Author: Cathy Noice

Executive Coach, Author, Speaker and Facilitator. Achieve. Grow. Do. As a coach, I use a structured, self-directed approach that challenges clients to achieve sustainable results towards inspired self created goals. Using brain based tools and coaching, my clients achieve breakthroughs and, as one client put it, "the junk gets cleared out". I specialize in newly promoted or transferred leaders. My coaching specialties include: * Executive Coaching * Leadership Coaching * Career Strategy As an author, I put my extensive management, teaching, training and human resource background into making sense in the workplace.

6 Ways to Boost How You Are Perceived

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

If you have ever worked in the customer service side of business, you soon realize that perception is reality.  My years in the restaurant and insurance industry have shown me that what the server or agent intended to convey is frequently not what was perceived by the customer.  Someone being rude is truly in the eyes of the beholder.  “Your rude” and “my rude” may be on two opposing ends of the spectrum; especially if I’m 70 and you are 18.  Or if I’m from Saudi Arabia and you are from Canada.  We are all walking around with our own frame of reference.

As a restaurant manager, I had to bring it to the attention of the teenaged server that even if she hadn’t slammed the plates on the table, the customer perceived that she had.  That crossing her arms and glaring at the customer could be perceived as rude.  Intended or not, it’s what the customer felt and noticed, from their point of view.

How many times has your child, coworker or spouse told you that, “So and so yelled at me”? Do your really think they yelled? I think of yelling as a raised voice;  like being at a football game and yelling, “Go Gators”.  I find that in normal everyday living (outside of sporting events)  most people don’t yell. When we are on the defensive, feel attacked or are being criticized, suddenly we are being yelled at. Our perception morphed.

Here are some steps to make sure you are keeping your perception in check:

1. Language. Check your body language.  Are your arms crossed? Scowl on your face? Hands on your hips?  Limp handshake? These can erode the authenticity of your message. Whether defensive or offensive your body is speaking for you.  Eye contact, slight smile and open arms and hands can generate trust.  Pay attention to what your body is saying.

2. Erasers.  When you use but, however and although while speaking with someone, you have erased the prior connection.  “I love your dress but those shoes are too big.” You have forced the recipient to think about the shoes and the dress compliment is lost.  “Nice job on the data analysis, however, it was two days late.”  Your assistant is now demoralized.  You are now being perceived as negative and insincere.  Watch your erasers.

3. Volume.  Keep tabs on the volume you are using when you speak.  This is an issue I struggle with.  I can come across as overbearing if I don’t keep it in check.  Men in particular need to be careful as deeper voices tend to carry regardless of the volume.  Mumbling can come across as having a lack of confidence or that you are hiding something.  Modulate and speak clearly.

4. Audible.  These are the noises that emanate that may be perceived but not the way you intended.  Huff.  Puff. Gasp.  Sigh.  Sometimes it can be involuntary.  Is it a sigh of exasperation or sigh of relief?  That is in the eye of the beholder.  You might want to check your audibles.

5. Fonts.  Every so often, I get an email message from someone in all caps.  Why is this person yelling at me?  Or I get an email with half the message bolded and underlined.  I’m pretty sure that the sender doesn’t realize (most of the time) how it appears to the recipient.  But I can tell you how I perceive it.  You are either yelling at me, talking down to me, don’t know the first thing about writing or you have zero typing skills.  Point being, there is no positive spin.  Watch your fonts.

6. Dress.  Think about how you dress.  A study from Gille and Mittag, showed that the more provocative you dress, the more observers will describe you as less intelligent.  If you have a big presentation, job interview or critical meeting, dress more conservatively and cover up your skin.  I’m not suggesting a burka, but a suit with long sleeves will have an impact on perception.  You will be perceived as more intelligent.  Boost your reputation.

What do you do to influence perception?

Getting Past the Fork in the Road

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Choosing which fork in the road can be excruciating.  About a year ago, my son is in the throes of choosing colleges to apply to.  There is an endless list of possibilities.  In today’s day and age, some kids apply to upwards of 20 schools.  How do you pare down the list?  How important is the engineering program?  Public or private? Close enough for Mom to drop by…or not? Too far and Dad won’t drop by and buy lunch once in a while.  Is their mascot a dancing tree, a tiger or an insect?  Are their teams worth painting his face for?   Do their dorms have air conditioning?  Can he even get in?

A colleague of mine quit her job last month.  Without notice.  Without a parachute.  Without telling her husband. She chose her fork in the road when she wasn’t even at the “fork”. Abruptly turned right…a sharp right.  She made a decision and she was relieved.  Empowered.  She bent the fork.fork-in-the-road-2-paths

The anticipation of making the decision can be far more painful than making the decision.  Ruminating through all the scenarios.  Sometimes it’s better to just deal with the aftermath rather than sweating over the “what ifs”.

