Author: Cathy Noice

Executive Coach, Author, Speaker and Facilitator. Achieve. Grow. Do. As a coach, I use a structured, self-directed approach that challenges clients to achieve sustainable results towards inspired self created goals. Using brain based tools and coaching, my clients achieve breakthroughs and, as one client put it, "the junk gets cleared out". I specialize in newly promoted or transferred leaders. My coaching specialties include: * Executive Coaching * Leadership Coaching * Career Strategy As an author, I put my extensive management, teaching, training and human resource background into making sense in the workplace.

Traveling DNA: Lessons I Learned From My Son

On May 4, 2014May 3, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator4 Comments

“Because he had no place he could stay in without getting tired of it and because there was nowhere to

go but everywhere,keep rolling under the stars…” -Jack Kerouac

In a span of about a month, I traveled separately with my 88 year old father and then with my 18 year old son. Not surprisingly there were some vast differences along with some ironic similarities considering they are 70 years apart in age. Both trips were insightful, it really was a lesson in learning more about myself.

My son, Benson, sailing off the coast of Key West.

My son is in the last weeks of his Freshman year at the University of Miami. The timing of a weekend trip to Key West was not likely ideal considering he was supposed to be studying for finals, but his willingness to adapt his schedule to accompany his mother to the end of the Continental United States is admirable. Key West with your mother…when you are 18…that is one secure teenager.

So these are my lessons from this trip:

1. Patience. My Father might have patience, but mine was sorely lacking the morning I arrived to pick up my son to drive to Key West. I thought we would be leaving promptly for the 3 plus hour drive. He was at the track, running sprints. Two hours later we were finally on the road. I have to say I had to take a breath and say to myself, “Cathy, you will wait patiently for your Father to use the Men’s room but you can’t be patient with your own son?” Chill out and be patient.

2. Agenda. Let go of it. I had a plan to make it to a recommended lunch spot in Marathon (some 2 hours away) When we left 2 hours late and my son suggested Cracker Barrel, I needed to let go of my agenda. Again, I didn’t seem to care where I ate with my Father, why did it matter with my son? He was used to heading to bed at 3 AM (yes…or even later) but he hit the sack at 10 PM. He could have stayed up watching YouTube until 2 AM but he didn’t have an agenda to stick to. Give up your agenda.

3. Generous. My son is generous to a fault. So generous that, he once went to an ATM to give a homeless man twenty dollars. When his uncle gave him a twenty dollar bill at the ripe old age of 5, he took it to the Boys and Girls Club and bought every soda and snack in the vending machine and shared it with his compatriots. My son’s first thought when we arrived in Key West was what gifts he wanted to buy for his friends. So maybe his generosity isn’t a fault but something I need to embrace myself. Instead of looking at what coffee mug I want for myself, I need to take a lesson from his generosity to others. Be generous.

4. Flexible. My son is flexible to any change in course. We wanted to see the famous sunset from Mallory Square on the edge of Key West. We had an hour to kill and he was open to where we ate, what we ate and didn’t care how long a walk it was. If the roles were reversed, I would have had a checklist of “must haves” before leaving the island (i.e. Oysters, conch fritters, mojito…etc). If I told him we were going to the Waffle House, he would have been on board. Much like my father, my son can change course easily and be flexible.

5. Curiosity. While my son doesn’t have random conversations with anyone he meets (like my father), he has the same wanderlust. In fact this is definitely in the family DNA. Me -“Do you want to check out the southern most point in the US?” Him – “sure”. Me -“Do you want to take a sailboat ride?” Him – “sure”. Me – “Want to check out the oldest restaurant in the US?” Him -“OK”. When we were driving back to Miami, he turned to me and said “What is our next adventure?”. Be curious.

