Category: Workplace Navigator

Being Mindful at Work

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You have been scattered all day.  You haven’t finished a thing.  Your to-do list keeps growing and you are starting to forget even the most minor of things, like feeding your dog. You are caught in the surge of overwhelm.  This is especially true during the holidays.  All the annual items start popping up at the most inappropriate times at like say…2 AM and then again at say…3 AM.  Holiday cards for your co-workers.  Poinsettias for the company party.  That conference in San Antonio that you don’t want to forget to budget in for 2017.  Welcome to year-end overwhelm.

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There are ways to mitigate the annual barrage of holiday, year-end, one off to-do’s without succumbing to it.  Restful nights without waking up to, “Did you remember to budget for the company picnic?”  The secret to getting your head back from the overwhelm is mindfulness.  You probably are skeptical.  You might be thinking, “But Cath, I haven’t got time to be mindful.”  How can 10 minutes of peace actually help me, when all I want to do is dive in and start checking things off my list?  I can’t shut off my head.  There is science behind this.

 

Here are small steps to bring mindfulness to work:

 

  • Take a breath. In Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Peace in Every Step, he recommends taking a mindful breath every time you sit down.  So while at your desk as you sit in your chair, take a breath.  As you sit in your car, driving to work, take a breath.  As you sit at the table to eat, take a breath.  You need to take a breath anyway, right?  So why not pay attention when you take a breath.  Give it a try today.  It’s amazing how one breath can change the trajectory of your day.  Try it now.  Breath in.  Breath out.

 

  • Greet the day with a smile. Nhat Hanh says, “Waking up this morning, I smile.  Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.  I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”  I have tried to do this for the last week.  The very first thought when I wake in the morning is to smile.  Smiling relaxes the muscles in your face.  It brightens the day.  How can anything go wrong when you start it off with a smile?  Try it.  Feel your face relax.  The day just got better, didn’t it?

 

  • The promise of hope. Instead of getting caught up in what will go wrong today, get caught up in what will go right.  Nhat Hanh writes, “Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear.  If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”  Optimism is contagious.  So is negativity.  Be the one that spreads optimism.  So when you are in the meeting, ask what is going right or what does success look like.  It brings it back to hope instead of languishing in negativity.

 

  • Tie it to your roles. I have been teaching the 5 Choices of Extraordinary Productivity for the last 18 months.  I think one of the greatest values of the training is identifying your role and making that extraordinary.  So instead of being a “Coach”, I have recreated that role to be “Inspiration Engineer”.  Instead of being a “Wife”, I have recreated that role to be “Kevin’s Best Friend”.  Recreate your roles to be extraordinary.  It makes everything you do at home and at work into something inspirational.  For me, personally, it makes everything I do have value, whether it’s washing the dishes so my husband and I can get out of the house faster, or taking an extra ten minutes with a client to help them work through an insight.  Create your extraordinary roles.

 

  • Be happy now. I’ve spent a good deal of my career waiting to be happy.  I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.  I’ll be happy when I pay off the car.  I’ll be happy when I have the corner office.  This is futile.  I was putting my life on hold until the next hurdle.  As Naht Hahn says, “The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.” It’s the small things that I need to take stock in.  My dog curled up asleep on the coach.  The sunshine outside.  The smell of fresh brewed coffee.  Don’t put off happiness until – Be happy now.

 

By being more mindful throughout the day, the little distractions seem to fall away.  I’m able to buoy against the struggles and float over the disagreeable nuisances.  The sea may be roiling but I am floating on top.

Facilitating Change in the Workplace

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Your CEO just got back from a conference and “knows” how to make your life easier with the latest silver gizmo. Sigh.  Your coworker actively ignores the new procedure for accounts payable, which causes double (if not triple) work for you.  Grrrr.  Your direct report never communicates progress on the new initiative your boss told you to implement.  Ugh.  Change in the workplace is ceaseless.  It will not stop.  If it does stop, so will the enterprise.  Every organization has to adapt or perish.  Just ask Blockbuster, Kodak or Borders.  They perished due to lack of change.

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As Mind Tools featured in their article “Coping with Change”, there are two types of coping mechanisms.  There is “control coping”, which is positive and proactive.  You refuse to feel like a victim of change, instead you take charge and do whatever you can to be part of the solution, including managing your feelings.  “Escape coping” is based on avoidance.  You experience thoughts and emotions, or take specific actions, that help you avoid the difficulties of change.  For instance, you might deliberately miss training classes, or show up too late to attend a meeting about the upcoming change.”  It’s OK to experience both types of coping, but the best option is to default to “control coping.”  As I frequently tell my clients, “Don’t we all want control?”

 

So here are some ways to facilitate change in the workplace:

 

  • Share the rationale.  Haven’t we all been asking “Why?” since we were four years old?  It is so difficult to buy into change if we don’t know why we are making the change.  So, when the CEO shoves the new software, procedure or consultant down your throat, there is likely to be resistance, unless it is clearly explained.  What are the benefits?  Cost reduction?  Time saved from using the new procedure?  Be able to clearly spell out the new initiative to everyone affected.  Sometimes company leadership can think that everything has been clearly communicated, when it really was just a few managers talking over lunch and the rationale had not been widely disseminated.  Be sure to share the rationale to as wide an audience as possible.

