Category: Cathy Noice

😎 Surprising SoFlo

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I have visited Southern Florida several times.  My son attended the University of Miami and then lived in Miami for about eight years.  I just returned from five weeks on the road in my RV, Abeona.  I wanted to check off the three National Parks in Florida and the historic town of St. Augustine. I found SoFlo to be a totally different vibe from other areas of Florida and certainly from North Carolina where I normally live. There is a Latin, family welcoming vibe and most people assume that you can speak Spanish which I have never found before in the United States. 

Flying over the vast expanse of Dry Tortugas National Park

Here is what I found surprising in SoFlo:

Farms. I always realized that a lot of citrus is grown in Florida but south of Miami in the towns of Homestead and Florida City, there are miles and miles of farms. And what seems like hundreds of fruit stands.  Two famous one’s which are not to be missed is one called, Robert is Here and Knaus Berry Farm. One is very different from the other. Robert is Here is a few miles from the entrance to Everglades National Park and is part fruit stand, food stand, milk shake stand and aviary. There is a small farm and aviary with everything from Goats to Cockatiels. They have tons of fruits you will only find in the Caribbean and South America like Mamey Sapote, Sapodilla, Cocao Pods, and Guanabana. They make the most delicious milkshakes I’ve ever had (I highly recommend coconut key lime). Knaus Berry Farm is in Homestead and they sell a terrific selection of baked goods in addition to being a farm stand.  The sticky buns are sold by the dozen and they are delectable. I’d like to thank my friend Sue (who lives in SoFlo) for recommending both places. Both are worth the journey to get to.

Animals.  The array of animals that happily exists in the wild is pretty amazing. If you have ever been to Key West then you know that Roosters are ubiquitous.  You can’t turn a corner downtown without seeing Roosters, Hens and chicks walking aimlessly. I was taken aback by the amount of Anhinga that were on the appropriately named Anhinga Trail in Everglades National Park. I could have stood two feet from one and it wouldn’t budge from sunning itself. Manatees, Ospreys, Crocodiles, Green Herons, Great Blue Herons, Egrets, Night Herons and Alligators.  They are all there coexisting in the vast region of wetlands that is south of Tamiami Trail. As I drove to Naples from Flamingo on Tamiami Trail, I stopped at several state and national preserves and saw upwards of 30 alligators hanging out sunning themselves. I was practically desensitized to being afraid of them because they were so plentiful but languid. 

Spanish. I went to a restaurant with my friend Sue and practically everyone that greeted us from the restaurant staff greeted us in Spanish. If you answer in English, they respond in Spanish.  It was wild.  The real test for me was going to a grocery store before heading to Key West. Both associates and customers were speaking Spanish throughout the store. I asked someone in the produce department for “Mushrooms” and he said “Don’t speakee English”. So, I asked for “Hongos” and he immediately took me to where the mushrooms were stored and he asked me how to say it in English. This was so wild for me. I think there were places in Spain that spoke more English than this enormous grocery store in Homestead. I had an issue checking out and the customers behind me were asking “Que pasa?” which I responded to in Spanish.  If you have ever tried to speak another language, most folks default to speaking English. I really enjoyed immersing myself back into Spanish.  It was an unexpected delight. 

Water. There are vast expanses of water everywhere.  Even if it looks like solid ground, it’s most likely a swamp. It’s humbling to drive Route 1 all the way down to Key West. It’s almost a hundred miles from Key Largo to Key West down the only connecting road, Route 1 or Overseas Highway.  It’s called Overseas for the reason most of the time all you can see on either side of the road is water.  Crystal clear water dotted with tiny keys covered in mangroves or grass. It’s quite the adventure.  Then there is the massive Biscayne Bay which is mostly National Park and water. Within the Everglades there is another gigantic body of water called Whitewater Bay. I realize there have been jokes about buying swamp land in Florida but there is a ton of it. It’s important to get out on it or over it by boat or seaplane or kayak.  There is so much to explore.

I admit that my expectations for SoFlo have mostly been driving around Miami and enjoying the restaurants, the beaches and the murals of the Wynwood Art District. There is so much more there than giant mojitos in South Beach and trending murals.  There is a ton of nature and culture to be explored. I hope you get a chance to do so. 

🐊Exploring the Everglades

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I headed to southern Florida to visit the three National Parks that make up most of the southern tip.  After experiencing the Biscayne and Dry Tortugas National Parks, I finally arrived in my RV at Everglades National Park.  I don’t camp that frequently in National Parks because most are so remote that connectivity is rare and I am unable to work. I was able to schedule my visit on the weekend, when connectivity is not an issue. I have previously been to the Everglades because it’s 1.5 million acres but I have never been “into” the National Park.  I had a terrific airboat ride 5 years ago with my family in the Everglades that was absolutely magical.  Those airboat rides are along the Tamiami Trail which is the northern border of the park. For the first time, I actually entered Everglades National Park and enjoyed the unparalleled landscape that 1.5 million acres of water and wetlands provide.

