Author: Cathy Noice

Executive Coach, Author, Speaker and Facilitator. Achieve. Grow. Do. As a coach, I use a structured, self-directed approach that challenges clients to achieve sustainable results towards inspired self created goals. Using brain based tools and coaching, my clients achieve breakthroughs and, as one client put it, "the junk gets cleared out". I specialize in newly promoted or transferred leaders. My coaching specialties include: * Executive Coaching * Leadership Coaching * Career Strategy As an author, I put my extensive management, teaching, training and human resource background into making sense in the workplace.

🌲Experience Central Oregon

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I’ve been on a 3-month solo RV trip across the United States starting in the Spring and including the Summer of 2024.  I have wanted to visit Bend, Oregon for several years but the timing was always off.  Either there was snow, or smoke from wildfires or it just seemed to far from the coast to make it practical from a timing perspective.  I finally arrived in Bend in late June and can attest it was worth the trip.  

On my way to Bend from Redding, California, I drove to Crater Lake National Park.  I have been to Crater Lake multiple times but, similar to the Grand Canyon or Yosemite, it is always, always worth the side trip to go to Crater Lake.  The beauty of the lake is incomprehensible. Any other lake this beautiful would have million-dollar homes on the rim or house boats floating in the middle. It’s a relatively harrowing drive up from the Park Headquarters to Rim Village.  Harrowing because of the hairpin turns, abundance of snow (in JUNE!) and the lack of guardrails as I drove my 25-foot, 5-ton RV up to the top. I embraced doing it scared.  Perhaps it was because my eyes were glued to the road but I didn’t see the lake until after I parked at Rim Village and took the short trail to the overlook.  It is the deepest blue I’ve ever seen (apparently in 1853 Isaac Skeeter indeed called it Deep Blue Lake).  It’s known for its water clarity and for being the deepest lake in the United States and third in the world for average depth.  When I was there in June and there were snowcapped peaks surrounding the pristine lake against that deep blue color on a clear day, it was just breath taking. I had hoped to hike some of the many trails but was not prepared for the amount of snow on the ground so I opted out of hiking. Regardless, if it’s not on your bucket list, please add it.

Hiking along the River Trail at Smith Rock State Park, Oregon

I camped in Bend, just a few hours from Crater Lake,  for several days to work and explore. My dear friend, Janine, had made some recommendation and I tried out several.  There are multiple trails along the Deschutes River all across central Oregon.  Many trails are in the city of Bend but I started on the Benham Falls trail from the Upper Deschutes River within the Deschutes National Forest and the Newberry National Volcanic Monument. It was an easy hike along the Upper Deschutes River to see a 25-foot-high cascade waterfall.  I was struck by how I could see the remainder of an enormous lava flow on the opposite side of the river.  This led me to my next hike at Lava Butte which is within the same national forest and monument.  

Lava Butte and its trails through the lava field are just a couple of miles from the trailhead for Benham Falls.  The cinder cone that remains from a volcanic eruption from 7,000 years ago.  It’s a fascinating hike on the paved trail through a large lava flow.  There are now wild flowers and some small trees that are starting to pop up through the lava tubes.  At the time of the volcanic eruption the lava flowed down to the Deschutes River and dammed the river to create Lake Benham.  The river eventually overflowed and eroded the dam which created the Benham Falls.  The lake is gone. There is a payoff to hiking up to the vista overlook on the Trail of Molten Land.  From the vista overlook Mount Bachelor and the Sisters with their snowcapped peaks are visible as well as the vastness of the lava field.

Walking around the Old Mill and Downtown areas of Bend are very nice.  I happened to be there on their farmer’s market on a Wednesday afternoon and all of these areas are next to the Deschutes River and the trail that runs next to it.  This is a walkers, paddlers and tubers haven.  I also was there on a warm, sunny day so it seemed the Chamber of Commerce had ordered it up for me. Great restaurants and shopping abound.

Finally, while heading to on my way to Portland, I stopped by Smith Rock State Park.  This is one of many state parks in my travels that could easily be a National Park.  The sheer cliffs and stone formations that line the canyon around the Crooked River are not to be missed.  I think almost everything is better if it’s experienced rather than just viewed.  Smith Rock can be easily view from some vantage points near the parking lots but actually hiking down into the canyon really gives a better perspective of the sheer size of the 600-foot cliffs and the beauty of the river beneath. There were several groups of rock climbers headed out the morning I was there, weighed down my carabiners and rope.  I did not venture up Misery Ridge but the hike along the river at the bottom was less traveled and tranquil next to the water.  Even if you don’t have time to hike, I highly recommend heading to Smith Rock State Park.

I feel so fortunate that the weather and conditions were so perfect during my trip to Centeral Oregon.  Perhaps I appreciate it more because there were several trips that were cancelled due to weather and fire conditions before. It’s truly an adventurer’s paradise between the skiing, rock climbing, caving and kayaking.  I hope to return in the future.  

😟Do it Scared

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This has been my mantra for the last two months.  I struck out alone for the west coast to attend my mother’s 90th birthday in my RV, Abeona (goddess of the outward journey), in May of 2024.  I’m not mechanically inclined, I am skittish of heights, not a fan of enclosed places and really like a good night’s sleep. This journey would have been a lot easier by just booking a plane ticket instead of driving some 4,000 miles to celebrate my mother’s landmark birthday.  But instead, I have embraced doing it scared.