Here are some suggestions about getting past the fork in the road:

1.  Deadline.  Make a hard deadline.  This is obvious in the college selection decision (you miss the deadline and it’s time for plan B).  Not so obvious if you are quitting your job, starting a business or purchasing a house.  So mark your calendar and hold fast to the deadline.  This will help move the process along.  If by year-end you still don’t like your boss or your commute (or even your significant other), move on.

2. Black Hole.  What is the worst-case scenario?  You are going to need to have a chat with your lizard brain.  What exactly are you afraid of?  If you quit your job, the world will not end.  If you leave your spouse, the sun will rise tomorrow.  If you start the new business, it might fail.  You can always work at Wal-Mart.  You can move to a cheaper living situation.  You can be alone.  Whew.  OK.  So now we can only go up from here.

3. Write.  Make a list of pros and cons with pencil and paper.  This process helps you focus.  Slowing down the thought process is important and improves the connections in your brain.  If you type out a list of pros and cons, it’s too rapid and uses both hands.  Writing with pencil and paper allows you to focus more and helps you be more deliberate and reflective.

4. Gut.  This was in a previous post. Be the Gut Whisperer.  Buried in your limbic brain is the right answer.  So over thinking can cause you to ignore your gut.  Do so at your own peril.  I remember when we bought the house I now live in.  My children came to see the house before we made an offer.  My ten-year-old daughter (at the time) loved it.  There were a ton of issues with the house (it had been flooded in Hurricane Floyd) but she knew when she looked at the view of the lake from her future bedroom window…this was the place.  We went with her gut and have never looked back.

5. Run.  Go for a jog.  Get the blood flowing.  As Dr. John Ratey recommends in his book Spark, regular exercise reduces stress, anxiety and increases the neuropath ways within the brain.  You learn better, are calmer and will make better decisions.  So if it’s time to finally decide on which car you are going to buy, go for a run.

6. Jump.  Hold your nose and jump on in.  Turn down the job.  Buy the car.  Get engaged.  Shut the doors to the restaurant.  Go to the Ivy League school.  Give it your all, what ever you choose.  This is not the time to vacillate.  Commit to the direction and go.

So what fork in the road are you dealing with?

7 Keys to Building New Habits and Taming Your Lizard Brain

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

Breaking habits is tough work.  Whether you want to quit smoking, stop procrastinating or get off the couch, it’s tough row to hoe.   Your amygdala is frequently referred to as your lizard brain and it’s standing in your way.  It’s the oldest part of your brain and where your fear lives.  When you get on a bike for the first time in ten, er, twenty years, your amygdala kicks in and remembers how to ride the bike.  It also brings along all the emotions that go with it.   I remember when I broke my arm at age 13 while riding my bike down Majestic Court with my friend Wendy.  It’s all there – one pedal at a time, balancing, the asphalt, the road rash, the trip to the ER, and the cast on my arm – one big sloppy sack of memory.  And my amygdala is happy to bring it up every time I think about riding a bike.

So every time you try to start a new habit like riding a bike, eating less, or working on projects first thing in the morning, your lizard brain wakes up and tries to put the kabosh on the new habit.  When you wake up the lizard brain, it sends out the fear signals.  Ride a bike? Don’t you remember going to the ER that time? Skip the Krispy Kremes at the breakfast meeting? But I always get a glazed cream filled donut at the finance meeting.  We are on auto pilot and our lizard is leading us down the path.

The good news is there are ways to unplug your auto pilot, tame your lizard and get on the road to renewal:

1. Meditate. Studies have shown that just 5 minutes of meditation a day can increase neuroplasticity and blood flow to your prefrontal cortex in just 8 weeks. This creates greater connections in the brain and improves brain function, especially your prefrontal cortex (where your best work is done!).   The best part is that it decreases the size your amygdala which lowers your stress level.  When your stress is lower, you make better decisions; like skipping the donut and riding the bike instead.

2. Lucky 7.  That is the sweet spot on sleep.  No more, no less.  For optimum cognitive function, you need 7 hours of sleep.  More than 8, and your brain function declines.  Less than 6 and a half and it declines as well.  For better concentration and control of your decision making, it’s best to get seven hours of sleep.  Have you ever had to have a conversation with a teenager after an all nighter?  Nuf said.  Get your lucky 7.

3. HRV.  You want to increase your Heart Rate Variability.  In the book, “The Willpower Instinct” by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, studies have shown that those with a higher HRV can handle anxiety and stress more easily.  They bounce back and get back on track easier.  It’s difficult to change your HRV but quitting smoking, eating a plant based diet, meditation and regular exercise are four proven ways to increase it.  Slow your breathing down to 4 to 6 breaths per minute.  If you can exhale slowly before facing a stressful situation, you will be more resilient.  Angry customer?  Slow your breathing.  Need to resist that cream filled donut?  Slow your breathing.  Take back control.