Planning is critical for any visit to Florida in March. I had to book the campsite 6 months earlier so that I could be assured of making the rest of my plans.  So, if it ends up raining or it’s super-hot, so be it. I also secured a Back Country Boat Tour that was operated close to my campsite in Flamingo. Flamingo itself is on the very tip of Florida and some 50 miles from the park entrance. I learned this while visiting Big Bend National Park in Texas.  It could take an hour or more to get from the entrance of the park to wherever you want to end up. Flamingo has a visitor center, marina, a restaurant, some lodging and a campground.  So, once you get down there, there are some amenities although you can’t take a hot shower in the campground (yikes). 

An Anhinga drying it’s wings on the Anhinga Trail in the Everglades

Based on my previous visit on the airboat ride, I expected the whole park to be wet grasslands.  That is completely untrue. The southern end of the park near Flamingo is mostly water and mangroves of all varieties.  I was really glad I had booked a boat ride that had a naturalist to explain all the flora and fauna in the area. There were about fifteen of us on the pontoon boat as we glided through the waterways of the park.  

We encountered a very large Osprey nest that had two active parents and two chicks that were starting to fledge. Apparently, it’s unusual to have two chicks survive so watching the two chicks and mother all in the nest with the father guarding from afar was pretty amazing. Osprey mate for life and these two had been coming back here for years. 

As we headed down a canal, we were constantly stopping the boat to observe Tricolor, Green Herons and Yellow Crowned Night Herons as we passed by.  The driver would stop and back up so that we could all observe the birds. Green Herons and Yellow Crowned Night Herons are much more elusive and almost immediately go hide in the brush.  The Tricolor Heron, on the other hand, frequently stay in the spotlight by flying ahead of the boat, stopping and then chasing us again.  It was remarkable.

By far the most elusive animals are American Crocodiles and Manatees. We had a woman on the boat spot a Crocodile.  I have no idea how she spotted it but sure enough we backed up and there it was hanging below the surface with just it’s eyes and snout pointing out of the water. We were able to see a Manatee when we returned to the marina and it was in between the docks. They can take a breath and go under for an extended period of time. 

It wasn’t until the end of the trip when I was connected to wifi again, that I saw how far we traveled on the boat tour. We had traveled from Florida Bay to Coot Bay and onto Whitewater Bay.  Whitewater Bay is an enormous body of water and one of the few places in the world where both alligators and crocodiles live.  Crocodiles need salty or at least brackish water to live. It’s hard to express how large a body of water it is. There are warnings not to kayak it without a guide since there is a monotony of mangroves ( and they all look the same).

My only hike in the park was on Anhinga Trail which is close to the main entrance.  I must have seen 30 or more Anhinga while hiking the boardwalk high above the swamp below. Anhingas are impressive because they open their wings like a bat and hang just about everywhere.  It’s intimidating to walk by but they don’t move. There were Great Blue Herons, Green Herons and Purple Gallinules as well.  It’s a bit creepy as I walked across the boardwalk because I could hear splashes of water below. I had no idea if it was a fish swimming in shallow water or an alligator grabbing lunch. 

I was really glad I ventured into the depths of Everglades National Park; it was dramatically different than an airboat ride gliding across wetlands but just as interesting and special.  It’s reassuring to see so much wetland protected and the preservation of habitat for endangered species like the manatee, American crocodile and Florida panther.  I hope this spurs you to venture out yourself. 

✈️ Secluded and Intriguing Dry Tortugas National Park

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I decided to check off three more National Parks from my bucket list in the Spring of 2025. Dry Tortugas was the one I was most intrigued by. Dry Tortugas was discovered in 1513 by Ponce de Leon and it was initially called Las Tortugas (Spanish for turtles) and later called Dry Tortugas since it doesn’t have fresh water.  It’s very inaccessible because you can only get there by boat or seaplane and it’s one of the least visited National Parks with about 70,000 folks visiting annually.  It encompasses seven tiny islands (keys) 68 miles southwest of Key West and most of the National Park, like Biscayne National Park, is water. Just getting to Key West is an adventure as there is only one way in and one way out by road. Factor in construction, traffic and, in my case, a few fires, I was quite relieved to successfully finish the drive to Key West. 

This goes down as one of the most amazing adventures I’ve ever embarked on. In fact, outside of visiting historic Saint Augustine, this was the main point of venturing to the bottom of the continental United States. Traveling by motorhome in Florida in March is something that must be planned at least six months in advance and finding a campsite took several weeks to finally obtain.  After that, I booked my seat on Key West Seaplane Adventures. Yes, it’s expensive, but it’s oh so worth it.

