Tag: assumptions

🫣 Unresolved Conflict

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As a restaurant owner and Human Resource professional over the past 20 plus years, I’ve seen plenty of unresolved workplace conflict.  It’s like the kitchen garbage can with rotting shrimp shells in the bottom; everyone smells it but no one wants to deal with it.  So we let it fester and things fester. Blood pressure rises, people start avoiding each other, less eye contact; our mind goes wild with what we figure the other person is thinking.  We think we know their true motivation as the paranoia mounts.

There were countless times I was brought in to end the avoidance….to get to the bottom of the smelly mess.  So how do you handle the conflict?  Here are some tried and true maneuvers:

1. Timing is everything.  Don’t talk to someone when they just get back from vacation and are buried in email and return phone calls.  Give them a day or two to dig out and take a temperature check.  Read their body language.  A little tension in the shoulders…using short curt sentences….relax and wait.  Sense of humor is back?  Just got a great sales report?  This might be your opening.

2. Privacy.  This  cannot be emphasized enough.  Don’t bring up the smelly issue in front of or within ear shot of any other human being.  Never.  Ever.   Their listening skills will be out to lunch and their blood pressure will shoot up.  No one likes to be embarrassed and if there is even the slightest chance that UPS delivery guy might walk by; relax and wait.

3. Facts.  Research your smelly issue thoroughly.  No hunches.  No assumptions.  No jumping to conclusions.  Do your best reconnaissance…you watch CSI…investigate.  This is especially true in the “he said, she said, they said and we said” type of smelly issue.  Find any and all witnesses and alleged witnesses (can’t tell you how many times in a harassment investigation that the “alleged witness” wasn’t even at work that day).  Don’t go at fact finding to just make sure you are“right”.

4. Suspend Assumptions. This goes closely with #3 but it’s imperative that you don’t decide the other person’s motivation; their ulterior motives.  You’ll have them being one step below Bernie Madoff if you’re not careful.  Empty your head of all your negative stereo types….like “Joe is always out for himself” or “Suzy is out to get me”….really?  You know all that?  As Byron Katie says at her website “the work”…”Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” Turn off mister ego and shut down your assumption machine.

5. Craft.  Think it through.  How are you going to broach the subject?  Maybe test the waters with another agenda item that isn’t confrontational like “I want to thank you for your help on the turnover report.  It really saved me some time and I got a chance to work on a more pressing project”.  A sincere, specific compliment is a nice lead in.  I can hear you nay-sayers out there…but I can’t think of anything nice to say.  Revisit #4.  Phrase the issue in terms of the other person’s viewpoint.  What is a reasonable explanation for their egregious act?  Give them an out like, “I’m sure you didn’t realize that when I was excluded from the finance team, I felt like you didn’t trust me”, or “I don’t think you are aware but when you told Suzy about the layoff plan, she assumed her job was in jeopardy”.  Think it through and craft the one or two sentences (no more) to summarize and present the smelly issue at hand (stay away from Never, Always and Should).

6. Love.  What are you crazy?  Love my co-worker, boss, workplace nemesis?  I don’t know why it works but if you decide you love someone, even your worst enemy ,the whole thing just works better.  Maybe it’s ch’i, but mentally embracing the other person (do not do this literally…for obvious reasons) helps you to be open to the possibilities; love your enemy.  Bob may never include you on the email with the financial reports but if you love him, it dampens down the resentment and blasts open the possibility of resolution. This also helps with #4.

7. Do it.  When you have completed the preceding steps; just do it.  Have the conversation.  Stay open minded and believe in a positive outcome.  Sometimes, OK a lot of times, it’s a complete surprise to the other person.  But it’s amazing how often people tip toe around an issue, especially a smelly one, and the offending person, had no idea that they angered you or that several people were avoiding them.  Most of the time people don’t realize how they are perceived and want to do their best.  Nine times out of ten, they apologize.  Give them the chance.

This might be messy the first, second or third time around.  But this is going to build trust in the long run.  You will be the Go-To person for conflict resolution and honest constructive feedback.  Slay the elephant.

Let me know what you think.  What workplace conflict are you dealing with?

😳6 Signs You are Hiding

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In Tara Mohr’s terrific book Playing Big, she lovingly calls out that most of us are using various ways to hide.  It’s a procrastination move to delay launch on whatever could propel one forward.    Waiting until one more set of eyes reviews my website, getting one more certification before applying for the “big” job I want or waiting to speak proper Portuguese before heading to Portugal. These are all tactics I use to delay, procrastinate and kick the can down the road just a little bit longer.  These are ways I play small instead of playing Big.

