Letting Go of Your Child’s Success

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You verify every grade on the report card. You double check your kid’s homework to make sure she has it all “right”. You make sure they do their homework for two hours before they play any Minecraft. You take over the science project to ensure they win top prize. You want to make sure your child is a success and your happiness is dependent on it.

Really? Do you want to be dependent on your child’s success for your own happiness? That will end up being a lifetime of struggle. I’m not suggesting that you don’t want health and happiness for your child. We all want that. But are you measuring your happiness and/or success by your child’s success? What does success look like for your child? And who gets to decide what success is? Is that really up to you?

I facilitated a workshop on CRR Global’s Toxins and Exploring Edges. I coached one of the participants on a change she wanted to make in her life (which Edge she wanted to explore). She has two sons. One is academically gifted and the other is academically challenged. Well, she was able to let go of expectations from the challenged son. She realized that letting go of one child’s expectations had heightened the expectations for the other child. The change she wanted to make was to be able to let go of expectations for her gifted son.

So here are some of the insights from the exercise:

  • Trust is the core of every relationship. This is one of the 5 Behaviors of the Cohesive Team by Patrick Lencioni. As Lencioni posits, it’s not just predictive trust (you do what you say you are going to do) but also vulnerability based trust (you admit when you made a mistake). Are you letting your child be vulnerable? Are they allowed to make a mistake without you chiding them? If they can’t be vulnerable, they aren’t going to tell you when they mess up.
  • Autonomy doesn’t have to mean you don’t care. Autonomy is a great gift to the folks in your life. Getting wrapped up in whether or not their homework is done or if they are EVER going to empty the garbage is exhausting and it’s not helping you find happiness. When you don’t let your children have autonomy (within reason folks…don’t let your 5-year-old park the car), they are constantly seeking your approval and reassurance or, on the flip side, are demotivated because they can’t have independence. Autonomy helps them create that on their own. The responsibility of success, failure and happiness are safely resting on their shoulders. Autonomy shows that you do care.
  • Let go in stages that work for you. The mom I was working with, initially “jumped” across the Edge. She then decided to go back and slowly inch her way across the Edge. It resonated when she was able to gradually move across the change of letting go. Her body language relaxed. You could see that she was relieved and that she could control how and when she would let go. How and when you let go is a very personal choice. Don’t jump unless you want to.
  • Acceptance of both failure and success is critical. Mommy client said that she needed to let go of whether her son got a 90 or a 97. “They are both A’s.” I remember standing in the middle of the kitchen when my son was making a complicated cake recipe. I was making suggestions ….er telling him how to fix it when he looked at me, put up his hand and said, “Stop! Let me fail.” I was thunder struck. Whether or not that cake failed is not life changing but him taking responsibility for its failure or success is life changing. Let go of the reins.
  • Communicate your expectations. One of the participants at the workshop suggested she go home and tell her sons about her new insight. If she doesn’t communicate that she is letting go of her expectations, he might feel like she is abdicating. There were several in the audience who talked about a parent who had essentially abdicated their parenting if a child did not follow the path the parent wanted (you know…doctor, lawyer, good college education, etc.). I remember telling my son after a poor semester at school, that I loved him no matter what he did. I didn’t want him feeling like he had to stick to something in exchange for my love. Unconditional love needs to be communicated.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world and is complicated, as in my case, when you are separated with the parent you had that child with. Model happiness for your children instead of measuring their success against unrealistic expectations. You will be happier in the end as well.

👍 Autonomy: The Ultimate Gift

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Have you been a helicopter boss? Helicopter parent? Helicopter friend? I have. Constantly restricting the flow of information so only you make the decisions. You make sure all procedures are followed to the letter….or else. You set unrealistic goals so that your direct report will certainly fail. You keep a tight grip on someone else’s autonomy so you can feel in control.

Have you been on the receiving end of this deal? This takes me back to my first husband who had a motorcycle. We went to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco so he could show me how to drive the bike. Well. When I got on the bike and started to push the throttle, he held onto the back of the bike and it practically tipped over. No injuries but he just couldn’t let go. End of bike lesson. I have never driven a motorcycle since.

So how do you give the gift of autonomy?

Here are some ideas.

Let them fail. Yep. You read that right. You need to be able to let the people in your life either at work or at home, fail. I know I just made some parents out there wince. What? Let Johnnie flunk out? Let Suzy lose her job for being tardy all the time? As Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. From failure comes immense learning and innovation. Autonomy is about letting them fail.

Quit expecting perfection. This is why managers don’t delegate. They want everything to be perfect. I have news for you. You never get to perfect. The perfect job, the perfect size, the perfect presentation. It is not attainable and paralyzes those around you. Acceptance of imperfection is where it’s at. People work harder if they know that you will be fair in your assessment and not point out every missed period or exclamation point :-)he he…

Ongoing and going and going positive feedback. If you did not get ongoing feedback from your mother, you would never have walked. So even if you fell down, she didn’t sit on the couch reading a newspaper. She gave you constant and ongoing feedback. So think about that the next time you delegate an important task. Dr. Marcial Losada created and studied this ratio of positive to negative messages within relationships and organizations. What he found was that organizations that have 2.9 or more positive messages over negative messages thrive. Those that fall below fail. In a marriage, it’s got to be 5.0 or better (thanks for emptying the garbage, Honey). Give positive feedback.

Don’t focus on problems. Focus on best outcomes. Ask your friend about what his best outcome would be. Focus on The What that he’s interested in. So Joe, “What would you like to see happen with this project?” “What can you control in this situation?” “What would make you feel like you accomplished something?” As David Rock espouses, focus on solutions (and stay clear of the problems). Keep it outcome based.

