🧐25 Peculiarities of Newfoundland

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I’m finishing up a month-long solo RV tour of Newfoundland.  This is truly a beguiling place with vast amounts of seascapes, cliffs, and wilderness as well as tiny fishing villages and busier hubs like St. John. The vast Great Northern Peninsula is as desolate in areas as the Yukon Territory with nary a Tim Horton (Canada’s answer to Dunkin); while St. John’s is a major shipping port with countless restaurants and museums. I began my trip at Port aux Basques where I could travel for hours without seeing any facilities and I am finishing up my trip outside of St. John’s which has 40% of the province’s population complete with parking garages and pedestrian thoroughfares. There is a lot of contrast here and I’ve loved every moment.

An iceberg near St. Lunaire-Griquet

Here are the 25 peculiarities of Newfoundland:

  1. Pronouncing it. I have been corrected on the pronunciation of Newfoundland by several Newfies. From the best I can figure it is pronounced: New-FUN-lAnd. I tend to say NEW-fin-lund. 
  2. No Newfoundland dogs.  Outside of statue of a Newfoundland and Labrador dog in downtown St. John’s, I have yet to see a Newfoundland dog here.  I had a client ask if there were herds of them here. There are not.
  3. Only Dairy.  Especially in the remote northern end of Newfoundland, I could not find any non-dairy milk or yogurt.  It’s all dairy, dairy here.
  4. Moose. I went to a nature park called Salmonair and traveled over 1,000 miles in Newfoundland. I have yet to see a live moose although they claim that there is one moose for every 4 people or 125,000 moose. That’s an amazing number considering they were introduced here in 1904.
  5. Icebergs. I saw eight icebergs on my trip here and if you come in June and are willing to travel to St. Lunaire or Twillingate, I can pretty much guarantee you will see an iceberg and it’s an awe-inspiring sight.
  6. RDF. A Newfie clued me in that this is the general term for weather which stands for Rain, Drizzle and Fog (St. John is known as Fog town). There is no telling when it will rain and when it will be sunny and, in general, the forecast is wrong. This can make planning difficult and you just have to be adaptable. 
  7. National Parks. There are two National Parks (Gros Morne and Terra Nova) on Newfoundland and they are beautiful and super inexpensive compared to the US. It’s only $11.00 to enter these parks for the day.
  8. Provincial Parks. I saw several Provincial Parks and all of them have been free. The most stunning was the Dungeon Provincial Park which is a collapsed sea cave.  It was a gravel road out to it, but when there is a clear, blue sky and pounding waves below in “the dungeon”, it’s a spectacular sight. 
  9. Potholes. When I drove the Alaska Canada highway last year there were always signs to indicate that potholes were coming and they were accurate. While the Trans-Canada Highway here is terrific, there are several secondary roads that were riddled with potholes and/or frost heaves (undulating roadway from temperature changes). Sometime I had to drive 20 miles an hour to make sure Abeona held together.
  10. Brogue. Many of the locals sound like they are from Ireland or Scotland. A server or customer service person would approach me and I must have had a deer in the headlights look because I have no earthly idea what they just said. Expressions like “Whaddayat” or “How ya gettin’on” at times made me think I was across the pond. 
  11. Chatty. I was mentioning to a Newfie I met in St. Pierre that people were so nice in Newfoundland and she said, “Well, they are really just chatty.” She is right. People would talk to me about just anything but most likely the weather (see #6).  I had an older man come up to me while I was gassing up Abeona and said, “Whaddayat” and “Come from away” (are you visiting).  He thought I had a really nice rig and asked “Do you have a man in there?” The folks here are chatty.
  12. Time zones. I think it’s bizarre but Newfoundland and Labrador are a half hour ahead of the Atlantic Time zone (Nova Scotia, etc.). So, they have their very own time zone.
  13. Gas. A lot of the gas stations only have regular gas and you pump and then pay inside. Similar to my trip through the Yukon, I gassed up at almost each gas station I found open (some are closed on Sunday).
  14. Potable water. I was prepared for this before I came but several campgrounds had boil warnings on the water. I had to be sure I filled up at the campgrounds with safe drinking water.
  15. Cover shopping carts return. I found it strange that grocery stores had covered places for the carts to be returned. Gas stations were not normally covered (like they are in the US). 
  16. Cod. Cod is the center of the universe here and when there was a moratorium on cod fishing starting in 1992 it devastated the region.  As they say here, fish is cod and cod is God. The fishing just restarted in 2024 but only partially. It’s why the area was settled 400 years ago.
  17. Jigg’s Dinner.  This is a classic Sunday dinner in Newfoundland and is only served on Sunday.  It’s a boiled dinner that included salted beef, turkey, potatoes, turnips, mashed peas, carrots and greens. The whole thing is covered in gravy (similar to Poutine which is fries covered in gravy). I was finally able to be at an open restaurant on Sunday that was serving it and it was delicious.
  18. Lupin. Besides thousands of dandelions that almost look like they are cultivated along the highways and byways, swaths of lupin in blue, pink and white are along hiking trails and highways.
  19. Balsam Fir. Most of the landscape on the Great Northern Peninsula is barren and grassy but along the Avalon and Bonavista peninsula’s there are miles of balsam fir conifer forests and the smell is breathtaking. 
  20. Moose burgers. Besides fish and chips (see #16), another staple at roadside restaurants on the Great Northern Peninsula  is moose burgers. It’s more prevalent than regular hamburgers. 
  21. Painted Rocks. I found painted rocks on random hiking trails where school children from a particular class room painted rocks to line the trail at its apex. There are large boulders painted as well. It’s like finding Easter eggs while driving or hiking.
  22. Partridge Berries.  These are small red berries that are tart like a cranberry and many restaurants made tarts from them.
  23. Gift shops.  There are tiny gift shops next to lighthouses and on the road next to restaurants. These shops are filled with handknit gloves, homemade partridge berry jam (see #22) and painted rocks. They are all locally made and quite homespun. 
  24. Wood piles. I saw this the most on the Great Northern Peninsula but there would be random piles of wood along the Viking Trail on my way to St. Lunaire. Apparently, locals have a place to keep their wood for the winter.  It seems random but it’s not.  The same goes for piles of lobster traps.
  25. Names. I find it funny that there is an island called Random Island and two lakes right next to each other, one called 3 Corner Pond next to Triangle Pond. I wondered how they knew the difference since isn’t a three-corner pond a triangle? There is also the town of Dildo which Jimmy Kimmel featured on his show. There is the inappropriately named Western Brook Pond which is a fresh water fjord that is 10 miles long and 250 feet. Not really a pond. 

