Category: Workplace Navigator

How to Harness the Power of Connection.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

You walk into a store and the cashier is more robotic than friendly. No eye contact; and repeating the same “Have a nice day” with no expression of sincerity. Your coworker is demanding a document that you are sure they already have and this might be the fourth time you’ve sent it to them. It’s easy to get sucked into a malaise of disconnectedness. You start putting up walls and keep everyone at arm’s length. It’s easy to fall into being out for yourself and out of touch with others. And you begin to shut others out.

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I was fortunate to facilitate a team of 65 in the construction business. The theme was Team Dynamics but what it really was about was connecting. Truly and literally standing in another department’s shoes to understand their perspectives and their challenges is an amazingly transformative act. The outcome was magical. I’d say the group was at least 75% men. Men in the rough and tumble world of construction where swearing is encouraged and feelings need to be checked at the door. I have to say I was nervous. Would these guys really buy in? Would they really be able to open their hearts and minds to their teammates? Well, I’m happy to say they did and the end result was powerful.

Here is how to harness the power of connection:

1. It always starts with the team alliance. This is a tenet of CRR Global. It’s basically an agreement of how we want to “be” with each other. As long as there’s clarity and agreement some remarkable things can happen. I worked with a technology team that wanted to make sure that “swearing” was encouraged. As long as everyone is on board, then swearing can be encouraged. It could just as easily have been respect or openness or confidentiality. You just need to be clear about how you want the team to be together and starting off a meeting or project or team dynamic session should always have an alliance. I have to say that during the facilitation with the construction company, I had to remind them a few times that “respect” was on the alliance. When ground rules are set, people are more likely to participate.

2. First seek to understand. This is habit 5 from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In a nutshell, this is all about active listening. It’s not listening until I can get a word in edgewise. It’s not biting my tongue until I can impress you with my retort. It’s seeking to understand. It’s about being open and non judgmental. In a room full to the brim with 65 people, they all listened attentively to each other. The knowing head nods. The smile of acknowledgment. How often can you say that?

3. Everyone has a voice. What’s powerful about the “lands work” from CRR Global is that each “land” (department) gets to speak up without any interruption. Each person gets to represent what it’s like in their “land” and there can be no disagreement, no denial. If a project coordinator says “I have to juggle the demands of four superintendents.” There is no denying that. It is that project coordinator’s truth. Their unadulterated voice. It’s powerful to here a co-worker state a truth that you didn’t even realize. Connecting involves everyone having a voice.

4. Stepping into someone else’s shoes. This is the magical part of “lands work.” All the superintendents took a seat while everyone else in the company stood in their “land.” They then spoke on behalf of the superintendents. There was one woman from administration who when she stood in each of the other lands said “I don’t like this land.” She acknowledged how difficult the other positions in the company were. The superintendents were constantly on the road, the business development folks were constantly handling rejection, the project coordinators had to deal with uncooperative sub contractors. And on and on and on. I could see the impact of having the other people who didn’t have your job speak on behalf of your job and suddenly connection was created. They get it. They were able to move on with a new understanding of each other that would not have ever existed without this effort.

5. Making sure there is a take away. In the end, there must be an understanding. What will this group take away from this experience? How can we take this forward? In a nutshell someone said “Empathy.” There is a new understanding that for each of them to be clear what the priority is. An understanding of what the effect they have on others. Some folks wanted an email with a clear subject line, some folks want a voicemail and still others wanted to get a text. The point was they had a new understanding of flexing and adapting to each other because now they understood each other’s perspective.

So I challenge you to be more connected at work. When was the last time you asked the Project Manager what their challenges are and what do they need from other departments to be more effective? Give it a try and sit back and listen. Really listen.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on January 8, 2016

6 Ways To Crush The Control Freak Within

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You walk into your kid’s bedroom and start straightening the room. Your spouse suggests eating out and you shut it down because you already have something planned. Your assistant thinks we should move the venue for the offsite and you dismiss it as a bad idea. If it’s not your idea, it’s a bad idea. It’s your way or the highway and it’s exhausting.