Here are 6 signs you are hiding:

This before That.  This is when I ordain that things must happen in a certain order.  Like I can’t write a blog until I set up a website.  I can’t set up a website until I have claimed a URL. I can’t claim a URL until I get a DBA.  I can’t get a DBA until I get a tax ID.  And on and on and on. Some things can happen concurrently.  Most things don’t need to be in a certain order.  Check your assumptions and shake things up.

Designing at the Whiteboard.  I think of this as designing in isolation.  Take 4 brilliant minds and give them a whiteboard to come up with some great ideas. There may indeed be some great ideas created on the whiteboard; the issue is when you don’t find out what other stakeholders or customers actually want.  Mohr says that’s safe and cozy with the whiteboard because we are not getting feedback from the market or devil’s advocates.  I think it also delays launching because you buy another whiteboard to expand your thinking instead of getting feedback and/or launching.  Don’t just stand in front of the whiteboard, engage.

Perfection. Reid Hoffman said, “If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you launched it too late.” I think this is all about expecting and embracing errors and omissions. My first website, my first blog post, my first coaching client are all lessons in giving up perfection. I could always tinker and polish it a little bit longer but it’s diminishing returns. Perfection is exhaustingly unachievable. Let it go.  Seeking perfection is the “perfect” way to hide.

Not chiming in. This is all about when I listen to everyone else and never give my perspective. I think, as a leader, it’s important to weigh in after everyone else.  I just need to make sure that I weigh in as well.  As Mohr writes, “I’ve seen so many women make this move.  A woman becomes captivated by an idea.  She’s captivated because she’s noticed something missing from the conversation and has something to say.  Yet instead of sharing her own perspective, she creates a project to curate other people’s ideas about it. Give your perspective instead of hiding behind everyone else’s.

Omitting your own story. This is around the fear of being vulnerable.  I think back on telling my sobriety story.  I never shared it for fear that I would be “found out” or that it just wasn’t that interesting. That particular story (which took me 6 years to finally tell), has changed some people’s lives. As Mohr wrote, “Can we resist the fear-based tendency to make our work abstract or overly complex and instead trust that our lived experiences, insights, and natural ideas are enough to bring to the table?” It might be vulnerable.  It might be uncomfortable.  Tell your story anyway.

Believing you aren’t enough.  I was on this conveyor belt for years.  I had, at one time, an alphabet soup of letters after my name for all the various certifications and degrees I had attained. I coach women all day who want one more degree or certification or training before they take the leap.  Yes, it’s a great idea to learn and network.  As Mohr posits, “Talented women with a dream believe that they need another degree, training, or certification because they are not “enough” as they are.  They look to an external qualification to give them a sense of internal permission to lead and create.” You have permission.  You are enough.  Go lead and prosper!

Growth can be uncomfortable.  It’s OK to be uncomfortable. Get out from behind your hiding spot and feel the rain, or the beating sun or the gust of wind.  Do it scared.  Be seen.

👍 Steps to the Positive No

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I just finished William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No.  Ury is the coauthor of Getting to Yes and Getting Past No and is a negotiating expert as well as the cofounder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation.  He knows of what he writes. “No” is one of the most uncomfortable things to say as it puts a stake in the ground or sets up a boundary. And for most folks, including myself, this can be difficult.  To push back in scenarios where work is impeding your personal life or standing firm in a decision to go down one path instead of another (more popular, better supported) path can be anguishing. 

The first paradigm around No that I learned was from coach and author Christine Kane in what she originally referred to as the Proactive No and, has since changed it to, the Natural No.  I can see now that they have some of the same principles although Ury’s has a lot more detail. Kane’s structure is really more a combination of Ury’s Step 1 and Step 2 and leaves out Step 3 which I can see is very imporant.

Here are the 3 steps to the Positive No:

Express your Yes. As Ury writes, “Perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against – the other’s demand or behavior.  A Positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite and base our No on what we are for.  Root your No in a deeper Yes – a Yes to your core interests and to what truly matters.” So, I have to think about what my core belief is or my why.  If my boss wants me to work this Saturday, my Yes is quality time with my family.  My Yes is spending dinners with my family.  My Yes is getting 8 hours of sleep.  My Yes is focusing on plant-based foods.  I have to figure out my underlying Yes before saying No which takes thought.  Leading with Yes is a much more positive, respectful approach.  Kane’s framework involves preset boundaries and expressing them like “Sunday nights are for family” or “I only work with 10 clients at a time.” Being very clear with your boundaries or what you say Yes to. It’s not about stopping someone in their tracks, it’s shedding light on another aspect of your work or life that perhaps the other person is not aware of. It takes preparation and thought but start with your Yes. And it gives the other person a chance to understand you better.

