Communication Chasm

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Have you been in a communication chasm?  You need an immediate answer from your boss, your partner or your friend and they don’t respond.  Ugh.  It’s almost like in today’s day and age of immediate communication and overload of technology that communication comes to a stand still.  Some people respond to email.  Some people will only instant message or text (hello, anyone under 30) or something really old school: a face-to-face meeting.  How often does that happen?  Well, if the Millenials only want to text and Gen X only wants to email, the Boomers want a phone call and the Traditionals want to be eye ball to eye ball, how are we all going to all get along?

Sometimes you need to be Sherlock Holmes to try and figure out the “sweet spot” for a response.  Hm, I sent an email last week, left a voice mail yesterday…I wonder how I will get the response I need to reach an important decision before this project deadline.  We have all this technology and yet we can’t seem to get on the same page.  We have a communication chasm.

So how do we jump the divide and start exchanging information and make some decisions? Here are a few tips and ideas:

1. Open Mind. You’re going to need to start with one.  We all have our preferences.  I would love to email every person in my life and think that it will serve all my purposes.  It won’t.  Sometimes I need to call.  Sometimes I need to be face to face.  Get out from behind your PC or smart phone and test the waters.

2. Embrace. If you have a child with a cell phone. Scratch that.  If you have a child, they have a cell phone.  You will need to learn to text.  There is no other way.  Embrace the change.  My sister-in-law told me that her 80 year old mother can text because that was the only way her twenty-something granddaughters would communicate.  It’s never too late to embrace change.

3. Learn. About a year ago at an executive meeting, a colleague brought up that his daughter was traveling over seas.  I asked if he had “Skyped” with her.   Most of the gentlemen at the meeting were Boomers with laptops and camera phones.  They looked at me like I had said a dirty word.  They need to dust off their cameras and learn some new methods.  Technology is changing at such a rapid pace that you need to stay ahead of the wave.

4. Adapt.  Take some of your new found techno intelligence and start using it.  Scan your audience and try some different methods.  If you notice that someone always leaves a voice mail in response to your email, then call them back.  If your child texts a response to your voice mail, text them back.  Don’t be tied to your normal communication channel. To be more effective, you are going to need to adapt.

5. Relax. Obviously this is tough for someone impatient like myself.  Take a breath…actually a couple of deep breaths as advised by the book, The Willpower Instinct by Dr. Kelly McGonigal.  Slowing your breath for about 5 minutes can really take the edge off of the anxiety.  Just because information is flooding by doesn’t mean you need to jump into the flow.  Unless you are in a fire or earthquake, it will all work out.

6. Give. The Golden Rule.  Sometimes it pays to be the one who steps forward with communication.  Stay away from building silos in your life because someone has not been communicating as frequently as you would like.  Take the first step to reaching out to them.  Try using their chosen communication channel as a first step.

7. Assumptions.  Check your assumptions.  If your husband didn’t return an urgent text, do not assume he has been in a car accident.  If your child hasn’t acknowledged a money transfer into his account, do not assume he’s been robbed.  If your client hasn’t returned your email, do not assume that the deal is dead or, worse yet, they don’t want to work with you.   Assumptions are a dangerous barrier to communication.

Communication channels are an ever-changing landscape of possibilities.  You may not stay ahead of the curve or be an early adopter, but if you want to span the divide of the chasm, you’ll need to start taking some steps.

How do you jump the divide?

Elevating Esteem

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I have been facilitating the “Essentials of Leadership” class by Development Dimensions International (DDI) for over 10 years.  The first Key Principle is “maintain or enhance self esteem”.  I find it interesting that in most classes, the concept of enhancing self esteem is much more difficult if the person you are interacting with appears to be confident.  Why enhance a self esteem that already seems to be adequately enhanced?  Why stroke someone who seems to be already full of themselves? It would be like paying a compliment to Arnold Schwarzenegger or Donald Trump.  Why do that?  They don’t need it.

I think we also get repelled when complimenting someone who is of higher status, say your boss or a peer who is obviously bringing in a bigger paycheck.  What’s the point? They never compliment me.  Why add to their bucket if they aren’t adding to mine?  Maybe their bucket will overflow and I won’t have any.

On the flip side, it so easy to give an “Atta boy” to your child for the smallest of achievements.  Heck.  I even say “good girl” when my dog stops to piddle when I walk her.  In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, “Esteem” is one step below “Self Actualization”.  So creativity and problem solving (Self Actualization) can’t even happen unless the Esteem is met first.  I think we better get on the stick and start enhancing everyone’s self esteem regardless of their status or position in life.