The Seaplane to Dry Tortugas National Park

I had a 10 AM flight out of the Key West airport. First of all, a seaplane can take off on a regular runway, which I did not know.  There were two other groups on my plane which were families with kids and then me for a total of 10 adventurous souls all with window seats.  We donned our headsets and listened to our pilot as we took off in the middle of the airstrip (because the whole airstrip wasn’t necessary). It’s not a pressurized cabin so the wind, disconcertingly, is blowing in. But the view? Mesmerizing. The seaplane flies at 500 feet above the crystal-clear water and all of the coral and sand are visible from above. Much of the trip the water is only 3-7 feet deep and the water is a bright aqua blue. Our pilot described the various shipwrecks, pointed out dolphins and sharks and told stories of Spanish treasure. The seaplane ride alone was worth the effort. 

We landed a 100-yards from the edge of the Garden Key which is home to Fort Jefferson and the area of Dry Tortugas that you can visit. The airplane backed up to the beach and we all came down the ladder and stepped safely onto the beach. It feels like about 90 percent of the island is taken up by Fort Jefferson. It is the largest brick masonry structure in the Western Hemisphere with more than 16 million bricks.  Construction started in 1847 although it was never completed. At the time it was being constructed there were upwards of 400 people living on the island which seems crazy since there is no fresh water source. It also was never used as a fort although it was a prison during and after the Civil War.   Dr. Samuel Mudd who aided John Wilkes Booth and three other conspirators were held in the fort. 

It was interesting to explore the fort which doesn’t have electricity or running water.  If you head up the spiral staircase, don’t expect lighting or a handrail. Apparently, they abandoned finishing the fort which was designed to house 7,500 men. It became obsolete due to the invention of rifled cannons; the weight of the bricks caused the fort to sink and there were several yellow fever outbreaks. There is a lighthouse on the fort itself and another lighthouse on Loggerhead Key which is visible from the fort. It’s disconcerting to hike around a fort with absolutely no safety features and realize that the whole thing is sinking. 

There is also Bush Key which is connected to Garden Key that is closed while there are nesting bird colonies of Sooty Tern and Brown Noddies.  It’s open in the fall once the birds have finished breeding. All the birds fly high above the fort along with Magnificent Frigatebirds which are quite stunning. 

The seaplane ride back was just as terrific as we went over shipwrecks from the last 400 years. One famous one is the Nuestra Señora Atocha which was a Spanish treasure galleon which sank in 1622 and was famously discovered by Mel Fisher in 1985 with almost a half billion dollars in treasure. From the seaplane I could see one ship with its mast from my seat on the plane. 

It was such an adventure all wrapped up in one spot.  The beauty of the scenic plane ride practically gliding over the crystal-clear water, the ecosystem of nesting birds, the massive coral reef and visible fish from the seawall as well as the deep history of an immense fortress that was never complete. Go see it for yourself!

🏝️ Discovering Biscayne National Park

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 set out to check off three more national parks from my list this Spring by heading to the south of Florida. The National Parks in Florida don’t have mountains or canyons or glaciers or tall ancient trees.  What they have a lot of is water. What they have in common with most of the other National Parks is remoteness. For the most part, it takes preparation and planning to set out to truly discover these national parks. Traveling by motorhome in Florida takes at least 6 months of planning as most RV parks are frequently booked 6 months to a year in advance during high season. Many of the tours that are available in Biscayne National Park need to be booked over 6 months in advance or you have to be very flexible with your dates.  The closest RV park was a Miami-Dade Park called Larry and Penny Thompson Memorial Park and Campground. This is a nice jumping off point for everything south of Miami.

Biscayne National Park sits off the coast of Miami south of Key Biscayne. The only way to see it, outside of stopping by the visitor’s center near Homestead, FL is to get on a boat.  There are a slew of boat tours available out of the Dante Fascell Visitor Center whether it be via kayaking, snorkeling, canoeing or stand up paddle board.  I elected to take a 3-hour cruise out to Boca Chita Key.  I was shocked to find out that 95% of the park is under water. Beneath the waters are manatees, coral reefs and countless abandoned mangrove covered keys.  The water was crystal clear.  We learned about the history of the area that was once inhabited by the Tequesta people. Later in the 19th century, pineapples, tomatoes and key limes were cultivated on these teeny tiny islands.  This became obsolete with several hurricanes destroying the crops.  In the 60’s and 70’s two power plants and two nuclear power plants were built on the shores.  This caused a backlash against development so the Biscayne National Park was born to preserve the delicate ecosystems of coral reefs, sea turtle nesting grounds and mangroves. 

Visiting Boca Chita Key in Biscayne National Park

The highlight of my boat tour was on Boca Chita Key which was originally developed to be a private club with a small lighthouse and barn.  Now the only way to arrive is by boat and many folks dock overnight.  I could see the coral reefs and schools of fish 

from the edge of the island. I really enjoyed walking on the perimeter of the key to see the birds and mangroves and very small beaches and the fact that no one was out there. I felt a million miles away from the towering Miami skyline; it was just me and the sand and the mangroves.  It was quite the boat ride back although most of bay is only seven to ten feet deep, when the wind picks up the waves come splashing over the boat. I don’t think any of the 30 of us on the boat escaped getting soaked on the trip which made it more of an adventure.