Assert your No. Ury posits, “Saying No is essential to life.  Every living cell has a membrane that allows certain needed nutrients to pass through and repels others.  Every living organism needs such boundaries to protect itself.  To survive and thrive, every human being and every organization needs to be able to say No to anything that threatens their safety, dignity and integrity.” He says that No is quiet, deep and firm. He also suggests having a Plan B which is a backup plan but is not dependent on the other person. He also recommends answering three questions before saying No, “Do I have the interest in saying No? Do I have the power?  Do I have the right?” It’s important to focus on yourself and not to sweeten it up to be more receptive by the receiver. I’ve waffled many times in the past on my No.  No is not a negotiation, it’s a statement.  Controlling the other’s person’s reaction is not up to you.  You can always empathize with how they feel like “I can see this caught your off guard” or “I understand you are upset with this”.   Just don’t sympathize or feel their pain, just understand their pain. In Kane’s Proactive No, the No is the main focus although the Yes is embedded in it by saying “I spend dinners with my family so I can’t attend this meeting.” It gives the why Yes and the No all in the same statement. It leaves off the next step which I think is the most important. 

Propose a Yes. Ury states, “Delivering a Positive No is the cure of the process, requiring skill and tact.  It begins with an affirmation (Yes!), proceeds to establish a limit (No) and ends with a proposal (Yes?). This gives the opportunity for a positive outcome. You’re closing one door and asking the other to walk through another door.”  Making a proposal shows respect and anticipates their needs. “Quality family time is important to me (Yes), I can’t work on the project this weekend (No), I propose I work late Monday and Tuesday to get it done (Yes?).”  It also gives the other person a chance to say yes.  Sometimes, the other person is angry or triggered. Sometimes, you can be upset or triggered.  Giving space to cool off and coming back to a proposal may be in order.  Sometimes, there’s not enough information and you can suggest a later time or to gather more information. You can also you If…Then proposals, “If I get project C done by noon, I can sit in on the interview.” I think the proposal aspect is the most freeing of the process because it’s not the cold hard No.  It’s a No with a possibility of a different Yes. It’s a great opportunity to test assumptions. 

I really think this framework is empowering because I typically would get caught up in being nice and not wanting to ruffle feathers so I would avoid saying no.  It’s also important to know that someone could get angry or defensive or sad but none of that is in your control.  What is important is making space to live your values and being able to set up boundaries.  How do you say No?

Are You a Silo Builder or Buster?

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Silos crop up in organizations when there is a lack of trust.  Departments, regions and co-workers try desperately to mark their territory and keep a tight fist on resources and information.  It’s not a healthy situation.  This results in closed doors, back stabbing and, frequently, loss of good personnel.  They take off for more forthcoming, open organizations.Silo Builder or Buster

Silos in your personal life crop up when you don’t tell your husband about the exam your son failed at school.  Why bring him into it?  He’ll probably get angry.  Your son will get embarrassed and defensive.  Let’s just put up a wall on the information to keep the peace.  Suddenly you’ve laid your first brick in your own personal silo.  The “keep bad news away from Dad’ silo.  In the long run, when someone finds out who knew what and when, the trust might be irreparable.

So how do you go about some silo busting?  Here are some ideas

1. Open.  Be open with your communication.  This can be difficult; especially, if the culture is to keep your cards close.  It starts with you.  If you just got some information that might negatively affect the business or one department in particular.  Take the first step and be open with the information.

2. Drop.  As in drop the assumptions.  This moment never happened before.  You really don’t know how that manager, child or customer might react.  You might have an educated guess but leave your assumptions out of it.  They are frequently a self fulfilling prophecy.  “Suzie always gets angry when I mention the sales forecast.”  Hmmm, regardless of Suzie’s reaction you are going to be looking to fulfill your assumption and any reaction Suzie has will be categorized in your mind as “anger”.