Don’t always have the answer. I am completely and utterly guilty of this. I am the Answerer in Chief. Life is one giant Jeopardy game and I’ll take Potpourri for $1000. Autonomy is all about your co-workers figuring things out on their own. If you always are giving the answers, they will never learn to “do” or “think”for themselves; they will merely mimic you. Autonomy is all about folks doing their own thinking. Let them make the connections. Teachers don’t give exams and sit there and give all the answers….right?

Mindset, talent and skills are not fixed. Embrace the growth mindset. As Carol Dweck defines it,

“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”

Autonomy involves having the growth mindset. Don’t look at what they can’t do, look at the possibility of what they can do.

So there you have it. How to encourage those in your life to have more autonomy. One of the three parts of motivation in his book Drive as written by Daniel Pink – autonomy, mastery and purpose. Pink says “Control leads to compliance; autonomy leads to engagement.” Imagine what we all could achieve with more autonomy. So give it away starting today.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on September 26, 2015

🧐Lessons in Uni-tasking

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It sucks you in. It captures your attention. Those sly notifications. It’s like a hit of some illicit drug. You just have to pick up that phone and see if someone is reaching out to you with that million dollar deal. That windfall. An old flame trying to rekindle. The rich uncle who left you his mansion. The reality is that it is nothing but deception. Most of those emails and other sundry notifications are just temptation into nothing but junk. Spam. Some old college friend you half remember liked the photo of a sunrise. And you stopped what you were doing and came to a screeching halt? Do you want to know what that is costing you? The illusion of multitasking is wearing you out.

The answer lies in having the courage (yes courage) to shut that damn phone off. Yes. I said off. To do your best work you need to uni-task. One thing at a time. But I hear you balking. “I can’t give up my phone. There might be an emergency.” Truth is there is no emergency. The phone is just making you believe it is so.

Here is are the reasons you need to cowboy up and uni-task:

1. The cost of context switching is huge.

Check out Gerry Weinberg’s chart of productivity loss. Basically if you focus on one project like writing this blog post; there is 100% productivity and no time lost switching contexts. But if you try to write a blog post while emailing your boss and writing a new marketing project; in other words, working on 3 projects at once you will have 20% productivity and 40% lost to context switching. That’s a huge loss! You’ve been there. You are right in the middle of the flow of creativity and the phone rings. It’s nothing important but it will take you time to get back to where you were. Time lost in trying to get back THERE is huge. And often that ‘next thought’ is lost forever.

2. Multitasking gets you there later.

Roger Brown wrote this article for InfoQ. Brown writes, “We know that simple interruptions like a phone call can cost as much as 15 minutes of recovery time. The more complex the task, the more time it takes to make the shift.” It’s like constantly hitting the pause button. Actually it’s more like hitting the reverse button. One step forward multitasking is taking you two giant steps back. You’ll never win “Mother May I” with that sort of tactic.

3. It’s harmful for you brain.

Brown writes, “There is evidence that multitasking actually degrades short term memory, not just for the topics being multitasked but possibly by impacting areas of the brain.” Your prefrontal cortex requires a lot of energy. It’s where you do your best work. If you are constantly stressing it out by dragging your thoughts into fight or flight (which is what distractions are doing to you) you will not be able to do your best work. Mistakes will happen. And the constant stress is bad for your brain.

4. You are just scattered.

As Jim Benson wrote for Personal Kanban, “The study found that self-identified multi-taskers ended up people who were merely justifying a scattered lifestyle. Perhaps they felt productive because during a day they touched so many different tasks – but when actually tested against people who focused on one thing at a time, the multi-taskers lost and lost big.” I think of Thanksgiving Day. I am multitasking trying to get a meal together that I make once a year. I am not used to making a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, salad, veggies and pumpkin pies all in one fell swoop. It’s a one off event. And if you looked at my kitchen, it would most likely be described as a disaster (i.e. very scattered). And that’s not how my kitchen usually looks.

5. It’s really expensive.

As Steve Lohr wrote for the New York Times, “The productivity lost by overtaxed multitaskers cannot be measured precisely, but it is probably a lot. Jonathan B. Spira, chief analyst at Basex, a business-research firm, estimates the cost of interruptions to the American economy at nearly $650 billion a year.” The billion with a B. Companies are spending money on all the unproductive, recovery time to get back on task.

So what do you do? Create time blocks to do your best work and turn off your phone. Complete one project. Complete one phase or one chunk. Then move on. Turn on music without lyrics (i.e. classical). Get present and focus. Think of all the good you will be doing for yourself and others. And think of the free time you’ll have after to just enjoy life.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on September 11, 2015.

🙃 Tips on Doing Nothing

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I recently read Celeste Headlee’s book, Do Nothing. I coach executives, leaders and individual contributors and almost all of them suffer from being distracted and overwhelmed by a constantly growing task list; what one client called “Meeting Mania”. There is an extreme lack of respect for people’s time in general with folks constantly booking meeting after meeting. This has helped produce a sense of frustration with the lack of progress. It’s like the more we work the less we actually get done. So, a title like “Do Nothing” seemed like the respite we all need to take a look at.