Abeona arrived on the Pacific Ocean after a cross country trip

Here are the things I faced doing it scared:

Rain in east Texas.  As I was headed to Rusk Texas (look it up, it’s in the middle of nowhere) there were all kinds of warnings on my map apps that the roads could be flooded.  It was a torrential downpour as I drove on desolate route 84 to my campground and out the next day. I saw whole fields inundated with water, rivers out of their banks but never any water across the road. I figured that the campground would have alerted me that it was underwater (and it wasn’t) but the drive was intimidating because of the unknown. 

Big Bend. Big Bend National Park is in the middle of nowhere on the border between Texas and Mexico.  I drove over a hundred miles without seeing a gas station from Fort Stockton down route 385 which enters the park from the north entrance.  I didn’t see one car as I drove down from the north entrance to the park headquarters.  This is rare for a National Park in May but when it’s 112 degrees outside and no cell coverage;it appeared to not be a popular spot in the Spring. When you are driving an RV by yourself and know there isn’t much of a safety net if you break down; you do it scared.

Boquillas Mexico. When I get nervous, my stomach twists in knots. I had a morning planned to cross the border at the edge of Big Bend NP where there is an official entry point into the United States. I knew that it was possible to take a very short row boat ride across the Rio Grande into the little town of Boquillas. I didn’t sleep well in anticipation of crossing the border and back.  I was imagining something going wrong. It’s hot, dusty, no cell coverage and my Spanish was rusty.  As with most uncertain things, I was looking for things to control.  I texted my kids letting them know that I was crossing the border without cell coverage and that I expected to be back to cell coverage in 3 hours. The town itself, my guide and burro ride into town were a step into a whole other reality with this small-town dependent on brave Americans to take a chance on seeing another way of life. I’m glad I did it scared. 

White Sands National Park. I’ve been to over 30 national parks.  I had been to White Sands as a newlywed with my husband, Orlando, in the mid 80’s.  I do not remember the road, about 3 miles into the dunes loop, ending into what was essentially sand dunes for some 10 miles. This mistake, in that I didn’t have all wheel drive on the RV, was something I’m glad I did in retrospect but had I known, I’m sure I would have skipped. Getting my Abeona stuck in the sand and the rattling of the dual tires in the back was unnerving. I turned around as soon as I could but I can tell you to pay more attention to park maps and advisories now.

Tehachapi Pass. This is an infamous road that skirts Los Angeles through a mountain pass.  I have been over it several times in a car although I probably wasn’t driving.  When driving up from the south there are over 4,500 wind turbines which, immediately alert you to the fact that “there will be wind.” On the day I came up the pass from the south there were signs alerting high profile vehicles.  My campground was on top of the pass.  I went anyway. Gulp.  It felt like hurricane force winds, I was clenching the steering wheel and maintained a 45 mile an hour pace.  I was fortunate that there weren’t may trucks and gratified to see other folks with trailers going over the pass (if they can do it, I can do it). After 4 camping days in Tehachapi, I came down the other side of the pass which is longer, steeper and full of curves (it forced me to learn how to use manual gears).  I kept thinking to myself, Rick Hanson’s “Are you alright right now?” I was.

Glider Ride. When I was camped in Tehachapi, it was right next to a glider plane airport.  After the first two days of watching gliders take off attached to small planes, I decided that, if I don’t do this, I’ll regret it. I had every afternoon free and why not just walk over and get in a glider. I was going to tell my daughter but she was occupied so I just went over and did it.  In retrospect, I think that because I was by myself, I couldn’t be talked out of it.  Perhaps someone else would have discouraged me.  Maybe I thought I had survived the trip thus far, let’s go for broke. I was shocked that all you had to do was pay and that I didn’t sign 5 pages of waivers.  Perhaps it was because I didn’t sign waivers, I decided it was safe.  My pilot Cam was great.  They wheeled the glider into position. There was nothing but manual signals between him and the pilot of the guide plane.  The glider itself was airborne before the guide plane which was freaky.  Did I mention that I was in the front of the glider with all the controls to fly (but didn’t).  When the tow rope releases, we were gliding above the Tehachapi Valley at 6,500 feet.  Outside of the wind and the conversation with Cam, it was silence. It’s incredible that this little plane, that is shorter than my RV can glide through the air without any technology and land safely on the ground.  I’m glad I did it scared.

I find that, traveling alone as a woman over 50, I get a lot of folks opining on my choice. Mostly it’s from women over 50 saying “I could never do that”, “So you are alone? Driving by yourself?” I’m always flummoxed as to what to respond with.  And then?  Then there is Lucky Lu (her license plate).  I was departing Joshua Tree and at a stop light in Yucca Valley when I hear a car honking at me. I turn to the left and see a woman beaming and giving me the thumbs up.  I rolled down my window and she said” You have the toy I want!  I love it!  Are you by yourself?”, I answered yes, and she responds “YOU GO GIRL!”  That moment?  That was worth it all. There is also my co-pilot, my inspiration, my dearly departed father had wanderlust in spades and he would drive 4,000 miles just to see a view.  Daddy is always riding shotgun.

🤓How to Be an Original

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 I recently read Adam Grant’s Originals. It’s a thought-provoking book with hundreds of examples of how we can all be more creative and original.  The biggest example that Grant uses is Warby Parker which is an online seller of prescription glasses. Grant commented that he missed the opportunity to invest in Warby Parker because he was skeptical. When something is original there will likely be skepticism.  A big takeaway from the book for me is that you should be able to address the weaknesses first.  That seems like baring your soul before getting any buy in but if you think about it, people relax once you’ve addressed the weaknesses and are more open to listen to the upside or strengths once you’ve acknowledged the weaknesses.