 

  • Make it personal.  Communicate with all those affected (and it’s likely to be more than you think).  It probably makes sense to talk one-on-one with each person affected.  It’s important to feel out how the initiative will affect each individual on a personal basis.  “Suzie, it seems like this new initiative might affect your work schedule.  What are your thoughts on that?”  “Everyone in purchasing will have to spend at least 2 more hours on month end procedures.  How will that affect you?”  “Who else do you think might be affected by this?”  This can be difficult for managers who prefer “Command and Control” ideology of the 60’s and 70’s.  You may have to actually write a script of questions to get over the feeling of being vulnerable and open to input.

 

  • Highlight the benefits but don’t mask the obvious obstacles.  As Mike Moore wrote in his article “How to Implement Change in the Workplace Without Sending Your Staff to a Psychiatrist”: “Stress how the proposed change will benefit your employees.  When people begin to perceive a forthcoming change as a definite benefit to them and when they feel a sense of ownership in the process they more eagerly participate in, welcome and adapt to any changes made.  Ownership and participation are essential.”  Everyone wants to know What’s in it for me?  It is important not to oversell the new change, as it can fall flat if it does not fully deliver the intended benefits.

 

  • Have everyone weigh in, so they buy in.  This is a tenet of Patrick Lencioni in his book, 5 Dysfunctions of the Team.  This is one of the reasons why I suggest talking to affected folks one-on-one.  People who are more introverted might be too shy to bring up some important information.  They also might not want to disagree with their manager, especially in public.  If you ask for help in the implementation, you are more likely to foster an environment for new ideas.  No one knows better about a process or procedure than the folks or customer who actually use it.  It’s better to get too much information than not enough.  Implementation is easier and more effective if all the stakeholders have weighed in.

 

  • Use their ideas first.  For years, I have counseled managers to use their employee’s idea, if at all practical.  The reason is that they will make sure it works if it is their idea.  As David Rock has espoused, “Giving advice shuts a person’s brain down” unless they have asked for advice.  If someone seeks advice, it’s welcome.  If you ask for ideas on implementation, those that weighed in will make sure their idea works.  And if it doesn’t?  At least you showed them that you respected them enough to use their idea.  Try and use their ideas.

 

  • Celebrate even small successes.  I’ve seen leaders wait until they attain the profit margin or return on investment before giving out any kudos.  It’s just like getting your 11-month-old to walk or a puppy to be house broken–you need to celebrate the small successes.  We had a 10% increase in sales over last month.  We didn’t have anyone call customer service today for trouble shooting.  We filled all the orders without a single error today.  As David Rock espouses. “Our brains work better in the toward state or positive state.”  If all we do is look at what went wrong, our employees will be less engaged.  Less empowered.  Celebrate success to keep the forward motion.

 

Resistance to change is all just based on fear of the unknown.  Keeping an open dialogue and an open mind can help everyone row in the same direction.

The New Normal

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

My husband, dog and I are two weeks into our new normal. The first phase of the new normal was living in our house without HVAC for three weeks after the flooding from Hurricane Matthew.  In retrospect, it wasn’t that big of an adjustment.  The second phase of our new normal is living in a one bedroom in-law unit that our wonderful neighborhood friends offered us for the next few months.  Well, this new normal has been quite the adjustment for all three of us.  More so than I ever anticipated.  Yet, how do you really anticipate limbo, change, or uncertainty?  You can’t.

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I feel compelled to preface this post with – I’m aware that this is a first-world problem.  We have running water, a hot shower and a private bedroom to sleep in.  We are not terminally ill.  We still have a home to hopefully return to in a few months.  For this, I am extremely grateful.  In other words, I know it could be a lot worse.  But there is a toll being taken each day we are in our new normal.  On the other hand, there are many blessings that fuel us forward.

 

My learnings from the new normal:

 

  • Be open to learning.  Our normal weekend breakfast is bacon and eggs.  I have become accustomed to baking bacon in an oven for the last few years.  We don’t have a conventional oven in our temporary kitchen.  I have had to learn how to make bacon the old-school way on an electric  cook top in a skillet (I’m am a hard-core gas flame lover).  I have burnt the first five attempts of bacon that my husband contently ate without complaint.  This morning?  I finally made perfectly crisp bacon without burning.  The satisfaction of learning to adapt is tremendous.  I could have thrown in the towel and eaten at IHOP for the next twelve plus weekends.  But I was open to adapting my approach and a perfectly home cooked breakfast in our little home was quite satisfying.

 

  • Have something old.  It’s nice to have something just like home.  For my husband and me, it’s our coffee maker and coffee.  We really like strong black coffee made from French roast beans.  Even though there is a coffee maker in our temporary home, we brought our tried and true Capresso coffee maker with a thermal carafe.  This very small piece of our old normal makes me look forward to waking up in the morning.  Something to tie us to the old and the new.  Nothing to adjust to, except for the coffee cups.  One common thread that makes the day just that much better.  Keep something from the past as you move forward.

 

  • Accept what is different.  There is no changing what is.  Acceptance is the only way through.  Our dog Baci barks insanely when we leave or arrive.  This is out of character for our loving little dog.  The thing is that there are about 5 homes that border our new place.  Each has its own set of dogs.  We didn’t have any neighboring dogs at our house.  She is trying to maintain her new territory by protecting us.  I was and am still a little stressed as I arrive home or leave for work.  But accepting that this is Baci’s new normal and understanding that she is just trying to protect us in her own small way, requires we accept it as love and move on.

