Author: Cathy Noice

Executive Coach, Author, Speaker and Facilitator. Achieve. Grow. Do. As a coach, I use a structured, self-directed approach that challenges clients to achieve sustainable results towards inspired self created goals. Using brain based tools and coaching, my clients achieve breakthroughs and, as one client put it, "the junk gets cleared out". I specialize in newly promoted or transferred leaders. My coaching specialties include: * Executive Coaching * Leadership Coaching * Career Strategy As an author, I put my extensive management, teaching, training and human resource background into making sense in the workplace.

🧐7 Things for Perfectionists to Focus On

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I see so many of my clients get wrapped up with perfection. I have been guilty of constantly striving for perfection myself. I have measured my ability to be happy based on whether or not: I’m the perfect weight, I have the perfect job or I own the perfect house. I’ll warn you right now, you will never, ever, get to THERE. You never arrive at perfection so quit putting off your happiness until you get THERE. THERE is mythical. No one ever gets THERE.

I won’t deny that there are peaks along the way; those moments we refer to as the milestones of life – falling in love, getting married, job promotions, graduations and births. But invariably we slide right back to our happiness set point within 6 months. Generally, hedonic adaptation involves a happiness “set point”, whereby humans generally maintain a constant level of happiness throughout their lives, despite events that occur in their environment. So whether it’s hitting the lottery or having a spinal cord injury, your level of happiness resets to the same pre-event level.

The key is to change your set point, boost it; change the landscape. I’ve been working on this for the last few years or so. It’s like setting your thermostat up one degree at a time. It’s a slow process but I think it is actually working.

Seeing this photo of the Leaning Tower of Pisa prompted this post. It took over 344 years to build the tower and it was already leaning when they put on the second story. So, even though it was less than perfect, they kept at it. It is a nice metaphor. Embrace the lean and keep going. Keep building; one stone at a time.

So if you are a perfectionist (and most of us are) here are the 7 things to embrace the lean:

1. Accept. Obviously, the town and builders of Pisa accepted the lean. In fact, they have said they would rather see the tower topple than fix the lean. There is peace in acceptance. Where are you leaning right now? I’m not at my ideal weight. I’m still paying for student loans from my Master’s degree and, apparently, I’m not getting any younger. This is all true but getting on the scale in the morning cannot be the barometer of how I will feel all day. A pound up or a pound down. Hmmm. Interesting. One more data point. It’s still going to be a great day. Accept what is.

2. Gratitude. I’ve been writing a gratitude journal for over ten years. Every evening I write in it before I go to sleep. Usually it’s anywhere from four to ten names of people that I am grateful for. I’m not sure why I focus on people who had an impact on me during the day, it may have to do with how involved I have been with people in my career. You can write anything you want whether it’s the blue sky, the much needed rain or the roof over your head. Counting your blessings helps you focus on what is right with your world. This has had a huge impact on me. It keeps my glass half full. Focus on what you are grateful for.

3. Beauty. Beauty is everywhere. In the middle of winter it’s easy to see the outside world as cold and barren; leafless trees and arctic winds can seem ugly. But it’s all in how you look at it. A bracing wind makes me feel every part of my body. Barren trees make the squirrels, deer and birds much more apparent and reliant on us. There is the beauty of being snuggled up in bed when the wind is howling outside whether it’s with a good book, on the phone with a good friend or sleep. There is a beauty of slowing down to some degree with the seasons. And there is the truth that the beauty of the tower is the lean. Seek out the lean and the hidden beauty.

4. Reflection. Reflect on what you have accomplished. Most of the reason that coaching is so effective is that you have an outside person ask you to take stock in what you have done. We spend so much of our time thinking about what we haven’t done. Instead we need to think about all that we have done. I walked today, I made dinner, I worked, I wrote, I spent time with my son, I finally sent that overdue email, I did laundry and so on. I have clients who put off our appointment because they feel like they didn’t get any action items done. When we end up meeting, even if they are resistant, they find out that they’ve done more than half their action items. They were just focusing on what they hadn’t done. Take time to reflect on what you have done and give yourself credit.

5. Reframe. Context is everything. Our perception of what we are achieving is completely in our own heads. We are the bellwether, not anyone else. Or we can be at the hands of “What will the public think or judge?” So, if you live in an expensive neighborhood, your Hyundai will never be good enough yet if you drive through a less expensive neighborhood, it might be the most coveted car on the block. I love a cartoon that was going around on Facebook that said “I wish I was as fat as when I thought I was fat”. Reframe and be OK with right now.

6. Optimalist. As written in an article by James Woodworth, ” Optimalists accept that life can be tough and painful at times. Their realism enables them to build resilience and the ability to cope with the difficulties life presents them.” This is the opposite of a perfectionist. Perfectionists are constantly disappointed by falling short as well as by every failure. They dwell on every shortcoming and they never push the envelope. Optimalists don’t fear what they might lose. They believe in the gain. The folks in Pisa didn’t worry about the tower tumbling down. Push the envelope and be an Optimalist.

7. Moment. Be in the moment. Be present. Perfectionists are constantly thinking about “what if” and are overly busy protecting their image and the “what ifs”. When you are doing this, you are missing what is in front of you. Enjoy what you’re looking at – how the sun hit that tree at just the right angle, or the taste of the coffee or the feel of the sheets. It’s your life; be there for it. Be here. Right now. Feel the chair. Feel your breath. Listen to the buzz of the room. This moment; right now.

Much like the folks of Pisa, this all takes patience. Nothing is accomplished overnight. Congratulate yourself with each small step. If you take a step back, so what, brush it off and know that you are on the right path. An imperfect path.