Control Freak

I’m crushing my control freak and Thanksgiving was a sure test. Instead of being the Director, stage crew and lead actress, I was a bit part in the most intricate meals to put on during the year. So how did I crush my control freak? Here ya go:

1. They are what they are. In don Miguel Ruiz‘ book, The Mastery of Love, he does a magnificent job comparing your relationship to your loved ones to that of loving a dog. If you own a dog, you don’t try and turn it into a cat. So why do you try and change the people you love in your life into something they aren’t. I’ve asked my husband to walk with me in the morning or meditate. He turns it down every time. So guess what? He’s not a meditator or morning walker. I need to let go of the idea that I can change him. Whew. What a relief. They are what they are. Don’t try and change your dog into a cat or your husband into a Zen Master.

2. Get rid of your agenda. Throw it out. This was incredibly difficult on Thanksgiving. My plan was to not have a plan. No time line. So I was going to relax and let the day play out in a natural non controlled way. My daughter and her boyfriend were driving to the house mid morning. And my son was likely to wake up around noon. No sweat. We will make dinner when we make dinner. This took all my faith and patience as I normally would have been up at 6 AM brining a turkey. But I persevered! Dump your agenda.

3. Be open to new possibilities. Both of my kids are great cooks in their own right. My son has been living in Miami and wanted to try two new dishes for Thanksgiving. One was a Colombian dish called Tostones (fried plantains) and the other was Arroz con Coco (coconut rice). This is not typical Graham Family fare for Thanksgiving. But he had already talked to his sister and they were game to give it a try. So I sat on my hands and shut my mouth. So in the middle of my kitchen on Thanksgiving Day were three young adults deep frying plantains, caramelizing coconut milk and cubing up bread for stuffing. Quite the mélange. A delicious mélange.

4. Less is more. If you have ever been to a dinner party at my house you know that I go overboard. I mean 6 different appetizers, 7 sides, two entrees and 4 luscious desserts overboard. Overkill. Overwhelm. And I am exhausted by the end. So this Thanksgiving I embraced less is more. Since my son wanted to make arroz con coco, I didn’t bother bringing up mashed potatoes. “Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes are you kidding me, Cathy?” Yep. No mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. We roll with arroz con coco.

5. Everyone is wholly perfect. This from Ruiz’s book again. My dog is not half perfect. So why do you think your family is half perfect. I don’t need to change or control anyone. I just need to control my thoughts and let go of my judgments. This is not easy and I know I am a work in progress but just looking to come from a place of acceptance is the secret. Reconfigure your thoughts and begin to believe that everyone is wholly perfect the way they are.

6. Believe in everyone else’s wisdom. When I let go of control on Thanksgiving, everyone else (I mean even the dog) shined. They were all invested. They were all playing their parts and working together like a well oiled machine. This was the first time ever that I gave up the reins of control and everyone rose to the occasion. But you have to believe that they can rise to the occasion. You can’t start thinking about the time your son burnt the pancakes or when your daughter messed up the macaroni and cheese. Have faith and it will find you.

I remember when I initially suggested have the kids make the meal on Thanksgiving, my husband raised one eyebrow and said, “Really?” and I said, “Yeah, don’t you think they can do it?” and he said “I’m not worried about them. Can you let go of control?” So I guess you could say that he threw down the gauntlet. Well I did it. Now so can you.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on December 6, 2015

7 Itzy Bitzy Keystone Habits That Will Transform Your Life.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Keystone or Cornerstone habits are small changes that have a big impact as posited by Charles Duhigg. It’s a small change that has a ripple effect. Like when you start exercising for 15 minutes in the morning. It ripples out to the rest of your day. You feel more energized, you are more productive, you aren’t in a crabby mood and make better food choices. Research has shown that about 50% of habits are unconscious. So the key is to make these keystone habits unconscious. You don’t want to stop and think about it.

We all start the day with about 100 units of energy. Each time you have to stop and think and make a decision, you’ve lost one more unit. You don’t get them back. So if you depleted all your units of energy by miscellaneous decisions like “what should I wear today” or “what should I have for breakfast” you are using up those valuable irreplaceable units of energy on minor decisions. So when you sit down to work on that big proposal at 3 PM you are spent. The sooner you can incorporate the itzy bitzy keystone habit into your life, the better.

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Here they are:

1. Make your bed. Your bed is probably the largest piece of furniture in your life. It takes up a lot of your visual field. When the bed isn’t made, it’s visual clutter. It’s a downer. A made bed on the other hand is a productivity starter. Karen Miller in an article called Your Bed is Your Head, says “Transform your reality. Face what appears in front of you. Do what needs to be done. Make peace with the world you inhabit. Take one minute—this minute right now—to enfold your day in dignity. Tuck in the sheets, straighten the covers and fluff the pillows.”