I love that Newfies and Newfoundland are so quirky and friendly. Regardless of whether I was walking down a trail, doing laundry or paying for gas, these people are so welcoming to those that come from away.  I can’t wait to return. 

🐳 Puffins, Whales and Lighthouses: Newfoundland

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My original purpose in traveling to Newfoundland was to see icebergs and the Norse settlement, L’Anse aux Meadow. But in addition, I was secretly hoping for puffins and whales as well. I scheduled my trip at the height of iceberg season (May and June) so if I was able to see puffins and whales, all the better. I knew, of course, there had to be lighthouses because with 6,000 miles of coast line, there will be lighthouses. 

While I camped outside of St. John’s on the Avalon peninsula, I took a tour of the area surrounding St. John. I could have driven it but with a 24-foot motor home to park and St. John being full of narrow streets and hills, I figured I’d leave the parking and maneuvering to someone more knowledgeable. We headed to Cape Spear and the most easterly point of North America. We arrived there on a windy day and saw the two lighthouses that sit atop the craggy cliffs. The current lighthouse was built in 1955 and is completely white and stands 45 ft. tall. It’s quite picturesque above the rocky coastline. Behind it about 50 yards away is the original lighthouse which was built in 1836 and is a squat single story white building with a red and white light on top. This older lighthouse is the oldest surviving lighthouse in Newfoundland. They apparently used to use whale oil to light the original lighthouse. It doesn’t feel like it but Cape Spear is within the city limits of St. John, the heart of which is 7 miles away. Cape Spear is a windswept place on its isolated crag. The Portuguese named this place Cabo da Esperance meaning “cape of hope”, which became Cap d’Espoir in French and finally Cape Spear.  It feels like every European nation had hands in the naming of the towns and headlands of Newfoundland. If they were fishing for cod, they were here at some point.

The Bonavista Lighthouse in Newfoundland

My next conquest was puffins. Before coming to Newfoundland, I made sure I joined a few Facebook groups.  There are several iceberg, whale and puffin Facebook groups and you can find out in real time if there is any activity.  This proved invaluable. I was camped in Chance Cove and almost a three-hour drive to the best puffin viewing area.  When I come back to Newfoundland, and I know I will, I will definitely plan to camp closer to Elliston which is out on the Bonavista peninsula. Puffins are most active in June and July while they are nesting. The best time of day to see puffins is in the early morning and late evening.  Even though I headed out at 7:30 AM, I wasn’t able to park and see the puffins until around 10 AM so most of the activity had subsided by the time I trekked out around a very narrow isthmus to get to the Puffin Viewing Area. There were about twenty people out there. There were several hundred puffins out on the cliff walking and flying about in addition to seagulls. It was really interesting but I should have brought binoculars or a high zoom camera lens. They are such unusual looking birds that I wanted to see them up close. There was another puffin viewing area off the coast of the Bonavista lighthouse but by the time I got there around noon, I didn’t see any puffins. The Bonavista lighthouse built in 1843 is another squat lighthouse although it is painted with bold red and white stripes. So, no puffins but another lighthouse bagged.

Next up, the Whales Playground in St. Vincent, Newfoundland. I traveled there on the Sunday of the major holiday weekend of Canada Day (July 1st). It was sunny and I wanted to beat the crowds. I figured it would be busy since by all accounts on Facebook, the humpbacks were definitely there. I headed out at 7 AM and arrived just before 9 AM. There was plenty of parking and the crowds were already gathered to see this awe-inspiring site. Apparently, the small fish called Capelin migrate in June and July off the shores of Newfoundland and the humpbacks migrate as well to feast on the abundance of fish. The beach off of St. Vincent has a sharp drop-off so that the whales are just 25 feet away.  I parked and headed out to the beach where there were 30 or so spectators, many with enormous zoom lenses. I absolutely gasped and tears came to my eyes as I saw the shiny black back of a humpback whale right off the beach. There was one single whale at one end of the beach and a mother and her calf about 30 feet away. When they are feeding, they are super active with tails, blow holes and pectoral fins flying. They are such majestic animals and they seem like they are just barely out of reach from the stone covered beach. Many people set up and camp in a chair for the day. As I headed out around noon, I passed hundreds of cars on their way to see the whales. I was glad I got there early before the crowds descended. The Whales Playground on a sunny day in June is not to be missed.

Newfoundland has been a treasure trove of UNESCO world heritage sites, lighthouses, spectacular rocky cliffs, icebergs and encounters with beautiful wildlife. I had a short Wishlist before I arrived and it’s been completely fulfilled in my month here on the island referred to as The Rock.  It truly has been an adventure and I’m so glad I made the effort. 