Here are the tips on doing nothing:

  • Work less. Basically, what Headlee recommends is getting off the hedonic treadmill of more and more. I was certainly on the treadmill for decades.  Get the degree to get the better job to get the better car to get the better house kind of treadmill. She recommends doing less and spending less so that you have more free time. This seems counter intuitive especially in the United States. I was recently offered another certification for yet another assessment tool. There was a time when I would get certified in anything Human Resource or Coaching related. Now I value my time more and don’t take on things that are directly related to my coaching work. It goes against my impulse to push on the gas and get “just one more” certification or client. I’m learning to let off the gas and work less.
  • Take time for leisure. This is all about enjoying life. I have always been an open window sort of person.  I love staring out the window whether I’ve lived next to a lake or when I’m on the road in my RV. I love to look at nature outside and see what’s going on in the world. Headlee suggests having one untouchable day a week where you don’t go on social media or answer emails; to have nothing on the calendar. I have to say that when I’m on the road and driving 300 plus miles in a day, I really enjoy just getting into an audio book and staring at the road ahead without a concern for who might be trying to contact me. I’m not home with small kids or working a full-time job so maybe a whole day is too hard to set up but try to figure out some downtime into your schedule to rejuvenate and think deeply or just relax.
  • Buy free time. I like to think of this as outsourcing what I don’t enjoy. When I worked full-time, I almost always had a house cleaner once a month or paid someone to mow the lawn.  If this is not something you enjoy, find someone else to do it. It also means not working overtime. Don’t be the workplace martyr who is constantly working on the weekends or late on weekdays. I know that in most workplace cultures this seems outrageous and you might feel like you’ll be ostracized. You can start the trend of not being the one who is constantly focused on work and unable to be present for family and friends. Find ways to have more free time.
  • Increase time perception. This is akin to tracking your time. How much time are you spending on what kind of work? How much time are you spending on being present?  How much time are you spending on scrolling? If you are aware of where you are spending time especially on reflection and being present, you are able to reduce your stress. It’s the aimless day of overwhelm that makes us anxious. 
  • Limit focused work. I read a great book on dispelling a lot of time management principles called 4000 Weeks (which is how many weeks we get if we live to 76). He describes what he calls serializing or setting up 25-minute blocks across the week for focus time.  During these blocks you turn off all notification and only have the software (say Word or Excel) that you need open and have everything else on do not disturb. He claims that most people procrastinate because they know they can’t finish what they start so they just keep kicking the can down the road.  This is very stressful.  So just start and know you can’t finish and then you come back to the project at the next focus session. It’s important to limit the focus time because the quality of your work does not go up with the amount of time dedicated to a particular project.
  • Take breaks.  This aligns with the book 4000 Weeks as well. It’s critical to take a break away from your “work”. You need to be idle to have insight. Adam Grant calls this strategic procrastination where you start some deep work and then come back to it later that day or the next day or next week and in between is where the magic happens.  Your unconscious brain (or default network) takes over and starts coming to greater insight because you aren’t pushing through in a 4-hour work session to come up with a brilliant idea. Breaks are rejuvenating. I prefer to get outside for breaks even if it’s 10 minutes in the trees or listening to birds. It breaks the spell of overwhelm.
  • Stop task switching.  There is a cognitive load to moving from email to messaging to making phone calls to being on yet another Zoom call. Try batching your tasks together.  So, work on email for 30 minutes then do 10 minutes of responding to Teams messaging then turn it all off when you are on the Staff Meeting call and actually be present. Trying to do email while on a boring team call is a sign that you probably don’t need to be on the team call because you aren’t being present. 

These ideas are definitely in the vanguard of what is a barrage of back to back zoom calls and the constant tug of Teams messaging. We are wired to be responsive to people which is a human thing to do but our ancestors didn’t have a constant barrage of communication from all over the planet coming at us 24 hours a day. Take care of yourself, be discerning and do nothing. What tip will you try?

😎 PEI – Tiny and Unique

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Prince Edward Island (PEI) is the smallest province in Canada but if it was a US state, it would be the second smallest right after Rhode Island. Yes, my Delaware friends, there is a Canadian province that is smaller than the state of Delaware. I traveled here on my Atlantic Maritimes Road trip in my RV, Abeona in the summer of 2025. I will say that getting to PEI is not for the faint of heart. My knuckles were white as I drove across the only bridge to the island called Confederation Bridge. First, I’d like to thank the travel gods because it wasn’t windy that day as I traversed the 8-mile bridge. I was dumbfounded as to why there weren’t any west bound cars as I came across the bridge until we were stopped for about 5 minutes due to construction on the bridge. It was nerve wracking to be about two thirds of the way across the bridge only to be stuck high above the Gulf of the St. Lawrence for what seemed like an eternity and to feel the roadway undulate from the weight of the cars (this takes me back to walking across the Golden Gate Bridge many years ago and feeling the ground constantly move). There is no toll on the east bound side of the bridge but on the way back it was 50.25 CAD ($36.70). That is definitely the most I have ever paid for a bridge toll. 

The red cliffs and beaches of Prince Edward Island

I headed immediately to the most western lighthouse on the island called West Point Lighthouse which is in Cedar Dunes Provincial Park. Here I got to see the tallest lighthouse on PEI at 68 feet tall. It’s situated right next to the red sand beaches of Cedar Dunes Provincial Park which is quite stunning as it was a clear sunny day and the dark blue ocean waves crashing next to the vast red sandy beach is impressive. It turns out that this tiny island province has over 55 lighthouses which is a lot compared to at the very least North Carolina which only has seven active lighthouses. Once I arrived at West Point Lighthouse I wanted to continue on to my next destination and there was no cell coverage. It wasn’t until later that I learned that driving on the island is more like navigating a maze. I definitely would have invested in a paper map if I had to do it again. I was able to start up my satellite dish to get my directions to my next destination but I have to say I was caught off guard. I think I had better cell coverage in the Yukon. 

When traveling on to The Bottle Houses and Garden, there was never a straight shot on a road for say 20 kilometers. It was more like 1.5 KM then right for 2 KM and then left for 1 KM. And so on. There are vast amounts of fields and farmland which is pastural but I felt like my GPS must be wrong that that there must be a more straight- forward way to get from point A to point B. I needed to let go and let faith take over. Later in the day I ended up on a gravel road for at least 5 KM which really rattled me both physically and mentally. 