6. Co-pilot. My son is an excellent co-pilot. Whether taking pictures, cueing up music or finding change for the toll, he is at the ready. We both love to listen to podcasts like “The Moth“, “This American Life” and “A Prairie Home Companion”. He was the car DJ setting up the one’s he wanted me to hear even if he had already heard them. I actually look forward to long drives with him as my co-pilot, because I know we are going to listen to some interesting stuff.

7. Line. My son knows when to draw the line. A waiter had forgotten an appetizer we had ordered. My son spoke up. We got a free dessert. When he had to spend some time studying (did I mention this was just days before finals), he stayed behind to study. When we were headed back and were short on time, he found a lunch place close to campus. He knows when to cut loose and when to reign it in. He knows where to draw the line.

I’m glad I got to spend some quality time with my son. I know that times like these are few and far between as he continues on with his college studies and then on to a career. It was time well spent. It’s great when your children can teach you things about yourself. It makes me proud to be his mom.

Cutting Loose. Lessons From Traveling With My 88 Year Old Father.

On April 27, 2014April 23, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator6 Comments

My dad’s 87 year old brother passed away suddenly several weeks ago in Florida. My dad wanted to attend the funeral and asked me to assist him. It turned out to be quite the adventure and gave me the opportunity to see my dad in a different light. My parents have traveled the world but in the last 15 years have remained “set” in their day to day routines. In retirement “auto-pilot” of doctor’s appointments, “Civilization” (a computer game), Food Network, checking for the newspaper and mail their rigid schedule is capped with dinner at 4:30…yes, 4:30. In the span of about 24 hours, we had made the arrangements and were prepared to venture beyond the envelope of about a 15 mile radius of our hometown. Ready or not, here we come.

This is my Dad's Thai lunch....ice cream. — This is my Dad’s Thai lunch….ice cream.

The amazing thing is that the trip opened my eyes to my dad’s resilience, adaptability and patience. One would think that one so set in his ways would have a difficult time adapting to modern technology, broken routines and uncertainty. Nope. Not a problem. It made me realized that a guy who traveled to Korea, hitch hiked across the US in his twenties and canoed in the wilderness of Canada…can handle just about anything you throw at him. Just because you usually live in a well honed routine, doesn’t mean you can’t break loose and venture out.

So this is what I learned:

1. Open. You need to be open; whether it’s Thai food, switching seats on the airplane or waiting to find the bathroom. My dad had no pre-set notions and was open to any change in course. I don’t think my dad ever had Thai food before but when my cousin suggested we eat there as a group, he was all in. Some folks sitting in his row on the airplane asked to switch seats…gladly. If we needed to find the gate at the airport before finding the men’s room; no sweat. Be open.

2. Trust. My dad trusted me completely. This was really gratifying. He had unfaltering faith in all the arrangements. I told him to check his bag (although he asked if it was free) he was willing to follow my direction and understood the rationale when everyone else came on the plane lugging a slew of carry-ons. Hotel, rental car, flights, parking, directions…he never questioned a single decision. If you want to break loose, go with someone you trust implicitly.

3. Patience. Pack some patience. My dad has this in spades. Anyone who taught 8th grade history for 30 years, has to have it in their DNA. We had two delayed flights and weren’t sure we were going to make a connection on the way home. He wasn’t anxious for a second. He would just open up his magazine and keep reading. Did I mention he is 88? If you aren’t blessed with the patience gene, try a little meditation.

4. Flexible. Anytime you want to break out of your routines, you need to be flexible. When we were connecting flights in Atlanta, we needed to find some lunch. “What do you want Dad?” Whichever line is shorter. Pizza it is. At a Thai restaurant for lunch but all you really want is dessert…ice cream it is. Three hours to kill? Head to the hotel for a nap. On the way back to Raleigh, we needed lunch again. Chinese food by gate A1 before getting on the plane. Be flexible.