🇫🇷 Enchanting St. Pierre and Miquelon

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St. Pierre and Miquelon (SPM) are two tiny islands off the south west coast of Newfoundland that are part of France. It recently came into the public eye when the current U.S. administration levied the highest tariff on SPM tied with the African county of Lesotho. SPM makes up .01 of the GDP of France.  SPM was visited by indigenous people for over 5,000 years but in 1536 it was claimed by Jacques Cartier for France. Over the ensuing years there were battles between Great Britain and France, changing hands multiple times before being definitively restored to French control in 1816. Its allure was the vast abundance of Cod fishing in the North Atlantic and the ability to dry the cod and send it back to Europe. I became aware of this French archipelago almost 7 years ago when Anthony Bourdain came here in 2018 on his show Parts Unknown. It was also featured in Peaky Blinders final season in 2022. I knew I had to investigate this French gem off the coast of Newfoundland. 

There is a lot involved in planning a trip here as there is not a daily ferry from Newfoundland and I couldn’t find a flight from St. John’s that was available.  First, I secured an RV spot that was walking distance to the ferry at Fortune, NL. Next, I found a hotel room that matched the ferry availability. This involved making several international calls (calling Canada is free on my Verizon plan, not so SPM) and making sure my lodging was walking distance to the center of the town of St. Pierre. I could not understand the ferry booking site since it’s mostly in French although parts are translated so here again, I made an international call. So once all the parts of the journey were set up, I was set to travel by ferry to St. Pierre and back for a weekend stay. 

The lovely austere countryside of L’Ile aux Marins (Island of the Sailors) off the coast of St. Pierre et Miquelon

When we set sail from Fortune it was foggy.  The ferry was very nice with only a small deck towards the back of the deck to be outside.  It was 50 degrees and foggy so why be outside, right? When we arrived in SPM at the main wharf in St. Pierre (both the town and name of the island), we disembarked and went through customs where I happily received a stamp on my passport from France. St. Pierre is not exactly pedestrian friendly since the sidewalks (if there are any) are narrow and cut up and the streets are narrow as well. I stood in a marked crosswalk and the traffic continued (this I can assure you would never happen in Spain or Italy). There is a lawless feel to those behind the wheel.  I was glad I didn’t have far to walk to get to my bed and breakfast, Nuit Saint Pierre. Michel, my host, was there at the bottom of the stairs to greet me and shake my hand.  I would guess the B and B had about 7 guest rooms and a kitchen to share where Michel or his son would put out delicious French pastries, juice and coffee each morning. It was nice to have a private bath and a place to flop. Reservations are compulsory in SPM and Michel immediately reviewed everyone’s dinner reservations.  I did not have one because I don’t normally eat dinner. Michel took it upon himself to take me to a local market in his car.  That was a trip. I’m not sure if it was a one-way street but he squeezed through two cars facing opposite directions with maybe an inch on each side of the car. Michel knew everyone in the market and immediately took me to a refrigerator case that had cooked lobster in a container. I have to say that the lobster was one of the best I’ve ever had and I couldn’t believe I bought it at a market. 

One of the big highlights of my trip to SPM was going to the tiny island of lle aux Marins (Island of the Sailors). I went to the tourist information center to get ferry times. I planned it for the one morning when it wasn’t too windy and there would be sun.  SPM reminds me of San Francisco in the summer, cool and foggy most of the time. I traveled by boat on the ten-minute ride that I paid for in 7 Euros cash only. The island was settled in 1604 and once had a population of 700 which was almost all fishermen and their families.  There is a church and school.  It was largely abandoned in the 1960’s with only 20 inhabitants in the summer.  There is no electricity or running water or cars.  There are communal wheel barrels and wagons available for visitors and inhabitants to use. I immediately made a beeline to see the Transpacific wreckage which is a German Cargo ship that wrecked in 1972.  It’s a ghostly sight with its bow face-up on the beach. The island itself is stark with nary a tree or bush.  There are plots full of rocks which is where children were used to put out the cod to dry. There was an Andrew Wyeth vibe to the place with windswept austerity.  After exploring the island for an hour and a half,  I was picked up by the ferry and headed back to St. Pierre. 

Michel let me know that there was the blessing of the boats at the main church that morning which was a block from the B and B. Another guest and I walked over when the service headed outside.  It was an emotional experience as the priest and parishioners marched out to the wharf with models of boats that had been lost at sea. They sang beautiful hymns in French as they walked through the streets in their blue and white striped shirts. It was particularly poignant as a boat that was lost in 1962 call the Ravenel had just been found the month before. 15 St. Pierre fishermen had lost their lives and many of the family member were in the procession to leave flowers by the statue commemorating “our lost sailors”. We watched as the priest went to the wharf to bless the boats as dories with rowers, small crafts and fishing vessels honked their horns. It was a brilliant blue sky for all the pageantry. 

I headed back to Newfoundland on Sunday afternoon after spending three enchanting days on SPM. Anyone passing me on the street said “Bon jour” even the children getting out of school. I’m not sure any place could be more welcoming and I found myself here at the optimum time to truly experience a piece of France in North America. 

🧐Iceberg Hunting

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When I took the ferry to Newfoundland in June of 2025 one of my main goals was to see an iceberg. The eastern waters off the coast of Newfoundland are referred to as Iceberg Alley and the best time of the year to view them is in May and June. When I started planning my trip, I found the most places to camp didn’t open until June 1st.  So, I planned for the ferry ride as early as possible in June to take advantage of prime iceberg season. I had watched a few YouTube videos on the topic and apparently 2024 was a “bad” year for icebergs. I planned my trip to head to the most northern tip of Newfoundland first and then, heading to the more populated areas of St. John towards the end of my trip to leverage my iceberg viewing potential.   

I traveled up the Viking Trail or route 430 to the Great Northern Peninsula.  As I drove up the highway the Gulf of the St. Lawrence was on the left-hand side almost the entire way. With gusting winds of up to 30 miles an hour, there were a lot of white caps on the ocean. I tried in vain to spot an iceberg but white caps on the ocean and the white of an iceberg are identical. I never saw an iceberg in the Gulf of the St. Lawrence but I knew that the eastern side of “The Rock”, Newfoundland, is where icebergs are most prevalent.