The Bottle Houses and Gardens is a lovely spot; it has a chapel and two house built by Edouard Arsenault in 1980.  His first house was built with 12,000 bottles which he collected and carefully cleaned and then built using cement between the bottles. The second building is called the tavern and is built using 8,000 bottles and the last creation is a chapel which was completed posthumously with 10,000 bottles. The gardens around the site are picturesque and there are many bottle trees (metal tree shaped frames with bottles on the “branches”) in the gardens as well. It’s definitely worth the visit.

I visited the Green Gables Heritage Place along with Lucy Maud Montgomery’s birthplace. I’m not sure anyone would be interested to visit these places unless you have read Anne of Green Gables or watched one of the series or movies associated with the place. I have read the book and watched the series and it was neat to see where Montgomery got her inspiration. The Green Gables house was actually Montgomery’s grandparents’ house and she spent a lot of time there since her mother passed away when she was two and her father moved out to western Canada. You could feel that the book was very autobiographical as Montgomery like her main character, Anne Shirley, was also a teacher. As an aspiring writer it was really neat to see her first handwritten draft of Anne of Green Gables and the old typewriter she also used.  It’s an interesting walk back in time to see the farmhouse and its thatched beds and Victorian furnishings.

An interesting stop in PEI is The Dunes Studio Gallery and Cafe which is a great place to look at local art, buy some locally made crafts, eat seafood and wander the lovely gardens. There are also art studios for the artists who actually work here that you can see into. If it weren’t for the drizzle that morning, I could have wandered for hours. 

There is a laid-back pace to PEI with endless red sand beaches, striking red cliffs near the placid waves breaking on shore. I’m pretty sure I passed more farm equipment on the road than anywhere back home in North Carolina. This island is all about the farming and raising of world-famous PEI mussels which can be seen throughout the bays and inlets around the islands.  I’m glad I ventured here and now I’ve been to every province in Canada. 

🚐 Eclectic Historic Nova Scotia

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I traveled to Nova Scotia in the summer of 2025. I am on a solo RV trip in my motorhome, Abeona. This was not my first time to Nova Scotia as my family traveled here in a tiny towable trailer when I was about 4. The only thing I remember about that trip is a picture that was taken by a canon and a bunch of men in kilts playing bagpipes. I have to say that I was truly expecting similar treatment when I arrived on my trip to Newfoundland in June but alas, was disappointed. No kilts. Worse yet no bagpipes. What I did find is an eclectic historic place full of beauty, seaside towns, fishing villages and, eventually, kilts. 

I first stayed near Cape Breton Island in Bras D’Or. I was heading on the ferry to Newfoundland by the end of the week and took the opportunity to explore the famously scenic Cabot Trail along the coast of Cape Breton Island. John Cabot who was a Venetian Italian explorer, Zuan Chabotto (John Cabot in English) was financed by Henry VII to explore North America.  He landed here in 1497. It’s believed that they were the first Europeans to North America after the Norsemen in L’Anse aux Meadow in 1014. Cabot Trail is a scenic drive with plunging coastline and fishing villages tucked in the bays. There were many craftspeople with storefronts along the way including a chocolatier, glass maker and eclectic restaurants. An odd thing here is that the signs on Cape Breton are all in Gaelic and English (no French except for National Parks). I knew I was returning to Nova Scotia after a month in Newfoundland so I saved the southern portions for my return trip.

Peggy’s Cove Lighthouse Nova Scotia

I also visited the Fortress of Louisbourg National Historic Site which is the rebuilt replica of an 18th century French colonial town. It’s really a trip back in time to walk past shops and bakeries from the 18th century with a large moat and fenced wall. People here are dressed in period costume of the French as it was a French fortress for 47 years after being founded in 1713.

Upon my return to Nova Scotia from Newfoundland, I headed to Halifax. As I have found in most larger cities, it’s difficult to navigate in a 24-foot motorhome. I randomly ended up on a bridge that was only for cars, I believe, and had no way to exit. I was quite nervous that I would be pulled over but it all went off just fine. I was headed to the Halifax Citadel and, although I had looked on Google for parking in advance, on a late sunny afternoon in July, parking is a premium. I finally found a spot, thankfully, so I didn’t have to abandon my trip to the Citadel. 

I was quite taken aback by the sheer size of the Citadel and its location in the heart of a bustling city with high rises and a shipping port. The Citadel itself has had four reincarnations with the first being in 1749.  This last fortification was built in 1828. Here finally I found men in kilts but alas, no bagpipes. I find it strange that although Nova Scotia means New Scotland in Latin,  the Scots where only here for 3 years (1629-1632). The Mi’kmaq people inhabited the region for several thousand years and then the French Acadian people came to establish the first colony in 1605. Then the British and French fought for the next few hundred years. It’s quite the eclectic mix of cultures. I was surprised to learn that Nova Scotia was almost the 14th colony during the American Revolution.  Even in the museums the information is in Mi’kmaq, English and French. The Citadel itself is a very nice intact fort. You can walk along the top of fortifications and it’s easily maneuvered. I was hoping for some long-hidden memory of this place assuming that it would have been important to my history loving father to visit but alas outside of a few canons and the kilts, nothing jumped out at me.

I headed to what is the most photographed lighthouse in Canada (and probably the world) at Peggy’s Cove. By now I’ve figured out that arriving at 9am at a touristy spot is paramount in order to park. I absolutely timed it perfectly. I was able to easily park and there were only one or two other tourists out there milling around so the pictures were perfect. The tiny cove with colorful houses and boats was so charming. The lighthouse itself is so special because it’s on an outcropping of granite that has been smoothed by glaciers and surrounded by the stunning Atlantic Ocean.  It truly is a terrific fishing village to walk through and has many eclectic shops like a pewter smith and art galleries.