3. Love.  Sounds crazy but I do this especially if I am angry with a colleague (or ex) .  I imagine myself embracing them.  It’s hard to throw someone under the bus if you recently imagined embracing them.  We are all human and deserve caring folks around us.  It’s real hard to lay the first brick of a silo if you promote a caring culture.

4. Share.  This straight out of the “Essentials of Leadership” from Development Dimensions International,  “Share thoughts, feelings and rationale.”  It builds trust.  Explain to your husband why you were reluctant (feelings) to tell him about the failing test score.  Tell your colleague why (rationale) you would like to delay the project.  Trusting environments rarely have silos.

5. Promoter.  Be a promoter within your work group.  Make sure your employees are drinking the same Kool-Aid.  If your employees know that you are an open book on information and resources, they will follow suit.  Do not reward those who withhold important information to other departments.   It starts with you

6. Vacuum.  Don’t tolerate a vacuum on information or resources.  Take a deep breath and take the first step (this is more difficult for some of us who hate rocking the boat).  Pick up the phone or, better yet, (if you can) go be eyeball to eyeball with that guy you think is trying to build a silo.  “Hey Joe, I haven’t heard the status on Project X and my understanding is that you do….what gives?”  Be a silo preventer.

Depending on the organization, work unit or family culture, this can be difficult.  You can’t choose your family but you can choose the organization you work for.  If you are sensing there are too many silos and there aren’t any silo busters like you around?  The best strategy might be finding a place without any silos.

5 Strategies of Going With Your Gut (and Why You Should).

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator8 Comments

Hindsight is twenty twenty.  How many times have you said that? Why didn’t I…? I should have…? You know that you knew better, but you couldn’t put your finger on why you knew what you knew…but you knew it and you went the opposite direction.  And then you proceed to beat yourself up.  You needed to go with your gut.  But you ignored it.

Dr. Richard Restak has studied this and written about it in his book “The Naked Brain.”  Basically, the more you ponder, research, and weigh out your options, the less desirable the decision.  That is your rational brain at work.  On the other hand, your limbic brain, is your gut.  You can’t put your finger on why you don’t want to hire that guy, but your gut is telling you not to.  Listen to your limbic brain.

Going with your gut 2I’m sure you remember taking standardized tests in school.  Your teacher told you to go with your first impression – your gut.  When you start overthinking, you will likely make the wrong choice.  In fact, in studies on those who have lost use of their limbic brain (i.e. brain injury) and only have use of their rational brain, they cannot make a decision.  They are stuck in a rational loop of analysis paralysis.  They would never finish the test.

So how do you move from the rational loop to going with your gut?  Here are some suggestions:

1. Narrow. As in narrow your choices.  If you go to a grocery store and there are 15 choices of jams in a display versus 5 choices of jams, you are more likely to buy from the display with only 5 choices (Crazy huh? Tell me why there are 32 types of just one brand of toothpaste).  So if you are given the choice of 15, try and narrow your choices even if it might be somewhat arbitrary.  Like I’ll only look at red jams. This will help keep you out of analysis paralysis.

2. Authentic. If the choice is a hiring decision or choosing a client, you should look for whether what someone says matches their actions.  Frequently, it’s difficult to read if someone is being authentic or if they are really good at marketing themselves.  Studies have shown that people have micro facial expressions when they are covering something up. You are reading it subconsciously and aren’t sure why you don’t trust someone. If you can’t figure out what it is or give a concrete fact as to why you don’t want to hire them – go with you gut.  Listen to your subconscious because it’s reading the signs loud and clear.

3. Timer. Limit the time you spend on the choice or decision. If there is no reason why you have to delay the decision (like the college hasn’t accepted me or I don’t know if I got the funding), then set the timer. Limiting the window of time for you to weigh out the myriad of pros and cons will help you stay closer to your gut instead of letting the rational loop take over. If you are taking the SAT…you’re in luck, it’s a timed test! If you’re deciding on a new camera, give yourself 30 minutes to compare features, look at reviews, talk to your partner – then decide.

4. Irrational. Ignore the rational explanation. Crazy huh? Buried in your subconscious is all your life experiences, failures, and successes. Your brain is not going to be able to catalog and cross reference why you know that this guy is a bad hire, why those shoes are wrong for you, or why that bottle of Zinfandel is right.  I can remember, from my restaurant manager days, that when I was hiring a hostess, I gave him or her about 30 seconds to make a good impression. If there was an engaging smile and eye contact, it was a yes.  I went with my gut.