In front of the largest iceberg I saw with a piece of glacier in my hand of the coast of St. Lunaire-Griquet

I arrived in St. Lunaire-Griquet on June 14th and, after some hunting, I found a place to park Abeona, I went to the dock where my zodiac tour was to launch and there in front of me was my first iceberg (which I later learned was a growler due to its small size). I was so excited. When we met our captain, Molly, she explained that she had two icebergs to take us to as we suited up in what was essentially an all-body life preserver. There were nine of us and Molly as we headed out into the Labrador Sea. It was raining but it was relatively calm waters (hardly any white caps). I think in retrospect I was glad for rain instead of choppy waters. After about 30 minutes we came upon an enormous iceberg that was 80 feet by 150 feet. It was absolutely amazing because there was a cove of sorts on the end of the iceberg that waves were crashing into. You could see the striations of dark blue ribbons which are the purest portions of the iceberg. We kept a fair distance from the iceberg and Molly could tell from her depth detection that it was 120 feet below the surface and it was “stuck” at the moment on the sea floor.  The greatest danger in an iceberg is a piece breaking off and possibly toppling the boat. 

Molly reached into the ocean and grabbed a piece of floating ice and broke it up for us to each have a piece. There I licked my tiny piece of a 10,000-year-old glacier from the purest water on Earth.  It was surreal. After circumnavigating the biggest iceberg, we traveled another 20 minutes to see a mid-size iceberg that almost seemed to be turning over in the water. The waves were rocking the iceberg topsy turvy. It was the size of a ranch house and was see-sawing in the water. When I realized that the icebergs have no ballast, it makes sense that this one was rocking so much. 

The last iceberg we saw was pretty small and was more of the classic cone shape. It’s interesting to see how the water forms ripples in the surface as the iceberg slowly dissolves into the sea. On our way back to the dock we went by my first “iceberg” which was really a growler because it’s more the size of a car.  From the time we left and came back, it had dissolved almost a third of its size. 

The icebergs of “Iceberg Alley” are the pieces of glaciers mostly from western Greenland but also from Canada’s Arctic. Each year there are upwards of 40,000 medium to large size icebergs that break off, or calve, off glaciers in Greenland. They float their way down Iceberg Alley with about 800 making it as far south at St. John’s. I drove down to Twillingate a few days later and was able to see two, off in the far distance from Long Point Lighthouse.  There were two that were the size of a two-story house floating in Bayview which is near Twillingate. I really wanted to get a closer look but with a 24-foot RV, I was loathe to head down unfamiliar roads and possibly get stuck with no way out. I found that there are several iceberg alley resources on Facebook where you can see real time photos of icebergs up and down iceberg alley. It’s truly amazing to see one floating in a bay taller than the houses that sit by the water’s edge.

So far, I’ve seen eight icebergs and growlers on my visit to Newfoundland. Each one is unique and beautiful. They are silent sentinels marching south to slowly melt into the sea. It’s a once in a lifetime experience that took over a year of planning but it was worth it. They believe that icebergs have been off the coast of Newfoundland for over 10,000 years and I was able to bear witness to them.

🚐 The Viking Trail – Newfoundland

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Route 430 is the 257-mile road that goes from Corner Brook to L’Anse aux Meadow on the Great Northern Peninsula of Newfoundland. I traveled the entire route in my RV, Abeona, while exploring Newfoundland for a month in the summer of 2025. The route is called the Viking Trail for the Norse folks who came here in approximately 1000 AD (well before any other Europeans). There is an immense amount of beauty along this road which takes you from Deer Lake all the way to the tip of the peninsula at L’Anse aux Meadow and along the way there are two UNESCO world heritage sites. UNESCO sites are known for their universal value and protected for future generations. 

Gros Morne National Park is stunning and enormous. It’s the second largest National Park in Atlantic Canada with 697 square miles. It’s part of the Long Range Mountain range which is an extension of the Appalachian Mountains. It became a UNESCO world heritage site in 1987 because “The park provides a rare example of the process of continental drift, where deep ocean crust and the rocks of the earth’s mantle lie exposed.” Geologists discovered the ancient North American trilobite fossils matched those in Spain and North Africa. I took a hike at Green Point and sure enough you can see the Earth’s mantle there on the side of a cliff. There is also a long shelf which causes the north Labrador Sea to crash sideways. It’s quite remarkable to stand in a place that was formed over 1.2 billion years ago.

The rebuilt Norse encampment in L’Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland

I scored a boat ride on Western Brook Pond (quite an understatement) on a clear day.  This was a two-hour tour which was simply awe inspiring. I felt transported as we traveled on a fresh water lake that once was attached to the sea.  Here a 2,000-foot glacier carved fjords that loomed over us as we traveled the length of the lake. Impossibly high water falls and jagged cliffs with formations like the “tin man” and “the old man on the mountain” are here. Some of the waterfalls are so high that they evaporate into mist before reaching the lake below. At one point I felt like I was in Yosemite and looking at El Capitan as the rock face was so gigantic; even though El Capitan is a thousand feet higher. Perhaps it’s the stunning lake at the base but the fjords rise majestically above. It’s a 2 miles hike to get to the boat ride and back but it’s worth the effort to see this incredible site. 

I camped overnight in Port aux Choix.  It was pretty cool because the campsites were next to the Gulf of the Saint Lawrence.  I ventured over to the Port aux Choix lighthouse and saw the lobster boats that go out at sunrise pulling in traps. This area has deep historical significance because there is evidence of over 5000 years of Archaic, Groswater and Dorset-Palaeo Eskimos in the area.  Burial sites in the area discovered in the 1960’s are unusually well preserved due to the raised shoreline and alkaline soil. It makes sense that this area has been inhabited for so long because Port aux Choix has a large protected port which now has fishing vessels. 