🧐You Can’t Push a Rope

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This has been my mantra for the last few years. My son insists on texting instead of calling. “Whelp, you can’t push a rope.” My coworker rarely makes a deadline. “Yep, you can’t push a rope.” You want your friend to sober up. “Hmmm. You can’t push a rope.” Pushing is frustrating. It’s trying to force reality. It’s trying to change someone or a reality that is not within your control. I do it all the time. I tell someone how great I feel since becoming sober. Or how my asthma and inflammation has receded since going sugar-free. I send reminders about the deadline to my team only to have the same culprit miss the deadline AGAIN. All this pushing is exhausting. I cannot force my will on anyone. I am only responsible for myself.

I read a post from Seth Godin this morning in which he wrote, “People don’t change (unless they want to). Humans are unique in their ability to willingly change. We can change our attitude, our appearance and our skillset. But only when we want to. The hard part, then, isn’t the changing it. It’s the wanting to.” And it’s not my personal wanting to change my child or coworker or ex that works. It’s their own personal decision. It’s their wanting. Not yours. Not mine. The only way to push is if they ask you to help them.

Here’s how to give up pushing the rope:

Relinquish control          

For the longest time, especially as a parent, I thought I had control. Like I was the puppet master. If I wanted my daughter to be a great volleyball player, or my son to attend my alma mater, I could make it happen. I could push and dictate and shove my wishes upon my children. I could impose my will. I can take the same stance with projects and deadlines I disagree with and lose sleep over not having the ability to reroute the course toward my way of thinking. I think that’s why I even started saying, “You can’t push a rope.” I was essentially acknowledging that I didn’t have control. I relinquish. I let go of the struggle of trying to rewrite the outcome. I think of the Carrie Underwood song, “Jesus, Take the Wheel.” Let what happens happen, let go of the rope and relinquish control.

Patience

I have always admired my father’s ability to be patient. I frankly try to channel his energy when I want something (out of my control) to change. I want an answer from the attorney, I want this fight behind me, I want the project to be done, I want everyone to turn in their work on time. I want. I want. I want. When I channel my father’s patience, I get calm. I slow down. I step out of the whirlwind of desire and wants. It’s uncomfortable but peaceful. Time will unfold and what is supposed to happen will happen. Perhaps someone else will pick up the rope when it’s time to pull instead.

Provide support

If I’ve learned anything from being sober, it’s to share my experience and let it lie. The teacher in me wanted to preach and dictate. “This is how you should do it.” I’ve learned that it’s better to start off by asking for permission: “Do you want some advice?” or “Do you want to know my experience?” If you just give out advice, neuroscience shows that it shuts your listener’s brain down. Think about that when you are trying to educate your child on the dangers of drugs or who they should be dating. By giving advice or dictating what they should or should not being doing, you are shutting down their brain. They won’t hear you. If your advice is asked for or permitted, start off with: “My experience with drugs, alcohol, dating, overdue projects, parenting, graduate school, cooking, marathons, dog ownership, divorce, home repairs, debt, finding a job, a difficult boss, waiting tables, owning a restaurant, riding a bike, driving a car, etc. is…” Provide support but ask for permission and tell your story. Try not and tell someone what will happen if they start drinking again or don’t pay off their credit cards or don’t take a job in plastics. We aren’t clairvoyant. Speak from your experience the last time you pushed a rope.

Actively listen

I have found in coaching that reflection on your own thoughts is one of the most powerful tools of coaching. Knowing that someone isn’t trying to sway, influence or manipulate you helps you feel safe and reflect on what you really want. This happens through active listening. If I’m trying to push a rope, I’m wrapped up in my own agenda. When I am actively listening, I am making a safe space for someone to reflect. I’m also not tied to the outcome or the agenda (see Relinquish Control). Perhaps your child, parent or coworker will ask you to pull the rope with them. It’s up to them. Listen to what they need and then decide what to do with the rope.

I think about the months and years that led up to my marriage falling apart. As I look back, I was pushing that rope so hard, I was tripping over it. I had no control over my husband and never did. What I realized in just a few weeks after the collapse was that I could control my own path, one step at a time. I let go of the rope and, after anguish, time and self-reflection, it’s never been better. Leave the rope behind.

☺️Decide on Happiness

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I have struggled over the last few years with finding happiness. I have strained, pushed, and worked on finally arriving at the railroad station, boarding the rail car called Happiness. Having taken this very circuitous route, I’ve come to realize: it’s not a destination; it’s not arriving or departing. It’s not being on standby. The thing is that it’s always been in me. It can be in me right now. I’m sitting at my desk listening to classical music with the dryer running in the background, a warm cup of tea and a woodpecker on the bird feeder. It’s a perfectly good moment to be happy right now. So long as I take notice of this moment right now, I can decide on happiness.

I recently read Michael Neill’s The Space Within. It’s a thought-provoking book about just letting things be. About giving up control and focusing on what is. To letting go of your thinking and worrying and just letting things be. I think this is about just deciding to be happy right now. Just let life work itself out and yet embrace happiness now. It doesn’t take a milestone like buying a house or the divorce to be final or for you to complete the marathon; be happy right now. The key is to decide. So go ahead and decide on happiness right now.

Here is how to decide on happiness:

Happiness is not the goal

This seems counterintuitive. If you view happiness as the goal, you never find it.  There is always one more hurdle to jump over. One more thing to check off the list.  You never seem to arrive. I have the new car but I won’t be happy until it’s paid off.  Once the car is paid off, then I’ll need to get new tires. Once I get new tires, then the brakes will need replacing. There is always one more thing before happiness is ours, right? The finish line keeps getting extended. We never achieve satisfaction. We never ever arrive. Quit focusing on happiness being the goal.