2. Get 7 hours of sleep. When you are well rested, you think better, you have more energy, you procrastinate less and you have a more positive attitude. The problem is that it’s easy to get sucked into watching “The Walking Dead” or binge watching “House of Cards” on Netflix. When you are at the end of your day your energy and will power are gone. Set up a bed time and stick to it. If you can add 15 minutes of reading a fiction book and keep your technology out of your bedroom, all the better. Set a bedtime and stick to it.

3. Get some kind of movement first thing in the morning. Spend just 10 minutes walking or running or doing push ups. Get your blood flowing. Maybe it’s yoga or walking in place. Put your sneakers next to your bed. Queue the exercise dvd the night before. Set out your gear the night before so that it’s effortless to get up and go. As a client of mine decided, she set up her coffee to automatically brew the night before to save time in the morning to get in some exercise. Move.

4. Separate from the Judge in your head. Give your Judge their voice. As instructed by Shirzad Chamine’s Positive Intelligence, I have been reframing my judgments by giving The Judge a voice. So instead of thinking “I think I look fat in this dress,” think “the Judge thinks I look fat in this dress.” Or “I didn’t get that job because I’m not good enough,” think “the Judge thinks I didn’t get that job because I’m not good enough.” Now the Judge is out in the open and, most importantly, you realize it’s not you. Having a positive outlook versus a negative defensive outlook will transform your life. Out your Judge.

5. Give up on perfectionism. Perfectionism is paralyzing. Regardless of what your mother told you, you are good enough. Mistakes are for learning. You will never regret that your spice rack isn’t alphabetized but you will regret not spending quality time with your partner. Giving up on perfectionism gives you more space to connect to others and isn’t that what life is all about? So don’t worry if your proposal isn’t perfect. Send it off.

6. Try some kind of meditation. At the beginning of your day or at the end or maybe on your lunch hour, find 5 minutes to slip into your body and out of your head. I have to tell you that I have been practicing Shirzad Chamine’s 15 minute meditation for the last few weeks. After meditating, I do three brain challenges from Lumosity. Since starting this new meditation, I’ve been achieving high scores on Lumosity. That’s tough to do since I have been using the app for over 2 years. Clearing out my head helps me think better.

7. Try habit stacking. As James Clear writes in his article, Habit Stacking: How to Build New Habits by Taking Advantage of Old Ones, “This is a concept called ‘habit stacking’ because you stack your new habit on top of a current habit. Because the current habit is strongly wired into your brain already, you can add a new habit into this fast and efficient network of neurons more quickly than if you tried to build a new path from scratch.” It’s kind of like a two for one. As Clear recommends, fill in this sentence:
After/Before [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].
So after I meditate, I will play Lumosity. Before I go to bed, I will lay out my exercise gear. After my shower, I will make my bed. Try stacking your habits.

These itzy bitzy keystone habits are much easier if you just try a small slice. One tiny step. So try meditating or exercising for 5 minutes and not 15 to start. I remember getting back to running after surgery a few years ago. I started with just getting out the front steps. The next day, I walked to the mailbox. Within a week I was back to walking two miles. As Darren Hardy says in The Compound Effect, “slow and steady wins the race.” These habits over time will compound and the half a bagel you cut out of your diet today will equal an 8 pound weight loss two years from now.

25 Itzy Bitzy Mindfulness Habits You Can Start Now.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

As Shirzad Chamine says in his 15 minute meditation resource (which is free by the way), “We spend so much time in our head, we can forget we even have a body.” When you think about it our head is about 10% of our body mass but we spend most of our resources and time staying up in our head instead of really occupying our body. Whether it’s a worry loop of “did I close the garage door this morning” or “don’t forget to buy ground coriander” or rehashing the disagreement you had with your partner, we spend a lot of time in our heads while our bodies are just going through the motions.

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I love the analogy that Dan Harris uses in his book, 10% Happier, when he experimented in all types of meditation. “Meditation helps you get behind the waterfall (of thoughts).” As I like to say in my workshops, you want to stay out of the back of your head or your limbic system and stay in the front of your head where the prefrontal cortex is. Your best thinking is in the prefrontal cortex. The best way to stay there is to try and be present. Mindful.