From Port aux Choix, I continued on to Flower’s Cove which is famous for thrombolites. Thrombolites are very rare fossils from 650 million years ago with remnants of bacteria and algae. The only other place in the world to find them are in Australia. They look dome shaped and dot the coast line. 

I had two purposes in coming to Newfoundland, one was to see an iceberg; I am happy to report I saw many. And the other was to see the first place that Europeans landed in North America. I am the daughter of a history teacher and when I was eight years old, we traveled to Minnesota to investigate the Kensington Stone and look for evidence of Viking explorers. This was all to help my father teach investigative history to his students. The Kensington stone has since been debunked as a hoax, so coming to L’Anse aux Meadows, I was excited to find evidence of the discovery of the Americas by Europeans. 

L’Anse aux Meadow was just a fishing village on the tip of Newfoundland when Helge and Anne Stine Ingstad were shown what was thought to be an Indigenous campsite by a local fisherman. It was an indigenous campsite and, as they discovered, also an 11th century Viking settlement. There were a few significant artifacts found including a forge and metal objects which were likely used in ship repair.  It also corresponds with the stories told in the Vinland Sagas which document the voyages of Leif Erikson and other Norse explorers who came from Greenland and Iceland. They have rebuilt several of the dwellings based on Norse traditions.  It’s quite remarkable to tour the area.  This is seen as the end of the circle of exploration since crossing the Atlantic was the last piece of migration across the globe. 

I was so excited to visit this remote area of the world and explore something that I know my father would have loved. I left some of my father’s ashes there so that he too could be a part of history, the subject he loved so much. 

👯 Adult Friendships: A Primer

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I recently read Mel Robbin’s book, Let Them. It’s a great book to learn to let go of the things you can’t control, which for me, can be focused on trying to chart the course of my adult children’s lives. Robbin’s book helps me focus on what I can control which is me and how I want to show up.  She also dives into the perils of adult friendships. I can get caught up with my old high school friend traveling to Bali or the gang getting together at the haunt in my old neighborhood. I’ve learned to not be attached to what everyone else is doing. It’s none of my business. My business is my life and where I want to be right now. 

My college roommates, Janine and Susannah, also know as Those Girls and the Blonde, reconnecting at a cooking class in Paris in 2016.

Robbins’ points out adult friendships are so difficult for three main reasons: Proximity, Timing and Energy:

Proximity.  When we were all in grade school, we saw the same folks every day, in class, on the playground and even in the neighborhood. I grew up on a cul de sac which was chock full of kick the can and touch football games practically every day. My friends or potential friends were around me constantly.  In fact, my closest friend to this day was a neighbor from two doors away on that cul de sac. Robbins defines proximity as physical closeness. “This matters way more than you think,” she says, citing research that shows it takes 50 hours to become a casual friend and 200 to become a close friend. If you’re not around each other, it’s hard to log the time required for a real connection. When you’re no longer in school or living with friends, that kind of time together doesn’t happen by accident. “The number one predictor of friendship is how often you see people,” Robbins explains.  This is a real eye opener. If I want to make friends as an adult, I need to spend more time focusing on connecting and meeting more people.

Timing. Everyone is on a different path and in a different season in life. Even as I am in my sixties, I have friends that are still raising children, some heavily involved with their grandchildren and then some are traveling the world or living it up in a retirement community. When we were in first grade, we all just wanted to make it to Christmas break and prayed for enough snow to close school and go sledding. Now, I’m lucky to be in the same time zone with my college and high school friends let alone the same place in life. Robbins gives the example of coworkers: You might like the people you work with, but if one person is juggling three young kids and another is traveling every weekend, you may never build the connection required for any kind of deeper friendship. The same goes for long-time friends. “Sometimes, the distance isn’t emotional; it’s just the fact that your lives have diverged,” she says. I recently was able to see two of my college roommates about 24 hours apart as I traveled up the east coast. These friends who I had traveled to Paris with and Boston in the last decade, are still my close friends but we rarely are able to be together at the same time. I’ve learned to be more open and take what time I can get with a friend. For me, it’s not the quantity of time but just making the opportunity.

Energy. Energy is how it feels when you’re around someone, and often, that energy changes based on the two reasons above. “Do you feel safe, supported, and understood?” Robbins asks. “Energy is one of those things you can’t fake.” You might have the same job or live in the same building, but if the emotional vibe between you isn’t clicking, the relationship won’t thrive. I think of this as, “you can’t push a rope”.  I’ve spent tons of time on wedging myself into someone else’s life that just doesn’t have the space or energy for me. I think to myself now, “welp, you can’t push a rope.”  I have reached out to an old friend several times to connect for lunch and the timing (see above) is never right. In my mind, only energy can help overcome timing and proximity and if it’s all MY energy, then maybe it’s time to let it go for this season. I have found that especially with my long term (plus 40 years of friendship) friends that we might go a decade without reconnecting and yet when we meet up at the restaurant or on that trail when the stars align, it’s magic. We know each other’s stories and roots. We reconnect instantly and time evaporates. I believe it’s because we are both bringing energy.

So, what do you do if you want to make new friendships as an adult? Robbins says that you have to be purposeful. It’s not like heading out to the playground and meeting someone on the swing set. According to Robbins, finding and keeping meaningful friendships as an adult starts with a mindset shift: We have to stop waiting for it to happen and start building it on purpose. So, say hello to that neighbor, join that gym, start a local book club and show up for that meditation class. I have to say that I work harder now at making friends instead of waiting for kismet. Make the call or the text. There are connections out there just waiting for me, I am in charge of making it happen. 