Happiness is not dependent on others

I can remember thinking as a kid that I would be happy when I found the love of my life or when I had children. Basing your happiness on someone outside of yourself will lead to disappointment. It all starts with you. When it’s dependent upon others, others disappoint. They let you down and then your happiness evaporates. When you can find it in yourself, there is no disappointment. There is only your mindset. If my dog wants to snuggle next to me or not. If my lover tells me they love me or not. If my child gets the job, or graduates from college or not. Happiness is within me and is self-created.

Happiness is not about getting what you want

As Neill writes, “The secret to happiness is simply this…your happiness does NOT depend on getting what you want.” This means that similar to The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy always had home in her heart. She just needed to tap into it. Happiness is within you right now. You don’t need to get the next thing: The new car, house, jacket or coffee maker. Happiness does not exist in the striving for what you want but rather in you right now. Let go of the wishlist and be happy right now.

Happiness is not in the doing

Neill writes, “If you are doing things in order to be happy…you’re doing them in the wrong order.” For me this means to be happy while doing. It starts with the mindset of being happy right now. Start with being happy. Start between the ears. Doing will follow. Just start with a smile on your face and bliss between the ears. Neill suggests looking for the space between words. It’s difficult to look for the space between words when you start looking for it. It’s in the space. That pause. That moment where the infinite is. For me that is being present. Not multitasking. Not looking at your phone. Just be.

Happiness is not a short cut

Neill espouses, “By taking the time to live life in the slow lane, we quickly experience a deeper, more profound experience of contentment.” I opted for a walking meeting with a coworker of mine. The meeting took at least 30 minutes longer than I had expected. The thing is, I connected with the coworker and found out about some recent health issues she was having. I only had thirty minutes on my schedule but the walk and the conversation led to places I didn’t expect or anticipate. It’s letting go of control and letting the path unfold as it needs to. No need to rush, take short cuts or push through. Take the long way, the slow lane and don’t miss a thing.

I wrote myself a note in the Silence Course I took over a year ago. The first item on the note was to smile more. Several people at the course had told me what a beautiful smile I had and how it lit up my face. We all have beautiful smiles. We all need to smile more often. Don’t wait to smile or be happy. Be happy right now. Smile right now. It’s infectious. Are you happy right now?

📻Shut Down Station KFKD

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“Out of the right speaker in your inner ear will come the endless stream of self-aggrandizement, the recitation of one’s specialness, of how much more open, and gifted and brilliant and knowing and misunderstood and humble one is.

Out of the left speaker will be the rap songs of self-loathing, the lists of all the things one doesn’t do well, of all the mistakes one has made today and over an entire lifetime, the doubt, the assertion that everything one touches turns to s#it, that one doesn’t do relationships well, that one is in every way a fraud, incapable of selfless love, that one has no talent or insight, and on and on and on.”

This is Anne Lamott’s metaphor from her brilliant book on writing called Bird by Bird. Radio station Kf**ked is basically in constant stereo in your head.

This is not just for writers. This is for any project you might have standing in front of you. From the closet stuffed to the gills with unwearable clothing, the enormous realignment project at work, and that trip to Patagonia you haven’t really planned out yet. To get it done. Heck, to even get it started. It is imperative you shut down Station KFKD.

Here are some ideas:

Ritual.  When I write; when I start a project, I have a ritual. Actually, this is my daily ritual: write in my gratitude journal, affirmations, meditation, brain teasers and then learning a second language. I do this everyday without fail. I won’t start anything until I have finished my daily ritual. I do this everyday even if I am not writing or working on a project. It sets me up for success. It’s like putting on a cozy robe and soft slippers. It’s familiar. I feel warm, relaxed, and ready to launch. You don’t need this ritual, but it’s nice to have a ritual so the loose ends are tied up before starting your best new work.

Frog.  Eat That Frog. This is a book by Brian Tracy. He espouses that you should start your day with the biggest gnarliest item. So eat that frog. Write that post you have delayed for the last few days. Sign into that online platform you are not familiar with. Buy the damn plane tickets to Patagonia. Clear out the floor of your closet. When you get that frog; that hurdle out of the way early in your day, the rest of the day is downhill. It’s time to coast because you already ate the frog. The rest of the day is nothing but cherries and whip cream.

Flow.  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi asks, “What makes a life worth living?” Noting that money cannot make us happy, he looks to those who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction in activities that bring about a state of “flow.” Flow happens when you shut down Station KFKD and tap into your creative flow. You aren’t worried about impressing your boss or what that critic will say. It’s all about letting the words, art or lyrics spill out. It’s like opening the dam. Let it spill out without any regulation. Getting into flow shuts out KFKD.

Breathe.  No duh, Cathy, we all have to breathe. The issue is that we frequently don’t pay attention to our bodies. Breathing brings us back into our bodies, out of our heads, and far away from station KFKD. How is your big toe right now? Can you feel the breath through your nostrils? Are you present? It sounds counter intuitive to get back into your body and out of your head when you want to produce your best work. The problem is that your mind is full of land mines and illusions. Listen to your body and breathe.

Wandering.  Thoughts may wander off. You may start thinking about what lunch will be and when you need to head out for that appointment later. Gently. Ever so gently, bring it back to the work at hand. No need to scold or beat yourself up. Sometimes wandering brings you to a wonderful place and magical ideas. Going off the trail can take you places you never thought of going. Embrace the wandering.

I write first thing in the morning for the most part. I feel at my best. I am a lark. I got up this morning at 4 AM and started writing at 6 AM. This may not be for you. I have found my zone for keeping Station KFKD turned down. When do you do your best work?