5. Heuristics. These are rules of thumb. It’s another way of limiting your choices. The world is overwhelming with the amount of information at our disposal…or rather immediate consumption and distraction. This does not mean you need to consume every piece of information available.  Use some rules of thumb.  I want a camera with the most megapixels for under $200. I’m looking for a forklift driver who is OSHA certified and has worked for a company with perishable products.  I’m looking for a training course that is on presentation skills, no more than two days long within a 5-hour drive for less that $1,500. It helps narrow the focus and limit the analysis as well.

For some of us, this is easy. We are comfortable going with our gut (for the record, I was always one of the first ones done when taking exams). Some of us struggle with giving up the analysis.  Start small.  Maybe the next time you get an ice cream cone, you narrow your choices to those with some kind of chocolate in it or only flavors that start with the letter R.   Go with your gut.

When did you listen to your gut?

How to Break Out of the Status Quo. Or are Your Heels Dug in?

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Most people don’t embrace change. It can be difficult. It’s so much easier to dig our heels in and be inflexible.  It’s a great offense.  Inflexible people are left alone. They are too difficult to deal with.  Leave Joe alone, he’ll never get on board with this idea.  Pretty soon the world is dancing around Joe because they don’t want to deal with his stubbornness. He’s out of the loop.

Organizations do this as well.   It’s easy to get caught up in “doing it the way we have always done it” mentality. It’s hard to create change.  Especially in long established businesses. Unless there is a business necessity (imperative), it’s so much easier to keep it status quo.  It’s the path of least resistance.  Why do a leadership initiative? Incentive plan? Enter a new market? If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.

I’ve been traveling this past week.  I live in Eastern North Carolina.  The land of free parking, no sidewalks and a six-mile commute with one red light.  Every time I head to New York City, I need to load up on coins, cash and the capacity to adapt (easily).  In the last six days I’ve been through twenty toll booths.  Some took $.90, others $12.30.  I needed to be flexible.  The GPS was lost half the time because of new construction or, in the case of downtown Trenton, they didn’t have roads on their map.  We needed to just go with the flow.  Or as my son, who was my copilot at the time said, “Read the signs.” What a concept. Read the signs.  If I’d had my heels dug in, I’d still be in Trenton.  Actually, I’d be on an off ramp in Baltimore in the fetal position.
So, how do you embrace change? Break out of the status quo. Here are 6 steps to dig out those heels.

1. Scan. As in scan the environment. Are those around you avoiding you? Have you been invited to be on an ad hoc committee? Are you out of the loop?  Are you still wearing bell bottoms?  Are you stuck in Trenton? Your coworkers are perfectly happy to leave you in the dust if you are not open to change.  Nobody likes to associate with “Debbie Downer”. Take the temperature of your environment and see if you are reading the signs.

2. Survey.  Take a poll.  What do your closest friends think?  Ask your boss.  Ask your husband.  Ask your mother (OK…I know I’m pushing it a little far).   “Do I seem open to new ideas?” Perception is reality.  If you are perceived as a stick in the mud, you probably are a stick in the mud.

3. Listen.  When you survey, you need to be open enough to listen.  If you ask the question, you need to be able to listen to the answer.  In fact, if you aren’t willing to listen, don’t even ask.  One of the most counter-productive exercises is for an organization to do an employee survey and then do nothing.

4. Plan.  So what can you do about the perception?  You’re going to need to take a hard look at yourself and start paying attention to the “signs.” Maybe you need to work on not interrupting or your need to be right all the time.  Maybe you’re going to need to back off from being in control all the time.  Maybe you just need to buy some new clothes.  Yeah.  Seersucker is dead and so are bell bottoms.

5. Start digging out.  One shovel at a time.  There is no magic pill.  This is going to take work and all you can do is start.  One interaction at a time.  I remember that when I first started working on showing more appreciation, I missed the boat several times.  I’d forget to thank my assistant for getting the report done so quickly or my husband for taking out the trash.  But at least I started somewhere and I can tell you that now I am much more consistent about showing appreciation.  But I had to take that first step.

6. Reflect.  You can do this in any form you like. Maybe in a journal, meditating or brushing your teeth.  How are you doing?  Do you feel like you are making strides?  Are you getting positive feedback?  Are you getting less negative feedback?  Maybe you were selected for the next ad hoc committee. Maybe you didn’t overreact when you ended up getting off at the wrong exit.  Congratulate yourself.  You are on your way.

How do you break out of the status quo?