So here are the 25 itzy bitzy habits to keep you in the present:

1. Smile when you enter a room.
2. Wiggle and account for your toes.
3. Take three deep breaths.
4. Feel the temperature and texture of the air as it enters and leaves your nostrils.
5. Touch your thumb and index finger to feel the ridges of your fingerprint.
6. Listen for the farthest sound you can hear.
7. Listen for the closest sound you can hear.
8. Feel the weight of your body on the chair as you work.
9. Meditate for 5 minutes in the morning.
10. Do yoga for 5 minutes in the morning.

Being more mindful is also about eliminating distractions. As Dr. Hallowell describes in his book, Crazy Busy, we all just skim through life. We don’t take time to ponder. I skim emails, texts, articles, and Facebook posts. We are in a constant state of distraction which creeps us back into our limbic system and out of our best thinking. So the next few itzy bitzy habits are about eliminating distraction so that we can get back into the present.

11. Turn off all notifications from social media and email.
12. Have a technology sabbatical after 7 pm.
13. Keep your phone in another room (or off) when connecting with others.
14. Set up rules for spam so it goes to your junk folder.
15. Set up blocks of time to work on important projects.
16. Set up blocks of time to answer emails and phone calls three times a day.
17. Set up emails as tasks so that your inbox is not your to-do list.
18. Touch an email once and decide what it is and handle it.
19. Listen to instrumental music while working.
20. Use Luminosity every morning for 5 minutes.

Another key factor with being present is actually being awake and well rested. Getting between 7 to 7 and a half hours of sleep a night is critical to success. Zoning out at work or at home with the folks that you love is not healthy. I’ve worked with a ton of clients around sleep I’ve talked with Executives who aren’t able to work as effectively because they aren’t getting enough sleep. This is not a personal issue, if you have employees coming to work zoned out from lack of sleep, they are not doing their best work. So here are some more itzy bitzy habits around being well rested.

21. Go to bed by a set time 15 minutes earlier than before.
22. Leave your technology in the bathroom or kitchen (not in the bedroom).
23. Set your alarm to wake up 5 minutes earlier.
24. Read a fiction book for 15 minutes before going to bed (it helps create dreams).
25. Write 5 things you are grateful for in a journal at the end or beginning of the day.

You might be wondering about the last two habits. When you are grateful, you are more positive. It’s difficult to be grateful and worry at the same time. By reading a fiction book at the end of the day, it helps kickstart dreams. If you watch the latest from CNN, you are more likely to have restless sleep and start the worry cycle again. Spark some whimsical dreams by reading some classics by Mark Twain or Charles Dickens. Which itzy bitzy habit will you start with?

25 Itzy Bitzy Organizational Habits You Can Start Right Now.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

The idea for this list started with the wonderful book by Caroline Arnold called Small Move, Big Change. The book starts off with Caroline recounting how as she enter her parent’s home, she hung her keys on the key hook. She was an adult and not living in the home anymore but she was on autopilot in hanging her car keys on the hook. I don’t know about you, but I always end up looking everywhere for my keys. The very first itzy bitzy habit I started due to this book, was to put my keys in a plate near the garage door. It took a few weeks but now even my husband puts his keys in that dish. Groceries and purse in hand, I still drop the keys in the plate as soon as I enter my house. Boom. Habit created. Now we are on autopilot and there is no need to think about it.

The point of these newfound habits is for it to become unconscious. When you spend anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks working on some small change, you are hard-wiring it into your brain. Once it’s hardwired, you do it unconsciously. There is no effort needed anymore. The key plate has been around for over 6 months and I really don’t even think about it anymore. So let’s get started on organizing your life one itzy bitzy habit at a time.

1. Put your keys immediately into a key plate, bowl or hook.
2. Put your shoes or slippers in the same location.
3. Put your clothes away immediately upon changing (this is for my kids).
4. Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher immediately (this is for my husband).
5. Make your bed.
6. Plug your cell phone in immediately after you get home.
7. Wish your friends happy birthday daily on Facebook.
8. Put packages and groceries away immediately.
9. Take out the garbage when it’s three quarters full.
10. Clean up as you cook.

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The other reason you want to improve your organizational habits is that it frees up space in your head. Clutter is contagious. Once a dirty coffee cup is left on the kitchen counter, it starts attracting dirty plates, forks and used napkins. Visual clutter is the same as mind clutter. You can’t think as well if you have clutter in front of you. You are given a 100 units of energy every day. So don’t blow them on making decisions about what to wear or what project to work on next. If you prepare the evening before, the next day goes smoothly. President Obama has two colors of suits to eliminate making minor decisions about what to wear. Don’t waste your precious 100 units on making minor decisions.