☺️4 Steps to Super Communication

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I listened to Charles Duhigg’s book, Super Communicators, while on my 10,000-mile cross country sojourn.  It was a very insightful book with surefire ways to be a better communicator. As many clients come to me trying to improve their communication it was reassuring that some of my ideas align with what Duhigg espouses in his book. I find that female clients in particular think, for example, that asking a question is a weakness.  This is, in fact, quite incorrect.  Being curious, listening well, and remaining open are the keys to super communication as well as knowing what you want to get out of the conversation.

Here are Duhigg’s steps to super communication:

Know the intent of the conversation.  This, for me, was the most difficult concept to grasp. Duhigg writes, “the right conversation, at the right moment, can change everything.” I think of conversations as exchanging information but it really does fall into three different categories.  The first type is a Practical Conversation.  This is pretty straightforward.  It’s about making plans (can you pick up the groceries?), solving problems (I need advice about my boss), or figuring things out (if Tom does the spreadsheet will Susie have time to get the PowerPoint done?).  I tend to think that all conversations are this as a one size fits all. It’s not. The second type is an Emotional Conversation. People in this type of conversation are seeking empathy, not advice (unless asked). This is where reflective listening is important and holding back on advice.  There have been a multitude of times in my life where all I wanted was for someone to listen and understand my frustration or excitement or anger rather than jumping to solve the problem.  The third type is a Social Conversation.  This is about how we relate to each other and to society.  Everyone has a unique perspective and wants to be heard and included. These discussions reflect “how we see others and how other people see us,” says Duhigg. What’s important here is to find common ground rather than paint broad strokes like stereo typing or looking for differences.  Duhigg summarizes it perfectly with, “Do you need to be hugged, helped or heard?’

Prove you are listening.  Duhigg calls this looping. As he wrote, “It’s a fairly simple technique—prove you are listening by asking the speaker questions, reflecting back what you just heard, and then seeking confirmation you understand—but studies show it is the single most effective technique for proving to someone that we want to hear them. It’s a formula sometimes called looping for understanding. The goal is not to repeat what someone has said verbatim, but rather to distill the other person’s thoughts in your own words, prove you are working hard to understand and see their perspective—and then repeat the process, again and again, until everyone is satisfied.” So, it’s not regurgitating everything they said but paraphrasing to make sure you understand. And, it’s fine to adapt as the speaker corrects your interpretation. I personally like to use someone’s language if I find it to be unique or a surprising metaphor or expression. So, think about proving that you are listening.

Ask a lot of questions. I remember my father as a child as we sat around the family table eating dinner, he always asked lots of probing and interesting questions. I think that sometimes we think that asking a question proves that we are ignorant when in reality it’s about clarity and curiosity. Being curious and inquisitive is what you should bring to the next board meeting. I have an issue with using a lot of Why questions because it can put people on the defensive.  Think “Why are you late? Why are we over budget? Why do you like him?”  There are other ways to say Why like “How did it happen that you were late? What brought you to this decision? What do you like about her?”  It’s less inquisition and more curiosity and openness. Duhigg has found in his research that highly effective communicators tend to ask 10 to 20 times as many questions as everyone else. Bring your curiosity and ask questions.

Seek understanding. This is part of Stephen Covey’s maxim “Listen to understand”. It’s not about responding or convincing or impressing.  It’s about sitting with the discomfort or holding space for the emotion. Not gliding past with a platitude or discounting how they are feeling.  It can be sharing a story about your similar experience with what they are going through. As Duhigg espouses, “This creates an atmosphere of trust, vulnerability and openness that both parties can benefit from. It says, “if you know I want to understand you, you’re going to want to understand me.” Seek understanding.

There are logistics with this as well.  I think privacy can be an important aspect to these conversations.  I think the complexion of a conversation can change dramatically depending on where and when it takes place. I’ve been working on figuring out the intent of the conversation.  What will you work on?

🚎A Solo 10,000 Mile Sojourn

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I’ve just completed a solo 10,000-mile sojourn through North America in my RV, Abeona. It’s been quite the adventure and while this was some fanciful dream just 4 months ago, I’m amazed that I actually completed it without any major snafus and that I learned so much about myself and Abeona on the journey. I visited 22 states from the deep south to the southwest, up central California to the Pacific Northwest.  I took a ferry from Bellingham, WA to Skagway, Alaska, drove through the Yukon Territory on the Alaska Highway and back down through British Columbia and Alberta, Canada with an incredible 5 days in Jasper National Park just days before the fire. I went to three countries, the US, Canada and a 90-minute trip to Las Boquillas, Mexico by crossing the Rio Grande in a row boat followed by riding a burro into the village. I’m happy to report that I can still speak Spanish relatively well.

Myself, daughter Natalie and son -in-law Kevin hiking in the Sammamish River Park

While I was planning the trip, I had a certain cadence to each week.  I worked Tuesday through Thursday and would need to have WIFI and electricity since my air conditioning only works on “shore power”.  I would find my campsites on an app/website called RV Life which shows reviews, the amenities available and the strength of the WIFI connection based on the carrier.  I had each site reserved in advance and the app would show me the route and approximate time and miles between each spot.  This was invaluable and outside of one or two changes in campsites due to visits with friends, I stuck to the route as planned. Spots that were a must see such as Big Bend National Park and Joshua Tree National Park were all planned out so I knew how much time it would take to visit each spot.  I did some detours to visit a few spots when I realized how close they were like White Sands NP, Guadalupe NP and Carlsbad Caverns NP. In all I went to 11 National Parks and 2 Canadian National Parks.  Many I had visited before but the stand out new parks were Joshua Tree NP and Theodore Roosevelt NP (where two bison were crossing the road and right by Abeona!). My favorite revisited parks were a hike with my brother Rick to Olympic NP with marmots, deer, wildflowers and snowcapped peaks, the stunning Crater Lake NP and the incredible Jasper NP and Banff NP in Canada.  