4. Alcohol.  Every time I started smoking again, I was in a bar.  Hmmm.  I wonder why?  Maybe it’s because alcohol was involved.  Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and, of course, lowers your self control.  So if you are working on a new set of habits and want to bolster your self control, put down the martini glass.

5. Exercise.  It just takes 15 minutes a day.  It can take any form you like: window shopping, gardening, walking, p90x, or yoga.  As Dr. McGonigal says all that’s required is that you are able to “answer no to the following two questions: 1. Are you sitting, standing still, or lying down? 2. Are you eating junk food while you do it?”.  Easy.

6. Plan.  Think and plan your habits.  Put your sneakers by the foot of your bed.  Don’t power up your PC until you’ve planned your day.  Schedule your meals for the day in advance.  When you’ve planned it out ahead of time, the new habit becomes a default. I guess I have to run this morning because my sneakers are waiting for me.

7. No.  All willpower starts and ends with No.  You will need to push away from the table, turn down the dessert, shut down your devices, and walk away from facebook.  Start with steps 1 through 6 and your prefrontal cortex will be there to support you when the going gets tough.

It’s also a good idea to take one small step at a time.  Start with the meditating and then build from there.  It takes time and patience to take control of your lizard.  Be the Lizard Tamer.

How have you tamed your lizard?

6 Tactics to Build Personal Responsibility. Hint: Charlie Sheen is Not a Good Role Model.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

I just finished “QBQ” by John G. Miller.  QBQ stands for the question behind the question.  The book is about personal accountability at work and at home.  The author raises some great insights and forces you to look at yourself a bit differently.  I can see now that there are folks in my life that are “blamers” and “finger pointers” and then there are those who “fall on the sword”.  I think about a man from my past, we’ll refer to him as “Charlie Sheen” to maintain anonymity (and at the off chance he might actually read a blog post on personal accountability). 

Any way, Charlie has never, in my recollection, ever viewed the world as something he worked upon (and on) but rather he was always on the losing end of what life threw at him. He wouldn’t get the promotion because Suzy stole/took it from him,  he was late  because of some old lady in a big Cadillac, his fourth marriage ended because “she” cheated on him. Personal accountability

Charlie is the antithesis of personal accountability. Always the victim. Never an apology.  Never owning up to a mistake.  Never a deep dive into the cause.  Never looking in the mirror.  John G. Miller has some great tips on how to look into the mirror and start with you.

Here is my take:

  1. Change.  It always starts with ourselves.  This is difficult for me to wrap my head around with a teenage son.  He has never been neat.  He rarely goes to bed before 2 AM.  He is in college some 3 states away and I, as much as I would like to change him, I cannot  What I can do is change the way I look at it.  To make my bed in the morning, to put the dishes away, to go to bed by 9:30 and to keep my desk clear.  I need to be the change (not him…although if  he’s reading this, it would be nice (-:).
  2. Ditch “Why”.  As Miller suggests stay focused on What or How.  Going to “Why does this always happen to me” makes you into a victim.  Think  – “What can I do to make this better?” or “How can I change the outcome here?”.  Take responsibility for the solution and go with it.  Turn off the “poor me” attitude and look for ways to “own it” instead.  Dump the “why”.
  3. Start with “I”.  Miller talks about a speech a leader of an organization gave that started off with “Personal accountability starts with YOU”.  Oops.  Wrong answer (not sure?  go back to number #1).  I need to make the change.  I can start a committee to do a deep dive into the widget defect problem.  I can turn my reports in early.  It all starts with “me”.
  4. Action.  Take a step.  I’ve been recuperating from surgery and have been extremely inactive for the last six weeks (doctor’s orders).  Well, I finally went for a walk yesterday.  I only walked a mile, but I took the first step.  No one can do that for you.  Even watching the Olympics next month will not help get me back in shape. [I wish]  Set up the meeting, make an appointment, sit down and write for 30 minutes, apply for that job.  Take action.
  5. Solver. Bring solutions and not problems.  Or at least, if you have a problem, if you take it to your boss, take a solution or two as well.  As a leader, when all someone does is bring problems to your attention without any solutions…it is exasperating.  Be the solution.
  6. Think.  The only way you can come up with new ideas is to think.  Reflect.  Take some time to observe the problem.  A recent client of mine called it “Being the Observer”.  Instead of having a knee jerk reaction, or get on the defensive, he gave himself the buffer of observing what was going on.  Thinking is the only way to build new neuropathways.  Hence new ideas.  Take some time to think.