Here are some ideas on how to be Original:

Quantity leads to quality.  Grant says, “It’s widely assumed that there’s a tradeoff between quantity and quality – if you want to do better work, you have to do less of it – but this turns out to be false.  In fact, when it comes to idea generation, quantity is the most predictable path to quality.” So, it pays to brainstorm lots of ideas before honing in on one or two to bring to fruition. I think there is a lot to be said for listening to many voices as well.  And when you select those voices, bring in different, varying perspectives.  If there are too many heads in the room nodding in agreement, it’s probably not a very original or creative idea.  Come up with lots of ideas with varying voices and it will be more innovative.  

When someone weighs in with their ideas, they feel heard especially when acknowledged.  It can be so powerful if a coworker or boss says, “So you think we should have pink balloons to acknowledge the cancer survivors.”  It’s so powerful that, even if your idea isn’t selected, the fact that it was acknowledged and/or appreciated, you feel heard and are therefore more on board with whichever direction the group takes.  So, create lots of ideas, acknowledge them and the quality will appear.

Strategic procrastination.  I have to say that I was skeptical of strategic procrastination as I read the book. I have coached hundreds of coaches on how to stop procrastinating.  I can see now that it dovetails nicely with Oliver Burkeman’s 4000 Weeks. Burkeman espouses serializing or setting apart 30 minutes a day for focus time and to just start a project knowing that you won’t finish it.  This is what’s so counterintuitive. Why start if you can’t finish? Well, we procrastinate because we can’t finish the 6 annual reviews, we have to write. So, we keep kicking the can down the road for the perfect day to completely begin and finish something.  Burkeman says to just start and acknowledge that you won’t finish.  This to me is strategic procrastination.  

As Grant wrote, “But surprisingly, as I’ve studied originals, I’ve learned that the advantages of acting quickly and being first are often outweighed by the disadvantages. It’s true that the early bird gets the worm, but we can’t forget that the early worm gets caught.” There is also the time between starting something and it’s floating around your unconscious.  So, when you are taking a shower or driving a car or walking the dog, suddenly you come up with the perfect conclusion to the project or how you represent the findings on a chart.  That’s where the magic is.  Your unconscious brain is hard at working pulling memories and diverse topics together to have an ah ha moment.  

So, start but make sure there are gaps to strategically procrastinate.

Exposure and repeating normalizes.  As written by Grant, “The mere exposure effect has been replicated many times—the more familiar a face, letter, number, sound, flavor, brand, or Chinese character becomes, the more we like it.” I think back when I was first planning my cross-country RV trip.  The first few times I spoke it out load (or even in my head), I was intimidated and anxious.  The more I started planning and seeing the path forward, the more doable it was.  When things are repeated and broken into smaller pieces like 350-mile chunks of the United States, it doesn’t seem so intimidating.  Now that I’m out here on the West Coast of the United States and I’ve been living in my RV for a month, it feels normal and completely accessible and certainly less novel.  My perception has changed over time; traveling cross country is status quo.

Common points of reference were shown through Grant’s book as well.  When the concept for Lion King was pitched to Disney it was a dark story.  When someone compared it to Hamlet, suddenly everyone was on board. So, in order to sell your idea, find common points of reference to make it more understandable.

I think realizing that being creative doesn’t mean you have to be first with an idea is very powerful.  I’ve had lots of thoughts in the past that if I wasn’t the first to do something, then I was last.  Being later to the party with an idea is actually an advantage. How will you be more creative?

🧐Fascinating Joshua Tree

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I went to Joshua Tree National Park and the town of Joshua Tree in Southern California in early June of 2024.  It’s always interesting to travel through a desert but when temperatures are starting to hit triple digits, it adds an element of danger.  I remember traveling through Death Valley a few years ago when it was 120 degrees. You think twice before you head out that you have plenty of water, the tire pressure is good, gas tank full and check for sunscreen.  Cell phone coverage is non-existent and there are no restaurants or gas stations for 50 miles. It pays to be prepared. 

Here is what I found in Joshua Tree:

Standing in front of rocks and boulders at Joshua Tree National Park

Wilderness.  I entered through the Cottonwood entrance at the southern end of the park.  This is definitely the road less traveled. There is a visitor center about 6 miles in but there is about 30 miles of blank wilderness desert for most of the road to get to the heart of Joshua Tree National Park. There are vast swaths of desert that lead to the Coxcomb Mountains and well beyond the immense Pinto Basin. This is all untouched land.  I didn’t expect to see so much empty arid desolate land that goes on for as far as the eye can see;  there are only a few cacti. I find the entering any National Park from the less traveled entrance has advantages because there has never been a  line and I end up traveling the park in the opposite direction from the rest of the crowd.

Cholla Cactus Garden.  This is one of the few stops and parking places when entering from the Cottonwood entrance.  When you actually walk through the Cholla Cactus Garden, it looks as if someone intentionally planted all these cacti. There were probably thousands of the cacti for miles in every direction.  The same cactus for miles.  Almost like someone planted them all to harvest them, but it’s in the middle of the desert in the middle of nowhere. It’s intimidating walking on the trail through the garden because their barbed cactus spines are easily detached or “jump” off the plant onto a passerby.  

Rock Formations.  When I turned the corner and got on Park Boulevard, the entire landscape transformed into what can only be referred to as Bedrock or the land of where the Flintstones resided.  It went from desert wilderness to jumbled rock formations.  There were hundreds of these rock piles in various sizes and dimensions. I found an interesting video on how the formations formed over millions of years but basically the tectonic plates moved and the magma eventually belched up and then cracked to create these formations.  I would drive a half mile and there would be formations and then another half mile and even more formations.  There are no bad spots to pull off and walk around; they’re all other worldly.