11. Plan you clothing the night before school or work.
12. Schedule your day first thing in the morning for 10 minutes.
13. Schedule your week Monday morning for 30 minutes.
14. Schedule a project out in small chunks over time.
15. Schedule training for a 5 k race on your calendar.
16. Straighten a room as you leave it (this if for my husband and my pillow fetish).
17. Store your reading glasses in a case (like this one from Thirty-One).
18. Keep one pen or pencil on your desk.
19. Keep pre-prepared client/customer/employee files ready for use.
20. Empty your car of trash every time you park.
21. Keep reusable grocery bags in the trunk of your car.
22. Keep business receipts in a designated section of your wallet.
23. Pay bills on a designated day of the week.
24. Water your plants on a designated day of the week.
25. Clear your desk at the end of the day.

I’m sure many of you already do some of these things so “Good for you!” It’s all about building on your already unconscious habits. Heck, that’s why the list is so long, so you can find one nugget to implement. Pick one and give it a few weeks for it to become your next autopilot.

20 Itzy Bitzy Physical Habits You Can Start Right Now.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Most of the clients that I coach are looking to increase their physical activity. Increasing your physical activity is one of the best ways to pump-up your brain function, your emotional field and it’s an endorphin rush. I’ve had clients call or text me because their boss just yelled at them and the first thing I tell them is to go take a walk. Getting outside and in the elements connects you to the world. It makes you get back into your body instead of lingering in your head.

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1. Put your sneakers by your bed.
2. Walk first thing every morning.
3. Park your car in the farthest parking spot.
4. Wear your fitbit (pedometer) all the time.
5. Do 10 squats as you brush your teeth.
6. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
7. Set an alarm on your phone and get up and walk around once an hour.

You’re thinking these things are WAY too easy and it won’t make a difference. The thing is as Darren Hardy wrote in The Compound Effect, that even if you decide to walk an extra 1,000 steps every day, two weeks from now there won’t be an observable difference but after two years? If you average 2,500 steps a day and all things hold constant, you will lose 13 pounds. So you won’t need new pants for a while but you are still having an impact on your body (and mind).

8. Walk the grocery cart all the way back to the grocery store.
9. Have walking meetings instead of sitting.
10. Go up and down your stairs ten times every morning.
11. Take the long way to every meeting.
12. Commit to driving to the gym three times a week (going in is optional).
13. Walk instead of using people movers or trams at the airport.
14. Spend down time at airports and train stations walking the terminal.

I’ve done #14. I had a 2 hour layover in Terminal B at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta. I walked that terminal at least 10 times and had over 3 miles racked up. I thought it might be obvious that I was walking aimlessly. I didn’t even get as much as a funny look. People are worried about their little world in public places so unless I was doing the Macarena, I doubt anyone would have noticed.

15. Sign up for yearlong challenges like 2015 (miles) in 2015.
16. Walk your dog.
17. For shorter distances, skip mass transit and walk.
18. Spend 10 minutes on an exercise dvd 3 times a week.
19. Sit on an exercise ball instead of a chair for one hour a day.
20. Walk to the farthest bathroom in the building (or house).

There are so many great benefits from movement. As written in John Ratey’s book, Spark, movement helps your body utilize energy more efficiently, regular movement helps you be more social, calm down, fight depression, improve focus, and make better decisions. The payoff from one itzy bitzy habit is HUGE. Which one will you start with?

25 Itzy Bitzy Eating Habits You Can Start Right Now.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator3 Comments

Changing your eating habits is really tough. Most of us want to jump into the deep end of the pool and start some rash cleanse regime followed by eating grapefruit morning, noon and night. That is a diet; deprivation. The problem with diets is that most folks see it as a short term fix. So I’ll diet until I lose 20 pounds and then I can jump off the wagon again. The key to itzy bitzy habits is that small changes have more longevity.

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Most of these habits below are set up so that when your will power is lacking, like at the end of the day or after a glass of wine, it will be a habit. This way, you never eat in front of the television so you never grab a box of Oreos or a bag of Cheetos. The other habits are all about scheduling, so that (when you might be low on self-control) you will be on autopilot to make that Kale Soup for dinner because it’s already purchased and planned out instead of driving through the fast food lane. Pick out one or two of these and then add after you have the first two changes down. Do NOT bite off more than you can chew (literally); HA HA!