Conquering Fear. More Lessons from my Dog.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

There is a hyper-delicate balance between rational and irrational fear.  This is easily explained by example:  there is the well-founded fear of standing-in-the-middle-of-a-field-with-an-umbrella-in-a-thunderstorm fear.  On the flip side there is the fear that the cockroach skittering on the floor will somehow approach and harm you.  I suffer from both.  I am the biggest wuss in my house.  Ask my kids. They will be happy to back this up.

In Galvin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, the case is made that some fear is innate.  Fear can save your life as he shows in an example in the book.  The simple act of an attacker closing a window as he leaves his victim behind in the room and, intuitively, the victim realizes that if she doesn’t get out of there, she will be a murder victim.  She does and lives to tell about it.

There is the completely neurotic fear that my dog, Baci, suffers from.  She won’t step on a different surface.  New hardwood, tile, slate or plywood.  She will not step over it, onto it or around it.  She is paralyzed.  It seems so irrational but there must be something to this paralysis.  Did she step onto some surface in her puppydom that caused this irrational fear?

So now what? How do you conquer fear?

1.  Check First.  Is this rational? What are you basing this on?  Is the cockroach really going to attack you? When did you last read the headline – “Mother Killed By Palmetto Bug.”  Think about this in relation to YOU – Would applying for that new position mean you would lose your current job? Nah.  Face it, most decisions you make are not catastrophic.  But investigating what your fear is based on is important; especially when it comes to your future in the workplace.

2. Research.  I find that researching all available scenarios helps.  If you are looking for a new job, maybe this means looking down avenues you would typically not consider.  Maybe you would be willing to move or adding an extra 30 minutes to your commute. Maybe look at a different industry.  Baci is constantly testing the waters;  especially if there is a desirable tennis ball in the middle of the piece of plywood. Doing the research makes it easier for her to take the next step.

3. Test. Take a step. Go grab your slipper from the other room. At least you’ll be prepared to smack that cockroach. Call a friend you know in the industry you might want to move to and ask what opportunities are available.  Baci starts by putting out a paw and then retreating.  She’s testing her hypothesis.  You are going to have to test the waters.  Start writing the blog even if you don’t finish it in the first pass.

4.  Scared. Sometimes you just have to do it scared.  Actually, you frequently have to do it scared. My husband and I were watching the gymnastic trials for the Olympics last year.  There was Danell Leyva on the high bar, flying high above the bar in some kind of back flip. I turned to Kevin and said, “So how do you try that the first time?” We laughed. But you have to.  I can promise you Levya, was at least a little bit scared the first time he let go of that bar to launch himself 25 feet above the ground. You really don’t want to fail at that the first time out –  watch it here. Do it scared.

5. Pathways. You are going to need to lay some new neural pathways.  Charles Duhigg compares them to ruts in the mud. It’s really difficult to change ruts. The only way is to start working on it.  This is extremely hard for me. Take a breath, regroup and lay down a new rut.

My dog Baci is amazing at this. First, she is paralyzed by the new hardwood floor in the dining room. She won’t set a paw on the floor. But her favorite window for squirrel hunting is only three feet away…across the new surface. She runs around to all the entrances to check that the new surface is everywhere. She looks at my husband to be assured that the new surface is safe.  Sniffs.  Tests it with her paw.  Retreats.  It may take an hour or three days, but eventually she is trotting up to her favorite spot staring out the window, standing proudly on the new hardwood floor.  She’s laying new neural pathways.

How about you?

Interesting but Not Useful

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

I’m not sure this is a tenet of the NeuroLeadership Group or if master facilitator Paul McGinniss coined this phrase.  Heck, it may have been Albert Einstein who said it first.  Regardless, it’s a great concept.  I was working with my coach, Steven Starkey, this week and he corrected himself by saying “interesting but not useful”. It caught me off-guard.  Wow do I spend a lot of time on interesting but not useful.  It really cuts out the fluff and drama in daily life if you focus on the useful. interesting but not useful

Imagine focusing on what is useful in your daily conversations.  You know – if you stayed on track and didn’t go meandering into all the juicy details so you could raise your coworker’s eyebrows and if you stayed on message instead of whispering all the sensationalized (perhaps exaggerated) tidbits.  We wouldn’t need a water cooler anymore.  Going to work could be less Soap Opera and more DIY. What is the use in gossip if we are staying focused on solutions? Seems daunting, doesn’t it?