The park is a juxtaposition with the enormous metropolitan center just minutes away and the vast expanse of crystal clear water and mangrove covered keys dotting the water. I had been to Key Biscayne and its lighthouse guarding the bay some years ago.  To travel from the visitor’s center for Biscayne NP to the Key Biscayne lighthouse would take 2 hours and I still would not have circumnavigated the entire park. I’m just so glad I was able to have this experience and I was grateful for the forethought of those who sought to protect it. 

🇪🇸 Historic Saint Augustine

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I traveled to St. Augustine in March of 2025. I have wanted to go to one of the most historic cities in the United States for the last decade or so. I tried last year but as with most winter/spring plans involving an RV, St. Augustine was fully booked.  This time I was well prepared in advance and booked 9 months in advance. St. Augustine did not disappoint. 

I grew up in Wilmington, Delaware and most of my historic lens is built around the thirteen original colonies, the Mayflower and Delaware being the first state (Dover is closer to Philadelphia than Harrisburg; so Cesar Rodney arrived first to sign the Declaration of Independence). Florida and the history of the Americas has never really been in my knowledge base. It’s quite surprising to realize that St. Augustine is the oldest European inhabited city in the United States and that it wasn’t part of the United States until 1819. In fact, it was occupied for 300 years before it became part of the United States.  

In front of the Castillo de San Marco

Ponce de Leon ventured onto what he thought was an island in 1513. He aptly named the island “La Florida” which means the place of flowers and claimed it for the Spanish crown. It was founded in 1565 by Menendez de Aviles. In contrast, the Mayflower sails to the United States in 1620.  The Spanish were here a century before the English. In St. Augustine most of the oldest homes in the United States are here as well as the oldest wooden school house which was built in 1702 and it still exists on St. George St. in the heart of old town St. Augustine.

Castillo de San Marcos was originally built by the Spanish in 1695 and is the oldest masonry fortification in the United States. A wooden fort was built after Sir Francis Drake attached St. Augustine in 1565. The masonry fort was built after an English privateer Robert Searles attacked and destroyed much of St. Augustine and the existing wooden fort. Most of the fortress was completed in 1672.  The Spanish Crown wanted to protect the shipping routes from Central and South America. Touring the fort is easy and it’s located right next to the water in central St. Augustine. It’s complete with a moat and drawbridge. It’s an unusual shape with pointed corners so that any intruder can be fired upon. The mortar is made from coquina or seashells which makes it extremely impregnable. The fortress itself was never breached or taken by force and was only exchanged through treaty or agreement. 

The Spanish held the fort from 1565 until 1763 when the British took over the fort in exchange for the British giving up control of occupied Havana. When this happened, many freedmen left for Cuba since they could not be assured of their rights under the English. In 1783, the Treaty of Paris ceded Florida back to Spain in recognition for their efforts on behalf of the American colonies during the Revolutionary War. Florida and the fort came under American rule when Spain ceded Florida in the 1819 Adams-Onis Treaty.  Quite the amazing history for an impenetrable fort. 

I was able to tour Flagler College which is on the site of the Hotel Ponce de Leon which was built by Standard Oil co-founder Henry Flagler.  It was built between 1885-1887 and it’s a terrific example of the Spanish Colonial Revival style. There are hundreds of homages to Spain inside and outside the hotel with the coats of armor for many Spanish cities. It has an incredible collection of Tiffany windows and many nautical themes throughout what once was a hotel that was only open for four months of the year for wealthy snow birds. It really is stepping back in time to tour the inside of the buildings which now house students for Flagler College.

Right across the street is the Lightner Museum of St. Augustine which is on the location for Flagler’s Hotel Alcazar. There is now a cafe in what once was an indoor pool.  I had lunch in the Cafe Alcazar and it’s wild to see pictures of this pool full of water and folks diving off of what is now a terrace. The museum if full of photos of the hotel from the late 1800’s. 

I was surprised by the beautiful architecture, the swaying palm tree lined avenues, the tiny shops in the historic district, and the mighty fortress that still sits perched on the Matanzas (which mean massacre in Spanish) River. Here the many folks that called this home and then had to either voluntarily or involuntarily move on as one ruler came on and another exited. So much history in an idyllic town which at one point was the north end of the entire Spanish kingdom. 

Let Them and Let Me 😃

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I finished Mel Robbin’s book Let Them Theory last month and it’s a great mantra to keep in mind throughout the day. My friend didn’t respond to a text about stopping by, let them. Spouse leaves the dishes in the sink (while the dishwasher sits empty), let them. Flat tire on the way to an appointment, let them. Your boss is in a bad mood, let them. Your dad judges your new job, let them. Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory has unlimited use moments. Every day. 

Robbins talks about seeing old friends on social media having a great getaway weekend…without her. She spiraled. How could they? What did she do wrong? That whole feeling of FOMO and feeling the injustice that someone could overlook her or shut her out. I think of this as the “story I’m telling myself”; where I create a whole story that everyone is against me and somehow I’m not worthy. It’s futile, damaging and painful. And it’s completely self-defeating. It does absolutely no good. 