I went to several state parks including Catalina SP in Tucson, Smith Rock SP in Oregon, Big Basin SP in California with my oldest brother Dave.  Many adventures were completely unplanned and were some “might as well” sort of opportunities. I went on a glider plane ride in Tehachapi, CA because I was camped next to the runway for my workweek and decided I would be mad at myself if I didn’t give it a try.  It was terrific and completely an analog as in nothing electronic which surprised me.  Not even a radio between the guide plane and the glider. I saw signs for Shasta Caverns and decided to sign up for a tour which included a boat ride and hike through the caverns. The best adventure by far was taking a helicopter ride to the Meade glacier near Skagway AK.  I signed up to walk on the glacier but the helicopter ride was terrific through the mountains and glaciers surrounding Skagway.  I was fortunate to sit in the front seat of the helicopter and I felt like a photographer for National Geographic gliding above the glacier lakes and waterfalls. 

Abeona handled like a champ on scary drives like the always windy Tehachapi pass, the 11 percent grade on the Klondike Highway out of Skagway and the countless gravel roads and unmarked portions of the Alaska Highway.  I accidentally backed into a large boulder in Catalina SP which dented my sewer system. I was so fortunate that there was a remote RV repair guy in Joshua Tree that repaired it in 112-degree weather.  I had a leak in my main water inlet but my brother Dave and a call to Leisure Travel Van (the manufacturer of my RV) helped me do a fix until I got home. I also learned to manually shift coming down the dreaded Tehachapi pass, I finally figured out my tire sensors after some help from a Facebook group for Leisure Travel Vans. The only other issue was a hitchhiking mouse I picked up in the Yukon but fell victim to a trap I set months before. I learned that tire places are perfectly happy to check and fill your tires for free (thank you Les Schwab!). 

I had the opportunity to see many friends and family along the way.  I have a dear friend Tammi and her husband Larry who took me to Saguaro NP and some fantastic Mexican food in Tucson. I visited an old coworker, Jeanne at my previous employer in Scottsdale and an old elementary school friend, Michael, in Mountain View. My brother, Dave, drove me to the Redwood Groves in the Bay Area and he and his wife, Judy, hosted me for several days in Palo Alto where I was able to see my nieces and my great nieces and great nephew. I met up with my daughter and her husband along with friend, James, in Portland for incomparable vegan food. The big celebration for my mother’s 90th birthday was a relaxed trip down memory lane and some great time spent with the entire family. I met with another elementary school chum, Jim, in Fernie, BC where we took an exciting drive up a mountain in his indestructible car (Abeona would not have survived). I was able to visit my dear old friend, Johno, from my NYC days in the mid 80’s. He has a lovely lakeside house with his husband, Jim, in Indiana.  I got to see Johno do a back flip off a swim platform and I went tubing around “Lake Jimmy John” (first time I’ve done that in 20 years). I wrapped up my trip in Covington, VA visiting my Aunt Karen, her children, Craig and Kristin and her husband, Angelo, for a lovely meal in Lewisburg, WV.

I cannot tell you how many times I talked to Abeona and thanked her for being such a bad ass for getting me on and off the ferry, and for the air conditioning working for the massive back up I experienced out of Phoenix where it took two hours to go ten miles when it was 115 degrees.  There were countless evenings where the air conditioner was on all night and it never quit! There were also the tight squeezes through road signs in Palm Springs, the pouring rain near Rusk TX, and windy roads of the Olympic Peninsula. Abeona never faltered. 

My wanderlust is definitely a gene imparted from my father and so is my hesitancy towards heights. I left my father’s ashes in places he had been to and other places where he wanted to travel and sometimes when I knew it was a view he would have loved. He said in his last few years of life that Peyto Lake was the most beautiful place on earth.  I was able to travel there on this trip and leave his ashes from the overlook.  I know he would be proud of me on this cross-country sojourn and I’m proud of myself for taking it on, doing it scared and always having Daddy riding shotgun.

🫶🏻Ode to Jasper

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I visited Jasper National Park and the town of Jasper from July 15th until July 19th of 2024.  It was the absolute highlight of my cross-country trip with my RV, Abeona. I traveled from South Western Texas to the Olympic Peninsula, then a ferry to Alaska and the road from Skagway to Jasper which was mostly on the Alaska Highway.  I had already traveled over 10,000 miles when I arrived in Hinton just outside Jasper National Park to camp. I usually work remotely Tuesday through Thursday and was expecting to when I realized that I didn’t have connectivity and, therefore, had to cancel all my calls for that week.  I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be working but I didn’t realize how fortuitous having four days to tour around and in Jasper National Park would be. Between the gorgeous weather, the visibility, the abundance of wildlife and 4 days all to myself to go where ever I wanted to was stupendous.

On Lake Maligne in Jasper National Park

This was not my first trip to Jasper but I didn’t realize that until I traveled southbound on the famous, scenic Icefield Highway.  The Columbia Icefields are actually in Jasper National Park because it butts up against Banff National Park to the south, I had assumed that I had only been to Banff.  Now I realize, because of the cross-country trailer trip with my family when I was 8 years old that we had gone to the Columbia Icefields, so this was my second trip here although some 50 plus years apart. 