1. Drink a glass of water before every meal.
2. Make a fruit smoothie for breakfast every weekday.
3. Clear the table once you have finished a meal.
4. Take three slow deep breaths before eating.
5. Don’t eat in front of a screen.
6. Don’t eat baked goods (including birthday cake) at work.
7. Plan your weekly meals on Sunday.
8. Make a grocery list.
9. Put your fork (or hand) down between each bite.
10. Eat at a table (as opposed to a desk or while working).

I know what you are thinking. Why not pick up three at once? I mean, I can eat at a table, put down my fork between each bite and plan my weekly meals on Sunday. I know you can. The problem is they won’t stick. Get a few weeks of just two of them and then add one or two more. This is not a sprint folks! This is the long haul. Here are some more:

11. Banish all food from your car.
12. Eat dinner on salad plates.
13. Keep extra food and bread on the stove.
14. Carry a bottle of water in your purse or backpack.
15. Fill your office candy dish with candy that you dislike.
16. When at a party, drink a glass of water after each alcoholic drink.
17. When at a party, bring your own beverage.

I also realize that you may already be doing some of these. That’s great. Just add one or two more. Acknowledge that you already have some great habits and add two more for the next three weeks. Save this for later or print it out and pick out two more when you have processed your first few. This is how habits are built to last.

18. No food outside of the kitchen or dining room.
19. Split entrees with a friend when eating out.
20. Put out your credit card before they bring the dessert menu.
21. Eat the same thing for breakfast during the workweek.
22. Eat before grocery shopping to stop impulse buying.
23. Shop for only the items on your grocery list (no Oreos, etc.).
24. Eat with your non-dominant hand.
25. Be the slowest eater at the table.

If you can accomplish one or two of these itzy bitzy habits for a month or two, you will be on auto pilot. You won’t have to think about it anymore. You know how difficult it is to break a bad habit, so once it is ingrained in your brain, you will never have to remember to take three slow deep breaths before eating. Trust me, I have done most of the things on this list (not all at once) but over the last few years. Now I don’t even think about it. Where do you want to start?

Want to be Profitable? It’s All About Building Trust.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

According to Gallup, the average U.S. organization has only 31.5% of its employees engaged. This is the highest rate of engagement since they started polling in 2000. Whoa. That’s a lot of disengaged associates sitting in cubes, waiting on customers, and collectively poisoning each other at work. The CEO of Great Place to Work, Michael Bush, spoke at a conference I attended and posited, “High trust companies make 3 times as much profit”. So the bottom line to making more money is a high trust environment. As Bush said, “You are either building, eroding or rebuilding trust.”

Building Trust 1

As the saying goes “People quit bosses, not their jobs.” I bet you have. I know I have. Over a decade ago, I was suddenly working for a new boss. He was a micro manager, which is a polite way of saying he trusted no one. I remember him telling me, or rather ordering me, to start journaling. He thought I would adjust to his management style if I did. That was strange. Like having your manager tell you to start meditating. Journaling is a personal decision. I barely knew this guy and he wanted me to journal. Within six months of this guy taking charge, there was 100% turnover in his direct report ranks. 100%! Including me. I had zero trust in that guy and so did everyone else.

So here are the ideas that Bush had on building trust and thus profits:

• Thank people. Pretty basic, huh? This is programmed into me. I’m not sure why. I thank a server every time they bring something to the table. I thank people who hold the door for me. It’s auto pilot. Just because it’s easy for me doesn’t mean it will be easy for you. Thank your assistant for finishing the project on time. Thank your boss for the raise. Thank your coworker for finishing the report. Be the thanker in your organization.

• Care about people. Do you know the children’s names of your direct reports? Do you know what musical instrument they play on the weekends? Do you ask if everything went well at the dentist appointment? Do you know your co-workers favorite author? Knowing these things shows that you care. I’m not saying you need to know it all. But if they were out yesterday, ask how they are. I heard a speaker say recently that it’s not about work/life balance. It’s life balance because work is everywhere now (on your phone, remote access etc.). So life needs to be brought into the workplace. Show you care.

• Speak to people. This can take a lot of energy for introverts. It’s easier for people who are extroverts. Even a greeting and a smile can work wonders for those around you. Or a wave across the aisle. It’s easy in this day and age of technology to just text, email and message people instead of actually picking up the phone or walking down the hall to talk to someone. So much is lost when you don’t engage verbally with folks. Speak to those that work for you every day.

