being present – Workplace Navigator

Ugh. It happened AGAIN! You have no idea what everyone is laughing at because you are busy checking your smart phone for notifications. You can’t go back. All you can do is smile and nod. You missed yet another moment. You could have connected. You could have been included in that moment of fellowship. You could belong. But no. Your phone is the center of your world. One little ding or lit up mailbox and you zone out of the real world.This has got to stop. You’ve got to find your focus and start connecting with those around you. Now.

This topic came up for me as I read the book, Small Move, Big Change by Caroline Arnold. The book itself is about micro resolutions but one of the subjects in her book was a recently divorced father who had his kids every other weekend. They went away to a country house every other weekend and instead of spending time together, they ended up spending the weekend with their technology instead of with each other. Have you experienced this? I have. So the father started the resolution that they could only spend an hour a day on technology and then, all the phones and tablets went into a basket. The three kids baulked at first (who wouldn’t) but after two weekends, they started looking forward to the time they spent together “being there” together. Board games, hikes, charades, conversations….sounds like heaven.

So here is how to get your attention back:

Focus your attention on every little action like you are in love. Arnold quotes acting guru Stella Adler. She writes that in an acting class Adler said, “How can you tell when someone is in love? How can you tell? You can tell because they pay attention. They pay attention to their lover’s every action, gesture and expression. So if you are playing someone in love, give the love object your complete attention in a scene. Even if you aren’t looking at your object directly.” As I write this, I am watching my dog. Is she by my foot or in another room? Is she wagging her tail or is she on the hunt. Take note of every action.

Take a technology sabbatical. I’m not sure when my children will be home next but I’m really thinking about taking a cue from the father in Arnold’s book and taking a technology sabbatical. I know I personally leave my phone in the kitchen to charge at night. At least my sleep is getting my full and undivided attention. But creating space to be devoid of any distractions from the world outside can obviously be very powerful. Perhaps it’s a “no phones during meals” rule or “no technology after 7 PM” rule. Create space to be technology free.

Create something worthwhile and positive. Rick Hanson says in his book Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, “Attention shapes the brain.” Your brain cells are growing based on what you focus on. So what are you creating in your brain? Are you creating negativity by focusing on the latest news story or dwelling on the job opportunity you didn’t get? Or on the latest decision by your boss that you don’t agree with? Hmmm. I’d rather create something more positive in all that grey matter. Be careful about what you are creating.

Attention is not critical. Judgment is. Attention is neutral. In Alison Shapiro’s Psychology Today article Paying Attention, “Attention is not critical. Judgment is. Attention is neutral. We begin to pay attention to something and then we start to judge it, evaluate it, categorize it and, yes, generally ‘criticize’ it. But judging, while certainly useful, is not attention. Judging involves an underlying assumption that our purpose is ultimately to categorize and take action.” This neutrality is complete acceptance. Funny, I’m really good at this when coaching a client but not as good when this comes to my children’s individual decisions. Quit judging and stay neutral.

Welcome Everything; Push Away Nothing. Shapiro quotes her teacher, Frank Ostaseski, “Welcome Everything; Push Away Nothing.” This lines up with the “Yes…and” philosophy of CRR Global. This is total unadulterated acceptance. Arms open wide to take in everything with no qualifications. No trying to tinker and change something. No resistance. No squinting and squirming. It’s similar to Byron Katie’s “Love what is.” Notice, accept, withhold judgment and welcome what is.

Be completely and utterly present. The whole problem with technology and the constant bombardment of information is that it takes us out of the moment. Out of the present. Listen for the farthest sound. Feel your big toe come in contact with the floor. Feel the rush of hot, humid air against your cheek. Listen for the sigh from your sleeping dog. Watch the squirrel leap from the branch to the roof. Now. Right now. Be there.

So now when you’re at that meeting. You are going to be jubilant.
Connected.
Aware.
Present.
You’re not tied to that phone and it’s deceiving notifications.
You’re leading the story and the laughs are around your nuanced spin.
You’ve got the world by the tail. Feels pretty good doesn’t it?