I traveled up to Digby which is on the Bay of Fundy. Digby is renowned for their scallops. It was an adventure to travel up Digby Neck and take a ferry to Long Island which has the trail to Balancing Rock. This was quite the sight after hiking for close to a mile with nothing but boardwalk or trees and plenty of steps to suddenly see this enormous rock balancing precariously on the edge of a rock below. The rock formations along that coast reminded me of the Giant’s Causeway in North Ireland. Like someone deliberately made these enormous columns. 

The most serendipitous discovery was of Fort Anne National Historic Site. There were several locations to visit around the oldest settlement in Nova Scotia called Annapolis Royal. It was happenstance that I stopped here and to my utter amazement I found a placard that placed my 9th Great Grandfather, Major Robert Sedgwick here in 1654. He was a Major and later General for Cromwell. He was the first to conquer Annapolis Royal in 1654 and at the time was a British born American merchant in Massachusetts. Cromwell just two years later sent Sedgwick to Jamaica to be the governor although he sadly died almost on arrival due to illness. Annapolis Royal has changed hands at least seven times between the English and French over a century. It is in a protected bay adjacent to the Bay of Fundy and was a critical location.

I stopped by Burntcoat Head Park as a last stop in Nova Scotia to walk on the seafloor. Here is the location for the world’s highest recorded tides. Twice a day 160 billion tons of water flow in and out of the Bay of Fundy with the highest tide reaching 53 feet. Luckily, I arrived at low tide and was able to take the steps down to the bottom of the ocean. It’s quite surreal especially with all the bright red iron rich sandstone that is molded like soft ice cream. It was another terrific stop.

I really enjoyed this trip to Nova Scotia with the sheer variety of things to do and see. There were plenty of things I didn’t have time to see and I’ll be sure to allocate more time next time. Whether it’s natural phenomenon, eclectic history or picturesque seascapes, this is the place to visit.

🧐25 Peculiarities of Newfoundland

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I’m finishing up a month-long solo RV tour of Newfoundland.  This is truly a beguiling place with vast amounts of seascapes, cliffs, and wilderness as well as tiny fishing villages and busier hubs like St. John. The vast Great Northern Peninsula is as desolate in areas as the Yukon Territory with nary a Tim Horton (Canada’s answer to Dunkin); while St. John’s is a major shipping port with countless restaurants and museums. I began my trip at Port aux Basques where I could travel for hours without seeing any facilities and I am finishing up my trip outside of St. John’s which has 40% of the province’s population complete with parking garages and pedestrian thoroughfares. There is a lot of contrast here and I’ve loved every moment.

An iceberg near St. Lunaire-Griquet

Here are the 25 peculiarities of Newfoundland:

  1. Pronouncing it. I have been corrected on the pronunciation of Newfoundland by several Newfies. From the best I can figure it is pronounced: New-FUN-lAnd. I tend to say NEW-fin-lund. 
  2. No Newfoundland dogs.  Outside of statue of a Newfoundland and Labrador dog in downtown St. John’s, I have yet to see a Newfoundland dog here.  I had a client ask if there were herds of them here. There are not.
  3. Only Dairy.  Especially in the remote northern end of Newfoundland, I could not find any non-dairy milk or yogurt.  It’s all dairy, dairy here.
  4. Moose. I went to a nature park called Salmonair and traveled over 1,000 miles in Newfoundland. I have yet to see a live moose although they claim that there is one moose for every 4 people or 125,000 moose. That’s an amazing number considering they were introduced here in 1904.
  5. Icebergs. I saw eight icebergs on my trip here and if you come in June and are willing to travel to St. Lunaire or Twillingate, I can pretty much guarantee you will see an iceberg and it’s an awe-inspiring sight.
  6. RDF. A Newfie clued me in that this is the general term for weather which stands for Rain, Drizzle and Fog (St. John is known as Fog town). There is no telling when it will rain and when it will be sunny and, in general, the forecast is wrong. This can make planning difficult and you just have to be adaptable. 
  7. National Parks. There are two National Parks (Gros Morne and Terra Nova) on Newfoundland and they are beautiful and super inexpensive compared to the US. It’s only $11.00 to enter these parks for the day.
  8. Provincial Parks. I saw several Provincial Parks and all of them have been free. The most stunning was the Dungeon Provincial Park which is a collapsed sea cave.  It was a gravel road out to it, but when there is a clear, blue sky and pounding waves below in “the dungeon”, it’s a spectacular sight. 
  9. Potholes. When I drove the Alaska Canada highway last year there were always signs to indicate that potholes were coming and they were accurate. While the Trans-Canada Highway here is terrific, there are several secondary roads that were riddled with potholes and/or frost heaves (undulating roadway from temperature changes). Sometime I had to drive 20 miles an hour to make sure Abeona held together.
  10. Brogue. Many of the locals sound like they are from Ireland or Scotland. A server or customer service person would approach me and I must have had a deer in the headlights look because I have no earthly idea what they just said. Expressions like “Whaddayat” or “How ya gettin’on” at times made me think I was across the pond. 
  11. Chatty. I was mentioning to a Newfie I met in St. Pierre that people were so nice in Newfoundland and she said, “Well, they are really just chatty.” She is right. People would talk to me about just anything but most likely the weather (see #6).  I had an older man come up to me while I was gassing up Abeona and said, “Whaddayat” and “Come from away” (are you visiting).  He thought I had a really nice rig and asked “Do you have a man in there?” The folks here are chatty.
  12. Time zones. I think it’s bizarre but Newfoundland and Labrador are a half hour ahead of the Atlantic Time zone (Nova Scotia, etc.). So, they have their very own time zone.
  13. Gas. A lot of the gas stations only have regular gas and you pump and then pay inside. Similar to my trip through the Yukon, I gassed up at almost each gas station I found open (some are closed on Sunday).
  14. Potable water. I was prepared for this before I came but several campgrounds had boil warnings on the water. I had to be sure I filled up at the campgrounds with safe drinking water.
  15. Cover shopping carts return. I found it strange that grocery stores had covered places for the carts to be returned. Gas stations were not normally covered (like they are in the US). 
  16. Cod. Cod is the center of the universe here and when there was a moratorium on cod fishing starting in 1992 it devastated the region.  As they say here, fish is cod and cod is God. The fishing just restarted in 2024 but only partially. It’s why the area was settled 400 years ago.
  17. Jigg’s Dinner.  This is a classic Sunday dinner in Newfoundland and is only served on Sunday.  It’s a boiled dinner that included salted beef, turkey, potatoes, turnips, mashed peas, carrots and greens. The whole thing is covered in gravy (similar to Poutine which is fries covered in gravy). I was finally able to be at an open restaurant on Sunday that was serving it and it was delicious.
  18. Lupin. Besides thousands of dandelions that almost look like they are cultivated along the highways and byways, swaths of lupin in blue, pink and white are along hiking trails and highways.
  19. Balsam Fir. Most of the landscape on the Great Northern Peninsula is barren and grassy but along the Avalon and Bonavista peninsula’s there are miles of balsam fir conifer forests and the smell is breathtaking. 
  20. Moose burgers. Besides fish and chips (see #16), another staple at roadside restaurants on the Great Northern Peninsula  is moose burgers. It’s more prevalent than regular hamburgers. 
  21. Painted Rocks. I found painted rocks on random hiking trails where school children from a particular class room painted rocks to line the trail at its apex. There are large boulders painted as well. It’s like finding Easter eggs while driving or hiking.
  22. Partridge Berries.  These are small red berries that are tart like a cranberry and many restaurants made tarts from them.
  23. Gift shops.  There are tiny gift shops next to lighthouses and on the road next to restaurants. These shops are filled with handknit gloves, homemade partridge berry jam (see #22) and painted rocks. They are all locally made and quite homespun. 
  24. Wood piles. I saw this the most on the Great Northern Peninsula but there would be random piles of wood along the Viking Trail on my way to St. Lunaire. Apparently, locals have a place to keep their wood for the winter.  It seems random but it’s not.  The same goes for piles of lobster traps.
  25. Names. I find it funny that there is an island called Random Island and two lakes right next to each other, one called 3 Corner Pond next to Triangle Pond. I wondered how they knew the difference since isn’t a three-corner pond a triangle? There is also the town of Dildo which Jimmy Kimmel featured on his show. There is the inappropriately named Western Brook Pond which is a fresh water fjord that is 10 miles long and 250 feet. Not really a pond. 

I love that Newfies and Newfoundland are so quirky and friendly. Regardless of whether I was walking down a trail, doing laundry or paying for gas, these people are so welcoming to those that come from away.  I can’t wait to return. 

🐳 Puffins, Whales and Lighthouses: Newfoundland

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My original purpose in traveling to Newfoundland was to see icebergs and the Norse settlement, L’Anse aux Meadow. But in addition, I was secretly hoping for puffins and whales as well. I scheduled my trip at the height of iceberg season (May and June) so if I was able to see puffins and whales, all the better. I knew, of course, there had to be lighthouses because with 6,000 miles of coast line, there will be lighthouses. 

While I camped outside of St. John’s on the Avalon peninsula, I took a tour of the area surrounding St. John. I could have driven it but with a 24-foot motor home to park and St. John being full of narrow streets and hills, I figured I’d leave the parking and maneuvering to someone more knowledgeable. We headed to Cape Spear and the most easterly point of North America. We arrived there on a windy day and saw the two lighthouses that sit atop the craggy cliffs. The current lighthouse was built in 1955 and is completely white and stands 45 ft. tall. It’s quite picturesque above the rocky coastline. Behind it about 50 yards away is the original lighthouse which was built in 1836 and is a squat single story white building with a red and white light on top. This older lighthouse is the oldest surviving lighthouse in Newfoundland. They apparently used to use whale oil to light the original lighthouse. It doesn’t feel like it but Cape Spear is within the city limits of St. John, the heart of which is 7 miles away. Cape Spear is a windswept place on its isolated crag. The Portuguese named this place Cabo da Esperance meaning “cape of hope”, which became Cap d’Espoir in French and finally Cape Spear.  It feels like every European nation had hands in the naming of the towns and headlands of Newfoundland. If they were fishing for cod, they were here at some point.

The Bonavista Lighthouse in Newfoundland

My next conquest was puffins. Before coming to Newfoundland, I made sure I joined a few Facebook groups.  There are several iceberg, whale and puffin Facebook groups and you can find out in real time if there is any activity.  This proved invaluable. I was camped in Chance Cove and almost a three-hour drive to the best puffin viewing area.  When I come back to Newfoundland, and I know I will, I will definitely plan to camp closer to Elliston which is out on the Bonavista peninsula. Puffins are most active in June and July while they are nesting. The best time of day to see puffins is in the early morning and late evening.  Even though I headed out at 7:30 AM, I wasn’t able to park and see the puffins until around 10 AM so most of the activity had subsided by the time I trekked out around a very narrow isthmus to get to the Puffin Viewing Area. There were about twenty people out there. There were several hundred puffins out on the cliff walking and flying about in addition to seagulls. It was really interesting but I should have brought binoculars or a high zoom camera lens. They are such unusual looking birds that I wanted to see them up close. There was another puffin viewing area off the coast of the Bonavista lighthouse but by the time I got there around noon, I didn’t see any puffins. The Bonavista lighthouse built in 1843 is another squat lighthouse although it is painted with bold red and white stripes. So, no puffins but another lighthouse bagged.