I went into the town of Jasper which is an adorable, vacation town with coffee shops, bakeries, gift shops, all manner of tour options including rafting, snowshoeing, scenic flights, bus tours, restaurants and some 20 different hotels. The downtown is about three blocks wide and ten blocks long.  It’s easy to park and walk around. There are hanging flower pots from the light posts, totem poles, there are small parks and benches.  There is a train station in the center of town.  It’s quaint, understated, easily assessable and it’s obvious that people live there year-round and they love the place. 

My first adventure was up the Jasper Sky tram.  This is a tram up the side of the Whistlers.  There is a hiking trail at the top and the most magnificent views of all the various mountains within the Canadian Rockies but most impressively I could see the top of Mount Robson which is the highest peak in the Canadian Rockies.  Apparently, the mountain top is only visible about 10 days out of the year. 

The next day I took a tour of Maligne Canyon and Lake Maligne. There were corkscrew waterfalls down deep crevices, nesting eaglets above Medicine Lake with marmots frolicking below. Maligne Lake is an absolute mesmerizing place.  We took an hour boat ride to see Spirit Island with the “Hall of the Gods” which are the mountains as a backdrop.  It was almost a cloudless day and the beauty that surrounded us was breathtaking. We heard a loon wailing in the background and a small deer swimming across the middle of the turquoise-colored lake. It was magical.

My last tour was driving to the town of McBride past Mount Robson Provincial Park and yet another cloudless day to see the top of Mount Robson.  We took the train back from McBride which was a lovely relaxed pace to see the mountains and lakes pass by. I had to leave the next day and made my way down the Icefield Parkway and the incomprehensible string of endless jagged snowcapped mountains, mighty waterfalls and turquoise lakes that are the centerpiece of Jasper and Banff. I managed to see Peyto Lake which is what my father believed to be the most beautiful place on earth, considering all his travels in his life, it’s high praise and, outside of Spirit Island on Lake Maligne, I would have to agree.

Some 48 hours after I left Jasper and Banff, a lightning storm caused a fire that, as I write this in early August, is still not under control.  30% of the buildings in the town of Jasper were destroyed, the entire National Park and all of the residents and visitors were evacuated. It sits empty and the heartbreaking pictures of the bighorn sheep and elk roaming through the downtown streets looking for food and refuge in burned out buildings is devastating. All the tour guides and waitstaff and service folks and families that depend on them, all transplanted to who knows where. I feel like I stole a masterpiece and somehow, it’s misplaced until, ten or twenty or thirty years from now, it’s back to its original beauty.  The beauty I got to experience and now I’ve moved on to the next state and onward to home as all those truly lovely people and animals have to rebuild or move on from what is the “Jewel of Canada”.  I pray for an end to the fire and safety and health to all those affected. 

🧭Southbound on the Alaska Highway

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The Alaska Highway (or Alcan: Alaska Canada Highway) runs 1,387 miles from Dawson Creek BC to Delta Junction AK.  On my trip from North Carolina to Alaska and back, I took a ferry from Bellingham, WA to Skagway, AK.  I decided on Skagway as my final port on the Alaska Marine Highway (the ferry system) because there was a road that connected to the Alaska Highway. That meant I could return down to mainland United States via the roads.  This part of my trip was by far what I was most apprehensive about before departing Durham, NC. Going solo in a 25-foot RV on some of the most remote roads in North America without a copilot, a spare tire or cell coverage is intimidating. In fact, I got about 3 hours sleep before ascending the Klondike Highway which originates in Skagway and travels up 15 miles with an 11% grade to White Pass. I was so fortunate on the morning when I departed Skagway because it was calm and foggy.  Wind, a high-profile vehicle and shear drop offs are not a good mix for me, so being shrouded in fog and stillness was actually a good thing; out of sight, out of mind.  I hooked up with the Alaska Highway in the tiny town of Carcross originally called Caribou Crossing (population 301).

Part of the Alaska Highway in the Yukon

This is what I found after traveling 855 miles on the Alaska Highway:

Wildlife. The minute I got on the Alaska Highway out of Carcross YT, I saw a moose on the side of the road.  I have waited my whole life to see a live moose (including several trips to Maine) and I was taken aback by the size of her eating along the side of the road. Just outside of Watson Lake YT, there was an entire herd of bison on both sides of the highway.  I would guess upwards of 40 bison eating along the side of the road. I saw a fox, bighorn sheep and caribou as well.  In fact, if you drive the Alaska Highway, I challenge you NOT to see wildlife. I was on high alert for most of the drive because they mark the areas where there may be wildlife present. 

Highway. I would loosely call this a highway.  There was never a section of divided, fully marked, four lane immaculately paved road.  There were sections for upwards of a mile or two where the entire width of the road was gravel due to construction.  I would bet that, especially the roadway in the Yukon (the entire population for the territory is 40,000!) and northern British Columbia, that 40% of the road was unmarked; So, passing vehicles in the opposite direction is a game of trust. I would guess that it’s about 50% trucks and 45% Recreational Vehicles on the road with motorcycles, SUVs or even a brave bicyclist for the last 5%. There were almost always ample gravel shoulders but who wants to drive 55 miles an hour on a gravel shoulder. It’s not like there was much traffic, especially in the Yukon. Canada uses completely different road signs to indicate rough road, wildlife ahead and so on. The funniest one is of a metal bridge which shows the person being rattled. There are also random box trucks left to decay but have an advertisement plastered on its side.  The highways are a unique experience. 