Here are the steps to Let Them and Let Me:

Know what you can control. Almost everything that is outside of me is outside of my control. The weather, time, gravity, people’s opinions, other people’s effort, other people’s decisions and other people’s habits. My worry and consternation cannot change something that I have no control over. Making someone interested in you, getting a job offer, being picked on the kickball team, making the traffic jam disappear or getting that screaming baby to calm down on an overseas flight.  These are outside of my immediate control. What can I control? That’s the let me part. I can focus on what I’m interested in, I can keep putting out resumes and expanding my network, I can practice my kickball skills or pursue basketball instead, I can be grateful for the break in a traffic jam and hope that no one is seriously injured, and I can put on headphones or offer to fill a bottle for the baby. There is also my response to all these aggravations. I can breathe deep and stay centered instead of reacting or turning up the volume on my inner critic. I look for what I can control and that is where my peace lies.

Know your brain.  We all do our best thinking when we have access to our prefrontal cortex (PFC). This is where the magic happens.  We plan, we find solutions, we are creative and we are innovative when we are able to be in our PFC. Unfortunately, stress hijacks us out of our PFC and into our Amygdala. When we are in our Amygdala, it’s all fight, flight, freeze or fawn. This is when I say stupid things and frequently do things I regret (I’m looking at you Ben and Jerry’s).  I was alarmed this past year when I read in a research study that it takes a minimum of 20 minutes to get out of our Amygdala and back into our PFC. So, if I’m called out at a budget meeting in front of the entire senior staff, I’m not likely to have a well thought out eloquent response. In my opinion, this is the time to get some kind of break so that I don’t put my foot in my mouth. There are also centering exercises like thinking about my big toe, taking 3 deep breaths, or rubbing my thumb and forefinger together to feel my fingerprint ridges. The point is to focus on your body instead of your brain which is currently drowning in chemicals. So, before I engage in responding, I need to know where my brain is. Am I in my Amygdala or my PFC? Once I know the answer, I can take the next best steps. 

Know your power. Learning to let them is very powerful.  When I get caught up in someone else blocking my way or getting sucked into wanting to change them, I feel empty and fragile. By pushing back or resisting, I end up expending a lot of energy and I feel depleted. It’s like trying to push a rope.  I realize now it’s futile and exhausting. Let them helps me feel more powerful because I’m focused on what I can do and control instead of getting wrapped up in what I can’t. 

Know your values.  The Let Them Theory frees me up to make choices that align with my values. I’m not trying to appease someone or worry about “how something” will look to others.  As long as it’s aligned with my values, then I can Let Me. I get to take ownership of where I want to be and what I want to do instead of (unsuccessfully) trying to drive others to what I want.  Or what I think they should want. I get to follow my values and let them follow theirs. 

Know others. It’s impossible to change someone else. Robbins spent several chapters on a woman who wanted to get her husband to shape up. Nagging and cajoling just don’t work.  The more I push the less the other person wants to comply. If it’s not their own idea, it’s not going to happen. My son isn’t going to apply for an early decision at my alma mater.  My partner isn’t going to quit drinking. Respect that each person is on their own path and they get to decide which direction to go. Robbins suggests setting the example and then let go. So, If I want to get my friend to start running every morning, I can go running every morning and tell them how great I feel when I do.  Beyond that, sit back and see if they get there on their own.

Relinquishing power to control others is so powerful. Robbins does a great job making it so easy in just two words: Let Them. And then, Let Me. Let me respond with my values and set the example of having the boundaries that align with them. Can you let them?

The Universe is Winking. Quantum Flirts

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From 10 years ago:

I have been training for the last year with CRR Global and a few weeks ago I went to the fourth installment of my Organization & Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC) training. This stuff is magical. The topic on the last day was Quantum Flirts which is as described by CRR Global, “a short-lived, transient, perceptual signal which can be used to provide us with insight.” It is based on the work of Arnold Mindell and Quantum Mechanics. So the way I see it, it’s like the Universe is sending you a sign. As Arnold writes, “In everyday terms, Arny explained this idea of “many worlds” by saying that when we begin to focus on something, we see its most probable state, the one that fits into our culture and consensus reality. Yet, in each and every experience there is a multitude of other experiences lying in wait, though in Arny’s interpretation, we choose one and marginalize the others. To say it very simply, the moment we call something “a” or “b” we have marginalized all of its other possible states (c,d,e, etc).”The Universe is flirting with you and you need to pay attention to catch it so that you can see the possibility of a different outcome. It may be a flicker of a bulb, the song of a bird or a flash of sunlight on a wave, but it’s the Universe winking at you; laying out hints.