Next up, the Whales Playground in St. Vincent, Newfoundland. I traveled there on the Sunday of the major holiday weekend of Canada Day (July 1st). It was sunny and I wanted to beat the crowds. I figured it would be busy since by all accounts on Facebook, the humpbacks were definitely there. I headed out at 7 AM and arrived just before 9 AM. There was plenty of parking and the crowds were already gathered to see this awe-inspiring site. Apparently, the small fish called Capelin migrate in June and July off the shores of Newfoundland and the humpbacks migrate as well to feast on the abundance of fish. The beach off of St. Vincent has a sharp drop-off so that the whales are just 25 feet away.  I parked and headed out to the beach where there were 30 or so spectators, many with enormous zoom lenses. I absolutely gasped and tears came to my eyes as I saw the shiny black back of a humpback whale right off the beach. There was one single whale at one end of the beach and a mother and her calf about 30 feet away. When they are feeding, they are super active with tails, blow holes and pectoral fins flying. They are such majestic animals and they seem like they are just barely out of reach from the stone covered beach. Many people set up and camp in a chair for the day. As I headed out around noon, I passed hundreds of cars on their way to see the whales. I was glad I got there early before the crowds descended. The Whales Playground on a sunny day in June is not to be missed.

Newfoundland has been a treasure trove of UNESCO world heritage sites, lighthouses, spectacular rocky cliffs, icebergs and encounters with beautiful wildlife. I had a short Wishlist before I arrived and it’s been completely fulfilled in my month here on the island referred to as The Rock.  It truly has been an adventure and I’m so glad I made the effort. 

🇫🇷 Enchanting St. Pierre and Miquelon

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St. Pierre and Miquelon (SPM) are two tiny islands off the south west coast of Newfoundland that are part of France. It recently came into the public eye when the current U.S. administration levied the highest tariff on SPM tied with the African county of Lesotho. SPM makes up .01 of the GDP of France.  SPM was visited by indigenous people for over 5,000 years but in 1536 it was claimed by Jacques Cartier for France. Over the ensuing years there were battles between Great Britain and France, changing hands multiple times before being definitively restored to French control in 1816. Its allure was the vast abundance of Cod fishing in the North Atlantic and the ability to dry the cod and send it back to Europe. I became aware of this French archipelago almost 7 years ago when Anthony Bourdain came here in 2018 on his show Parts Unknown. It was also featured in Peaky Blinders final season in 2022. I knew I had to investigate this French gem off the coast of Newfoundland. 

There is a lot involved in planning a trip here as there is not a daily ferry from Newfoundland and I couldn’t find a flight from St. John’s that was available.  First, I secured an RV spot that was walking distance to the ferry at Fortune, NL. Next, I found a hotel room that matched the ferry availability. This involved making several international calls (calling Canada is free on my Verizon plan, not so SPM) and making sure my lodging was walking distance to the center of the town of St. Pierre. I could not understand the ferry booking site since it’s mostly in French although parts are translated so here again, I made an international call. So once all the parts of the journey were set up, I was set to travel by ferry to St. Pierre and back for a weekend stay. 

The lovely austere countryside of L’Ile aux Marins (Island of the Sailors) off the coast of St. Pierre et Miquelon

When we set sail from Fortune it was foggy.  The ferry was very nice with only a small deck towards the back of the deck to be outside.  It was 50 degrees and foggy so why be outside, right? When we arrived in SPM at the main wharf in St. Pierre (both the town and name of the island), we disembarked and went through customs where I happily received a stamp on my passport from France. St. Pierre is not exactly pedestrian friendly since the sidewalks (if there are any) are narrow and cut up and the streets are narrow as well. I stood in a marked crosswalk and the traffic continued (this I can assure you would never happen in Spain or Italy). There is a lawless feel to those behind the wheel.  I was glad I didn’t have far to walk to get to my bed and breakfast, Nuit Saint Pierre. Michel, my host, was there at the bottom of the stairs to greet me and shake my hand.  I would guess the B and B had about 7 guest rooms and a kitchen to share where Michel or his son would put out delicious French pastries, juice and coffee each morning. It was nice to have a private bath and a place to flop. Reservations are compulsory in SPM and Michel immediately reviewed everyone’s dinner reservations.  I did not have one because I don’t normally eat dinner. Michel took it upon himself to take me to a local market in his car.  That was a trip. I’m not sure if it was a one-way street but he squeezed through two cars facing opposite directions with maybe an inch on each side of the car. Michel knew everyone in the market and immediately took me to a refrigerator case that had cooked lobster in a container. I have to say that the lobster was one of the best I’ve ever had and I couldn’t believe I bought it at a market. 

One of the big highlights of my trip to SPM was going to the tiny island of lle aux Marins (Island of the Sailors). I went to the tourist information center to get ferry times. I planned it for the one morning when it wasn’t too windy and there would be sun.  SPM reminds me of San Francisco in the summer, cool and foggy most of the time. I traveled by boat on the ten-minute ride that I paid for in 7 Euros cash only. The island was settled in 1604 and once had a population of 700 which was almost all fishermen and their families.  There is a church and school.  It was largely abandoned in the 1960’s with only 20 inhabitants in the summer.  There is no electricity or running water or cars.  There are communal wheel barrels and wagons available for visitors and inhabitants to use. I immediately made a beeline to see the Transpacific wreckage which is a German Cargo ship that wrecked in 1972.  It’s a ghostly sight with its bow face-up on the beach. The island itself is stark with nary a tree or bush.  There are plots full of rocks which is where children were used to put out the cod to dry. There was an Andrew Wyeth vibe to the place with windswept austerity.  After exploring the island for an hour and a half,  I was picked up by the ferry and headed back to St. Pierre. 