Here are some ideas on how to elevate self esteem:

1. Thanks.  It’s important to thank those around you.  Whether it’s the server who refilled your water glass, the guy who bagged your groceries or your boss when she gives you some direction on the project; it never hurts to thank someone for even the smallest deed.   When my son finally gets to the dishes three hours after dinner is done, I thank him.  It might be late, I might be frustrated but it’s better to encourage the behavior rather than to diminish his self esteem.

2. Appreciation.  I think this is one small step up from thanks.  It’s expanding the idea of thanking someone with just a bit more detail.  For instance, “Thanks for emptying the garbage” or “I appreciate that you put more detail in the report.”  It specifies what exactly you are appreciating.  “Thanks for responding in a timely manner.” This is going to encourage more of the same.

3. Connect.  If you connect it to how or why the behavior was important, it reinforces the behavior.   So that might look like “Because you emptied the garbage for me, I made it to my meeting on time, thanks” or “Since you put more detail in the report, the committee understood the impact of the decision, thanks”.  If you can tie the behavior to an impact on the organization, group or to you personally, you start hitting the sweet spot of enhancing self esteem.

4. Sincere.  This is difficult to gauge but I think we all know in our gut when someone is being insincere. Somehow the compliment falls flat.  Perhaps it’s the inflection in the voice or that someone is normally sarcastic so it’s difficult to tell when sarcasm stops and sincerity begins.  It starts with you.  Be sincere.  If you know in your heart you are sincere; it won’t fall flat.

5.  Specific.  The more specific you are; the more bang for the buck.  There is a difference between “You look great” to “I love your blouse” to “That blouse is beautiful, the color highlights your eyes.” They are all good.  The last statement is just more effective because it’s more specific.  The enhancement of the self esteem is even greater.

6. Equal Opportunity.  Be an equal opportunity enhancer.   The meek of the world are not the only ones who need enhancement.   I think blowhards like Trump need enhancement as well.  I think that arrogance can be a sign that someone is over compensating for not receiving enough positive strokes in their life.  The best defense is a good offense.  People around them think they are full of themselves but inside they are yearning for validation.  Go ahead and fill their bucket.  You will feel better for it.  Honest.

There is pay off for all this.  People naturally gravitate to positive people.  The neighbor I grew up next door to as a kid was always positive and constantly enhanced my self esteem. She always looked for the best in me.  Be that positive influence on others in your life and they will gravitate towards you.

How do you enhance self esteem?

Silo Busting

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Silos crop up in organizations when there is a lack of trust.  Departments, regions and co-workers try desperately to mark their territory and keep a tight fist on resources and information.  It’s not a healthy situation.  This results in closed doors, back stabbing and, frequently, loss of good personnel.  They take off for more forthcoming, open organizations.

Silos in your personal life crop up when you don’t tell your husband about the exam your son failed at school.  Why bring him into it?  He’ll probably get angry.  Your son will get embarrassed and defensive.  Let’s just put up a wall on the information to keep the peace.  Suddenly you’ve laid your first brick in your own personal silo.  The “keep bad news away from Dad’ silo.  In the long run, when someone finds out who knew what and when, the trust might be irreparable.

So how do you go about some silo busting?  Here are some ideas

1. Open.  Be open with your communication.  This can be difficult; especially, if the culture is to keep your cards close.  It starts with you.  If you just got some information that might negatively affect the business or one department in particular.  Take the first step and be open with the information.

2. Drop.  As in drop the assumptions.  This moment never happened before.  You really don’t know how that manager, child or customer might react.  You might have an educated guess but leave your assumptions out of it.  They are frequently a self fulfilling prophecy.  “Suzie always gets angry when I mention the sales forecast.”  Hmmm, regardless of Suzie’s reaction you are going to be looking to fulfill your assumption and any reaction Suzie has will be categorized in your mind as “anger”.

3. Love.  Sounds crazy but I do this especially if I am angry with a colleague (or ex) .  I imagine myself embracing them.  It’s hard to throw someone under the bus if you recently imagined embracing them.  We are all human and deserve caring folks around us.  It’s real hard to lay the first brick of a silo if you promote a caring culture.