5. Curiosity. When you venture out, make sure you have some curiosity. My dad can talk to anyone…I mean anyone. I remember when we were kids, if my dad was missing in action, he probably met someone in the check-out line. Upon his return, he would regale us with how interesting so and so was. He knew everyone in his row on the plane by the time we landed. You cannot talkto just anyone unless you have curiosity. Pack some curiosity when you break loose.

6. Habits. No matter where you venture to, you need to maintain some habits. Brushing your teeth, showering, and coffee in the morning. My dad has been telling me for years that he does 30 sit-ups in the morning…every morning. Sure enough, there he was at 7 AM in the bed next to me doing his sit-ups. Even amongst all of the travel and mayhem of unscheduled time, he managed to take his daily medications. Habits keep us on track and give us some normalcy amidst the chaos.

7. Prudence. Anyone from the depression era has a healthy dose of prudence. My dad wanted to know if the coffee on the plane was free…and the cookies as well. Was the coffee in the hotel lobby free? Was the breakfast free? It pays to double check. We didn’t realize some of the roads in the Orlando area were toll roads, but my co-pilot was ready with quarters by the second toll booth. It always pays to have a little prudence.

The experience of traveling with my dad was enlightening. I really admire him for his ability to roll with the punches (or plane delays) and his openness to constant schedule changes. Spending those three days with him was priceless. I’m glad we got to cut loose together.

Nailing an Interview: 7 Rules to Get the Job.

On April 20, 2014April 19, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

In the course of my career, I have interviewed thousands of candidates in industries as disparate as plastics to tortillas and from Vice Presidents to dishwashers. You might think that the rules of interviewing would be vastly different with all these jobs but they really don’t vary that much. Granted, the Vice President candidate may show up in a 3 piece suit and the dishwasher is likely to be in jeans but if both are not clean and neat in their attire, they will not be called back.

It comes down to the same points: First impression, being in congruence with the resume/application or the referral [whatever the person told us who landed you the interview]. So if your neighbor got you the job interview and said that you were engaging and charismatic…you better be. Don’t show up staring at the floor, slumped shoulders wearing a frown.

So here are the rules for getting a second interview and landing the job:

1. Appearance. It matters. Dress appropriately for the position. In fact, dress up. You want to be the best dressed person in the room. You certainly don’t want to be the worst. Just because you are unemployed is not an excuse. Investigate and find out the usual attire for this position in this company and dress up one level. If the interviewer is wearing a golf shirt, you should have on a button down shirt. If she is wearing slacks, you should have on a skirt. Appearance matters.

2. Prompt. Be on time, no matter what. In fact be there 10 minutes early. Confirm the time, know how to get there, make a test run the day before to make sure you know any potential snafus. If they ask you to call in at 10:30 AM, call at precisely that minute. Not a minute late. This is an indication of your conscientiousness. Be prompt.

3. Distractions. Eliminate anything distracting, including but not limited to: gum, any beverage (if they offer say no), food (no one looks appealing while eating…cause you are going to be talking), cell phones, iPods, pagers, clunky jewelry, scarves, tie tacks, cuff links, short skirts, back packs, large purses, laptops, Starbucks and anything that can be a potential drumstick (i.e. pencil, pen, marker, stir stick, straw, ruler, etc.) The focus is you. Don’t have anything available that might distract the interviewer.

4. Succinct. Make your answers succinct and to the point. As my neighbors says “don’t go to Raleigh by way of Atlanta”. It is deceiving to think that the interviewer is enthralled with your every word. Not that you aren’t interesting but you may be the sixth person they’ve spoken to in the last two hours. Don’t be remembered as the guy who would never get to the point or who went down six different paths. As a candidate you can be deceived that someone is (finally) listening to you and you bask in the attention. Stay on point and be succinct.

5. Impact. What has been your impact on other organizations? Did you reduce costs, make a process faster and have outstanding customer satisfaction scores? The organization wants someone who is going to make a difference, is innovative and is a problem solver. Think through these examples before the interview. Be able to articulate how you have made an impact.