Michel let me know that there was the blessing of the boats at the main church that morning which was a block from the B and B. Another guest and I walked over when the service headed outside.  It was an emotional experience as the priest and parishioners marched out to the wharf with models of boats that had been lost at sea. They sang beautiful hymns in French as they walked through the streets in their blue and white striped shirts. It was particularly poignant as a boat that was lost in 1962 call the Ravenel had just been found the month before. 15 St. Pierre fishermen had lost their lives and many of the family member were in the procession to leave flowers by the statue commemorating “our lost sailors”. We watched as the priest went to the wharf to bless the boats as dories with rowers, small crafts and fishing vessels honked their horns. It was a brilliant blue sky for all the pageantry. 

I headed back to Newfoundland on Sunday afternoon after spending three enchanting days on SPM. Anyone passing me on the street said “Bon jour” even the children getting out of school. I’m not sure any place could be more welcoming and I found myself here at the optimum time to truly experience a piece of France in North America. 

🧐Iceberg Hunting

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When I took the ferry to Newfoundland in June of 2025 one of my main goals was to see an iceberg. The eastern waters off the coast of Newfoundland are referred to as Iceberg Alley and the best time of the year to view them is in May and June. When I started planning my trip, I found the most places to camp didn’t open until June 1st.  So, I planned for the ferry ride as early as possible in June to take advantage of prime iceberg season. I had watched a few YouTube videos on the topic and apparently 2024 was a “bad” year for icebergs. I planned my trip to head to the most northern tip of Newfoundland first and then, heading to the more populated areas of St. John towards the end of my trip to leverage my iceberg viewing potential.   

I traveled up the Viking Trail or route 430 to the Great Northern Peninsula.  As I drove up the highway the Gulf of the St. Lawrence was on the left-hand side almost the entire way. With gusting winds of up to 30 miles an hour, there were a lot of white caps on the ocean. I tried in vain to spot an iceberg but white caps on the ocean and the white of an iceberg are identical. I never saw an iceberg in the Gulf of the St. Lawrence but I knew that the eastern side of “The Rock”, Newfoundland, is where icebergs are most prevalent.

In front of the largest iceberg I saw with a piece of glacier in my hand of the coast of St. Lunaire-Griquet

I arrived in St. Lunaire-Griquet on June 14th and, after some hunting, I found a place to park Abeona, I went to the dock where my zodiac tour was to launch and there in front of me was my first iceberg (which I later learned was a growler due to its small size). I was so excited. When we met our captain, Molly, she explained that she had two icebergs to take us to as we suited up in what was essentially an all-body life preserver. There were nine of us and Molly as we headed out into the Labrador Sea. It was raining but it was relatively calm waters (hardly any white caps). I think in retrospect I was glad for rain instead of choppy waters. After about 30 minutes we came upon an enormous iceberg that was 80 feet by 150 feet. It was absolutely amazing because there was a cove of sorts on the end of the iceberg that waves were crashing into. You could see the striations of dark blue ribbons which are the purest portions of the iceberg. We kept a fair distance from the iceberg and Molly could tell from her depth detection that it was 120 feet below the surface and it was “stuck” at the moment on the sea floor.  The greatest danger in an iceberg is a piece breaking off and possibly toppling the boat. 

Molly reached into the ocean and grabbed a piece of floating ice and broke it up for us to each have a piece. There I licked my tiny piece of a 10,000-year-old glacier from the purest water on Earth.  It was surreal. After circumnavigating the biggest iceberg, we traveled another 20 minutes to see a mid-size iceberg that almost seemed to be turning over in the water. The waves were rocking the iceberg topsy turvy. It was the size of a ranch house and was see-sawing in the water. When I realized that the icebergs have no ballast, it makes sense that this one was rocking so much. 

The last iceberg we saw was pretty small and was more of the classic cone shape. It’s interesting to see how the water forms ripples in the surface as the iceberg slowly dissolves into the sea. On our way back to the dock we went by my first “iceberg” which was really a growler because it’s more the size of a car.  From the time we left and came back, it had dissolved almost a third of its size. 

The icebergs of “Iceberg Alley” are the pieces of glaciers mostly from western Greenland but also from Canada’s Arctic. Each year there are upwards of 40,000 medium to large size icebergs that break off, or calve, off glaciers in Greenland. They float their way down Iceberg Alley with about 800 making it as far south at St. John’s. I drove down to Twillingate a few days later and was able to see two, off in the far distance from Long Point Lighthouse.  There were two that were the size of a two-story house floating in Bayview which is near Twillingate. I really wanted to get a closer look but with a 24-foot RV, I was loathe to head down unfamiliar roads and possibly get stuck with no way out. I found that there are several iceberg alley resources on Facebook where you can see real time photos of icebergs up and down iceberg alley. It’s truly amazing to see one floating in a bay taller than the houses that sit by the water’s edge.

So far, I’ve seen eight icebergs and growlers on my visit to Newfoundland. Each one is unique and beautiful. They are silent sentinels marching south to slowly melt into the sea. It’s a once in a lifetime experience that took over a year of planning but it was worth it. They believe that icebergs have been off the coast of Newfoundland for over 10,000 years and I was able to bear witness to them.