 

  • Sharing.  When you go from living in about 3000 square feet of space down to 700, some compromises must take place.  My husband used to play music in his office first thing in the morning.  He now works at his computer in silence.  I didn’t ask him.  He just put my needs first.  I wait until he is finished with the computer before I jump on to do my work.  He only has a few hours in the morning to sit at a desk and use the computer, so I’ve adapted to let him have his time.  We have to tag team a lot more on basics like laundry, washing dishes, and taking care of the dog.  Sharing has brought us closer, as there is a new appreciation for each other’s needs and space.

 

  • Make it ours.  My husband did an incredibly sentimental thing by bringing the picture I bought for our anniversary over to the new place.  It’s a picture of a tree scrawled with our name and date of our wedding.  It really makes it more our home rather than a temporary spot.  I bought flowers at the grocery store to bring life and beauty to the new space.  We brought a plant from the house and put it in the window above the sink.  We are trying hard to make it our home rather than a transient space.  It makes it more comfortable and familiar.  We are making it ours.

 

This adaptation has taken some time.  We are slowly settling into the new normal.  Being grateful for each other and our own little resistance to change has been enlightening and powerful.

Coping with Overwhelm

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You found out you didn’t follow procedures for sending the secure email and now the entire process needs to be restarted.  Again.  You didn’t double check your suitcase and forgot your cell phone charger AND your asthma prescription for your week-long business trip.  Ugh.  You finally decide to refinance your home and the list of items you have to complete is daunting.  Sigh.  You are in the throes of overwhelm and it can be paralyzing. Whoa!

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My husband, dog and I have been in the middle of The Bureaucracy of Overwhelm after our home was flooded a few weeks back.  Moving out, moving into temporary housing, contacting FEMA, SBA, our Insurance Company, Mortgage Company, Contractor, Debris Bins…the list is overwhelming.  Endless. Ceaseless.  I am not saying that I have handled this without any stress or crying, but the coping is getting easier.

 

So this is what I have learned about coping with overwhelm:

 

  • As Creighton Abrams famously said, “How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.”  I had three (yes, three!) clients have this exact same insight this week.  One was refinancing a home, another was planning on selling a home and a third was working on a big project.  We all cope with the overwhelm of a big project.  It’s so important to break it down.  I felt like the universe was giving me a hint with the three separate clients all quoting the same quote.  I learn more from their insights than my own.  So what did I do?  I focus on one agency a day.  FEMA one day, SBA the next, the mortgage company the day after that.  It’s too overwhelming to deal with all of them at one time.  Break it down into manageable pieces.

 

  • So what do you do if your routine was to meditate and take a 30-minute walk before the flood?  You need to be meditating and taking a 30-minute walk after the flood.  Even if you are in a new place, and you don’t know where you want to walk or what space you want to meditate in, figure it out.  Develop and adapt to get your routine back in place.  We’ve been living in temporary housing for exactly a week and I finally used this fabulous routine that my friend Susannah recommended called “Qi Gong: 7 Minutes of Magic (for Health).”  I had been using it every morning pre-flood.  Now I need to add it back into my routine post-flood.  It is magic.  Put your routine back together to help alleviate the stress of overwhelm.

 

  • For the past year, I have been trying to move from scarcity to abundance.  I had committed to golfing in a charity golf tournament pre-flood, but had not yet written the check.  The tournament was a week post-flood.  I wavered.  A hundred and fifty dollars is a hundred and fifty dollars.  But I was coming from a place of abundance.  “I always have money coming my way.”  I wrote the check.  We played and had a great time.  It felt so much better than cowering at home gnashing my teeth, hoping for an insurance adjuster or FEMA representative to show up.  Fire up your internal flame for abundance.

 

  • It’s amazing how we are surrounded by wonderful, caring people.  We have had countless offers of support, whether it was moving debris, moving out, financial help, offers of temporary housing and even gift cards for dinner.  I knew that everyone was supportive, but when there is a disaster and there are so many that are worse off than us (at least we had a roof over our head for the first few weeks post-storm), it is humbling to receive so many offers of  help and support.  Being grateful is a much better space for me to be in mentally than the “Why did this happen to me?” headspace.  Remain positive and you’ll reduce the overwhelm.

 

  • I really could not have survived all the overwhelm without the love and support of my family.  My husband and I are constantly taking stock of each other.  “I couldn’t do this without you.”  “I love you so much for being there.”  “I can’t believe you took care of the debris bin.”  My son drove all the way from Miami to help us move out and my daughter came home to move her belongings after being ill.  My husband has gone from a king size bed to a queen.  Two bathrooms to one.  His own office to sharing a computer in our living room.  They went above and beyond out of love.  Love helps me cope.

 

As my husband said yesterday, “I’ve never gone through anything like this.”  I responded by giving him a big hug.  I recognized the experience of feeling overwhelm but getting through it together…..priceless.

Freedom to Choose

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’ve been reading Paul Selig’s book, The Book of Knowing and Worth.  He posits that we are free to choose worth and that no one else can give us worth.  I reflected and realized that I was trying to derive worth from someone else:  my mother, my job, my boss, my spouse, my child.  But it’s just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  It’s all been within in us,all along.  It’s always been there.  Hmmm.  What a concept.