🛳️ The Ferry to Newfoundland

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I just recently traveled from North Sydney, Nova Scotia to Port aux Basques, Newfoundland in June of 2025. This is not my first ferry ride in my intrepid RV named Abeona. My first ferry ride with Abeona was from Bellingham, WA to Skagway AK in the summer of 2024. This was my first trip to Newfoundland and, hopefully, not my last. The Alaska ferry ride is 3 days and the trip to Port aux Basques is 8 hours.  That’s a big difference. I had purchased my tickets for my early June 2025 ride in May of 2024. Over a year in advance.  I had watched a few RV YouTubers and found out that getting space for a larger vehicle AND a berth to sleep in can be difficult, so I planned well in advance. I took the 11:15 PM trip which arrived in Newfoundland at 7:30 AM. There are two ferries a day between North Sydney and Port aux Basques but only one is at night.  I choose the night ferry so that I would have plenty of time to arrive at my next campground. I’m not a fan of setting up camp at night.  Although I had not factored in that the sun wouldn’t be setting until 9:15 PM so maybe that’s not as much an issue as I had anticipated.

As I departed my campsite in Little Bras d’Or, NS, I had twelve hours to kill before the ferry departed at 11:15 PM. I took the opportunity to head to the Cabot Trail of Nova Scotia and to the Cape Breton Highlands National Park. The scenic drive has sheer cliffs, artisan shops and sandy coves. It’s named for explorer John Cabot who was Italian but was commissioned by Henry VII of England to explore North America. He made his voyage in 1497. Every road sign in Cape Breton is written in both English and Gaelic. Cape Breton is quite the melting pot with French, Scottish, English, Mi’kmaq and Irish. Apparently Acadian French, Mi’kmaq, and Scottish Gaelic are spoken here in addition to English. Quite the mélange with a stunning backdrop.

Loading the ferry in North Sydney, Nova Scotia

I arrived back to North Sydney and made sure I filled up with gas before getting in line for the ferry some 4 hours before departure. When I had made the reservation last year, I had given the length of Abeona at 25 feet since I was warned not to be under on the length lest they decide we couldn’t fit. A man came out to measure Abeona and we were actually 24 feet so they gave me a 1.24 CAD refund. The agent at the entry booth was very nice and reminded me to shut off my propane before boarding. I was also given my card for my berth by the same agent. 

Abeona and I sat for 3 hours waiting to board. I sat on my bed in the back relaxing and preparing my overnight bag. There were some facilities with a sitting area and bathrooms but I was perfectly happy hanging out waiting for instructions from over the load speaker. They started loading cars and trucks about 2 and a half hours before departure. I have no idea about the masterplan for loading but apparently there are three decks for vehicles. I’m pretty sure I saw at least 25 eighteen wheelers travel up the roadway to the 5th deck which is where all the commercial vehicles are loaded. It’s quite the undertaking.  Abeona and I were loaded about an hour before departure onto deck 3. It’s a back to front loading ferry which is different than the ferry to Alaska which is side loaded and much more complex to get on and off of. It was a relief that loading was so straightforward. 

I tucked Abeona in and grabbed my backpack to travel to my berth on deck 8. I was anxious to get to bed since it was an overnight trip. It was a very nice berth with twin beds, a full bathroom and a porthole! This was an upgrade from my bunk bed with a sink and no window to Alaska. The ship had a gift shop, restaurant and coffee bar and they were all open for the length of the trip. There were also movies being shown throughout the ship.

Once we set sail and the various boarding announcements stopped, I slept really well.  It was also super nice to have a shower right in my room. They refer to these trips as “crossings”. My crossing was very calm and I didn’t see many white caps on the Cabot Strait.  I grabbed a relatively cheap cup of coffee in the morning which was $2.50. Loading for Deck 3 and 5 were the first to be let off the ship once we were docked.  I saw some folks with a dog in the back of the car when I was walking back to Abeona. I can’t imagine leaving a dog for over 7 hours in my vehicle. Unfortunately, you are not allowed access to your vehicle until the ship is docked and the crossing is complete.

Abeona and I easily disembarked and I headed to a grocery store in Port aux Basques, parked and waited until it opened at 8:30 AM. I find it crazy that Newfoundland and Labrador (one province) are a half hour ahead of Atlantic time. So, if it’s 7:00 AM in North Sydney it’s 7:30 in Port aux Basques and my watch and phone automatically updated to the new time. It feels strange to be 30 minutes off from the rest of the world. It’s a small price to pay for this enormous island that is referred to as “The Rock”. I’m looking forward to exploring it for the next month. 

🫣 Unresolved Conflict

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As a restaurant owner and Human Resource professional over the past 20 plus years, I’ve seen plenty of unresolved workplace conflict.  It’s like the kitchen garbage can with rotting shrimp shells in the bottom; everyone smells it but no one wants to deal with it.  So we let it fester and things fester. Blood pressure rises, people start avoiding each other, less eye contact; our mind goes wild with what we figure the other person is thinking.  We think we know their true motivation as the paranoia mounts.

There were countless times I was brought in to end the avoidance….to get to the bottom of the smelly mess.  So how do you handle the conflict?  Here are some tried and true maneuvers:

1. Timing is everything.  Don’t talk to someone when they just get back from vacation and are buried in email and return phone calls.  Give them a day or two to dig out and take a temperature check.  Read their body language.  A little tension in the shoulders…using short curt sentences….relax and wait.  Sense of humor is back?  Just got a great sales report?  This might be your opening.

2. Privacy.  This  cannot be emphasized enough.  Don’t bring up the smelly issue in front of or within ear shot of any other human being.  Never.  Ever.   Their listening skills will be out to lunch and their blood pressure will shoot up.  No one likes to be embarrassed and if there is even the slightest chance that UPS delivery guy might walk by; relax and wait.