These are just a few ideas on how to be more personally responsible.  I’d love to know what ideas you have. 

Leave a comment.  How do you take personal responsibility?

5 Strategies of Going With Your Gut (and Why You Should).

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator8 Comments

Hindsight is twenty twenty.  How many times have you said that? Why didn’t I…? I should have…? You know that you knew better, but you couldn’t put your finger on why you knew what you knew…but you knew it and you went the opposite direction.  And then you proceed to beat yourself up.  You needed to go with your gut.  But you ignored it.

Dr. Richard Restak has studied this and written about it in his book “The Naked Brain.”  Basically, the more you ponder, research, and weigh out your options, the less desirable the decision.  That is your rational brain at work.  On the other hand, your limbic brain, is your gut.  You can’t put your finger on why you don’t want to hire that guy, but your gut is telling you not to.  Listen to your limbic brain.

Going with your gut 2I’m sure you remember taking standardized tests in school.  Your teacher told you to go with your first impression – your gut.  When you start overthinking, you will likely make the wrong choice.  In fact, in studies on those who have lost use of their limbic brain (i.e. brain injury) and only have use of their rational brain, they cannot make a decision.  They are stuck in a rational loop of analysis paralysis.  They would never finish the test.

So how do you move from the rational loop to going with your gut?  Here are some suggestions:

1. Narrow. As in narrow your choices.  If you go to a grocery store and there are 15 choices of jams in a display versus 5 choices of jams, you are more likely to buy from the display with only 5 choices (Crazy huh? Tell me why there are 32 types of just one brand of toothpaste).  So if you are given the choice of 15, try and narrow your choices even if it might be somewhat arbitrary.  Like I’ll only look at red jams. This will help keep you out of analysis paralysis.

2. Authentic. If the choice is a hiring decision or choosing a client, you should look for whether what someone says matches their actions.  Frequently, it’s difficult to read if someone is being authentic or if they are really good at marketing themselves.  Studies have shown that people have micro facial expressions when they are covering something up. You are reading it subconsciously and aren’t sure why you don’t trust someone. If you can’t figure out what it is or give a concrete fact as to why you don’t want to hire them – go with you gut.  Listen to your subconscious because it’s reading the signs loud and clear.

3. Timer. Limit the time you spend on the choice or decision. If there is no reason why you have to delay the decision (like the college hasn’t accepted me or I don’t know if I got the funding), then set the timer. Limiting the window of time for you to weigh out the myriad of pros and cons will help you stay closer to your gut instead of letting the rational loop take over. If you are taking the SAT…you’re in luck, it’s a timed test! If you’re deciding on a new camera, give yourself 30 minutes to compare features, look at reviews, talk to your partner – then decide.

4. Irrational. Ignore the rational explanation. Crazy huh? Buried in your subconscious is all your life experiences, failures, and successes. Your brain is not going to be able to catalog and cross reference why you know that this guy is a bad hire, why those shoes are wrong for you, or why that bottle of Zinfandel is right.  I can remember, from my restaurant manager days, that when I was hiring a hostess, I gave him or her about 30 seconds to make a good impression. If there was an engaging smile and eye contact, it was a yes.  I went with my gut.

5. Heuristics. These are rules of thumb. It’s another way of limiting your choices. The world is overwhelming with the amount of information at our disposal…or rather immediate consumption and distraction. This does not mean you need to consume every piece of information available.  Use some rules of thumb.  I want a camera with the most megapixels for under $200. I’m looking for a forklift driver who is OSHA certified and has worked for a company with perishable products.  I’m looking for a training course that is on presentation skills, no more than two days long within a 5-hour drive for less that $1,500. It helps narrow the focus and limit the analysis as well.

For some of us, this is easy. We are comfortable going with our gut (for the record, I was always one of the first ones done when taking exams). Some of us struggle with giving up the analysis.  Start small.  Maybe the next time you get an ice cream cone, you narrow your choices to those with some kind of chocolate in it or only flavors that start with the letter R.   Go with your gut.

When did you listen to your gut?

6 Ways to Stay Focused. Keeping Mind Clutter in Check.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

Last week I wrote about physical clutter, this week it’s about interpersonal time suckers in your life.  The force of other people’s priorities into your life to distract you from your true passion.  Someone drops by your office just as you are hitting your stride on a project.  Your boss voluntolds you for a local board that you really aren’t interested in.  The school calls because (according to the rules) your daughter’s skirt is too short and you need to come to the rescue with a potato sack.