Joshua Trees. The plant for which the town and National Park are named is not actually a tree but a succulent Yucca Brevifolia.  19th Century Mormons named them after the biblical figure because they believed that the outstretched tree limbs guided them on their westward journey. I’m sure that there are thousands of Joshua Trees in the park and in the surrounding area. Sometimes I would see one lone tree in front of a rock formation or come across several acres of trees seemingly marching across the landscape. Some are tall with many branches and some are low to the ground with just a palm frond top.  Unusual and fascinating.

The Town. I camped in the town of Joshua Tree which seems like a desert oasis for rock climbers, artists and off grid folks. There was an enormous farmers market on the Saturday that I arrived with produce and treasures for sale. The actual main visitors center for the National Park is in the town and outside of the park itself which is very unusual. It’s a bit confusing because you have the actual plant, the town and the national park all referred to by the same name.

It was an interesting adventure through the park.  There was one area I didn’t get to visit because RVs were not recommended to drive to Keys View overlook which has a panoramic view of the Little San Bernardino Mountains.  As I learned in White Sands National Park, be sure to read if a road is recommended for RV’s, if not it’s likely  to have hairpin turns, steep inclines or, as in White Sands case, ten miles of unpaved roads across the dunes. Regardless the landscape and flora were epic. 

🫰🏻Strategies to Stop Procrastinating

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This is the first blog post I’ve written in about 2 months.  I have found hundreds of distractions and reasons to push off writing.  I think I have a headache, I need to do the laundry, I want to hike a new trail today, there’s a notification on my Facebook page, there’s a new email, I don’t know what I’m having for dinner, maybe my son is coming to visit this weekend, it looks like rain, I don’t have any ideas to write about, maybe I’ve written about everything I can write about, etc. In reality, the main reason I didn’t write is because my computer has been SSSLLLLOOOWWWWIIIINNNGGG down. I spent three weekends trying to figure out what the problem was with my desktop pc and I have finally resorted to writing on my laptop.  I’m amazed at how one hang-up like a computer can derail me for weeks.  I say to myself “Whelp, it’s taking too long; might as well go watch Netflix.” 

So how did I finally stop procrastinating and get to work?  Here are some strategies I put into place that might work for you too:

  1. Break it down into the tiniest of pieces. I mean really tiny.  Like instead of saying “I’m going to read Gone with the Wind”, say “I’m going to put the book next to my reading chair”, or “Open the book and read one chapter, or one page or one paragraph”.  This is advice from BJ Fogg and his excellent book, Tiny Habits.  The tiny habit should take less than 30 seconds to complete, according to Fogg, so that time is not a deterrent and the new habit grows naturally. So, to get started on this post, I set up the actual blank document so it was ready to go.
  2. Change your environment.  I had no idea that this was holding me back but I usually have my desktop computer and laptop on the same desk.  I kept getting sucked into the abyss of the “My desktop slowing down” and not responding to even the smallest of actions.  Pretty soon, I had my phone open and I was scrolling Facebook while “I waited” for a page to load on my computer. I had my fully functioning laptop on the same desk but I still never started to write.  I was completely hung up on using my desktop.  So, I got the bright idea to move my laptop yesterday to my “writing” chair.  And suddenly, perhaps because the laptop was in plain sight and in a different environment, I started writing. Changing my environment got me at the keyboard once again.
  3. Music.  This may not be for everyone but I play classical music when I write.  It has to be an instrumental for it to be the right vibe for me to write.  I don’t want to get caught up in the lyrics of a song.  Turning on a classical playlist sets the right tone for me to work.  It also sets the tone that I will be working and writing if there is classical music playing in the background.  I find my muse in classical music.
  4. Shut down distractions.  I take coaching calls most of the day on my laptop.  If I hear a beep or ding or a notification shows up on my screen, I will research the source of the distraction and eliminate it.  Outside of my calendar reminding me of my next appointment, I don’t want to have anything disrupting my coaching calls.  By eliminating these distractions, I am able to be fully present for my calls.  This has the added benefit of eliminating distractions when I’m writing as well.  I generally try to write on the weekends so there aren’t usually any upcoming appointments but I’m also not receiving email or social media notifications which could potentially derail me from focusing on my writing.  Shut down distractions.
  5. Serializing. This is a terrific suggestion from Oliver Burke in his book, 4000 Weeks. Burke wrote, “Focus only on one big project at a time. Though it’s alluring to try to alleviate the anxiety of having too many responsibilities or ambitions by getting started on them all at once, you’ll make little progress that way. Multitasking rarely works well — and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety.” So set up on your schedule that you’ll work 30 minutes each day on the Gnarly Project or the budget or the annual review process.  Once the 30 minutes is done, move on and come back to it the next day.  Serialize big projects.
  6. Eat that frog.  Mark Twain once said, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” Start your day with the worst thing you don’t want to do and then it’s clear coasting the rest of the day.  It might be that a five-mile run, cleaning out the garage, or finishing the annual review for your worst performing direct report is the best way to start your day.   Eat that frog.
  7. Choose what you do.  Change up your self-talk around that which you are procrastinating.  As written on MindTools, the phrases “need to” and “have to,” for example, imply that you have no choice in what you do. This can make you feel disempowered and might even result in self-sabotage. However, saying, “I choose to,” implies that you own a project, and can make you feel more in control of your workload. Elect to work on a blog post instead of “needing” to. 
  8. Celebrate or reward.  This made a big difference in my flossing habit in the morning. Dr. Fogg advocates either a high five or fist pump when you finish a new behavior like flossing your teeth.  It wires positivity into your brain.  You could also set up a reward when you are done like a latte from your favorite coffee shop or phoning a friend or watching an episode of your favorite show.  Wiring positivity helps set up the expectation that something good will come after eating the frog.