Services.  If I saw a gas station, I filled up.  Sometimes the road would have a warning that there weren’t services for the next 133 KM, sometimes not.  If I saw a gas pump and I still had 3/4 of a tank of gas, I still filled up. When you might see only a handful of vehicles while driving all day, the last thing I wanted was to run out of gas. I saw maybe 4 businesses (i.e. restaurants, gas stations and lodges) that were actually open between Carcross and Watson Lake. I assume that COVID wiped out a lot of the businesses up here but I ended up eating in my RV for the first two days on the Alaska Highway.  I can’t imagine not having at least a tent on this trip as I only saw a handful of lodges on the entire route. There were several businesses that hung a “closed” sign out front and most were dilapidated. I kept thinking, thank god I wasn’t depending on that place to be open.

Metric. Being fully versed in the metric system before driving the Alaska Highway would have been very helpful.  Sure, I’ve been to Europe but I have never driven in Europe.  All the signs are in kilometers which I basically just divided by two even though that is not accurate.  I was fortunate that my speedometer has metric although it’s small print.  The km per hour were constantly changing depending on the condition of the road. In addition, and probably the most startling is when a bridge would put that limit of weight in grams.  I had no idea how many grams my 11,000-pound RV was but I had to assume that the gas tanker I passed an hour ago must have gone on the same bridge.  I was definitely doing it scared. And then there were the gas stations.  I can tell you have absolutely no ideas how much gas I purchased and if I paid $2.00 a gallon or $100 a gallon.  Between liters and the Canadian dollar and the fact that the price was irrelevant if it was the only station for the next 150 miles. The metric system had me flummoxed. 

Views. I was amazed by the sheer beauty that was around each corner.  I was very fortunate that the weather was great on the four days I was traveling on the Alcan. Whether it was glacier lakes, meandering wild rivers, wildlife, miles of aspen and pine trees or the stunning views of long-lost mountains, each turn was a gift. Some rivers were bright turquoise and some were black, some groves of tress were decimated by fires and some were deep green and endless.  It’s a fascinating journey that a good portion of the world never gets to experience. I would think about pulling off on a random side road but since they were all narrow and gravel, I demurred.  The last thing I wanted to do was end up on a dead end and unable to turn around. I think of all the pictures I wanted to take but sometimes I just needed to experience regardless of whether I was able to document it.  

Dawson Creek is the end (or in most cases the beginning) of the Alaska Highway.  It’s definitely where I saw my first McDonalds in several weeks.  There are traffic lights, divided highway, neighborhoods, and the roadway is clearly marked.  All the things I take for granted back home. I am happy to report that my GPS worked for the entire route although I did have the Alcan bible, “Milepost” (a book with every highway and milepost detailed for Alaska and Western Canada). In retrospect, I’m glad I took on the journey with my RV, Abeona, because I’m so much more self-reliant.  I know that so long as I am prepared, calm and focused, I can accomplish almost anything. 

🛳️Traveling on the Ferry to Alaska

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I had no idea that you could take a ferry to Alaska until I started researching travel to Alaska.  It’s a remarkable way to travel and a great way for me to have my RV, Abeona, along for the ride for the road trip back home.  I had just finished a week in Sequim, Washington for my family’s celebration of my mother’s 90th birthday.  I had secured a ticket for the 3-day cruise from Bellingham, WA to Skagway, AK. My entire goal in going to Alaska was to visit my 50th state.  I had crossed off North Dakota, Nebraska and Iowa about 5 years ago so finishing this item on my bucket list was pressing. 

Bellingham Washington is a beautiful town on the water.  I really thought I would have had time to explore but my focus was making sure I was on that ferry. I was surprised that, even though I had arrived 2 hours before departure, almost 80% of the cars, trucks and trailers were already lined up before I arrived. I’m glad I didn’t cut it close by exploring Bellingham.

Coming in to Haines on the Kennicott Ferry

Loading the vehicles on the Kennicott ferry is like Tetris on steroids. There were 16 number lanes (I was in lane 14 and the only RV headed to Skagway).  I started to question my selection of Skagway since there were no other RV’s or trailers headed there.  Like, what’s the problem with Skagway? When I was told to head down to get loaded on the ferry, I was shocked by some of the vehicles being loaded in the opposite direction.  I figured out, when I got off in Skagway, that loading is more like a circle instead of other ferries I’ve traveled on where the first car in is the first car off. In addition, we loaded from the back of the ship in Bellingham but every other port, the vehicles go off on the side (crazy right?).  I can’t imagine the mastermind that figures out where all the vehicles go.  There were trucks with campers on the back, motorcycles, cars with trailers and some motorhomes larger than mine with tow vehicles.  The menagerie of vehicles was mind boggling.

Once on board, I took an elevator to the cabin floor which was two flights above the vehicle floor.  There the purser gave me a key to my berth.  This was a no frills, metal bunk bed with a 4-inch-thick mattress in a narrow soulless windowless room with a small chair and a sink.  Once I dropped my bag, I went up to the observation deck which is where there was seating, tables, a cafeteria, a movie theater and a playroom for small children. We all gathered at the front of the observation deck because it was a warm, sunny day and waited expectantly for the ferry to finally get underway.  We were about ten minutes late departing but once we left the dock it was a terrific view from Bellingham Bay and the Rosario Strait of the Olympic Mountains, Mount Baker and the Pacific Range above Vancouver. 

The ferry, Kennicott, travels via the inner passage.  It’s remarkable that a ship the size of Kennicott can manage traveling all the way to Skagway without being in the open ocean. One thing that messed me up for the first 36 hours on the ferry was that all the ships activities were on Alaska time.  My watch, my laptop, and my phone were all on Pacific Time as we traveled through British Columbia.  This caused me to be early and frustrated on car checks (times allocated to go down to your vehicle), movies and the cafeteria.  In addition, the ferry had no wifi.  This in retrospect was relaxing.  For the first 24 hours we were never close to any town or city so, no cell coverage.  So, time was spent looking out at the coastline and islands passing you by, reading or as many people did, doing puzzles.  I was amazed at how many 1000-piece puzzles I saw completed by various, changing groups and individuals.  