I was fortunate to be the volunteer coached by Grace Flannery in Quantum Flirts. She asked that I bring up a current issue or hot spot that had stressed me out with someone close to me. I talked about my son and his desire to find a place to live this summer instead of coming home and there are a multitude of options and growing for staying in Miami. I further explained how his mode of communication is texting which can leave one wanting (me) for more and frustrated. She then asked me to look around the room or outside and see if there was anything that caught my attention for just a second. I noticed how a classmate was flipping his reading glasses and the glint of light from it. This was my “flirt”. Grace ask me to animate the flirt and I flickered my fingers in an arc in front of me. Grace expounded on my gesture with a “Fa la la la la”. I copied her. She said, “So when your son texts, you can just say “fa la la la la”. We did it in unison. The observing class then copied me. We were all there “fa la la-ing” and copying my gesture. I could not stop laughing. We all cracked up. The Universe flirted with me and it was hysterical. My aggravation with my son was a construct of reality but by paying attention to the spark or “flirt” I could imagine that there could be a different outcome. I could let go and see it in a different light. It’s not a hot spot, there is potential in my relationship with my son to any outcome that I chose. His constant texting and options are his way to engage. So be it.

So how do you tune into the signals and flirts around you? Here are some ideas.

1. Presence. If you aren’t living in the moment, it’s going to be pretty hard to pick up on any signals. If you have ever meditated (and if you are a faithful reader of my blog you should be by now 🙂 ) do you start to notice every sound or smell or the crazy shapes on the inside of your eyelids when shut? You are officially “present”. I always notice the sound of the clock in my office, the birds outside or the ventilation system. Get present; become present.

2. Notice. Take notice of what is going on around you. I started noticing every animal that crossed my path and not just my dog. Turtle out in the lake bobbing with its head at the surface. A glint of light off a wet leaf, the clock is at 11:11, the receipt fell on the floor to only show the word “thanks”. Start to take note of what is going on out there or in there. My dog is sleeping, my dog is sighing, my dog is running around at lightning speed because geese are in her space, my dog is out of the water. I try and remember something about the dream I just woke up from. Take notice.

3. Offer. So what does this sign have to offer? Why is the universe or a higher power or quantum physics sending a signal to you? I know that each time I see a turtle I feel like I need to slow down and be patient. When I see a robin I think of rebirth and Spring. Canadian geese are a nuisance and I’m wondering if I am pestering someone. Perhaps my children? My boss? My dog is out of the water. Maybe I need water and nourishment as well. The receipt that fell with “thanks” showing is offering me gratitude. What is the offer?

4. It’s right. Don’t get caught up in perfection about what the sign or the flirt means. It means what it means to you. I know sometimes I “cheat” and Google “tornado as a symbol in a dream”. Apparently, this could be a sign of stress. Makes sense. That resonates for me. If it doesn’t, maybe the tornado is a sign of escaping danger. Animals like Robins, Herons and Turtles almost always have a Shamanic reference. Those are easy to Google as well. I dreamt about a broken bottle the other day and the reference for that symbol was “potential”. What it felt like for me was avoiding the broken glass. There was a person I was walking on egg shells for and I feel like the broken glass was the symbol I could relate to.

I’m less about everything happens for a reason and more about taking in information I do like to think that things show up at the right time and that the turtle that just stuck his head up through the surface of the lake is telling me to slow down. What signs do you see?

😎Got Stress? 5 Tricks to Reset

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I coach around 30 to 40 professionals across many industries. They range from technology, manufacturing, finance and federal government.  I’ve noticed a real uptick in the amount of folks suffering from stress, uncertainty and overwhelm.  In the current global environment it can seem futile and exasperating. There is an underlying stress for many folks that a another shoe is going to drop at any moment whether it be a disaster or conflict. There is so much uncertainty around job and financial stability. It’s hard to rewire our brains into relaxing and resetting into calm.  Several of my high performing clients are petrified to open the next email or newsfeed.  It’s difficult to recapture calm once the cortisol is released in your body but there are some tricks that can be helpful.

Here are 5 tricks to reset to calm:

Take 20 Minutes.  When you perceive a threat whether real or imagined (I can’t tell you how many times I thought a root was a snake on a hiking trail), your breathing is shallow, your heart rate goes up, adrenaline and cortisol are released. As Donna Marino wrote for Fast Company, “Psychologists call this process the “fight, flight, or freeze response,” referring to the body’s instinctual reaction to this event. Once this process is triggered, it can take up to 20 minutes for the parasympathetic system to intervene and return you to a state of calm.” So, let’s say you were just embarrassed on a conference call or the offer on your house fell through or you are angry at your partner.  Take a 20-minute break.  Once you are triggered it’s very difficult to speak and think coherently.  If there is any way to take a break to later in the day or, better yet the next day, get some space and time to reset.

Best, Worst, Most Likely.  Perhaps you are nervous to confront your direct report on a poor-quality project or to present to the executive team or to get through this really challenging class.  Think through or write down or chat with a close friend or coach. 

Ask yourself the following three questions:  

  • What is the best outcome?  My employee turns around and gets promoted, I am flawless on the presentation and they tap me for a promotion I get an A+ in the course.  
  • What is the worst outcome? My employee quits and goes on Glass Door to trash me, the executive team hate the presentation and I’m demoted, and I flunk the course and have to take it over. I saw a fun example of this on “This Is Us” as a married couple tries to compete for worst case scenario usually involving a parenting decision.  
  • What is the most likely outcome?  My employee makes improvements and we have a better working relationship, my presentation goes well with only a few hiccups, and I get a B in the class which slightly drops my GPA.  