6. Them. It’s about them and not you. Don’t ask about dental, casual Fridays, pay or relocation reimbursement in the first interview. You can ask that stuff if you are offered a position. Make sure you know about the company. You should at least Google the company and check out their website. Ask what they are looking for in a candidate. What keeps them up at night? Where do they see the company in 5 years. It’s not about you…it’s them.

7. Charisma. You can create charisma as written by Olivia Cabane Fox in the “Charisma Myth”. Make eye contact (about 8-10 seconds). Smile genuinely (the corner of your eyes should be engaged). Before the interview – Do the power move outlined in her book as well. Stand in a private space (or not) and put your hands out in front of you and legs spread apart (imitate superwoman or batman) and think powerful thoughts for two minutes. Be charismatic.

If you focus on these items, you will be much more effective at nailing an interview…and you can land that dream job. Trust me. Do it.

Waiting for Happiness? 7 Ways to Embrace it Now.

On April 13, 2014March 6, 2018 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I’m not sure this is an American construct, but I have felt that for most of my life that I would be happy once I: Got out of college, got a job, got married, got divorced, bought a house, moved, made a million dollars. Funny; I never got there. There is always one more elusive hurdle. It feels like I’m on this constant treadmill; happiness is always around the next corner.

As Shawn Achor says in his book The Happiness Advantage, we’ve been sold the idea that once we are “successful” we will be happy. Turns out, it is the exact opposite. The research has shown that you need to be happy to find success, or at least it helps you get there faster. You need to be happy in order to be a success. Happiness comes first in the equation.

Here are some ideas on how to make happiness part of your life (instead of waiting for the elusive success milestone):

1. Fall up. As Shawn Achor prescribes, it’s all about how you handle adversity. Instead of falling down you need to fall up. When I trained for my half marathon last year, I would look for adversity. If Saturday was going to be hot (90 degrees plus) and Sunday a breezy 60…run on Saturday. Rain in the forecast? Run on that day. Look for it. Embrace it. On the actual race day? It rained. No biggie. I’m falling up.

2. Kindness. Pick a day to practice kindness; a sort of “pay it forward” kind of day. Shawn Achor recommends picking the day in advance. So if you did a couple of nice things today, start over tomorrow and call it Kindness Day. This is actually harder than it sounds…yes, I’ve tried it. I tried to do 5 kind things today. I’m up to 4 but the day is not over. I feel like going to Starbucks so I can buy the person behind me their drink. But I have to say, when you are on a mission to be kind, it feels great. I’m looking for an opportunity to pay a compliment, hold the door and smile. Try a bit of kindness.

3. Internal Locus of Control. Say what? This is whether you blame everyone else (the world is out to get me) or you are the master of your own journey. Sail your own ship whether there is a hurricane or not. Accept responsibility for your life. It’s not your mother’s fault, the stock market, Obama ..Yada Yada Yada . Folks who see life with from the external locus of control view are not as happy. They are constantly at the whim of fate; waiting for the next wave to wash them out. If you can move to an internal locus of control, you take control; you act on the world instead of the world acting on you. Let out the jib, stay the course and take control of the rudder of your life. Embrace an internal locus of control.

4. Blessings. Count your blessings. Do you have a roof over your head? Enough food? Clothes? People you can count on? Your dog loves you. It’s sunny outside. It finally stopped snowing. It finally started raining. Be grateful and count it up. I journal three a day. What went right and write it down. Start counting your blessings.

5. Reframe. Think about how you frame events in your life. If your flight was delayed, are you happy you met someone new waiting for seat assignments or are you thinking about how you will miss the first session of the conference? It turns out that if you can see the joy, the serendipity of “bad events”, you will be happier and be able to find the light in the darkness. Reframe the situation from slogging through the mud to playing in the mud. Have you ever seen pictures of folks after an obstacle course race? They just lived through a 5 k and 10 different obstacles but they are ecstatic. Reframe how you see obstacles (and maybe get a little muddy).