4. Share.  This straight out of the “Essentials of Leadership” from Development Dimensions International,  “Share thoughts, feelings and rationale.”  It builds trust.  Explain to your husband why you were reluctant (feelings) to tell him about the failing test score.  Tell your colleague why (rationale) you would like to delay the project.  Trusting environments rarely have silos.

5. Promoter.  Be a promoter within your work group.  Make sure your employees are drinking the same Kool-Aid.  If your employees know that you are an open book on information and resources, they will follow suit.  Do not reward those who withhold important information to other departments.   It starts with you

6. Vacuum.  Don’t tolerate a vacuum on information or resources.  Take a deep breath and take the first step (this is more difficult for some of us who hate rocking the boat).  Pick up the phone or, better yet, (if you can) go be eyeball to eyeball with that guy you think is trying to build a silo.  “Hey Joe, I haven’t heard the status on Project X and my understanding is that you do….what gives?”  Be a silo preventer.

Depending on the organization, work unit or family culture, this can be difficult.  You can’t choose your family but you can choose the organization you work for.  If you are sensing there are too many silos and there aren’t any silo busters like you around?  The best strategy might be finding a place without any silos.

Squashing Gigaguilt

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

I’ve been reading CrazyBusy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD by Edward R. Hallowell.  The author coined the term Gigaguilt.  Initially, I figured that Gigaguilt was feeling regretful that I didn’t buy the 64 GB iPod and defaulted to the 16 GB iPod.  Like gigabite envy; it’s not.

It’s about the guilt associated with having access to so much information that you know that you are missing that 5k race for domestic violence victims, and the compensation conference in Tampa, and that comedian you’d love to see, or your son’s wrestling match that falls on the same night as your WordPress Meetup.

Life was so much simpler when we didn’t get Facebook invitations to fundraisers for every charity under the sun.  They are all so deserving but how do you choose once the flood gates of information or connectedness open up?  There is this constant struggle between priorities in your life.  Some of which, up until about 5 years ago, weren’t even on your radar.  If you feel like you are overcommitted and are still beating yourself up that you forgot about the parents meeting at your child’s school, have 6 unanswered meeting requests in your inbox and your mother is exasperated that you haven’t returned her call –  You are suffering from Gigaguilt.

Here are some practical tips on how to squash the gigaguilt:

1. Timer.  Put a timer on when it comes to social media.  Spend 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening.  Check in, and do what you are there for.  Check your daughter’s page, your college group feed and wish everyone happy birthday, and Get OFF.  Out of sight, out of mind.

2. Select.  Be selective with your notifications, lists and resources.  I am on several lists.  I get several daily, weekly and monthly newsletters, articles and posts.  If I decide it’s not serving me after a few weeks or months.  I drop it.  If something new comes on the horizon, I sign up and see if there is a benefit.  If not?  I drop it.  You are going to need to draw the line.  If you are never going to be a painter or lawyer or PhD candidate, get off the list.  If you aspire to learn how to play guitar, be a better public speaker or want some leadership advice, sign up and take a test drive.  Just be willing to pull the plug if it’s not serving you.  Clutter produces drag.

3. Slack. As in cut yourself some slack.  It’s OK to not sign up for every 5k within a 20 mile radius of your home.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  Don’t head down the self judgment trail.  You don’t need to be the perfect________(fill in the blank).  My son ran in the state track meet last year and I wasn’t there to see it.  I saw the video.  I’m still a great parent.  No judgment.  I didn’t get to run a 10k in April.  I’ll try it next year.  I’m still a runner…er jogger.  I didn’t get to go to the charity event I’ve attended for the last 9 years.  It’s still a great cause and I am still a generous person.  Remember:  No one is keeping tabs except you.  Judge yourself exemplary.

4. Expectations. Lay the ground work with those who are important in your life.  Tell your boss that you won’t be able to work Thursday afternoons during you son’s wrestling season.  Tell your mother that you don’t take phone calls during dinner.  Let your daughter know that you have a trip scheduled during her upcoming concert.  There is a lot less guilt and finger pointing if you lay out your expectations up front.

5. Present.  Be present.  If your partner is talking to you, stop looking at your iPhone, make eye contact and listen.  If you are on the phone with your friend, don’t look at email.  If your dog wants to be scratched, look her in the eyes and be with her in the moment.   If you are taking a walk, smell, listen and look at the sights around you.  You aren’t going to get this moment back.  Be there, in the moment, in every moment of your life.