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I run into this a lot with my coachees.  Many are unwillingly, or unknowingly, buying into their thoughts and aren’t able to see that they can choose how they think about things.  You can feel guilty for not visiting your father or you can feel at peace.  It’s so ingrained to feel the guilt.  But what if you were at peace?  I remember asking a client, “Can you choose to think about that differently?” and she responded, “I don’t know.  Can I?”  Yes.  You are free to choose.  So choose well.

Here are ways to choose good thoughts:

  • Authority.  Paul Selig writes that you have the authority to decide if you are worthy.  It places the responsibility to choose your worth on you.  It’s up to you.  You have the magic wand, so go use it.  There is no blaming others for your lack of confidence, your financial short fall or feeling guilty about your ex.  You get to decide if the glass is half empty or half full.  It’s all within your authority.  So go big and be worthy.
  • Quit rehashing.  Have you ever rehashed an embarrassing situation over and over and over and over and over again?  You think, “Why did I say that to my boss?” or “I’m a dummy for not catching that mistake.”  You cannot change the past.  You can change how you look at it.  I love Andy Dooley’s first step to changing negative thoughts.  You say to yourself, “Stop, cancel, clear and get the fear (he uses a graphic four letter “F” word instead of fear) out of here!”  To claim your worth, you need to stop the negative rehashing.
  • Rewire to the Positive.  You may not realize this but you can rewire your bad memories.  Your brain is so malleable that you can think back to the embarrassing singing solo you did in fourth grade and make it a wonderful success.  False memories affect us all.  As Tara Thaen wrote in Time, “The phenomenon of false memories is common to everybody — the party you’re certain you attended in high school, say, when you were actually home with the flu, but so many people have told you about it over the years that it’s made its way into your own memory cache.”  The trick is to rewire the memory by thinking about it anew.  Throw in a standing ovation when you finished your solo and someone handing you a bouquet of roses.  It’s your story.  Make it as great as you like.
  • Mindfulness.  We end up spending a lot of time and effort either living in the past wishing it were different, or planning our future and hoping nothing will go wrong.  The thing is, neither are possible.  Why not be here right now?  Right now.  Stop right now.  Close our eyes.  Take three deep breaths and be here right now.  Feel your big toe.  Feel your ear lobes. This right now is what matters.  Nothing can be done about the past except forgiveness (for yourself and others).  Nothing can be done about the future except for setting a positive intention.  So be here.  Right now.
  • Be open.  We are currently relocated as our home is being repaired from Hurricane Matthew.  My dog, a Brittany Spaniel named Baci, has been an excellent example of openness.  She is not griping about not having her favorite chair to sit in.  She isn’t frozen by my side waiting for me to show her where the squirrels are.  She is out there living in the moment and being open to all things.  The new smells, the new couch, the new sounds, the new neighbors and the eight new dogs that surround where we are living.  As Dorothy figured out, she was always “home.”  Be open.

Choose the positive thoughts.  You have the freedom to choose.

The Danger of Assumptions

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

You assume that your boss remembers that you will be out of town on Friday. You assume that your partner remembers that you have a late appointment this afternoon. You assume that your co-worker didn’t include you in the invite because your opinion isn’t needed…or wanted. You assume that the CEO knows that you’ve been burning the midnight oil for weeks to get the financials done. You do it. I do it. We all make assumptions. It’s a dangerous path.

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Left unchecked and unexamined, assumptions can destroy relationships, teams and organizations. Your boss is expecting you at the ad hoc meeting she set up on Friday and is disappointed that you didn’t show. Your partner is angry that she left work early to surprise you at home, only to find you missing in action. You resent your CEO for not acknowledging all the extra work you’ve been doing on the financials. Assuming is easy. It doesn’t take a lot of effort. Just a jump or two. Tying two dots together that really aren’t related. But looking down the assumption path a little further can reveal resentment, lack of trust and undermine your relationships.

Here is what you can do to fix it:

* Clarify. It seems simple to clarify. Obvious, really. But it takes effort. Your brain is hard wired for negativity. You have survived extinction because of this negativity bias, but there are no more saber-toothed tigers chasing you. It is easy to assume that not having been included in the meeting is an intentional slight rather than an oversight. But if you clarify with the meeting organizer that you would like to attend the meeting, if at all possible; or if you proactively tell your CEO that you’ve been working hard on the financials, you change up your personal dynamic. This is clarification and not boasting.

* Listen. Part of the Assuming Process is not actually listening. We ask a question we assume we know the answer to, and then don’t listen. I am so guilty of this. I think I know the answer and as a “show of concern”, I ask the question but never listen to the response. Just a short cut to save time, but so disrespectful. I get distracted by my grocery list or trying to remember if I need to go to the bank,  and never hear the response. It could be the time of the meeting that you assume is at 10, but has been pushed to 10:30. You are smiling and nodding but never connect to the answer. Listen.

* Be open to conflict. Yeah. I know. Most of us are conflict averse. We’d rather hold onto our assumptions than actually step into a conflict. Keep everything copacetic. Keep everyone happy. Don’t rock the boat. As a consequence, the safety issue is never brought up, or the budget short fall isn’t discussed, or your positive assumption he’s flirting with that woman remains intact. I actually recently assumed my husband was flirting with someone. When we actually stepped into the conflict, it turns out he was opening a new account with the restaurant she worked for. I lost some sleep over that assumption. Unchecked, it could have lead us down a completely different path. Step into conflict–you can resolve it.