I used several of these tools to get back to writing again.  It feels good to get back to writing and the sense of accomplishment is a reward enough for me at this point.  What are some of your tricks to overcome procrastination? 

🚎Enchanting New Mexico

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I spent two years living in New Mexico and even gave birth to my fabulous daughter, Natalie, there in 1993.  My original visit in 1992 was to turn around a failing restaurant for the company I was working for and I spent every free day off traveling the back roads of New Mexico. I investigated parks and archeological sites around the state like Bandelier National Monument, Chaco Canyon, Acoma Pueblo, Taos and, my favorite, the artsy, unique Santa Fe. I focused mostly on the northern half of the state because I was based in Albuquerque.  Outside of the wonderful, Bosque de Apache, which is probably the best wildlife refuge I’ve ever been to; think thousands if not tens of thousands of sandhill cranes and snow geese, I had never ventured much further south on my own. 

Climbing in Bandelier National Monument in 1992

Southern New Mexico is home to three noteworthy stops: Carlsbad Caverns National Park, the town of Roswell, and White Sands National Park.  There is also a bonus National Park called Guadalupe National Park. It’s actually in Texas even though it’s only 20 miles of Carlsbad Caverns and none of the clocks (including my apple watch) acknowledged that it’s Mountain Time, Guadalupe is on Mountain Time and not Central Time. 

I initially visited Carlsbad Caverns NP on my trip to the west coast in the mid 80’s with my then husband, Orlando.  I was really looking forward to getting back to the caverns to revisit and to also get out of the extreme 100 degree plus heat that is southern New Mexico in late May. Regardless of the time of the year, I visited on a Friday in May. The parking lot was about 3/4 full. I was surprised except that everyone else was probably trying to escape the heat as well.  I had no problem getting a ticket for the self-guided tour of the caverns but that was probably because the elevator wasn’t working.  Gulp. They made it very clear that I could walk down the 79 stories to the bottom of the cavern (and more importantly the walk back up).  I hesitated but decided that it was worth the try to get down to the bottom which is billed as an extremely steep and difficult 1 1/4 mile  hike down.

So, the walk down is dark and steep and although they advertise “hand rails”, I would bet that’s only about 20% of the walk.  There are no steps so it’s a long winding paved trail down with upwards of 30 switchbacks and most of it is either dimly lit or dark. The opening at the top of the caverns is enormous and there were hundreds people including school groups at various stages of either traveling down or traveling up (remember the elevator was not working). There were upwards of fifty wrens flying around the entrance during the walk down but apparently the wrens are replaced by bats at nightfall.  I made it down about a mile and saw one more very steep descent and, being that I was traveling alone and still had a two-hour drive to Roswell to camp in my RV, Abeona, I decided to turn around. It was still worth the trip down but since I have only myself to depend on this trip, I felt it was prudent to turn around. There were several formations that I got to see and walking down some 60-ish flights is pretty amazing.  I also met several people on my hike down and up as we were all suffering from the lack of elevators.  I remember the elevator in my first trip there with Orlando.  It was quite the journey down into the belly of the cavern.  I would definitely go back but make enough time to be able to complete the trip or be whisked down in an elevator.

Roswell is worth the stop even if you’re not into all things alien.  This town has totally embraced its UFO identity.  The street light posts are painted like aliens, there are alien themed window paintings and signs throughout the town including a picture of an alien taking money from an ATM at a local bank.  There is even a credit union with a space ship in its logo.  If it’s from outer space, it’s in Roswell.  This all stems from the Roswell Incident when an alleged UFO crashed nearby in 1947.  There are several museums including The International UFO Museum and Research Center, Roswell Space Center, Roswell UFO Spacewalk and Alien Zone.  For a town of close to 50,000 people, that’s a lot of museums dedicated to space and aliens. I went to the UFO museum and for $7.00, it was worth it just for all the interesting displays. If you are really into all things alien, the UFO festival in early July is not to be missed by everything I read.

My last stop on my trip west in New Mexico was White Sands National Park.  Orlando and I had visited here as well back in the 80’s.  I remember the park being basically vacant on our early November visit. Fast forward to this year and considering it was over 100 degrees there were about 100 or so folks in the visitor center. After going through the visitor’s center, I headed out to the 10 mile loop road through the white sand dunes.  I should have read the map or asked about the road conditions before I headed blindly out on the Dunes Road.  About 3 miles in there was a sign on the side of the road that said “pavement ends.”  Did I mention I was driving my new RV?  I was not expecting to be on sand for 8 miles. Whether I liked it or not, there I was driving on sand for about 2 miles until there was a large turn off to park.  It was exciting to get on top of the dunes and see nothing but white dunes for as far as the eye could see.  It also was a terrific surface to reflect the hot sun back.  As much as I wanted to go the entire loop as I remember Orlando and I doing almost 40 years earlier, I wasn’t willing to risk getting stuck in my RV without 4-wheel drive.  I turned around and headed back but even the one stop was worth it. Similar to my visit to Death Valley a few years ago, it’s so amazing to experience the vast array of topography and elements of the western United States. 

Between the art and architecture of Santa Fe, the wildlife of Bosque de Apache, the depths and vastness of the Carlsbad Caverns, the expanse and beauty of White Sands and the quirky, out of the world Roswell, it’s all so enchanting.  I think I could return again and again and continue to find more enchantment.