• Listen to people. Everyone wants to be heard. I think this is the real reason people ask me to coach them. They want to be heard. Deeply heard. As Stephen Covey says “Listen to understand.” It’s not “Listen to rebut” or “Listen to get the last word.” Everyone has an idea of how things should go. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has frustrations. An engaged employee is one that is being heard and supported in implementing ideas that make sense.

• Inspire people. What is the higher aspiration of your organization? What is the deep purpose of your company? Jeff Diana, CPO from Atlassian spoke at that same conference. Their software is used on Cochlear Implants to help deaf children hear. That is an inspiring message for their employees. I sat there saying to myself, “I want to be a part of that.” Craft a vision that your employees can align with and inspire them. Inspired employees are engaged.

• Trust people. You can’t build trust if you don’t trust. This is not a chicken or egg debate. Trust is always first. I think this is why I left that boss a decade ago. He didn’t trust me; ergo, I didn’t trust him. Trusted employees are engaged employees. Delegate clearly and let go. As Patrick Lencioni defines trust, it’s not predictive trust (I will do what I say I’m going to do) but vulnerability based trust (if I mess up, I will admit it). I think in engaging your workforce, both types of trust are important. A lot of bosses spend a lot of time protecting their flawless image instead of being vulnerable. Trust your people.

Don’t try and take this all on at once. Pick one, or maybe two, and try them on for size. Hopefully you are already doing some of these already. Maybe it’s just keeping track of how many times you thank people during the day or admitting when you are wrong. What’s the first one you want to work on?

Laughing at Failure. Lessons from My Son.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You trip on the pavement and mutter under your breath “Klutz.” You don’t pass the certification exam the first time and suddenly you are in a tailspin of self-loathing. You’re driving down the freeway on auto pilot and suddenly there are flashing blue lights behind you. Ugh. 15 over the limit. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid”.
You know you do it. Everyone does it. It’s what Shirzad Chamine refers to as the Saboteurs in our head. The biggest and baddest of them all is the Judge. According to the Judge in your head you are never good enough, smart enough or thin enough. Hmmm. So what’s this got to do with my son? And how can this help me? Here ya go.

Laughing at failure

I spent most of my Saturday watching kids participate in a state championship weight lifting competition. As I sat there for several hours watching kids 8 to 20 years old step up to a bar and lift, I realized a few things about failure. The ones who prevailed, including my 20 year old son Benson, had some key attributes.

Here they are:

1. Laugh at failure. Each participant gets three tries (attempts) at snatching a weight and three tries at clean and jerking a weight. So in all, there are 6 tries and that’s it. If you don’t do it correctly, you are out of the running. My son’s third attempt at the Snatch, the bar fell back over his head. He laughed. No sulking. No beating himself up. Oh well. I noticed that when the kids that failed went sulking off two things would happen. One – the audience didn’t clap. Two- they failed the next time up. It’s hard to get your concentration back. You’ve let the Judge in your head take over and hijack your performance. I noticed that kids who laughed off the failure came back with a vengeance in the next attempt, almost always prevailing. The lesson? Laugh and laugh often.

2. Have your posse with you. My son participated in the event in Greenville, NC instead of an earlier event in Miami (where he lives) so that he could be surrounded by his family and friends. He knew that when he walked out on that platform that there were 7 folks in that audience to cheer him on. The younger kids that were with a lifting club had a ton of support in the audience as well. Again, the kids that were there by themselves or just a parent did not prevail as often as the other kids who had support. The lesson? Surround yourself with support. Make sure you have folks that are there to cheer you on. Success or failure. Have a posse that has your back.

3. Discipline is what underlies all rituals. Even the eight year-olds had rituals as they approached the bar. Some stomped their left foot on the ground as they grabbed the bar. Some took enormous breaths as they began to lift. They all had rituals. Focus straight ahead. I was talking to Benson’s high school football coach at the end of the meet. He said he convinced Benson to give up track and take on lifting. He said that Benson has the discipline to lift even while going to college full time. It’s the same with your life. You’ve got to have the discipline to show up and accept failure as well as success. Even if you drop the bar, you’ve got to show up the next day and keep on keeping on.