* Slow down. Part of what fuels an assumption is taking a short cut. If you slow down the pace, you will stay in your prefrontal cortex, where you do your best thinking. When you are in a reactive mode, you’re in the back of your head, where your flight or fight response is. Where you don’t do your best thinking. This is why it’s called jumping to conclusions. Your anxiety is up, your cortisol is pumping and your body is ready to run from the saber tooth tiger. My coach starts off every session with a breath-in for the count of 6 a total of 3 times. Slow down and breath to quit jumping to conclusions.

* Forgive. This can be for yourself, as well as others. As Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” I’ve grappled with this myself. It’s hard to forgive someone for an assumption you created and may have carried for decades. It can be the frenemy who didn’t invite you to the graduation party back in 1979, or the family member who never thanked you for the gift, or even when you continued to meddle in your child’s life. The resentment is hurting you more than them. Take out a piece of paper or journal, and forgive them one and all–even yourself. Forgive early and often.

* Use technology. When I travel out of town now, I send my husband a meeting request with the airline information. I will frequently forget to tell him that I’m going out of town, and this keeps him proactively informed. Give your assistant access to your calendar. It’s still a good idea to inform people but a sure-fire safe guard is to use your technology to keep them informed.

* Be positive. Envision the upside. I recently saw Rick Hanson and his great Ted Talk on the topic “Hardwiring Happiness“. It’s so easy to just decide that we are going to be worry warts for the rest of our lives. The thing is, you can develop a positive brain that lets the worry go. It takes work and practice, but we ALL have the capacity to have more positive reactions. This can help keep harmful assumptions at bay. Build positive pathways in your brain.

This is not accomplished overnight. We are all works in-progress. Even if you just spend 5 minutes a day meditating on what is positive in your life, you can start breaking down the pathways to assumptions. One assumption at a time.

The Aftermath from the Storm: Living in Limbo

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator1 Comment

I wrote about our experience with Hurricane Matthew last week and the flooding of our home.  As I write this, it’s been two weeks since the lake surrounded our house.  My world looking from the outside in “appears” to be normal.  We have lights on.  The trash and debris is slowly disappearing from our front lawn.  We drive back and forth to work.  The water is potable so no more gallon-size containers of water.  I’m at my computer writing and saving via Wifi.  I made our usual Saturday breakfast: eggs and bacon on our stove with gas.  I can recharge my cell phone, watch TV and take a hot shower.  Everything is as it should be.  But it’s not.

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My husband and I have been riding the tumultuous waves of limbo land.  The apex of this was when we found out that we had to move out.  Two of our neighbors had moving trucks the day after the storm; carpet mounded on their front lawn and in debris bins.  I thought to myself, Well, that won’t be us, we can soldier through.  But after the contractor gutted the sodden insulation and ducts from under our house, I realized we couldn’t stay in our house anymore.  There is no HVAC.  There can’t be HVAC until all the sodden floors are taken out.  The sodden floors can’t be taken out until someone, hopefully the insurance company or FEMA, sends us a check.  Gulp.  It was fine to live in a house without HVAC as long as it was sunny with a high of 80 degrees.  It’s another story when the temperature dips into the 40’s.  So, there it is.  We have to move out.

 

So here is how I’ve been coping with the anxiety of living in limbo:

 

  • Meditation.  There were about 5 days post-Matthew that I wasn’t able to meditate.  I have an app on my phone that needs Wifi and, without Wifi and/or power, I was unable to meditate.  Meditation centers me.  I feel more resilient.  Sudden changes in plans; a zig instead of a zag; accepting disappointment and basic uncertainty are just easier to handle when I am practicing my regular meditation.  After a decade-long meditation practice, I experience a huge shift internally when it’s not in my daily routine.  I quickly get scattered and distracted.  It’s as if the anxiety sucks me in. Being present and mindful for even 10 minutes a day makes a huge difference.  Break out of limbo-land through meditation.

 

  • Break it into pieces.  Part of the issue with being in limbo is that it’s all so overwhelming.  So if you don’t know if the project is going to get the go-ahead; if you don’t know if you should buy groceries for the week, or pack up the entire house…or maybe just the bathroom?  Just break it up into manageable, informed pieces that you can deal with.  Otherwise, it’s all so overwhelming.  I’ve been frozen into inaction before because I didn’t know where to start.  I’m in the middle of setting up a training for two weeks from now.  I was struggling with getting started.  Then I broke up the whole project into units and scheduled 90-minute sections for each unit.  Finally, I have forward progress.  So just call the insurance company.  The next day, just call the bank.  The next day, go on the FEMA website.  Breaking it up makes it not as overwhelming and you finally get momentum and forward progress.

 

  • Take time off.  I know what you are thinking: But Cath, you need to get to work on that house.  Pack up the bathroom closet at least.  Nope.  I serendipitously had a massage appointment the Wednesday after the storm.  I went to the appointment.  I think it saved my sanity.  I needed an escape, and rather than constantly focusing on the house, I really needed to focus on myself.  Yesterday, my husband and I golfed in a charity golf tournament.  We needed a break from the grind of sodden cabinets and mud-coated tools.  It was great to spend time connecting and not caring a whit about the score (or the house).  We needed a break from the House Center Vortex of Anxiety.  When you are living in limbo, take some time off to escape and bring some joy into your life.  The mess, the challenge or project will still be there–you’ll be able to deal with it intelligently.