😎 3 Steps to the Positive No

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I just finished William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No.  Ury is the coauthor of Getting to Yes and Getting Past No and is a negotiating expert as well as the cofounder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation.  He knows of what he writes. “No” is one of the most uncomfortable things to say as it puts a stake in the ground or sets up a boundary. And for most folks, including myself, this can be difficult.  To push back in scenarios where work is impeding your personal life or standing firm in a decision to go down one path instead of another (more popular, better supported) path can be anguishing. 

The first paradigm around No that I learned was from coach and author Christine Kane in what she originally referred to as the Proactive No and, has since changed it to, the Natural No.  I can see now that they have some of the same principles although Ury’s has a lot more detail. Kane’s structure is really more a combination of Ury’s Step 1 and Step 2 and leaves out Step 3 which I can see is very imporant.

Here are the 3 steps to the Positive No:

Express your Yes. As Ury writes, “Perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against – the other’s demand or behavior.  A Positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite and base our No on what we are for.  Root your No in a deeper Yes – a Yes to your core interests and to what truly matters.” So, I have to think about what my core belief is or my why.  If my boss wants me to work this Saturday, my Yes is quality time with my family.  My Yes is spending dinners with my family.  My Yes is getting 8 hours of sleep.  My Yes is focusing on plant-based foods.  I have to figure out my underlying Yes before saying No which takes thought.  Leading with Yes is a much more positive, respectful approach.  Kane’s framework involves preset boundaries and expressing them like “Sunday nights are for family” or “I only work with 10 clients at a time.” Being very clear with your boundaries or what you say Yes to. It’s not about stopping someone in their tracks, it’s shedding light on another aspect of your work or life that perhaps the other person is not aware of. It takes preparation and thought but start with your Yes. And it gives the other person a chance to understand you better.

Assert your No. Ury posits, “Saying No is essential to life.  Every living cell has a membrane that allows certain needed nutrients to pass through and repels others.  Every living organism needs such boundaries to protect itself.  To survive and thrive, every human being and every organization needs to be able to say No to anything that threatens their safety, dignity and integrity.” He says that No is quiet, deep and firm. He also suggests having a Plan B which is a backup plan but is not dependent on the other person. He also recommends answering three questions before saying No, “Do I have the interest in saying No? Do I have the power?  Do I have the right?” It’s important to focus on yourself and not to sweeten it up to be more receptive by the receiver. I’ve waffled many times in the past on my No.  No is not a negotiation, it’s a statement.  Controlling the other’s person’s reaction is not up to you.  You can always empathize with how they feel like “I can see this caught your off guard” or “I understand you are upset with this”.   Just don’t sympathize or feel their pain, just understand their pain. In Kane’s Proactive No, the No is the main focus although the Yes is embedded in it by saying “I spend dinners with my family so I can’t attend this meeting.” It gives the why Yes and the No all in the same statement. It leaves off the next step which I think is the most important. 

Propose a Yes. Ury states, “Delivering a Positive No is the cure of the process, requiring skill and tact.  It begins with an affirmation (Yes!), proceeds to establish a limit (No) and ends with a proposal (Yes?). This gives the opportunity for a positive outcome. You’re closing one door and asking the other to walk through another door.”  Making a proposal shows respect and anticipates their needs. “Quality family time is important to me (Yes), I can’t work on the project this weekend (No), I propose I work late Monday and Tuesday to get it done (Yes?).”  It also gives the other person a chance to say yes.  Sometimes, the other person is angry or triggered. Sometimes, you can be upset or triggered.  Giving space to cool off and coming back to a proposal may be in order.  Sometimes, there’s not enough information and you can suggest a later time or to gather more information. You can also you If…Then proposals, “If I get project C done by noon, I can sit in on the interview.” I think the proposal aspect is the most freeing of the process because it’s not the cold hard No.  It’s a No with a possibility of a different Yes. It’s a great opportunity to test assumptions. 

I really think this framework is empowering because I typically would get caught up in being nice and not wanting to ruffle feathers so I would avoid saying no.  It’s also important to know that someone could get angry or defensive or sad but none of that is in your control.  What is important is making space to live your values and being able to set up boundaries.  How do you say No?

🤠Southwestern Oddities on My Travels

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I’ve been traveling for almost 4 weeks in my RV, Abeona, through West Texas, Southern New Mexico and Arizona during the Spring of 2024.  There are some oddities that you just don’t see in Durham, NC, where my home is. I am familiar with some of these things as I lived in Albuquerque in the early 90’s but I have been genuinely surprised by some of these phenomena and roadside attractions.

West Texas

Here are some of the oddities I found on the byways of the Southwest:

Hitchhiker warnings.  I can remember my brother Rick and me driving through Arizona back in the 90’s and there were several signs about not picking up hitchhikers because we were near a prison facility.  First of all, are there really that many prison breaks that meant they needed signs for this? Secondly, wouldn’t it be pretty obvious that they were escaped prisoners?  I can remember at the time of my road trip with my brother that we were low on gas.  We were worried that we would run out and, due to the signs, we wouldn’t get help.  This was pre-cell phone. These signs are still there in New Mexico and Arizona and they are miles from the nearest prison. 

Tumbleweeds.  I always thought tumbleweeds were a creation for Looney Tunes when I grew up in the suburbs of Northern Delaware.  But tumbleweeds are for real and are quite jolting when driving down an Interstate at 70 miles an hour. They move fast and steam roll across the road out of nowhere.  