I am by nature, an early adopter.  I will on impulse sign up for a Groupon that I’m not sure my husband is on board with.  I will sign up for the class that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to fit into my life.  I have learned to back off.  Take a breath.  Be selective and squash the gigaguilt.  Just be cause you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Minimizing Stage Fright

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I was presenting to a group for the first time last week and while the slide said “Relationships – How to Be a Real Success”, I said something like, “Sex is real important in relationships” (I don’t know what I actually said because the embarrassment basically erased my memory). And the crowd erupted.  I went three shades of red.  We were all laughing, especially me.  It was easy from there.  Isn’t that crazy?  Somehow I connected to the audience because of my blunder.  I became a human in everyone else’s eyes.

I’m a big Zoe Keating fan (a fabulous avaunt-garde cellist).  She apparently has suffered from performance anxiety and was written about in an article by Therese J. Borchard in World of Psychology called Conquering Performance Anxiety: A Primer for All Phobias.  What is interesting is that she conquered her fear by not performing in front of a group of people that she knew but by “busking” (street performing) at a BART station in San Francisco.  She conquered her fear by playing for an uncaring audience because once they started leaving some money and showing appreciation for her playing, she was emboldened.  Even if she made mistakes, they still thanked her for her playing.  Being a parent of a musician, I can tell you that you don’t notice mistakes as the listener, but as a musician, it’s all you pay attention to.

I received some helpful advice in a training course for DiSC by Inscape Publishing several years ago which was, “It’s all about them.”  When you focus on the audience and your only intention is to bring knowledge, skills or a new awareness to the group in front of you, the fear is damped down.  Squashed like a grape.

So how can you squash your fears and minimize your stage fright?  Here are a couple of ideas.

1.  Meditate.  Even 5 minutes a day can improve your focus.  It builds the gray matter in your brain and keeps the “stage” clear in your prefrontal cortex.  When you can focus, you are keeping your lizard brain at bay.  The more you practice meditation, the better the benefits.  You don’t see the Dalai Lama stressing out and having performance anxiety.

2. Beliefs.  My daughter told me the other day that she was nervous about midterms.  She said, “I’m bad at taking tests”.  If you believe that you are “bad” at taking tests, you will be.  If you believe that you are going to be nervous when you speak in front your Rotary club, you will be.  As Byron Katie prescribes, do the turn around.  Say to yourself that you are awesome at taking tests, inspiring at speaking in front of an audience, or that you’re going to rock this interview.  You gotta believe.

3. Reappraisal.  David Rock promotes this in his book Your Brain At Work. When you go on high alert because you feel a lack of control and uncertainty (such as getting on stage in front of a group or taking the SATs), try and re-frame your thinking.   I remember being given the advice that you should imagine that everyone is naked…really?  Now that is scary.  Try and reframe by saying to yourself, “Everyone is excited about what I’m going to say” or “I am really prepared for this test and I’m going to give it my best”.  When you can reflect and re-frame, you dampen down the fear response.

4. Transparent.   The audience cannot see inside your head.  Taylor Clark wrote in his book Nerve about the “illusions of transparency” bias. Put simply, we tend to believe that our internal emotional states are more obvious to others than they truly are. Outside of blushing and nervous twitches, the audience has no idea if you are calm and confident or shaking in your boots.  Assume the former and move on.

5. Move.  If you sit in the wings of the stage gnashing your teeth, you will raise your heart rate and stress level.  Take a ten-minute walk and get the blood flowing to your gray matter.  In fact, put your iPod on and listen to some uplifting music while you take that walk.

6. Alcohol and Caffeine. Your adrenaline is high enough.  There is no reason to pump up your system so lay off the Mountain Dew, espresso and dark chocolate.  You don’t want to be a jittery mess.  A shot of tequila or glass of Merlot is a not good route either.  You want to be on top of your game, so keep your gray matter in top form.

7. Prepare.  Run through your materials.  Don’t over think it but make sure you feel comfortable.  I find that I am always better the second time I give a training or speech.  I know where the lulls are, what questions come up and what material to throw out.  It’s the same when you take an exam for the second time in a class. You know what the professor is looking for the second time around.

Try one or two of these the next time your stage fright shows up.  Build from there. You can tame your fear with a little practice.

How do you conquer stage fright?