 

  • Exercise.  I had given up my morning walk.  It was partially due to debris on the road but also because I thought, You don’t have time to take a walk!  The trouble was that by day end, I was exhausted.  I spent all day worrying about a laundry list of items, like when is the HVAC guy coming or where is the plumber and will I be able to be home when he gets there.  More and more limbo creators.  But taking a walk really reduced my stress and helped me center my head.  It was also reassuring to see that other homes in the area were in similar stages of rehabilitation.  Just getting back into my body and out of my head was restorative.  Try and get some exercise to keep the limbo at bay.

 

  • Acceptance.  I’m learning to accept the good and the bad.  I am not in control of whether the power comes back on.  I am not in control of whether the cable starts working.  I am not in control of whether the insurance check shows up today or not.  So just accept it.  I cannot tell you how many times I have said, This too shall pass.  There will be HVAC someday, just not today.  There will be an insurance check someday, just not today.  There is a debris bin where there wasn’t one yesterday.  It’s all good.  It’s all as it should be.  I remember a friend of mine said on Facebook that we were having a house cleanse.  That’s a great way to reframe it.  We are just in the middle of cleansing our house.  Just accepting what is happening.  It’s as it should be.

 

My husband and I are slowly getting out of the fog of limbo-land.  We are starting to get better sleep, getting into a routine and focusing on what we can do instead of what we can’t.  You can do it as well.  Be positive and all will fall into place–as it should be.

Lessons from Hurricane Matthew

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Our home sits perilously close to Lake Wackena.  This results in spectacular sunrises.   Every room has an unhampered view.  I love this house.  We have lived here for 15 years and, outside of losing a tree or two in a hurricane, we’ve had more than a decade of uneventful ownership.  Then came Hurricane Matthew.  The prediction, as it approached from South Carolina, was we’d be facing a tropical depression and ten inches of rain.  In anticipation, the village had lowered Lake Wackena by about a foot.  Plenty of room for those ten inches of rain. The rain started in earnest by about 8 AM.  By 4 PM, the water was lapping over the sea wall.  By 6 PM, the house was surrounded by water.  We escaped to a friend’s house about a mile away on higher ground.  Upon our arrival, the power went out.

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I’ve heard all the stories of Hurricane Floyd and Fran.  I hadn’t lived in Eastern North Carolina and I felt like it was more like folklore than a reality.  But it was my reality now.  It’s amazing how 17 (yes, 17) inches of water in about 16 hours can radically change your life.  You may suddenly need to make a zig instead of a zag, and subsequently take stock in how lucky you really were.

Here are things I took for granted after experiencing Hurricane Matthew:

 

  1. Water.  Fresh, clean tap water is a beautiful thing.  On demand, 24 hours a day.  You can drink it.  Wash dishes, wash your hands, water plants, fill the dog’s water dish, mop the floor.  You can even take a bath.

 

  1. Coffee.  Delicious hot coffee made just to the desired lushness. Fresh and steaming hot. Sitting on your own coach snuggled up with a mug.  Ready at 5 AM without fail.

 

  1. Breakfast.  Eggs, bacon and sausage.  Everything held in a refrigerator waiting to be cooked on your stove or in the oven–whenever you want to make it.  No wait.  No line.

 

  1. Lights.  Available 24 hours a day, whether you need them or not.  You read by it, play your guitar, find things like clothes in a closet, and check to see if the attic is leaking. Or you see where the water shut off to the house before there’s trouble.  After three days of darkness, I’m still instinctively turning on the switch as I head into the bathroom with my flashlight.

 

  1. Toilets.  Here is another luxury that is available 24-7.  No need to bring in buckets of lake water to flush the toilet.  No worries about unsanitary waste.  No diseases running amok.

 

  1. Clean fingernails.  The worst part about cleaning up all the trash and debris in the yard was dirty fingernails.  With clean fingernails, you can put contact lenses in, type on an iPad, or touch your love’s face.

 

  1. Hot shower.  With the help of item #4, you can take a shower at 5 AM or 8 PM.  Grab some soap and shampoo, and you’ve got yourself a clean body free of mud, muck and body odor.

 

  1. Fans.  Fans are a marvelous and appreciated appliance.  They’re great at moving air. They help evaporate water so that mildew is prevented.

 

  1. Ice.  Ice is terrific for all kinds of things.  Keeping food in your thawing refrigerator cold.  Chilling down drinks and water.  In combination with an ice chest, you can keep your food fresh for maybe a week as you wait for power.

 

  1. Solar-powered cell phone charger.  Nuff said.  And my husband was brilliant enough to have it at home.

 

  1. Wi-Fi.  With this lovely invention, you can communicate with practically anyone, anywhere.  This, when paired with #10, can allow you access to fun things like buying stuff, inform the world of your whereabouts and general up-to-date info on the weather.

 

  1. Power.  There are lots of nifty things you can do with power.  Operate computers, televisions, shop-vacs, vacuums, blowers, refrigerators, ovens, dishwashers (in conjunction with #1), CPAP machines, invisible fences (for your dog to roam outside) coffee makers, toasters and water pick.  Pretty nice, huh?