6. Focus. Focus on what you can control. Make it a very narrow focus. Shawn Achor calls this the Zorro Circle. It’s empowering to take care of the things within your control. I can get this blog post done, clean out my inbox and make dinner. Whew. What a relief. I’m happy when I’m not overwhelmed and focus on the things that I can change or do. Focus.

7. Anticipate. Plan an exotic trip a year from now and anticipate it every day. That sounds crazy doesn’t it? But the anticipation makes you happy. You are more positive and forward thinking. This even works if the trip is make-believe. So mark you calendar for that cruise to Alaska and start counting down the days. Plan the zip line tour, the fishing trip and the photos you are going to take. Anticipation is the antidote.

I think the main thing is to quit projecting into the future for the next milestone and it’s elusive “happiness”. Take stock of what you already have and share it with others. Happiness begets success, not the other way around.

Where do you find happiness?

6 Ways to Squelch the Micro-Manager Within. Tyrant Repellent.

On April 6, 2014April 6, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator2 Comments

A micro-managing puppet master, have you ever worked for one? It’s a nightmare. You will never be right. You will rarely be listened to. The nit picking will be never ending. You start to wonder if you should get permission to go to the bathroom. My very first job out of college was for a catering firm run by a micro-managing control freakish Tyrant. The angle of the bread was never quite right, the food portion incorrect, the manner in which we sent orders out was inefficient and any decision I made (did I mention I was the manager?) was misguided. All according to the Tyrant. I left the job after 18 months. I was new to the workforce but I was stressed out beyond repair of cigarettes and alcohol.

I’ve seen many micro-managers since leaving that job, but I’m happy to say, I’ve never worked for another Tyrant. I think I must have radar to spot them when interviewing for a new opportunity. I’ll speak my mind too freely during the interview and somehow I don’t get a call back. Hmmm…“she’s too independent,” “thinks for herself too much,” “that will never do.”

What about looking in the mirror? Are there places and circumstances in your life where you are a bit of a Tyrant? Been a helicopter parent? A controlling friend? A meddling daughter? I think there are parts to everyone’s life where we just can’t let go. My husband micromanages Christmas morning, deliberating who gets what present and when. But hey, it’s once a year. He can be the elf if he wants.

If you want to control the Tyrant within? Here are some suggestions:

1. Listen. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” – Stephen Covey. I might add, “They listen with the intent to be right.” This has Tyrant written all over it. There was a Tyrant colleague of mine who “asked” for guidance and then did the complete opposite. He wasn’t listening. He was paying me lip service. The first step to earning respect is listening to understand.

2. Accountability. In Liz Wiseman’s book Multipliers, she suggests that the manager own 49% of the decision and that the direct report own 51%. This is a beautiful balance. This doesn’t take the person who delegated out of the picture but the accountability rests, by the slightest margin, on the direct report. It’s empowering. This is your project but your manager is going to be there to fully support you.

3. Challenge. This is frequently described as a stretch goal. This is asking someone to go beyond their normal limitations, to stretch or challenge themselves. I was just talking to a friend yesterday about a race that is coming up. There is a half marathon, a 10k, and a 5k. I was vacillating between the 5k and the 10k. He challenged me. “You can do the 10k, Cathy! You’ll be ready in four weeks.” His confidence inspired me to sign up for the longer distance. Challenge those around you.

4. Present. As in, be present. Let go of past and future. If you are thinking about all your failures (i.e. past relationships, weight gain, enemies) and how this isn’t going to work, you are not present. If you are calculating what your spouse is going to do the minute he gets home (i.e. dump the garbage, mow the lawn), you are not present. Marching to your own agenda and maintaining your image is not going to inspire those around you. Tyrant’s live in Paranoia-ville. Stay clear.