Here are some tips on focusing on the useful and steering clear of the interesting:

1. Solutions. Keep focused on solutions.  As espoused by the NeuroLeadership Group, staying solution-focused keeps the conversation out of the drama and details and moving forward. It’s good for your limbic system.  If you can keep it from lighting up, you are going to move mountains.  Fear shuts people down.  Reward or positive energy keeps people motivated.  Keep it solution based.

2. Listen. William Shakespeare said “Listen to many, speak to a few”.   Being present and listening will bring you a wealth of information.  Granted, there will be a lot of drama and details in that information.  But it will help you cull through to find the useful.  When you do the lion’s share of the speaking, it’s easy to go off track into the interesting and not useful.  Practice listening.

3. Silence. Be comfortable with silence.  I had a coaching client yesterday who really needed to digest and think.  I sat there in silence.  Listening to the clock tick.  Counting to 20 in my head.  Biting my tongue.  He had a breakthrough.  If I had interrupted to “fill the silence”, he wouldn’t have had the breakthrough to find the useful.  Accept and embrace silence.

4. Generous.  Be generous with your attention.  It’s always about them.  Them as in, your boss, your assistant, your coworker, your spouse, your child, your client.  Focus on what is useful for them.  The greatest gift you can give is your attention.  Give your attention generously.

5. No judgment.  Unless you are in court, and behind the bench, don’t judge.  Take some time today to listen to how often you hear judgmental statements.  “Can you believe?”, “I don’t understand why?”, “Did you hear…”.  Or worse yet when people put themselves down or limit themselves.  “I’m horrible at this”, “I’ll never be able to…”, “I can’t…”  Judgment is negativity in disguise.  Optimism is the road to the useful.

6. Bless his heart.  When you hear this in the Southern United States, run.  Whatever is coming next is not going to be positive.  This is the southern, gentile way of saying, “I’m about to run the bus over someone.” This makes whoever is saying it feel superior to whoever they are blessing.  It’s apologizing before you put someone down.  Stand clear.

I’m not suggesting that it’s not fun to do interesting but not useful things.  I was an avid Sudoku player for a while and I am an Anthony Bourdain addict, although I doubt I’ll be eating at a roadside stand in Myanmar anytime soon.  The point is that if you want to get something done and have more productive conversations, focus on the useful instead of the interesting.

Dogs, Pink Jackets and Lessons on Leadership

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Dogs are amazing at reflecting back what humans’ desire.  Most of us treat our pets like they are part of the family but I think my dog, Baci, thinks that she is an employee and a damn good one.   My relationship with her has taught me as much as any off-site training or college course.  Our relationship is simple and can guide you in your relationships at work.Baci

1. Trust. Baci expects her meals to be timely and fair.  She’s the first one to speak up if the kibbles are late to the bowl.  My employees and customers expect the same when it comes to compensation, goods or services. You better be on time and accurate or there will be attrition.

2. Appreciation.  There isn’t a dog who doesn’t demand their belly scratched once, twice, countless times a day. Your coworkers, boss or clients want the same “scratch” but I doubt they are up front about asking for it. Show them appreciation and more frequently than they expect.

3. Dutiful.  Baci has very clear duties at the Graham House, keep it free of all squirrels, geese and lizards.  She does an outstanding job. I am confident that she is on duty no matter what.  We haven’t had squirrels take up residence, so I know she is on top of her game.  You should have the same confidence in those who surround you at work. It’s best to assume they have your best interest at heart; that they are looking out for you. If some squirrels move in, then clarify what your expectations are.

4. Perspective. Baci has a different lens. She views things from ground level. I might be cutting up raw beef on the kitchen counter or potting a plant.  She doesn’t care except for whatever falls on the floor and hopefully it’s the former. Your clients, cohorts and boss all have a different perspective and some are from the penthouse and others are in the basement. Make sure you know their perspective if you end up dropping something.

5. Attention.  I admit that I lose sight of Baci’s priorities when I’m in my office concentrating on work.  Sometimes I get up from my desk to find her sprawled at my feet and surrounded by her army of toys. She has carefully brought each toy as a gift while I wasn’t paying attention. Are your direct reports doing the same? Showing up early, staying late, working extra hours on that overdue project…are you paying attention?

6. Needs.  Baci is exasperating at times. She can’t decide if she wants in or out, to sit on my lap or my husband’s; upstairs or down. Are your clients fickle and difficult to figure out? Are they changing their minds and causing you frustration. They are taking the cue from your guidelines and how malleable you are (I give in more easily than my husband on letting Baci in or out). Are you meeting your clients’ needs or tuning them out?