Think outside the Boomer Box.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

The next generation is invading the workforce and we are all going to need to adapt.  The expectation of a recent college graduate is vastly different than those boomers who are checking their 401k balance everyday and trying to figure out their escape plan.  For those of you who haven’t been in a college classroom lately, let me bring you up to date, the twenty-somethings are texting on their smart phones, sitting behind laptops and  have never cracked the spine on an encyclopedia.  So imagine the shock and horror, when they enter the workforce and they are dumped into a joyless cubicle, only have access to company approved websites and can’t use their cell phone because it’s prohibited by company policy.  Hmmm.  I think we have a problem.  We just put the handcuffs on; we’re bridling a generation that doesn’t even know what that means.

The average Millennial, born between 1980 and 2000, is expected to work 1.7 years at any given company.  In Human Resource terms, that is a blink of the eye.  Recruiting, attracting, on-boarding, training and retaining seem hardly worth the effort for 1.7 years of tenure (unless of course you are McDonalds).

So how are you going to retain these “kids”?  We’re going to need to take a hard look at our work environments, policies and leadership skills and adapt.  Some boomers may delay retirement for a few more years but there is going to be deficit in the skilled employable talent pool.   The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that within 8 years, Gen Y will be the majority generation in the workforce.

Here are some ideas on how to hold on to Gen Y and Z:

1. Purpose.  GenY can easily work for the Peace Corps in Africa for 2 years as work for a for-profit company. This group is looking for a higher purpose.  Profit for shareholders isn’t likely to cut the mustard.  If you can link your company’s vision and mission to a higher purpose, Gen Y might stick around.  Is your company giving back to the community, developing green initiatives or supporting a cause?  Are you communicating that or are you writing checks and keeping your mouth shut?  Communicate it.  Often.  And in varied ways

2. Feedback. Give it to them straight.  In an article from the Harvard Business Review by Meister and Willyerd called Mentoring Millenials, what Millenials want from their boss is someone “who will give me straight feedback”.  No sugar coating.  No veiled criticism.  Cut to the chase.

3. Recognition.  This is the generation where everyone got a trophy for just participating and in some cases, they didn’t get grades or never kept score during the game.  They have been recognized just for showing up.  This doesn’t need to be a huge budget for purchasing trophies for “just showing up to work,” a specific, sincere thank you for a job well done and why it’s important to the company’s goals will suffice.  This will build loyalty.

4. Freedom. You might think about how much latitude you are giving this next generation.   Antiquated policies about dress code, cubicle decorum and a staunch 8 to 5 work schedule isn’t likely to attract these folks.  If your business permits (I’m not suggesting that a bank teller should be able to work virtually), loosen the reins a little.  If you want some contrast, check out this video about Zappos culture.

5. Social. This generation has been collaborating and socializing since grade school.  Is your company culture open to supporting collaboration below the executive team?  Are your departments throwing a BBQ once in a while?  What are you doing to get to know your younger employees?  Get social.

6. Technology.  They are going to demand that you have technology.  A 2008 LexisNexis® Technology Gap Survey found that only 14% of Boomers access social networking sites from work; 62% of Gen Y do. Does your workplace permit such things as Facebooking at work? Have you figured out how to manage it?  The workplace is changing.

7. Challenge.  Busy work isn’t going to cut it.  This group isn’t about “paying their dues” for 10 years before having an opportunity to test the waters.  My nineteen-year-old daughter had an internship this summer for a documentary company.  Within three weeks of starting, they let her edit a piece of the documentary.  Is your company willing to do that?  How are you challenging this next generation? Challenge them early and often.

8. Open. Whether you are ready or not, within the next eight years more than 50% of the workforce is going to be Millenials.  Are you open to change?  Regardless, it’s going to happen.  Work/life balance, flexible work schedules and virtual offices are here to stay.  Think outside of the boomer box and open yourself up to the next generation.

I realize that not all industries can adopt all of these measures, but we can take some steps on one or two.  This is not one-size-fits all.  The point here is to stay ahead of the talent war looming  within the next decade.

Tyrant Repellent

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Have you ever worked for one?  It’s a nightmare.  You will never be right.  You will rarely be listened to.  The nit picking will be never ending.  You start to wonder if you should get permission to go to the bathroom.  My very first job out of college was for a catering firm run by a micromanaging control freakish Tyrant.  The angle of the bread was never quite right, the food portion incorrect, the manner in which we sent orders out was inefficient and any decision I made (did I mention I was the manager?) was misguided. All according to the Tyrant.  I left the job after 18 months.  I was new to the workforce but I was stressed out beyond repair of cigarettes and alcohol.