This helps keep me from dwelling on what could go wrong to imaging the best; realistically facing the worst and then relaxing into what is most likely.

Reframing. The words that I use to describe a situation can influence the way my body perceives it. If I say, “I’m nervous about this new client as opposed to I’m excited about this new client.”  My brain is deciding I’m on high alert in the first part and curious in the second part.  For many weeks leading up to a cross country trip last year I referred to putting my beloved dog Baci into prison for 4 weeks.  Imagine how that made me feel.  When I told a colleague about it he said, “That boarding place?  That’s a resort”.  When I reframed it into a resort, I was less stressed out and more excited (not nervous) to drop Baci off. My good friend Mark sold his family home and while it was daunting, he changed his language to be “I’m excited to clear the garage or cull through my parent’s books.”  The language we use in our head and how we frame it is very important to resetting our mind. 

Role play. It’s extremely helpful to role play or practice a difficult discussion or presentation.  I can play in my mind what I want to say but saying it out loud either by myself to a mirror or to a trusted colleague or to a coach can be super helpful in dampening down one’s nerves.  It’s helpful to work the kinks out.  I do this a lot with my clients and I can give helpful feedback like, “You said “um” six times and you rambled a bit in the last sentence Is there a way to tighten it up?” I personally like to have bullets if I’m going to speak to a crowd or facilitate to a group but you may want flash cards or talking points.  Figure out what makes you most comfortable and practice it to reset to calm. 

Comfortable.  If I know I’m going into something that might make me anxious like a performance discussion with an employee or speaking to a new group or taking an exam, I try to make sure I am as comfortable as possible while matching the situation (I’m not wearing pajamas to a speaking engagement).  As Francis Kuehnle wrote for Healthline, “Aromatherapy is thought to help activate certain receptors in your brain, potentially easing anxiety.” Wear a scent that makes you feel good.  If a shirt or blouse has a tag that rubs against your skin or you are constantly tugging on a top, wear something that makes you feel confident and comfortable. Being comfortable will help you reset into calm. 

These are more short-term ways to deal with stress and anxiety.  There are many regimes that can help with your ability to cope like yoga, meditation, walking outside, better sleep and reducing alcohol and caffeine. I’ve made many lifestyle changes over the last ten years and I have to say I’m much less anxious and tend to roll with the punches more easily.  My suggestion is to try out one of these and see if it has an impact.  How do you reduce stress?

🧐Narcissistic Boss? Here are 7 Secrets.

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You made a big mistake. You criticized your boss for the way they delegated the project. Now you are in her sights. You’ve pulled the pin on the grenade and now you are holding it. No one critiques the narcissistic boss because the collateral damage is huge. Your next performance review will be toast and your next assignment will be unattainable and sure to fail with heroic deadlines not met. Hell hath no fury as a narcissistic boss who is criticized.

I haven’t had a narcissistic boss in decades but I sure see them around me. In fact, since I first wrote about narcissism, I’ve suddenly started to see them everywhere. Speaking engagements, workshops and parties, they are ubiquitous. How can you tell them? They do all the talking and very little listening. They are always right as well.

So here are the secrets to dealing with your narcissistic boss:

1. Do not complain to others. I know misery loves company but a narcissist is paranoid. Really paranoid. She is on the hunt for any detractors. And detractors will not be tolerated. Whether it’s texting or email or hushed voices by the water cooler, assume that the narcissist boss is omniscient. If there is a way to find out gossip about their carefully crafted image, they will find a way and there will be consequences.

2. Do not be friends. As Susan Price wrote for IvyExec, “Narcissists lack empathy, so they are not capable of true friendships. You might feel betrayed if you think you are becoming friends with one only to find they act without your interests in mind. If they are friendly to you, it is because they want something, whether your attention, your ideas, or anything else.” I have been personally burned by this several times in my career. I’ve had narcissists promise me the moon in my career only to find them to be completely empty. There is only one person they care about and that is themselves.

3. Keep your guard up. I know this can be exhausting. Constantly being vigilant for any sign of backstabbing or manipulation can take a lot of energy. Set boundaries and do not cross them. As Jacquelyn Smith wrote for Business Insider, “Understand that winds change quickly, and you may get undercut at any time. You can record and document every conversation and keep every email trail, but the narcissist has the ability to think quickly and act differently. And you will never see it coming.” Don’t get blindsided. Stay vigilant.

4. Give them praise. I know this seems like brown nosing, and it is, but the narcissist’s image of themselves is paramount in their mind. As Price writes, “Always remember that everything is about her/him. So if your words and actions make her/him feel good, she/he will be far more tolerable than if she/he feels that you are doing something that attacks her/him such as undermining her/him authority or criticizing her/him. Narcissists want praise and acknowledgement, so be prepared to give it to them.” A little sugar goes a long way.