3. Facts.  Research your smelly issue thoroughly.  No hunches.  No assumptions.  No jumping to conclusions.  Do your best reconnaissance…you watch CSI…investigate.  This is especially true in the “he said, she said, they said and we said” type of smelly issue.  Find any and all witnesses and alleged witnesses (can’t tell you how many times in a harassment investigation that the “alleged witness” wasn’t even at work that day).  Don’t go at fact finding to just make sure you are“right”.

4. Suspend Assumptions. This goes closely with #3 but it’s imperative that you don’t decide the other person’s motivation; their ulterior motives.  You’ll have them being one step below Bernie Madoff if you’re not careful.  Empty your head of all your negative stereo types….like “Joe is always out for himself” or “Suzy is out to get me”….really?  You know all that?  As Byron Katie says at her website “the work”…”Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” Turn off mister ego and shut down your assumption machine.

5. Craft.  Think it through.  How are you going to broach the subject?  Maybe test the waters with another agenda item that isn’t confrontational like “I want to thank you for your help on the turnover report.  It really saved me some time and I got a chance to work on a more pressing project”.  A sincere, specific compliment is a nice lead in.  I can hear you nay-sayers out there…but I can’t think of anything nice to say.  Revisit #4.  Phrase the issue in terms of the other person’s viewpoint.  What is a reasonable explanation for their egregious act?  Give them an out like, “I’m sure you didn’t realize that when I was excluded from the finance team, I felt like you didn’t trust me”, or “I don’t think you are aware but when you told Suzy about the layoff plan, she assumed her job was in jeopardy”.  Think it through and craft the one or two sentences (no more) to summarize and present the smelly issue at hand (stay away from Never, Always and Should).

6. Love.  What are you crazy?  Love my co-worker, boss, workplace nemesis?  I don’t know why it works but if you decide you love someone, even your worst enemy ,the whole thing just works better.  Maybe it’s ch’i, but mentally embracing the other person (do not do this literally…for obvious reasons) helps you to be open to the possibilities; love your enemy.  Bob may never include you on the email with the financial reports but if you love him, it dampens down the resentment and blasts open the possibility of resolution. This also helps with #4.

7. Do it.  When you have completed the preceding steps; just do it.  Have the conversation.  Stay open minded and believe in a positive outcome.  Sometimes, OK a lot of times, it’s a complete surprise to the other person.  But it’s amazing how often people tip toe around an issue, especially a smelly one, and the offending person, had no idea that they angered you or that several people were avoiding them.  Most of the time people don’t realize how they are perceived and want to do their best.  Nine times out of ten, they apologize.  Give them the chance.

This might be messy the first, second or third time around.  But this is going to build trust in the long run.  You will be the Go-To person for conflict resolution and honest constructive feedback.  Slay the elephant.

Let me know what you think.  What workplace conflict are you dealing with?

😳Saying No

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I recently finished The No Club by Babcock, Peyser, Vesterlund and Weingart. This book is a deep dive into the inequality of tasks that women perform on a much more frequent basis than men and the impact it has on their careers. The authors coined an acronym called NPT or Non-Promotable Tasks versus PT with are Promotable Tasks.  Non-Promotable Tasks (NPT) are those tasks with might be useful such as taking notes during a meeting, making coffee or planning the department Christmas Party but they have relatively no effect on the organizational bottom line.  When review time comes around, the NPTs are not going to get you a higher rating or more money in your next salary increase. You know you’re doing an NPT if it’s not driving revenue, it’s invisible to the organization and almost any skill level can take it on (i.e. you don’t need a Bachelor’s degree to make coffee). 

I found it incredibly interesting but not surprising that the authors did several studies and women by and large say Yes more often than men and they volunteer far more often than men.  The authors, for the most part, work in academia and almost 80-90% of committees are comprised of women.  Women are more likely to be asked to do NPTs, while men are focused on PTs.  This creates what the authors referred to as work/work imbalance because women are devoting so much of their energy on the NPTs and the result is working more hours to fulfill the additional demands. It can really pay to know how to say No to free up your time to focus on what really matters for the organization.  Not only for the organization but for your career in general.  Keeping NPTs to a minimum will result in renewed focus on PTs, balance and career success.  Having had a long career in Human Resources, I can tell you that most of the tasks within the Human Resource realm are NPTs; everything from training, recruiting to office celebrations. I have a new awareness of how little this directly related to the bottom line of the organization. I also think that no one notices an NPT until it has taken too long to complete or it’s done badly.  An NPT is rarely remembered when it goes well. 

Here is how to say No.

Volunteer.  Quit volunteering. I remember coaching a client several years ago who was always the first to raise her hand for community outreach, staying late to clean up after the meeting and putting the reports together for the presentation. I suggested that she count to 20 the next time they asked for volunteers. It dramatically reduced what I now know to be NPTs and freed up her time to work on revenue producing activities.  The eighth habit in How Women Rise is the Disease to Please.  Women generally want to please others which causes us to want to volunteer for the tasks that aren’t as valuable to the organization. Weigh out what you are giving up if you volunteer to be on the search committee. What are you saying No to if you say Yes to this.  Perhaps it’s time with your children, your ailing father or time to take care of yourself. Be discerning with the things you volunteer for.

Pause. In the Power of the Positive No by William Ury, he suggests taking a moment or perhaps a few hours to reflect on whether you want to take on a new task.  So instead of replying “Happy to” or “Sure” or “Yes”, say “Let me review some of my deadlines” or “Let me double check a few things and I’ll get back to you.” Of course, if you know it’s a No, say it right away.  There’s no reason to delay your response if you know there is a conflict.  If you are leaning towards Yes, this is a good time to pause and get back to the requester.  Pause before committing or turning it down.