Prada Store.  There is an art installation along Route 90 near Marfa TX that looks like a small Prada Store complete with handbags and some shoes. I had been driving for about 2 hours as I was leaving Big Bend National Park and suddenly see this small store on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.  I mean nowhere.  I’m thinking, who in the world would travel 3 hours to shop for Prada shoes? I didn’t know until later that it’s an art installation.  Crazy.

Giant Movie Roadside Tribute. Not far from the Prada Store in Marfa on Route 90 is a plywood tribute to the 1956 movie starring James Dean and Elizabeth Taylor.  There is a reproduction of the house James Dean, Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson behind the wheel of a big yellow car. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to stop and take pictures but, in an RV, it would have been too hard to turn around. 

Paisano Pete.  This is on a corner in Fort Stockton, TX.  It’s the second largest roadrunner in the world and stands 11 feet tall and has been there since the 1980’s.  At the time it was the largest roadrunner in the world until Las Cruces put in a larger roadrunner statute in 1993.  

Dust Storms.  If you have driven on Interstate 10 in southern New Mexico and Arizona, you are familiar with large yellow signs warning of “Dust Storms for the next 40 miles”.  They even have instructions on what to do (like don’t stay on the main roadway).  There was at least 200 miles of warnings of possible dust storms and I was there on a very windy day but luckily there were no storms as I was passing through.  The main upshot is that it’s windy and dusty and when they combine, it’s dangerous.

Ruidoso Bed Races.  There is an annual bed race in Ruidoso, NM.  This is a very small town in the hills of New Mexico between Alamogordo and Roswell.  I remember bed races when I was in college so seeing this annual event advertised in this tiny town in New Mexico brought back memories.

Deming Duck Races.  I immediately thought that this would be little yellow ducks which I have seen at charity events.  But no, in Deming, New Mexico, these are live ducks who race through the water to the finish line. In addition, there is a Tournament of Ducks Parade and a Duck Royalty pageant.  Random but looks like fun.

Some of these oddities are upward of hundreds of miles apart on the long, dusty roads of the southwest. It’s lonesome, dry and miles of long vacant high desert and hills.  It felt like an Easter Egg Hunt when I ran across some of these interesting oddities hundreds of miles outside of a large metropolitan city.

🥾Discovering Big Bend

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I have been to many National Parks in my lifetime between a cross country trip with my family at the age of 8, a cross country move in the mid 80’s and a few more trips out west when my kids were small. Big Bend at the very edge of Texas was never on my radar until about 8 years ago.  I had never even heard of this park until then when it was featured on CBS Sunday Morning, but once I knew that there was a National Park on the edge of the Rio Grande between the United States and Mexico, it went on the bucket list. 

Hiking Santa Elena Canyon

I traveled to Big Bend in my motorhome, Abeona (Goddess of the Outward Journey) in May of 2024. It’s a little under 2,000 miles from my home in Durham, NC. I found many wonderful discoveries in Big Bend and here are some of them:

It’s enormous. I had stayed in Fredericksburg the night before I arrived and took route 385 on the northern border of the park.  It turns out that this is the least traveled entrance, although during the summer, the park is not heavily visited due to the extreme heat. Driving down through the center of the park on 385, it took almost 45 minutes to get to the visitor center at Panther Junction.  I didn’t pass a single car on the way to the visitor center. I actually was a little nervous that maybe a road was out because there was so little traffic until I got to the visitor center.  Big Bend is the size of the state of Rhode Island.  Now it doesn’t compare in size to the various parks in Alaska, Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon but anything that’s the size of a state is big.  It’s not going to be easy to see in a day. I was glad that I had three days to explore.

It’s a desert. While there are many mountains and the Rio Grande within the park, the vast majority of the park is desert.  It’s a parched landscape with cactus, agave, and prickly pear. It’s located at the northern end of the Chihuahuan Desert, which is mostly located in Mexico. It only gets about 5 inches of rain a year.  So much like Death Valley, it’s very arid and water is a must on even the smallest adventures in the park.

It’s mountainous.  Big Bend is the only National Park that contains an entire mountain range within its borders.  The Chisos Mountains were formed by volcanoes 32-38 million years ago which is really evident when you see formations like the Mule Ears which jute out above a mountain top.  The largest peak is Emory Peak at 7,832 feet and there are three more peaks above 7,000 feet. Only 2% of the park is woodland and all of that woodland is in the mountains. With highs coming in at 106 degrees, I didn’t manage to take any mountain hikes but when I took the Ross Maxwell Scenic drive, it felt like there were five or more different mountain ranges. Around each bend of the drive there was another vista with imposing mountains.

It’s a river. I was able to get out early to hike the Santa Elena Canyon trail which is right along the Rio Grande in an imposing canyon.  Although the imposing part of the canyon is on the Mexican side of the river, its cliffs are upwards of 1,500 feet tall which is higher than the Empire State Building. I was disappointed that most of the river was nothing but mud flats at that section of the Rio Grande but even still, the views along the hike were terrific. 

There are animals.  I ended up spotting several Road Runners in my hikes and travels around the park.  They almost felt domesticated, but when you see one zip off on foot, it’s apparent that it’s a Road Runner. My dear friend, Janine, gave me this insight on Road Runners:


Roadrunners symbolize good luck, magic, courage, strength, speed, and
endurance. They are also considered medicine birds by the Hopi and other
Pueblo tribes, who believe they can ward off evil spirits. The X-shaped footprints of
roadrunners are sacred symbols to Pueblo tribes because they are thought to confuse
evil spirits by hiding the bird’s direction of travel.

I felt really blessed to have seen several on my visit to Big Bend.I also ran into a Coyote walking down a road in the early morning.  I spotted several Jack Rabbits bolting across the road. Perhaps it’s because the park is so empty in the summer months but I was surprised to see such elusive animals.