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on September 11, 2015

I try to be a glass half full kind of person. Positivity is one of my top 5 strengths. Searching for a silver lining helps me dampen down my anxiety. I acknowledge that there is an enormous, incalculable, downside to this pandemic. I saw a picture this last week taken in India where people had not been able to see the Himalayas for thirty years and now could. I realized that as bad, uncertain and catastrophic this pandemic is, there is some upside.

Here are my thoughts on the upside of this pandemic:

Less air pollution:

This has really caused me pause. I live in eastern North Carolina and I never figured that air pollution was really an issue. I must tell you that I’ve noticed that there are more stars at night. I’ve noticed that the sky seems so much bluer. I thought it was an aberration. But if NASA can see the difference from satellites, maybe there was some truth to my observations. As Marina Koren wrote for The Atlantic, “As cities and, in some cases, entire nations weather the pandemic under lockdown, Earth-observing satellites have detected a significant decrease in the concentration of a common air pollutant, nitrogen dioxide, which enters the atmosphere through emissions from cars, trucks, buses, and power plants.” So, step outside at night and look up at the stars. They really are brighter – your eyes aren’t deceiving you.

Changed soundscapes:

I live pretty far from a highway and my home is usually quiet. I typically hear birds chirp and geese honk. I have noticed in the last month that it has been more of a cacophony of avian sounds. As Laura Rawlins wrote for Focus for Health, “Some regions of India can see the Himalayan Mountains for the first time in 30 years, cityscapes are smog-free, and you can find a stream of twitter threads about people asking if birds are chirping louder these days or if that is just the effect of less pollution, noise and the like, in the atmosphere.” Koren wrote, “With so many people staying home—and public-transit agencies cutting service as a result—there’s significantly less noise from cars, buses, trains, and other transportation. Erica Walker, a public-health researcher at Boston University, has taken a decibel meter with her on her socially distance walks, and she has been stunned by the measurements. “It’s a lot quieter,” she told me.” It’s surprising that because cities are quieter, people can finally hear the birds. In my case, I feel like there is a population boom in the variety of birds causing the change in my soundscape.

Kindness:

I’ve noticed an increase in kindness. Last weekend, when my boyfriend Roy and I hiked for the first time in two months, there was a palpable ebullience. Hikers smiled and had a spring in their step. In my neighborhood, the abundance of families and couples taking strolls is evident and everyone is waving hello even if you are a stranger. I’ve had anonymous cars in front of me in a drive-thru pay for my meal. Strangers pull aside in the grocery aisle. Everyone on zoom calls is wishing everyone well as we sign off. As Rawlins wrote, “We can all restore our faith in humanity, because kindness is trending amid COVID-19. There is an abundance of stories of people going out of their way to help. Whether they are getting groceries for their elderly neighbors, sewing masks for medical facilities, or even taking care of a newborn baby when the entire family tests positive for COVID-19, it’s clear that this kindness surge is just as contagious as the virus itself.” I’m grateful for the kindness that bubbles up from this pandemic.

Presence:

I have struggled with all of my plans being on hold. I have felt groundless without a destination to look forward to. I am sad that my one of bucket list items won’t be achieved this year (I wanted to visit Alaska to have been to all 50 states). On the other side of that is an awareness of what is present right now. I have to thank Roy for that. Roy has an appreciation for the moment right now. It’s might be stopping to look at Purple Martins swooping the sky, or admiring countless gaggles of Canadian Geese with their broods of chicks, or noticing a (what seemed like a shark size) carp swimming next to our kayak. Focus on right now. The stars in the sky, the sunrise or sunset, the cup of hot tea, the warmth of the blanket or the tap of the rain outside. Instead of striving to get to my next destination, I can be here right now. Appreciate what is here right now.

A year from now, this may likely all be a memory, or it may not. I just want to try to experience it and pick through the array of changes in my life to find the moments of good. I want to accept the pause and find what is available now. Is there an upside for you in this pandemic?