Explain your workload.  I tend to think that everyone knows what I’m working on at any given time.  That the world around me is omniscient and knows that I’m coaching my daughter’s soccer team, I have a big deadline approaching for the widget project and my assistant is out with gallbladder surgery. Most people have no idea what you have on your plate. This is also what Ury described as explain your values.  So “I value doing timely, quality work so I don’t have time for this new project” or “I value being off by 5 PM so that I can spend time with my family”. Shine a light on what’s currently on your plate and your time commitments. You could also explain that you currently have too many NPTs or have been focused on some highly visible PTs. Shed light on what’s currently getting your attention and effort.

Solve the problem.  This is the third step in Ury’s Power of the Positive No. This is basically a proposal to solve the problem.  For example, “I don’t have the bandwidth right now but I think Joe has some time and he’s familiar with this software” or “Once project ABC is done next month, I could devote some time to this.” Find an alternative to you taking on the project or task.  This is especially true if it’s an NPT. It’s also helpful to know who else is skilled to do to the work besides yourself.  Say No by solving the problem.

Say yes while saying no.  This is where you can get creative in saying no by breaking the project or tasks into parts and only taking a piece of it. Or suggesting a limit to the time that you can spend on the project.  So, I can say, “I organize the invitee list if someone else sends out the invites and tracks responses” or “I can devote two hours on Friday to reviewing the slide deck”. You get to say yes but limit your time and effort. Think about ways that you can give a partial yes.

It’s always been a struggle for me to say no. I want to appear helpful and approachable.  I didn’t realize until I read this book that it ended up stifling my career because too much of my time and attention was spent on NPTs.  There are ways to maximize my time besides saying yes. Which method will you try?

😈 How to Slay the Clutter Monster

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One of the biggest attention suckers is clutter – Physical clutter.  I’m sorry, all you pack rats out there; it’s time to purge.  A post in the unclutterer states that “scientists find physical clutter negatively affects your ability to focus & process information.” Basically, visual clutter grabs your attention so that you can’t focus on the process, decision or project at hand.  Might be time to clean up all those nick-knacks or piles of newspapers, huh?

I’m a chronic pillow straightener.  I can’t leave the house unless the pillows are in their place.  In fact, this causes my son to deliberately knock pillows off the couch.  Because he knows it will get under my skin.  Now I know why – they are messing with my visual cortex!  Lay off my visual cortex, will ya?  I want to get something done today.

I bet you know someone in your office that is a clutter monster.   You know, someone whose desk looks similar to Andy Rooney when he was on 60 Minutes.  No wonder his pieces were only 5 minutes each week, his visual cortex was holding him hostage.  I’ve walked into a colleague’s office and, often wondered, “How do they get anything done in here?”  They don’t.  They are being held hostage by their clutter monster.

So how do you slay the clutter monster? Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Commit.  I know we’ve all watched at least one episode of “Hoarders“.  These poor people basically bury themselves in objects.  Even with therapy, most of them can’t commit to keeping clutter at bay.  You’re going to need to commit or there is no point in entering the ring to fight the monster.  Your best work, project or masterpiece is under that load of visual clutter and you are going to need to make up your mind that it needs to surface and the clutter has got to go.

2. Plan.  It can be overwhelming to decide to declutter your entire office or home in one day.  Make a plan and break it up into parts that can be accomplished in 15 or 30 minute chunks.  Such as: top two book shelves, bottom two book shelves, right bathroom cabinet, left bathroom cabinet, etc.  Then schedule it on your calendar.  Maybe every Saturday morning you work for 30 minutes or Mondays and Wednesdays at 5 PM for 15 minutes.  Plan it out.  It will help eliminate the overwhelming need to run out of the house screaming as well as procrastination.

3. Prepare.  You might want to agree to some rules  such as, if I haven’t worn it in the last year, two years, decade (scratch that…if you haven’t worn it in a decade, it’s out of style) then out it goes.  If your last paramour gave it to you, probably bad mojo;  let it go.  That’s a whole other kind of mind clutter.  Is it worth donating?  Is it trash? Is it worth saving?  I went through cookbooks not that long ago and those that were of sentimental value are in a box in the closet, otherwise, I’m either using them or they were donated.

4. Dig in.  Grab two garbage bags and get started.  How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.  It’s either a donation or trash.  If that blouse has a stain on it that you couldn’t get out – neither can Goodwill.  It’s trash.  If you wore those pants thirty pounds ago – someone at Goodwill can wear it now.  It’s a donation.  If you aren’t sure if you want to keep it, put it somewhere that would take some effort to get to.  A box under the bed, the basement, the attic, or your Mom’s house and give it three months.  If you haven’t thought about it, time to purge.

5. Containers.  You’re going to feel tempted to run out and go crazy at the Container Store before Step #1.  Don’t.  You’ve got to start untangling first before you can start organizing.  You won’t know what you need until you’ve started digging in.  Purchasing 50 – 20 gallon fluorescent pink tubs might seem like the right fix but once you’ve unpacked all your kitchenware, you figure out that the cupboard will work just fine.  Do you really need a coffee mug from your old bank in California?  Sometimes an old basket will find a new purpose.  And sometimes, one 20 gallon fluorescent pink tub will work just fine.

6. Rinse and Repeat.  Clutter monsters seem to grow back like kudzu along southern freeways.  Set up a reminder to go back through your office in six months.  On the second pass, you might finally get rid of that conference binder from 6 years ago on employment law. Might be time to refresh the pictures on the credenza (your son gave up soccer 5 years ago).  You still haven’t found a pair of shoes to wear with that dress – time for it to go.  As Christine Kane says “If it’s not an Absolute Yes, it’s a No”.  You’ll need to say No as you move forward to continue to keep the monster under control.

If you buy a new dress, pair of shoes, coffee mug or stapler, swap it in kind with an old dress, pair of shoes, coffee mug or stapler.  Starve your monster, your visual cortex will appreciate it.

What would you do?