I’ve seen many micromanagers since leaving that job, but I’m happy to say, I’ve never worked for another Tyrant.  I think I must have radar to spot them when interviewing for a new opportunity.  I’ll speak my mind too freely during the interview and somehow I don’t get a call back.  Hmmm…“she’s too independent,” “thinks for herself too much,”  “that will never do.”

What about looking in the mirror?  Are there places and circumstances in your life where you are a bit of a Tyrant?  Been a helicopter parent?  A controlling friend?  A meddling daughter?  I think there are parts to everyone’s life where we just can’t let go.  My husband micromanages Christmas morning, deliberating who gets what present and when. But hey, it’s once a year.  He can be the elf if he wants.

If you want to control the Tyrant within? Here are some suggestions:

1. Listen.  “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” – Stephen Covey.  I might add, “They listen with the intent to be right.” This has Tyrant written all over it.  There was a Tyrant colleague of mine who “asked” for guidance and then did the complete opposite.  He wasn’t listening.  He was paying me lip service.  The first step to earning respect is listening to understand.

2. Accountability.   In Liz Wiseman’s book  Multipliers, she suggests that the manager own 49% of the decision and that the direct report own 51%.  This is a beautiful balance.  This doesn’t take the person who delegated out of the picture but the accountability rests, by the slightest margin, on the direct report.  It’s empowering.  This is your project but your manager is going to be there to fully support you.

3. Challenge. This is frequently described as a stretch goal. This is asking someone to go beyond their normal limitations, to stretch or challenge themselves.  I was just talking to a friend yesterday about a race that is coming up.  There is a half marathon, a 10k, and a 5k.  I was vacillating between the 5k and the 10k.  He challenged me.  “You can do the 10k, Cathy! You’ll be ready in four weeks.”  His confidence inspired me to sign up for the longer distance.  Challenge those around you.

4. Present. As in, be present.  Let go of past and future.  If you are thinking about all your failures (i.e. past relationships, weight gain, enemies) and how this isn’t going to work, you are not present.   If you are calculating what your spouse is going to do the minute he gets home (i.e. dump the garbage, mow the lawn), you are not present. Marching to your own agenda and maintaining your image is not going to inspire those around you.  Tyrant’s live in Paranoia-ville.  Stay clear.

5. Finger pointing. Fall on the sword.  It may not be your fault that the dog got sick on the carpet, just clean it up and move on.  Your assistant messed up the report? My instructions must have been incomplete.  I’ll do better the next time, and so will she.  Maybe the process needs to be tweaked.  This is not the time to call anyone on the carpet.  Casting blame only makes you build walls to your kingdom and breeds distrust.

6. Invest.  It takes time, money and resources to build up those around you.  There are countless avenues to empower the people in your life. A summer camp session for your kid.  Web course for your partner.  An excel class for your assistant.  Encourage and invest in those around to pursue their passion.  They will remember you for your support.  They’ll have your back as well.

So here is your Tyrant repellent.  Try out one or two and see if you don’t reap the rewards.  Be a better leader regardless of your job title.

What do you do to lead others more effectively?

Your Perception May Not Be Someone’s Reality

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

If you have ever worked in the customer service side of business, you soon realize that perception is reality.  My years in the restaurant and insurance industry have shown me that what the server or agent intended to convey is frequently not what was perceived by the customer.  Someone being rude is truly in the eyes of the beholder.  “Your rude” and “my rude” may be on two opposing ends of the spectrum; especially if I’m 70 and you are 18.  Or if I’m from Saudi Arabia and you are from Canada.  We are all walking around with our own frame of reference.

As a restaurant manager, I had to bring it to the attention of the teenaged server that even if she hadn’t slammed the plates on the table, the customer perceived that she had.  That crossing her arms and glaring at the customer could be perceived as rude.  Intended or not, it’s what the customer felt and noticed, from their point of view.

How many times has your child, coworker or spouse told you that, “So and so yelled at me”? Do your really think they yelled? I think of yelling as a raised voice;  like being at a football game and yelling, “Go Gators”.  I find that in normal everyday living (outside of sporting events)  most people don’t yell. When we are on the defensive, feel attacked or are being criticized, suddenly we are being yelled at. Our perception morphed.

Here are some steps to make sure you are keeping your perception in check:

1. Language. Check your body language.  Are your arms crossed? Scowl on your face? Hands on your hips?  Limp handshake? These can erode the authenticity of your message. Whether defensive or offensive your body is speaking for you.  Eye contact, slight smile and open arms and hands can generate trust.  Pay attention to what your body is saying.