4. Relax and have fun. It was so gratifying to watch these kids have fun. They would be serious and focused as they approached the bar and then, once they were successful, an enormous smile would appear when they finally held the bar above their head. It was such a beautiful sight. Watching these girls and boys radiate as they succeeded in lifting the impossible was gratifying for me. My son was the last of the men to participate because he was lifting the heaviest weight. He failed on his first attempt on the Clean and Jerk. Smile. Got up. Prevailed on the second lift. By this time the entire audience of some 50 spectators were with him and cheering him on as he attempted a personal record and heaviest lift of the competition of 140 kilos (309 pounds). He was whistling. Relaxed. Comfortable. He failed. Oh well. He went to watch the video with his coach. Hmmm. Feet were too narrow apart. He was fine. Resilient. There will be another competition down the road. It’s so similar to Scott Adams book, How to Fail at Almost Everything, as long as you are learning from your failure, that’s the most important thing. So when you fail? And you will. Make sure you are taking the lessons with it.

I think back on some of the big failures in my life. A divorce. A failed restaurant. A lost job. Keeping my sense of humor, learning from my mistakes, having my posse close and trying to stay relaxed was critical. Caving into fear is not an option. Lift that weight, Smile and Move on.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on October 27, 2015.

You Aren’t a Doctor, Those Are Not Your Monkeys

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You’ve worked for bosses like this. They dole out all the advice. They tell you precisely how to do everything; never let you make a decision. They keep your hands tied tight so that you don’t make a move without permission. When you do take a chance and make a small decision, they slap your hands so it never happens again. Your motivation drops and essentially, you give up and stay at your job, waiting for the next edict to come your way or the next prescription to be written by your boss. They aren’t really doctors but they play them at work.those are not your monkeys

So think about it. Where are you prescribing to the people in your life? “Honey, can you mow the lawn before it gets too hot out?” “Suzie that work around is ridiculous, do it this way.” “You should use Excel, it’s much faster and ask Joe for help.” Sounds harmless. You’re just getting things done. But how do the people on the other end of that exchange feel? Perhaps more robot than human. “I don’t get paid to think. I’ll just sit here and wait for the next set of orders. I wonder what’s happening on Facebook.” Yep. Checked out.

So how to stop prescribing? Here are some ideas.

• Ask for help in solving the problem. This is part of the essential skills suggested by Development Dimensions International (DDI). When you ask for help people feel more confident, more empowered. I know this requires a bit of vulnerability. You’re thinking, “But I’m the boss. I will look weak if I ask for HELP.” Help is not a four letter word. OK, it is but it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of engaging your employees. Who would you rather work for or with? A prescriber or an empowerer? Make sure you ask for help.

• If humanly possible, use your employee’s idea. Why is that? Buy in. Whose idea do you think that employee is going to bust their tail to make sure it works? That’s right, their idea. “OK Suzie, so you think Access is the better route for using this data?” Suzie will jump hoops to make sure Access is the right software for the data. If the whole idea seems too expensive or will take too long, be sure to use a piece of their suggestion. Maybe they know an internal resource that can help with the project. Use your employee’s idea. And be the team player you want them to be.

• Don’t remove responsibility. When I teach this concept in workshops, I refer to the responsibility as “monkeys”. So when you are done with the conversation who is responsible for the care and feeding of the monkey going forward? If you look up on your shoulder and there is a monkey sitting there, be sure to clearly delegate that monkey back to your coworker or direct report. It doesn’t mean you don’t check in on the monkeys to make sure they are clean and fed. They aren’t sitting on your back. Clearly keep the responsibility with your coworker.

• Share thoughts, feelings and rationale. This is another caveat from DDI. When a doctor prescribes you medication, you want to know why the heck you are taking it. What’s in it for me? In an organization, this means over communicating. Constantly. By all means necessary. As I tell my Human Resource students at Duke University, Human Resources is in charge of the communication piece. So if there is a new corporate strategy, tell them, email them, call them, and meet with them. Over and over and over again. Everyone will stay in lock step if they all know the mission. Share the rationale. If something does inadvertently get prescribed they are much more likely to follow through.

As Daniel Pink wrote in his book, Drive, “Harnessing the power of intrinsic motivation rather than extrinsic remuneration can be thoroughly satisfying and infinitely more rewarding”. An employee who is being engaged and allowed to direct their own ship is far more motivated and successful. Don’t dampen that spirit so that you can have the last word “as the boss”. Put your prescription pad away.