Most Human Resource professionals live in a constant state of interruption.  Meetings with Human Resource are rarely scheduled.  There is normally a fire smoldering (or raging out of control) before someone decides to drop by or pick up the phone – do you have a minute?  It’s rarely a minute.   It’s the nature of the beast. index

Someone else’s failure to plan, schedule or otherwise handle an issue can easily leak into your life and weigh you down.  If you want to stay on track to your best work, you need to work on keeping people from treading on you.  Don’t be a doormat. Here’s how:

1. No.  Set up some boundaries.  Let your family, friends, and colleagues know where your limit’s are. Business mentor Christine Kane calls this your “Proactive No”.  I’m not available from 9 until 10:30 AM.  I only work with charities that are aligned with my goal of helping disadvantaged children.  I’m always home on the Sunday to be with my family.  I set my schedule according to my son’s wrestling meets.  No television or phone calls during dinner.  I check email and voice mail on the hour. Draw a line in the sand.

2. Barriers.  Shut your door.  Put on some headphones.  Turn off your phone.  Mark out your space.  A colleague of mine used to put police tape across his cubicle when he had an important conference call.  In the book “18 Minutes” by Peter Bregman, the author has prescribed work hours in his home office and his children know that they may not interrupt for any reason.  If the door is shut – don’t interrupt Daddy.  Other barriers can be turning off all alerts for phone, email and text.  I have a little piece of post it note over the place on my monitor where the little envelope shows up when I have email.  Out of sight, out of mind.

3. Cue.  When someone comes in asking if you have a minute – give them a cue.  Mark out a time limit.  I’ve got fifteen minutes.  I have a conference call at 2.  I’m in the middle of a project but I can give you ten minutes.  Give them the parameters before they get started.  This will help them hit the highlights before heading down a long meandering tale of whoa.  If you find out this is bigger than you thought it would be, you might need to stop and quickly reschedule impending appointments.  Being up front will help soften transition back to your own priorities.

4. Delegate. Can someone else do this?  Don’t be the hero.  You do not need to be responsible for everything that comes across your desk or desk top.  I know.  It so much easier to just take care of it yourself.  Especially if you are impatient like me.  You’ve been doing that report for the last 3 years and it only takes you 30 minutes to complete. Training someone else will take at least an hour and they will probably make mistakes the first few times around.  Ugh.  Invest the time and, in the long run, it will pay off in additional hours to spend on what brings you joy in your life.

5. Gossip.  Hanging out at the water cooler isn’t the greatest use of your precious time.  Discussing the latest episode of “Modern Family” or who got kicked off of “Top Chef” is usually a procrastination technique.  Gossiping about Suzy’s new haircut or Joe’s constant lateness can damage your relationships in the long run.  Gee, if Cathy will talk about Joe that way…what is she saying about me behind my back.  More mind clutter.  Your prefontal cortex doesn’t need to be fed that stuff.  Keep the stage clean.

6. Select.  Being more selective about who you hang out with can improve your use of time.  Hanging out with Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy can suck the time and energy out of you.  Being around optimistic folks helps you stay of away from your lizard brain and fueling the flame of fear.  Surround yourself with some carefully selected Pollyanna’s and let them lift you up to your best.  This is advice that I have given my daughter frequently.  When she complains about a “friend” being consistently critical of her actions or associations, I ask – why are you hanging out with this person?  What value are they bringing?

Frequently it’s best to back away and seek out those who will help you stay clutter free.

What would you do?

6 Steps to Slaying the Clutter Monster

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

One of the biggest attention suckers is clutter – Physical clutter.  I’m sorry, all you pack rats out there; it’s time to purge.  A post in the unclutterer states that “scientists find physical clutter negatively affects your ability to focus & process information.” Basically, visual clutter grabs your attention so that you can’t focus on the process, decision or project at hand.  Might be time to clean up all those nick-knacks or piles of newspapers, huh?

I’m a chronic pillow straightener.  I can’t leave the house unless the pillows are in their place.  In fact, this causes both my dog and husband to deliberately knock pillows off the couch.  Because they know it will get under my skin.  I can hear my husband chuckling in the other room as I walk in and sigh from exasperation when I see the chaos.  Now I know why – they are messing with my visual cortex!  Lay off my visual cortex, will ya?  I want to get something done today.

Not my actual living room.
Not my actual living room.

I bet you know someone in your office that is a clutter monster.   You know, someone whose desk looks similar to Andy Rooney when he was on 60 minutes.  No wonder his pieces were only 5 minutes each week, his visual cortex was holding him hostage.  I’ve walked into a colleague’s office and, often wondered, “How do they get anything done in here?”  They don’t.  They are being held hostage by their clutter monster.