There was also something called mustering.  I had never heard this term before but there is a place, based on where your berth was, that you gather on the observation deck in case of emergency.  So, there are signs all over the boat on how to get to Muster A or B.  There are also some hearty souls who camped on the solarium deck.  These folks tape down their tents or brave the elements in a sleeping bag.  As you can imagine, it’s an eclectic group that takes the ferry to the various ports of Alaska on what is called the Alaska Marine Highway.  There were Alaskans returning home, comfort travelers like myself traveling in motor homes, folks on bicycles, motor cycles and some backpackers.  

There were several whale and bald eagle sightings.  Traversing the Wrangell Narrows a bit nerve racking.  This very narrow passage that cruise ships do NOT travel seemed about 50 feet wide.  As we arrived to travel the 22-mile passage, there was a spotter at the front of the boat for the entire length. It is from this passage that we arrived at the tiny town of Petersburg.  Without these ferries traveling this route, these isolated towns would not receive products from the outside world.  It was amazing to see how these tiny towns exist where, if you don’t have a boat or seaplane, you will be stuck.

As we arrived and departed at the various ports, Ketchican, Wrangell, Petersburg, Juneau, Haines and Skagway.  People would get on and off the boat.  So, when I finally arrived in Skagway, there were many vehicles getting off as well.  It also meant that when we were in the preceding ports, it would be about 45 minutes so I couldn’t afford to get off the ship to explore.  It was a terrific, interesting, journey where I met a friendly group of travelers. The last day was spent overwhelmed by the beauty of the snow and glacier capped mountains that encircle the inner passage.  Simply breathtaking. I highly recommend taking the journey via a ferry.

☺️Surprising Sequim

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Sequim, Washington is on the northern edge of the Olympic peninsula at the base of the Olympic Mountains and along the shores of the Dungeness River.  Its population is around 8,000. My brother, Rick, and my mother have lived in Sequim for about 5 years. I’ve visited several times since they moved here and each time I come back, I find even more surprises.  It’s in what is referred to as a “Rain Shadow” which is an area with significantly reduced rainfall.  Seattle just a few short hours away is known for its annual rainfall where rain jackets and boots are a must. Sequim only averages 16 inches a year. This is actually one of the reasons my brother and his girlfriend decided to move here 5 years ago.  There are more surprises here than just it’s lack of rain.

My brother Rick and me hiking up Hurricane Hill with the Olympic Mountains in the background

Here are some surprising things about Sequim:

Coffee.  Well of course there is coffee in Seattle but considering there are only 8,000 potential coffee drinkers in Sequim, there are an inordinate amount of coffee shops.  I stayed in both an Airbnb and an RV park in different areas of Sequim. I could have crawled to two or three coffee shops from each location.  When I did a search, there were 25 coffee shops…25!  I highly recommend both Hurricane Coffee and Essence Coffee Roasters.

Lavender.  I go for a walk every morning and, in Sequim in June, it’s an aromatic experience.  There are lavender plants along practically every street in downtown Sequim.  There seems to be several different varieties but some are especially fragrant. There is also the annual Lavender Festival which takes place in mid-July.  I know I passed at least 10 lavender farms while scooting around Sequim.  During the lavender festival this year, 19 farms will be open. In fact, my daughter, Natalie, and son in law, Kevin, had a magical wedding on a lavender farm called Purple Haze.  In addition to all the farms, there many gift shops that specialize in all things lavender.  So, you don’t need to go to Provence, just head over to Sequim.

Biking. Another one of the reasons my brother moved here was because it was a bike friendly town.  A few years ago, we rode electric bikes over to Railroad Bridge Park which is within the city limits of Sequim and is a lovely park with a bridge over the Dungeness River.   There is the Olympic Discovery Trail which is a 135 mile multi use trail from Fort Townsend to La Push (on the Pacific Ocean).  40 miles of the trail is paved and my brother explores a lot of the Olympic peninsula on his bike.  We also took a rail trail a few years ago along Crescent Lake which is about an hour west of Sequim.  Whether in town or out of town, there are bike trails.

Olympic National Park.  I think the first time I was in Olympic National Park I was on a cross country trailer trip with my family when I was 8 years old.  As an adult, I’ve been up to Hurricane Ridge in Olympic National Park which has a tremendous view of the Olympic Mountain Range including Mount Olympus, Obstruction Peak, Elk Mountain and Blue Mountain.  My brother took me on a hike up to Hurricane Hill (not to be confused with Hurricane Ridge).  It was a spectacular hike in late June with marine fog hiding the valleys below with a clear blue sky above and at least 15 snow covered peaks.  The wildflowers came out throughout the day as the sun rose as the deer and marmots rested in the various meadows.  If you hike one hike, head up to Hurricane Hill.  I felt like Julie Andrews in Sound of Music with the vast meadows and snowy peaks in the distance. 

Strait of Juan de Fuca. Sequim is only a few miles from the Strait of Juan de Fuca which is the waterway between Canada (specifically Victoria and Vancouver Island) and the United States.  From Hurricane Hill we could see Victoria across the water.  There are kayaking, paddle boarding, sailing and ferries that cross the straits on a daily basis. In the last few years, I have taken the ferry to Victoria for a vacation and went with my family on a day long whale watching boat with a stop at Friday Harbor. If you are headed to Sequim, there will be water.

Each time I visit Sequim I find new discoveries.  I’m sure that there are many more waiting for me when I return.  It’s a small town with a terrific location and many opportunities to explore.