5. ~~Finger pointing.~~ Fall on the sword. It may not be your fault that the dog got sick on the carpet, just clean it up and move on. Your assistant messed up the report? My instructions must have been incomplete. I’ll do better the next time, and so will she. Maybe the process needs to be tweaked. This is not the time to call anyone on the carpet. Casting blame only makes you build walls to your kingdom and breeds distrust.

6. Invest. It takes time, money and resources to build up those around you. There are countless avenues to empower the people in your life. A summer camp session for your kid. Web course for your partner. An excel class for your assistant. Encourage and invest in those around to pursue their passion. They will remember you for your support. They’ll have your back as well.

So here is your Tyrant repellent. Try out one or two and see if you don’t reap the rewards. Be a better leader regardless of your job title.

What do you do to lead others more effectively?

2 Years of Showing Up. Success by Default.

On March 30, 2014April 23, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator9 Comments

This is my 104th post. That means I’ve been showing up every week with a post for two years. This is not what I envisioned when I started. I gave it six months mentally. I decided to write a blog for six months and then make a decision. Well I did the first part. I wrote a post every week for six months but I never made a decision. I just kept showing up. We all do that. Make a decision by not making a decision. Success by default.

I started an exercise program 5 weeks ago. I show up everyday and work out. I do three mental games on Luminosity every day for about 3 minutes; I’ve been doing that for about 4 months. I meditate every day for 10 minutes; I’ve been doing that for over 18 months. I didn’t do it all in one day. On January 1st I didn’t decide to start writing a blog, working out, mediating and doing some mental games. Sounds like a lot. It couldn’t be maintained if I did it all at once. I would be overwhelmed and burned out. I added something to my routine gradually over time; small incremental changes over time and showing up. Once it’s part of my routine it’s hard to shake. It’s what I do. I know how to show up.

So how do you do it? How do you show up? Here are some tips:

1. The 20 Second Rule. Set things up so it only takes 20 seconds. Shawn Achor wrote about this in the “Happiness Advantage”. If your sneakers are by your bed or your meditation app is on the first page of your phone or your dvd is primed with the workout you want to do…you will do it. Take the clarinet out of the closet, the book you want to read off the shelf, find that recipe you’ve always said you would make. Whatever you want to “show up” for better be easy to reach, find or access. I started writing my blog after my husband refinished an office for me. I have my space and it’s easy to access my “blog” folder. Showing up should only be 20 seconds away.

2. Buddy. Find a buddy to hold you accountable. Periodically, my son (who is a freshman in college) will text me in the middle of the night and ask me to wake him up in the morning at some designated hour. He will add “and make sure I stay up!” Hmmm. How am I supposed to do this from an 11 hour drive away…throw a shoe? At the appointed hour, I ask him to send a photo of the elevator (his dorm is on the 11th floor) within 15 minutes. It works. He knows he can count on me. I’m his accountability buddy for early morning workouts. Find your accountability buddy; someone to nudge you when you need it.

3. Bucket. When possible, set up routines when you have a full bucket. A full willpower bucket. As Charles Duhigg illustrates in the “Power of Habit”. We all start with a full bucket in the morning of willpower. Slowly but surely it leaks away. The more we test our will power by trying out a new diet (say only eat cabbage all day) or trying to quit smoking…we quickly deplete our willpower reservoir. So, if you want to start a new routine or habit, try it early in the day before you start to be tested or try only one new habit at a time. So don’t quit smoking, go on a cabbage diet and start writing a blog on the same day. Really bad idea. Keep in mind the level of your will power bucket.

4. Chunks. Make big things into small chunks. How do you eat an elephant? You start with an eyelash. When I coach folks, this is something that only the coachee can decide. If I tell the coachee, well, finish the project by Friday… they will not lift a finger. They need to decide how they want to chunk it. Some spend 15 minutes a day, some will have their to-do list for the week by 10 AM Sunday, some have an app for that, some start on the top shelf, the left side of the drawer. Chunk it up. But make sure you are chunking it the way you like it. Would you let your friend cut up your food on your plate for you? Nope. Carve it into the chunks you want.