So how do you slay the clutter monster? Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Commit.  I know we’ve all watched at least one episode of “Hoarders”.  These poor people basically bury themselves in objects.  Even with therapy, most of them can’t commit to keeping clutter at bay.  You’re going to need to commit or there is no point in entering the ring to fight the monster.  Your best work, project or masterpiece is under that load of visual clutter and you are going to need to make up your mind that it needs to surface and the clutter has got to go.

2. Plan.  It can be overwhelming to decide to declutter your entire office or home in one day.  Make a plan and break it up into parts that can be accomplished in 15 or 30 minute chunks.  Such as: top two book shelves, bottom two book shelves, right bathroom cabinet, left bathroom cabinet, etc.  Then schedule it on your calendar.  Maybe every Saturday morning you work for 30 minutes or Mondays and Wednesdays at 5 PM for 15 minutes.  Plan it out.  It will help eliminate the overwhelming need to run out of the house screaming as well as procrastination.

3. Prepare.  You might want to agree to some rules  such as, if I haven’t worn it in the last year, two years, decade (scratch that…if you haven’t worn it in a decade, it’s out of style) then out it goes.  If your last paramour gave it to you, probably bad mojo;  let it go.  That’s a whole other kind of mind clutter.  Is it worth donating?  Is it trash? Is it worth saving?  I went through cookbooks not that long ago and those that were of sentimental value are in a box in the attic, otherwise, I’m either using them or they were donated.

4. Dig in.  Grab two garbage bags and get started.  How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.  It’s either a donation or trash.  If that blouse has a stain on it that you couldn’t get out – neither can Goodwill.  It’s trash.  If you wore those pants thirty pounds ago – someone at Goodwill can wear it now.  It’s a donation.  If you aren’t sure if you want to keep it, put it somewhere that would take some effort to get to.  A box under the bed, the basement, the attic, or your Mom’s house and give it three months.  If you haven’t thought about it, time to purge.

5. Containers.  You’re going to feel tempted to run out and go crazy at the Container Store before Step #1.  Don’t.  You’ve got to start untangling first before you can start organizing.  You won’t know what you need until you’ve started digging in.  Purchasing 50 – 20 gallon fluorescent pink tubs might seem like the right fix but once you’ve unpacked all your kitchenware, you figure out that the cupboard will work just fine.  Do you really need a coffee mug from your old bank in California?  Sometimes an old basket will find a new purpose.  And sometimes, one 20 gallon fluorescent pink tub will work just fine.

6. Rinse and Repeat.  Clutter monsters seem to grow back like kudzu along southern freeways.  Set up a reminder to go back through your office in six months.  On the second pass, you might finally get rid of that conference binder from 6 years ago on employment law. Might be time to refresh the pictures on the credenza (your son gave up soccer 5 years ago).  You still haven’t found a pair of shoes to wear with that dress – time for it to go.  As Christine Kane says “If it’s not an Absolute Yes, it’s a No”.  You’ll need to say No as you move forward to continue to keep the monster under control.

If you buy a new dress, pair of shoes, coffee mug or stapler, swap it in kind with an old dress, pair of shoes, coffee mug or stapler.  Starve your monster, your visual cortex will appreciate it.

What would you do?

7 Steps to Letting Go. Lessons From Having Surgery.

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 “Nothing to do. No where to go. Just be here now” – Stephen Cope

I had surgery on December 19th.  I did not anticipate the struggle that would ensue.  It turns out that I have a really hard time letting go.  I am an obsessive pillow straightener (and I have a dog who loves to push them off every chair), I cannot have dirty dishes in the sink and I have been making dinner for my family since…well…I gave birth to my first child some 20 plus years ago.  I am compelled to “be doing”.   So imagine my surprise, when being released from the hospital, that the instructions from the doctor were, no housework for 4 weeks.  I smirked.  Sure.  I can do that.  Piece of cake.  Eat bon bons and sit on the coach for 4 weeks.  This is my dream.  I’ve been waiting 20 years for this.letting-go-300x2561

It has not been easy.  In fact, I’ve over done…several times.  I know that I have over done because I start to get dizzy, I feel weak, my incisions start to ache.  So why?  This is the dream of a lifetime to “let go”;let my children and husband wait on me.  But flicking the switch to be the pampered is not easy.  I hate to ask for another glass of water or for my husband to put my socks on.  Like Sampson cutting his hair, I have had to let go of my strength. But, the magical thing is, that others have shined beyond my imagination.

So here are the lessons I’ve learned from letting go:

1. Agenda.  I’ve had to let go of my agenda.  I am now at the whim of everyone else’s schedule.  If I wake up at 5 AM, well, so be it.  I am stuck.  If there is no one in the house awake at that hour, perhaps I need to roll over (if possible) and get another hour or two of sleep.  Letting go means not having an agenda.