There is Mexico.  I knew that it was possible to go to Mexico and the tiny village of Boquillas Del Carmen.  There is a port of entry and immigration about a half mile from the Rio Grande on the edge of the park. There are two things you need to know; you must have a current passport and plenty of small bills in US currency.  The boat ride…er….row boat ride that is guided by a guy in the water and takes about 2 minutes is the beginning.  From there you can pay a guide to walk you to the village, drive you to the village, take a donkey or a horse to the village.  I elected a burro named Maria and my guide was Raul.  He led Maria and me into the tiny village, to the Mexican immigration trailer for a wrist band and then I had a breakfast of cheese enchiladas. It was amazing as I sat outside on a plastic chair in 95-degree temperatures taking in this sleepy town of 250 residents who completely depend on the tourist trade from the National Park. Raul relayed that everything came to a stop for 12 years after 9/11 and for 18 months during COVID. Once I was back across the Rio Grande it was just about 10 minutes to repatriate to the United States. 

There is so much to experience in this park and although I was glad it wasn’t crowded because of the extreme heat, I can image that I could have explored a lot more if it was cooler.  It’s just so dangerously hot, even in May, that I would love to go back in the winter. And I just might.

🫰🏻How to Conquer Email

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Since leaving my full-time job over three years ago, my use of email has dropped significantly.  As a professional coach, I think it is the biggest pain most of my clients are grappling with along with Slack or Team messaging. I recently read, A World without Email by Cal Newport and it’s a sobering eye-opening read.  As Newport wrote, “The modern knowledge worker is almost never more than a few minutes away from sending or receiving some sort of electronic communication. To say we check email too often is an understatement; the reality is that we’re using these tools constantly.” I find this was especially true in support roles like finance, human resources and IT.  To be responsive, we feel like we always have to be “on” and “on” is checking and responding to emails.

The amount of time spent on emails is staggering considering we didn’t even have this technology forty years ago.  As Abigail Hess wrote for Make It, “During the workday, respondents reported spending an average of 209 minutes checking their work email and 143 minutes checking their personal email, for a total of 352 minutes (about five hours and 52 minutes) each day.”  This was written in 2019, before the pandemic, when theoretically we might run into someone at the water cooler and be able to accomplish communication in a more satisfying, higher quality manner.  Way too much of our attention is captured by our inboxes.  

My 6 tips for conquering email:

Notifications.  Turn off any and all notifications.  When we hear a ping or see a visual notification that we have an email, our brain wants to go check.  After all, you may have hit the lottery or received some other windfall.  The likelihood of this is like .0001% but our brains want that hit of dopamine to see if maybe, just maybe there is an extra million or so dollars on the way.  I think of it as running out to your physical mailbox every 2 minutes.  I had to look on YouTube to figure out how to turn off notifications but it makes for an easier time to do deep high quality work.  Turn off notifications.

Phone or video chat.  Many of us are in a situation where we are not collocated with coworkers any more.  Email is devoid of all voice inflection and body language. In fact, people automatically view an email or text in a negative light due to our negativity bias. It is a poor and inefficient substitute for a conversation. If in-person communication isn’t possible, use the phone or video chat.  As Newport wrote, “Prioritization of abstract written communication over in-person communication disregarded the immensely complex and finely tuned social circuits that our species evolved to optimize our ability to work cooperatively. By embracing email, we inadvertently crippled the systems that make us so good at working together.” We are wired to talk and connect with others both visually and vocally.  Prioritize voice and visual connection.

Keep emails short.  I read recently that we should keep them to five sentences or less. I cannot tell you how many times my eyes would roll when I saw a multi-paragraph email and I would put off reading it for hours and sometimes days.  If it’s reference information, make it an attachment.  As Newport espoused, “Always keeping emails short is a simple rule, but the effects can be profound. Once you no longer think of email as a general-purpose tool for talking about anything at any time, its stranglehold on your attention will diminish.” Keep emails brief and to the point.

Subject lines.  Utilize subject lines so that at a glance, the receiver knows what it’s about and what, if any action, they need to take.  As Peter Diamandis wrote, “The subject needs to be unique and compelling—just like a headline on a news article, the subject should capture my attention, pique my interest, and make me want to open your email. The subject line should be meaningful: I should know what you want, based on the subject.” It might be:  Launch date for Widget Project – please confirm by this afternoon.  I remember sending emails to a coworker for proofing and putting the topic for the email and “please proof” at the end of the subject line.  Be discerning with your subject line.

Block time and set expectations. There are two ways to eliminate five plus hours on emailing.  One is to set times that you read and respond to emails like at 8 AM, 11 AM and 4 PM or setting up blocks for deep work like 10 to 11:30 and 2 to 3:30.  Either way, I’d suggest when you start this, please let those you work closely with know that you plan on spending chunks of the day not responding to email.  Have them pick up the phone if it’s urgent.  For time blocks to work, set expectations with those around you.

Don’t be a part of the problem.  Send less emails.  It’s wired into us that we must be cordial and respond quickly.  This goes back to being a part of a group of hunter gatherers.  Those that got along with the group were not shunned from the group.  We want to belong so we answer quickly.  We are wired to be responsive so that we can be connected to the group.  But email is not a conversation.  Try to connect in person, virtually or by phone.  Limit the emails you send out.

Newport refers to the state of our brains as the hyperactive hive mind.  We end up in a constant state of task and context switching which is stressful and not very gratifying.  Time to think and do deep quality work is what most of us are missing. Email is one of the causes of our distracted minds.  How do you conquer emails?