2. Erasers.  When you use but, however and although while speaking with someone, you have erased the prior connection.  “I love your dress but those shoes are too big.” You have forced the recipient to think about the shoes and the dress compliment is lost.  “Nice job on the data analysis, however, it was two days late.”  Your assistant is now demoralized.  You are now being perceived as negative and insincere.  Watch your erasers.

3. Volume.  Keep tabs on the volume you are using when you speak.  This is an issue I struggle with.  I can come across as overbearing if I don’t keep it in check.  Men in particular need to be careful as deeper voices tend to carry regardless of the volume.  Mumbling can come across as having a lack of confidence or that you are hiding something.  Modulate and speak clearly.

4. Audible.  These are the noises that emanate that may be perceived but not the way you intended.  Huff.  Puff. Gasp.  Sigh.  Sometimes it can be involuntary.  Is it a sigh of exasperation or sigh of relief?  That is in the eye of the beholder.  You might want to check your audibles.

5. Fonts.  Every so often, I get an email message from someone in all caps.  Why is this person yelling at me?  Or I get an email with half the message bolded and underlined.  I’m pretty sure that the sender doesn’t realize (most of the time) how it appears to the recipient.  But I can tell you how I perceive it.  You are either yelling at me, talking down to me, don’t know the first thing about writing or you have zero typing skills.  Point being, there is no positive spin.  Watch your fonts.

6. Dress.  Think about how you dress.  A study from Gille and Mittag, showed that the more provocative you dress, the more observers will describe you as less intelligent.  If you have a big presentation, job interview or critical meeting, dress more conservatively and cover up your skin.  I’m not suggesting a burka, but a suit with long sleeves will have an impact on perception.  You will be perceived as more intelligent.  Boost your reputation.

What do you do to influence perception?

Fork in the Road

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Choosing which fork in the road can be excruciating.  My son is in the throes of choosing colleges to apply to.  There is an endless list of possibilities.  In today’s day and age, some kids apply to upwards of 20 schools.  How do you pare down the list?  How important is the engineering program?  Public or private? Close enough for Mom to drop by…or not? Too far and Dad won’t drop by and buy lunch once in a while.  Is their mascot a dancing tree, a tiger or an insect?  Are their teams worth painting his face for?   Do their dorms have air conditioning?  Can he even get in?

A colleague of mine quit his job last week.  Without notice.  Without a parachute.  Without telling his wife. He chose his fork in the road when he wasn’t even at the “fork”. Abruptly turned right…a sharp right.  He made a decision and he was relieved.  Empowered.  He bent the fork.

The anticipation of making the decision can be far more painful than making the decision.  Ruminating through all the scenarios.  Sometimes it’s better to just deal with the aftermath rather than sweating over the “what ifs”.

Here are some suggestions about getting past the fork in the road:

1.  Deadline.  Make a hard deadline.  This is obvious in the college selection decision (you miss the deadline and it’s time for plan B).  Not so obvious if you are quitting your job, starting a business or purchasing a house.  So mark your calendar and hold fast to the deadline.  This will help move the process along.  If by year-end you still don’t like your boss or your commute (or even your significant other), move on.

2. Black Hole.  What is the worst-case scenario?  You are going to need to have a chat with your lizard brain.  What exactly are you afraid of?  If you quit your job, the world will not end.  If you leave your spouse, the sun will rise tomorrow.  If you start the new business, it might fail.  You can always work at Wal-Mart.  You can move to a cheaper living situation.  You can be alone.  Whew.  OK.  So now we can only go up from here.

3. Write.  Make a list of pros and cons with pencil and paper.  This process helps you focus.  Slowing down the thought process is important and improves the connections in your brain.  If you type out a list of pros and cons, it’s too rapid and uses both hands.  Writing with pencil and paper allows you to focus more and helps you be more deliberate and reflective.

4. Gut.  This was in a previous post. Be the Gut Whisperer.  Buried in your limbic brain is the right answer.  So over thinking can cause you to ignore your gut.  Do so at your own peril.  I remember when we bought the house I now live in.  My children came to see the house before we made an offer.  My ten-year-old daughter loved it.  There were a ton of issues with the house (it had been flooded in Hurricane Floyd) but she knew when she looked at the view of the lake from her future bedroom window…this was the place.  We went with her gut and have never looked back.