2. Hands off.  So I guess I am more of a control freak than I realized.  If my son is making dinner, I need him to fail or succeed on his own.  I cannot step in and take over;because I physically can’t.  I must say that some of the food that has been coming out my kitchen has been fabulous.  Keeping my hands off has let my family’s culinary talents shine!

3. Small steps.  I’ve learned that the smallest steps, are now, some of the greatest rewards.  My daughter was in the hospital room the morning after the surgery.  Walking to the bathroom was an enormous, if not insurmountable, task.  She cheered me on.  Unabashedly, literally, cheered me on.  “You can do it, Mommy”.  Her enthusiasm was infectious.  The small steps count.

4. Patience.  I am so patient with others but fail miserably with myself.  I want to be doing, but after testing my limits by actually going to the grocery store 10 days after surgery (note to self, REALLY bad idea) I have learned that I need to be patient with my recovery.  I am not the only one who can push a cart through a store and get out a debit card.  Really.  I am not the only one in a household of six who can do this.    And, there is a point, in the not so distant future, where I will have the privilege (sarcasm) of grocery shopping again.  Patience.

5. Accept.  I learned to be accepting of other’s help.  I’m not sure why this is so hard.  I am surrounded by a loving household.  Everyone has made me breakfast or lunch.  Every over easy egg has been different (some seasoned, some not, some stiff, some runny) but they have all been prepared with love.  I just needed to accept it.  With love.

6. Perfection.  I need to give up on the constant striving for perfection.  So what if the dog barks to get in for 10 minutes because I’m the only one hearing her.  So what if there are crumbs on the table from last night’s dinner.  Who cares if you haven’t worked on your book for the last two weeks.  I live with imperfection, no harm done. No harm, no foul.

7. Vulnerable.  I’m learning that being vulnerable can enhance my relationships.  My husband has had to do countless personal things for me, including drying me off from a shower and helping me dress.  My daughter helped me in those first few trips to the bathroom in the hospital.  These are the things I have been doing for myself since I was a toddler.  I’ve learned to be vulnerable and found deeper connections with my family.  They are there for me.  No matter what.  And that is wondrous.

So many folks have risen to the occasion to help me in my recuperation.  Letting go has been difficult but the rewards have been incalculable.  There are so many people in my life that were there for me, I just needed to let go to finally discover it.

6 Tactics to Turning Over a New Leaf

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

This is the time of year where many folks start gathering up their New Year’s resolutions.   We start putting together the list that will cure all our ills and bad habits.  We decide it’s time to turn over a new leaf.  Lose 50 pounds, quit smoking, get out of debt.  Pick your leaf.  You might be ready to tear up that leaf by the second week of February.  You’ll be sore from that new exercise regime, or blow $100 on that new Thai restaurant, or break out the plastic again.  Why can’t we stick to the same leaf…new or otherwise?

 

There is a lot of scientific evidence that is available now to help show you the way.  If you really think it through and set up a plan, you can succeed.  There are ways to anticipate the self sabotage. To be one step ahead of yourself and anticipate a few faltering steps.  If you understand your willpower and can short circuit your “auto-pilot”, there is hope that you can achieve your greatest desires.  You can succeed in turning over that leaf. 6 Tactics to Turning Over a New Leaf

Here are some tactics:

1. More.  It is much easier to get behind the concept of more versus less.  Drink more water versus drink less soda.  Exercise more versus eat less.  It is so much easier to say, “Yeah, I ran more miles this week than last.”  But how do you know if you ate less, without meticulous logging of every calorie?  Even in the during performance reviews, it’s so much easier to ask someone to do more of something than less.   Frame your goal as something you want to do more of.

2. Identity.  Kelly McGonigal in her book “The Willpower Instinct” calls this your “Want Power”.  Think about how you want to identify with yourself.  It’s not that you want to save more as much as you want to see yourself as a “financially stable” person.  So when you make choices, you see yourself in the condition you are aspiring to.  So, if you identify with being a long distance runner, you aren’t likely to stop at McDonalds.

3.  Plan B.  Make sure you have a back up plan when hunger, stress and fatigue kick in.  These will happen.  Maybe not the first day, but at some point, you will be standing in the check out line at the Piggly Wiggly, a half hour late for your Zumba class, starving to death and that York/Reeses/Milky Way/(fill in your favorite candy) will be calling your name.  There are times when making a good choice will be impossible.  Your willpower is at its brink.   Pick the “regular size” versus the “king size” bar; choose gum or a bottle of water.  Pick a new default when your back is against the wall.