 

  1. Clear roads.  It is shocking to see some of the roads that are impassable in the county where we live.  Whole roads were washed out.  They cannot be fixed in a week or two. I-95 is still impassable a week later.  Yes, the interstate.  How spoiled I was to be able to travel wherever and whenever.

 

  1. Abundance.  The local grocery store finally reopened when they had enough employees who could travel to work (see #13) and food to sell.  I went in looking for a frozen pizza.  The shelves were bare.  When you see a whole aisle of empty shelves in the frozen food aisle, there is the realization of how we take our American abundance for granted.

 

  1. Routine.  For about 4 or 5 days post-flood, I was a wreck.  Poor sleep and ongoing low-grade stress.  Uncertainty was eating at me.  I could barely work, read or write. My brain was in a fog.  The secret to getting back on track was getting back to my daily routine of meditation and exercise.  I’m slowly but surely dampening down my stress, sleeping better and getting my brain cells firing.

 

This has been a life-changing experience.  I am hoping I becoming more resilient from having coped with uncertainty on a day-to-day basis.  But I absolutely know that having the love and support of my husband, dog, friends, co-workers and family is irreplaceable. Gratitude abounds that we were spared the worst.  The weather has been beautiful since Matthew left and am so very grateful I still have a place to call home.

Traits of the Brilliant Leader

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I want to share some concepts from Simon T. Bailey with you.  I had the wonderful pleasure of seeing him deliver a dynamic speech at the North Carolina State Human Resource Conference this past September.  He is one electric speaker.  He exudes energy and passion.  When he spoke of the traits of a brilliant leader, it resonated with me.

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I coach a lot of newly promoted leaders–most of the time, we call them managers.  Until they have the skills to be a leader.  It’s been said that almost anyone can manage.  It’s a unique skill set to know how to lead.  These traits are the attributes that both newly promoted managers and dyed-in-the-wool old school managers need to embrace to get the most out of their employees.  Managers push and poke.  Leaders inspire and engage.

 

Here are the 7 traits that Simon Bailey espoused:

 

  • Being Curious.  Bailey suggested that this trait is really an intellectual curiosity, or “the ability to see what is not yet.”  It is anticipating what might be coming.  This involves daily self-reflection and to be able to see: Where you have been, Why you are here, What you can do and Where are you going.  What about your direct reports?  Do you know where they are headed?  Have you taken the time to think about it? Trust me, they have.  This requires openness and  non-attachment.  Being curious is easier for me than some of the other traits.  My top strength from my Strength Finders assessment is “Lifelong learner.”  I am constantly on the lookout for more opportunities to learn and synthesize.  Be curious.  It will never take you down the wrong path.
  • Presence.  Bailey suggested that the mere presence of a cell phone or laptop at a meeting devalued the other folks at the meeting.  This was a huge wake-up call to me, even if my phone was face down.  He suggested that the mere presence of a device suggests that it was the priority–not the person or the people you were with.  I’m digesting this and trying to figure out how I can practically extract the presence of my phone while maintaining things like calendars and future meeting dates.  But you can see that if you are looking at your phone, you are basically not present for the person or people in front of you.  Presence means shutting down distractions and making the person in front of you the priority, whether it be a customer, employee or friend.  I’ve decided to leave my phone tucked away and out of visual presence, yet available if I need to schedule an upcoming event with the person or people I’m with. Prioritize being present.
  • Connect.  I remember teaching a leadership class some three years ago, and I suggested that every manager should know their direct report’s spouse/partner and children’s names.  Recently, I had a client who set out to learn three personal facts about their direct reports.  For many folks reading this, connecting comes easy.  For others, it feels like prying.  I can tell you that when someone asks me where I am traveling to next or when they say, “I saw you were in Asheville last week” (if they’re following me on Facebook), I am thrilled!  And I feel so acknowledged.  I can’t help but feel connected to that person. It makes a huge difference. Reach out and connect.
  • Consistent.  I can remember working for a boss who was a real hot head.  I never knew which side of hot head would be showing up that day or if the Rules of Engagement would be changing.  As David Rock has espoused, uncertainty puts your direct reports into a State of Fear: “an away state”.  Your direct reports cannot do their best work when they are in a state of fear.  Consistency in the rules and your temperament helps generate a “toward” or positive state.  They are much more engaged for the consistent leader because they feel confident that they know the rules of engagement.  Be consistent.
  • Relationships.  Bailey said, “Relationships are the currency of the future.”  I can remember my commencement speech back in 1983 by then Cornell President Frank Rhodes.  He said that the greatest thing that you are taking with you as you graduate are your friends.  This was very profound.  My relationships with my fellow Cornelians over the last 30 plus years has been one of the most gratifying aspects of my life.  They have been a source of advice, referrals and inspiration.  In addition, I have held onto countless other relationships from work and grad school that have enhanced my life as well.  Be sure to tend to the relationships in your life as they will prove invaluable.
  • Global thinker.  Think beyond your zip code, think beyond where you are.  I can say that since participating with a Mindfulness Coaching group, led by Satyam Chalmers, I have learned a more global perspective.  There were folks from Singapore, Australia and Ireland on the weekly calls.  As a born and bred American, I have and believe we can hold a very myopic view of the world.  The press does influence an American-centered viewpoint.  To be a great leader, we need to look for resources from all ends of the earth, be it products, services or thought processes.  Be global in your thoughts and share it.
  • Authentic Listener.  When I speak at various sites and venues, I frequently have said that the most important desire each of us has is the need to be heard.  Being present is an important part of this.  Regardless of whether your employee is in your office, cubical, gravel pit or service station, you need to pay attention and listen in order to understand.  This entails looking at their body language, the gaze of their eyes, the nuance of a smile or any other human indicator.  Be sure to respond with, “What I heard you say was… and did I get that right?”  It’s ok if you don’t get it right, because they know that you care when you ask for clarification.  Be an authentic listener.

