Manhattan. I was a 21-year-old woman working in a basement with 25 men, some twice my age, trying to manage a fast-paced catering business where the only rule was to “yes” to any customer request (i.e., lunch for 100 people in 45 minutes). Every day in that basement was complete anarchy with four phone lines of incoming orders and trying to supervise a largely immigrant crew. I felt like I would be unmasked every day.

As written by Chris Palmer for the American Psychological Association, “Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud (Bravata, D. M., et al., Journal of General Internal Medicine, Vol. 35, No. 4, 2020). These feelings can contribute to increased anxiety and depression, less risk-taking in careers, and career burnout.” 82% of people are feeling the same way as me?  This doesn’t surprise me because I coach people every day who struggle with these same feelings. This manifests in my clients as countless work hours, fear of delegation and perfectionism. 

Got imposter syndrome?  Here are 5 fixes:

  1. Shine a light.  It starts with acknowledging you are feeling inadequate, or you are harboring doubts. As Jack Kelly wrote for Forbes, “The first thing you should do is acknowledge these feelings when they arise. There’s no need to hide it from others or feel badly about harboring these thoughts. By confronting your self-defeating thoughts, it’s the start of taking proactive steps to change your mindset.” Turn on that light switch and make what is in the back of your brain into the light.  Acknowledging is the first step in addressing it.
  2. Acknowledge your accomplishments. It’s really easy to have amnesia about your accomplishments.  Did you grow up in a single parent home and manage to graduate from high school? Are you able to speak two languages? Have you been able to raise a child to adulthood? Did you thwart a deadly illness? Have you finished a 5k? Did you finally earn that certification you always wanted? I remember finally crossing the mile high bridge on Grandfather Mountain.  I was terrified, but I did it. Write down your accomplishments and take stock.
  3. Watch your self-talk. I find the easiest way to reframe self-talk is to use the third person.  So instead of saying “I’m an idiot”, I think “Cathy you’re an idiot”.  Seems harsh.  I would NEVER call anyone an idiot so why the heck would I call myself an idiot.  It’s similar to reframe it to what you would say to a friend.  As Palmer wrote, “Try to observe when your impostor feelings surface and how you respond to them.” Be compassionate in your self-talk.
  4. Let go of perfectionism. I’ve coached countless folks who struggle with perfectionism.  In my mind it’s the manifestation of imposter feelings.  So, they constantly work harder and longer to make their output as perfect as possible so that no one will find out that they are imperfect and, therefore, an imposter. Palmer wrote, “It may help to release yourself from rigid roles. For example, Orbé-Austin said people with impostor phenomenon often see themselves as helpers––people who come to the rescue. “Breaking free from those roles so you can be someone who doesn’t know it all or someone who can’t always help can allow us to be more robust people and professionals,” she said.” Perfection is failing, it’s suffocating and keeping folks stuck.
  5. Share your thoughts. Perhaps through therapy, a coach, or a trusted friend, share your imposter feelings with someone you can confide in. I find when I coach that when my client actually says something out loud (instead of rumination), it will bring insight.  Saying it out loud makes it real and prompts examination. As Kelly wrote, “By sharing with others, it will release the pent-up burden. You’ll quickly find out that you’re not alone and this is shared by many other professionals. You will feel a big sense of relief once you find out that it’s commonplace, you’re in good company and it’s not just you.” Share your thoughts so others can weigh in and help examine their validity.

I believe that comparison is at the root of most imposter feelings. I envy my neighbors new Tesla, my friend’s vacation to the Alps, or my sister’s promotion to Vice President. Comparison is the thief of joy and will keep me in the imposter zone. As a friend said to me recently, “Stay in your lane.” Focus on what’s in front of you and your experience and let others focus on their lanes. How do you address imposter feelings?