4. Schedule.  I’ve been a Franklin Covey Facilitator for several years.  One of the principles that has always been espoused in their “Focus” and “7 Habits ” courses is to schedule the big rocks.  The big rocks are the important goals in your life.  Whether it is training for a marathon, a happier marriage or being financially stable, if you schedule time in advance, you are much likelier to actually show up.  So plan a date with your partner, schedule ten miles for Saturday morning or spend Sunday afternoon working on your business plan.  Scheduling it will ensure that it happens.

5. Imagine temptation.  Envision your worst case scenario.  What bump in the road is likely to show up in the first week or so?  Birthday cake at work during your first week of your fitness plan: imagine yourself emailing that you have a conflicting meeting and turn it down.  You’re running late to your child’s concert and the only choice is fast food: imagine yourself ordering a salad and bottle of water.  Visualizing “the higher path” will help you actually follow through.

6. Compassion.  Forgiving yourself for any slip ups is critical.  Assume before you start that you will.  Because you will.  There are vacations, snowstorms, fires to put out and sick babysitters.  Showing yourself compassion is critical.  If you know that you can forgive yourself, you are much more likely to be successful in the long term.  Take care of your inner dictator.

All these steps involve taking the long view.  Pick the leaf that is most important (don’t pick a whole pile) and pull your full attention to it.  Imagine your future self. Make decisions based on their best interest. When you don’t–and there will be times when you don’t–practice forgiveness.  When you are successful with the first leaf, there will be will be others to take on.

5 Tips on Optimizing Your Results. Hint. Don’t Eat Radishes.

On By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

Willpower is a finite resource.  I’ve been reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg at the suggestion of Cindy Lamir from Impact Business Coaches.  It’s amazing what researchers will do to college undergraduates.  In one study, they had two groups of participants.  The first group was put in a room with a bowl of radishes and a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies and they were told to eat  all the cookies they wanted but ignore the radishes (easy enough) for 5 minutes. The second group was told to eat all the radishes they wanted and ignore the cookies, so they spent 5 minutes resisting the warm cookies.  Afterwards they were given a difficult puzzle to solve.  The cookie folks spent an average of 19 minutes trying to solve the puzzle, the radish folks (in addition to being grumpy) gave up after 8 minutes.  The radish folks had spent their willpower. bowl-of-radishes

In another study with two groups of participants, one group was given an altruistic  reason to resist eating warm chocolate chip cookies for 5 minutes and treated with respect. The other group was treated rudely and told to resist the cookies.  The group that was treated with respect out performed the other group when given a cognitive test.  The disrespected group had spent their willpower.

All of this involves your prefrontal cortex which, as I described in my post “The Big Lie”, is a small stage with room for maybe three actors. Unless you can make something a habit and, therefore, moved off the stage, you will be exhausting your resources.    So how can you get the best results from your prefrontal cortex and optimize your results?  Here are 5 steps:

1. The early bird.  Your best work is in the morning.  Your tank is full.  The stage is clean and there plenty of resources available.  If you need to deal with a difficult situation (perhaps reprimanding an employee or talking to your ex) do it in the morning.  If you are going to be creating (writing your novel, painting a master piece, or developing a new project) the early bird gets the worm and better results.

2. Unplug.  The last thing you want to do is spend time on email, voice-mail, social media or sit around the water cooler.  This seems counter intuitive – doesn’t everyone spend the first hour at work cleaning out their inbox and putting out fires?  You are going to need to turn it off to do your best work.  Putting out fires will only deplete your fuel tank and leave less resources for your creative best.

3. Focus.  Set the timer for one hour and focus on your masterpiece.  If you can’t possibly handle an hour, then start slow with 15 or 30 minutes .  There are apps for this as well.  Check out the link for some apps that are available to keep the distractions from your desktop at bay.  Anywhere from 60 to 90 minute chunks are optimum for flow.  Try for one chunk per day and then move up as your schedule (and distractions) permit.

4. Break. Take a break after your chunk of flow has been completed.  Powering through on for 2 hours or 10 will diminish your abilities.  Your prefrontal cortex only has so much in the tank and it needs some time to recoup.  If it’s not possible to go for a walk, talk with a colleague or call your mother; kill some time doing menial tasks like cleaning out your inbox or clearing off your desk.  Just be sure to step away from your masterpiece.

5. Return.  Get back into the project only after you have completed steps #2 thru #4.  Remember that as the day wears on, you are expending precious resources and that your best work is likely behind you.  This is true so long as you can stay away from the radishes and rude folks.  If you are starting a diet, upset with your cable company or just found out you bounced a check…walk away from the project.  If you can’t do your best work with all of your resources and a stage with one actor on it – leave it for another day.

So now you are thinking – but I won’t get anything done.  You can get things done and the quality of your work will be far superior if you just plan ahead.  Take care of your prefrontal cortex to maximize your results.  Stay away from the radishes for breakfast.

What would you do?