 

You don’t need to have people be your direct reports for all of these traits to be useful.  Whether it’s interacting with your child, your spouse, a volunteer organizer or networker, all of these ideas can come into play.  Take the time to be brilliant–and you will be!

How to have a positive brain

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Your coworker is complaining about their boss and you are sucked in.  You start piling on your own jabs, mistreatments and judgments.  You are cut off on the way to work and you start tailgating the person as payback.  “You can’t push me around.”  You overcook the steak and now you think the entire meal is horrible.  There is too much salt, the beans are limp and the mashed potatoes are gummy.  It all feeds on itself.  The negative outcome of one thing goes wrong and now everything else spirals out of control.  Your brain is wired for a negativity bias and in a world full of terrorism, wicked politics and “if it bleeds, it leads” sensationalized news, it can be catastrophically overwhelming.positive brain.jpg

Amazingly, you can overcome this.  It’s going to take work but it’s fun work.  Your brain is so malleable and elastic that you can actually rewire how you see the world.  You can create a more positive brain and actually become more resilient in the process.  Isn’t that great?  We do not have to be victims of our modern day culture but can be in a happier, more relaxed positive state of mind.  Are you up for this?

Here is how to create a more positive brain:

  • Pay attention to the good thoughts.  When you are having a positive thought like Doesn’t my dog look adorable next to me or I just made everyone at the meeting laugh or My husband is dancing in the doorway to my office.  It’s like catching butterflies, you need to keep your butterfly net at the ready.  Go catch them.  Unfortunately, our negative bias frequently hijacks our brain.  We tune into what is going wrong like the air temperature, the weather or your phone being slow.  So you need to be vigilant in order to catch the good things as they flutter by.
  • Figure out what this experience or memory says about you.  For example, when my dog is lying next to me in my office, I feel loved and appreciated.  When I make everyone at the meeting laugh, I feel like I belong.  When my husband dances in my office doorway, I feel joy and silliness.  As Rick Hanson says this adds and “enriches the experience.”  His analogy is that it’s like adding logs to a fire.  It burns even brighter.  Keep adding logs to enrich and strengthen the great experience.
  • Soak up the positive experience like a sponge.  Rick Hanson turned me onto this and he has a great Ted Talk on the topic: Hardwiring Happiness.  Once you have caught that great experience, observation or memory, dwell on it for a bit.  As Rick says, it can be for only 1 or 2 seconds, but marinate in the positive feeling.  It is amazing how this feels.  I feel my chest and head get warm and a smile starts on my face.  I actually feel the happiness.  Even if for a moment or two.  In a few moments, you have actually fired neurons in your brain and started the process of rewiring.  Isn’t that amazing?  You have taken one small step to rewire your brain in the direction of positivity and happiness.
  • Start a gratitude journal.  I’ve been writing in one for at least a decade.  I write down 5 things I am grateful for and I think about a situation that I turned around to the positive.  For example, if my husband didn’t respond to my text, I figure his phone must be in another room (instead of he is in the ER and can’t answer his phone).  One little reframe a day helps me keep a positive mindset and by acknowledging each reframe each day, I maintain the mindset.
  • Mediation or yoga.  You do not have to silence your self-talk.  This is the biggest misconception about meditation.  A lot of people think that in meditation, you sit quietly and a switch in your head turns off.  It is a practice and it is never perfect.  Okay, so maybe there is a monk or two out there who can turn off their brains, but the rest of us mortals are all working with letting thoughts go.  It’s letting worries go like balloons into the air.  Try it for 3 minutes.  Get an app like Calm, Whil or Headspace.  Most are free, so you can start now.  And why not sign up for a yoga class while you’re at it?  Even a once-a-week yoga session will give you physical benefits, increasing strength and flexibility.  Plus it will help you to reduce stress and have a more positive outlook about your self and the world around you.
  • Turn off the catastrophic messages.  I turned off the news some four months ago.  I don’t have any news apps on my phone.  I TiVo most of the television I watch, so I don’t need to view political ads.  I don’t know if it’s the meditation practice or turning off the news, but I am much more relaxed and positive.  It’s probably a combination of all these steps.  I just notice this one the most.  I was watching a college football game yesterday live on television and all of a sudden I was being bombarded with political ads.  I felt like I was being assaulted.  Negative ads stick more than positive (because of our negative bias), and they were hurling them at me like hand grenades.  I am still informed about the political race and am voting.  I just stay away from the distracting, stress-inducing messages.  It was a relief to go back to my TiVo recorded shows and away from all that negativity.

Being more relaxed and happy has really helped me stay resilient and confident.  This past month, I have had more speaking and facilitation gigs than ever before.  Three years ago, I would have stressed out about each gig and lost sleep over the event.  Now I just take one at a time, imagine the best outcome, and take it as it comes.  I’m a better facilitator because of my positivity practice.  Try it yourself.