5. Run.  Go for a jog.  Get the blood flowing.  As Dr. John Ratey recommends in his book Spark, regular exercise reduces stress, anxiety and increases the neuropath ways within the brain.  You learn better, are calmer and will make better decisions.  So if it’s time to finally decide on which car you are going to buy, go for a run.

6. Jump.  Hold your nose and jump on in.  Turn down the job.  Buy the car.  Get engaged.  Shut the doors to the restaurant.  Go to the Ivy League school.  Give it your all, what ever you choose.  This is not the time to vacillate.  Commit to the direction and go.

So what fork in the road are you dealing with?

Be the Lizard Tamer

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Breaking habits is tough work.  Whether you want to quit smoking, stop procrastinating or get off the couch, it’s tough row to hoe.   Your amygdala is frequently referred to as your lizard brain and it’s standing in your way.  It’s the oldest part of your brain and where your fear lives.  When you get on a bike for the first time in ten, er, twenty years, your amygdala kicks in and remembers how to ride the bike.  It also brings along all the emotions that go with it.   I remember when I broke my arm at age 13 while riding my bike down Majestic Court with my friend Wendy.  It’s all there – one pedal at a time, balancing, the asphalt, the road rash, the trip to the ER, and the cast on my arm – one big sloppy sack of memory.  And my amygdala is happy to bring it up every time I think about riding a bike.

So every time you try to start a new habit like riding a bike, eating less, or working on projects first thing in the morning, your lizard brain wakes up and tries to put the kabosh on the new habit.  When you wake up the lizard brain, it sends out the fear signals.  Ride a bike? Don’t you remember going to the ER that time? Skip the Krispy Kremes at the breakfast meeting? But I always get a glazed cream filled donut at the finance meeting.  We are on auto pilot and our lizard is leading us down the path.

The good news is there are ways to unplug your auto pilot, tame your lizard and get on the road to renewal:

1. Meditate. Studies have shown that just 5 minutes of meditation a day can increase neuroplasticity and blood flow to your prefrontal cortex in just 8 weeks. This creates greater connections in the brain and improves brain function, especially your prefrontal cortex (where your best work is done!).   The best part is that it decreases the size your amygdala which lowers your stress level.  When your stress is lower, you make better decisions; like skipping the donut and riding the bike instead.

2. Lucky 7.  That is the sweet spot on sleep.  No more, no less.  For optimum cognitive function, you need 7 hours of sleep.  More than 8, and your brain function declines.  Less than 6 and a half and it declines as well.  For better concentration and control of your decision making, it’s best to get seven hours of sleep.  Have you ever had to have a conversation with a teenager after an all nighter?  Nuf said.  Get your lucky 7.

3. HRV.  You want to increase your Heart Rate Variability.  In the book, “The Willpower Instinct” by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, studies have shown that those with a higher HRV can handle anxiety and stress more easily.  They bounce back and get back on track easier.  It’s difficult to change your HRV but quitting smoking, eating a plant based diet, meditation and regular exercise are four proven ways to increase it.  Slow your breathing down to 4 to 6 breaths per minute.  If you can exhale slowly before facing a stressful situation, you will be more resilient.  Angry customer?  Slow your breathing.  Need to resist that cream filled donut?  Slow your breathing.  Take back control.

4. Alcohol.  Every time I started smoking again, I was in a bar.  Hmmm.  I wonder why?  Maybe it’s because alcohol was involved.  Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and, of course, lowers your self control.  So if you are working on a new set of habits and want to bolster your self control, put down the martini glass.

5. Exercise.  It just takes 15 minutes a day.  It can take any form you like: window shopping, gardening, walking, p90x, or yoga.  As Dr. McGonigal says all that’s required is that you are able to “answer no to the following two questions: 1. Are you sitting, standing still, or lying down? 2. Are you eating junk food while you do it?”.  Easy.

6. Plan.  Think and plan your habits.  Put your sneakers by the foot of your bed.  Don’t power up your PC until you’ve planned your day.  Schedule your meals for the day in advance.  When you’ve planned it out ahead of time, the new habit becomes a default. I guess I have to run this morning because my sneakers are waiting for me.

7. No.  All willpower starts and ends with No.  You will need to push away from the table, turn down the dessert, shut down your devices, and walk away from facebook.  Start with steps 1 through 6 and your prefrontal cortex will be there to support you when the going gets tough.

It’s also a good idea to take one small step at a time.  Start with the meditating and then build from there.  It takes time and patience to take control of your lizard.  Be the Lizard Tamer.

How have you tamed your lizard?