7. Team player.  I love to dress up Baci.  And she is happy to oblige (ok…I’m not sure she’s happy). Whether it’s some Halloween monstrosity or a pink rain jacket that I happen to think is cute; she patiently shows up to be the team player; poses for pictures and moves on.  I bet there are things your co-workers put up with just because you think it’s cute or critical.  Are you letting them put on that pink rain jacket once in a while?

Animals teach us humility, patience and appreciation.  Maybe it’s time we apply those lessons to the human race. 

What has your pet taught you?

Gotcha Management

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator1 Comment

This is the first cousin to the Tyrant and leads to pointing fingers and silo building.  It’s the story of the boss who pulls the rug out from under her team to point out all their flaws. It’s when the status quo is suddenly way too low and she’s going to make sure you are shown the error of your ways.  It’s kind of like, if suddenly cops actually started pulling you over for driving 60 miles an hour in a 55 speed zone.  You’re saying to yourself, “Really?  It’s only 5 miles over the speed limit.  I’ve been driving like this for 30 years and now you’re going to start issuing tickets?” Gotcha Management

The Gotcha boss feels emboldened because they have “such high standards”.  She feels like she’s really calling the shots and making folks tow-the-line.  In the meantime, her team is living in fear and not producing.  They are constantly struggling to CYA and quickly pointing the finger at the rest of the team members so that everyone else ends up low person on the totem pole.  All the other bosses start building up their silos so that the fingers don’t start getting pointed in their direction.  Ah yes.  There is safety with a thick, high wall between departments.

 

So what do you do if you are unfortunate enough to report to such a boss?  Here are some tips:

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1. Open.  Keep open communication.  If your boss is always busy and won’t make time for you, send an email.  Subject line: Can we meet for ten minutes on the following?  In the body of the email: list the bullet points of what you’d like to discuss.  This gives your boss a heads up as to what the discussion is about.  They get to prepare (if they need to) and don’t feel blindsided when you finally get the meeting.  If your boss isn’t defensive, the communication will be more effective.  Keep communication channels open.

 

2. Solution Focus.  Don’t dwell on the details and drama.  When you bring an issue to your boss, bring the solution with you.   It’s best to bring three options.  Three?  Well, the first option is easy, the status quo.  Option one is to keep on doing what we are doing: “Let’s keep the budget sequence the same and live with some being turned in late”.  Option two is your desired outcome: “Let’s move up the deadline by two weeks and I’ll be responsible for following up with late comers”.  Option three can be a stretch or your best case scenario but you’re not sure the boss will go for it: “Let’s schedule a meeting one week before the deadline to go over everyone’s budget which will reinforce completing it on time”.  When there are three solutions, your boss won’t feel like it’s an ultimatum and will feel more in control.  Focus on the solutions.

 

3.  Sword.  You might need to fall on the sword.   Take responsibility for your part in the mess. “Boss, I didn’t follow up on those budget reports the way I should have.  It’s my fault that 50% missed the deadline.”  This might ensure that the rest of the team isn’t blind-sided and it should built authenticity if not trust with your boss.  I’m not saying that there isn’t a slice of the boss population out there that might abuse this but, if that’s the case; it might be time to update your resume.  In the meantime, fall on the sword.

 

4. Optimism.  Stay optimistic.  Focus on what is working.  It might be that we aren’t losing as much money as we did last year or that sales are flat but we aren’t losing ground.  It might be that you’ve retained your customer base or that your employee turnover rate is holding steady.  Find some nugget of good and emphasize the positive. As I have pointed out in previous posts, staying positive is the best for your brain and build better, stronger pathways to solutions.  Be optimistic.

 

5. Spine.  You’re gonna need a backbone.  Don’t cave if it’s something you believe in.  Explain the rationale in your thinking to your Gotcha boss.  If she can’t point out some flaws in your thinking, then remain steadfast.  Sometimes you just need to go with your gut and stand up for what you believe in.  If the boss doesn’t back you, work on your Linkedin profile and plan your escape.  Have a backbone.

 

These tips can help those of you who need a strategy to improve your relationship with your boss.  Some strategies won’t work.  Many years ago I worked for a boss who didn’t have my back and I was put in a precarious ethical situation with the corporate office.  I planned my escape and got out.  All the advice in the world isn’t going to fix an unethical situation.  Some Gotcha bosses can be turned around if you give it a try.