5. Protect their image by taking the blame. Another bitter pill which is why you probably need to look at #7. Falling on the sword or keeping facts under wraps so that the narcissist’s image is maintained can be soul crushing. As Price posits, “Narcissists don’t take responsibility for anything negative, whether it is a bad culture in the office or declining revenues. It has to be someone else’s fault.” Scan the office for any detrimental indicators and proactively put them to bed.

6. Don’t compete with them. Narcissists are winners. They never lose. So don’t try and grab the limelight even if you worked 80 hours last week to get the project out the door. As Price writes, “Your boss will assume that you are doing good work because of what he taught you. Your award should be his; after all, you work for him, don’t you? You can’t win. Ever. So don’t play.” You are not opponents in a game, you are the support that helps them win.

7. Have an exit plan. I have a dear friend who was under the thumb of a narcissistic boss for upwards of three years. After empty promises and grueling months of 80 plus hour thankless work weeks, he started searching for his next job. So have a financial plan, keep your life in balance (don’t take this out on your family) and update your resume. There may be other opportunities in the organization. If you are not up to #1 through #6? Exiting gracefully is the best option. And don’t hesitate to use a professional coach or a friend help you with the plan and the process. You need someone on your side.

I think it’s like marriage. I was married to a narcissist and thought I could change him. It’s not possible. You can’t expect to change a narcissist boss. You can have all the staff development days in an organization but narcissists just point the fingers at everyone else. All they see in the mirror is their own carefully crafted image.

🤩You Are Enough

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Have you been waiting to hear those words since say…kindergarten? I have. I generally have stayed uber-focused on my penmanship (sketchy), my height (too tall) and my value as a human being (a work-in-progress). This happens to the distraction from my more valuable traits like writing, coaching and being present. I am more worried about the illusive atta-boy (-girl) from my sixth-grade math teacher or my parents finally being happy with the career I have chosen.

Unfortunately, if you go looking for someone to say: “Cathy, you are good enough,” you will be waiting a long time. Your value is not determined by those outside of yourself. It’s an inside job. It’s between your ears. You need to decide you are good enough. No one is going to do it for you. Decide today. You are worthy. You are good enough. Go ahead. I’ll wait right here.

These might be the reasons holding you back from being enough:

The yardstick of perfection. Anne Lamott wrote brilliantly in Bird by Bird, “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life… I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.” It’s OK if my handwriting isn’t that legible. It’s OK if I am taller than the rest. It’s OK if I have honestly wasted half a Saturday getting over vertigo and not writing. I just spent part of the morning criticizing myself for not going to the gym first thing or writing a post. Really? Like the exercise and blog gods are sitting around judging me for recovering from half a day spent getting to the bottom of my vertigo? So what? As Lamott says, you will die anyway. Spending time trying to be perfect is empty and completely unrewarding. You are good enough right now.

A gold medal won’t change a thing. Lamott famously quotes a 400 pound has-been coach, “If you’re not enough before the gold medal, you won’t be enough with it.” Interesting. If you are not enough before you lose 30 pounds, you won’t be enough after. If you are not enough before the big promotion, you won’t be after. If you are not enough before the divorce, you won’t be after. Worthiness is not a line in the sand. It’s not a point in time. It’s not after the big achievement or disappointment. You are worthy right now. And now. And now. Sit in that. Let it sink in. A gold medal will not make a difference.

You are uniquely you. The mold is busted and there is only one of you and your individual view on life. As Dr. Seuss famously said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Even you and your identical twin would have different shortcuts on your desktop. One of you was picked last or first on the soccer team. It has made all the difference. You now fight for the downtrodden or represent soccer player’s rights. Neither is better or worse. Just unique. Be you. Own it. Embody it. Be the unique you that you are.

Comparison is futile. Lamott said, “Never compare your insides to everyone else’s outsides.” You have no idea what your neighbor is going through or your coworker or your dog for that matter. You may be jealous of that new car but don’t realize they had to take over payments for their daughter. Your coworker is battling stage 4 colon cancer. Your dog has been barking at that neighbor dog for the last ten years and has yet to get the last word. We really have no idea what is going on for someone else and comparing it to your current situation is a recipe for disaster. Comparing does not make you feel worthy or enough. So stop comparing.

What other people think of me is none of my business. This is a Wayne Dyer quote that stops me cold. You have absolutely no control over what other people think of you. Let it go. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not. We’ve spent so much time on worrying about what others think. I remember having 11 different pairs of colored corduroy Levis in high school. It did not increase the number of friends I had. AND I was probably the only one who noticed. If you cannot move the needle on it, don’t bother worrying about it. Besides, you are perfectly good enough right now.

I was the last pick a lot in elementary school. My mother was upset with how I held a pencil in my hand. I didn’t have a ton of friends in high school. It’s OK. Let the past go and move on. It has no impact on my worthiness right now. Let go of the judgments from the past and be enough. You are good enough. And so am I.