5. Reflect. Reflect back on what you did…not what you didn’t. I’ve had clients come into a coaching session and be completely dejected…”I didn’t get anything done”. Really? By the end of the session, when we really look back, they’ve completed every action item, frequently over-completed, but they are focusing on the one thing they didn’t get to. I only exercised two times this week and I wanted to exercise four times. Don’t dwell on the one thing you didn’t do. You are human. Bask in the fact that you completed so many other things and you are moving forward. Reflect and acknowledge your accomplishments.

I never imagined two years ago that I would have a thriving blog with hundreds of followers and viewers from over 100 countries. But it’s a habit now. I show up and write.

What do you want to show up for?

Breaking the Impostor Syndrome.

On March 23, 2014March 22, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I was coaching Suzy last week as she is trying to craft the message she wants to use with some impending consultations with a client. Suzy wants to get clear on her message and figure out what will resonate with this potential client. As with most coaching calls, we needed to clean out the road blocks before we can really get to the work. And then she dropped the I bomb; I feel like an Impostor “Hmmm, tell me more about that”, I respond. So Suzy started talking about even though she works for a major (I mean top ten in the world major) university, she is only part time. I chuckle. “So part time at ______University makes you an impostor?” She chuckles. “OK. Yes. I’m not an impostor”. So now we can move on. The path is clear. Now we can craft the message. Now we can make some magic. Glad we got that out of the way.

The surprising thing is that 70% of folks feel like an impostor at some point in their life. Usually, it’s the first few months at a new job or the first semester in College. I remember my first Human Resource job after completing my Master’s in Human Resource and Organization Development. I.was.terrified that I’d be found out! Just because I had a piece of paper did not mean I knew all the nuances of Human Resources. I was working for a food manufacturer and we were hiring madly for a season holiday product. I hired some 40 new employees. I didn’t realize that I had to lay off all 40 after 4 months. Trial by fire; but at least I wasn’t an impostor anymore.

So how do we get past it? How do we break the cycle? Here are some tips:

1. Risk. Assess whether you are more likely to be at risk. Rule of thumb – If:

· you are a minority,

· you are a first generation professional (i.e. dad was a butcher and you are a doctor),

· your parents were over achievers (i.e. your last name is Kennedy),

· you’re a ground breaker (i.e. male nurse or female stock broker),

· you’re a solopreneur (you work alone all day),

· Or an artist (i.e. actor, painter, writer, etc.) and

· any student whether grad school or community college.

Or if you hear your parents’ voices in your head being hyper-critical; most people do. Realize that you are at high risk for feeling like an impostor.

2. Imperfection. Embrace imperfection. Let go of 100% perfection. You might even want to make sure there is an error or two. As Seth Godin says, “Ship it”. Sitting around procrastinating or gnashing your teeth over every detail to make sure it is flawless is debilitating. Maybe the logo is not exactly what you wanted, maybe the slides are too cute, and maybe you aren’t sure about the font. Let go and ship it; sign off on it Embrace imperfection.

3. Hard work. It’s going to take work. There are no natural born consultants , artists or college students. Everything takes hard work. According to Malcolm Gladwell, it takes 10,000 hours to be an expert at something. So spend some of those 10,000 hours on hard work. Start the book, study for the test until 2 AM, practice your clarinet. Stressing over it or beating yourself up does not count towards the 10,000 hours! Doing the work does. Get started.

4. I don’t know. Admit when you don’t know something but don’t assume this means you know nothing. I can remember being in grade school and the teacher asking me a question. I looked up at the ceiling. She said, “The answer isn’t on the ceiling”. These are the types of situations where kids learn it’s not OK to be vulnerable. We’ve all been embarrassed when we don’t know something. Get over it. We all can’t be Ken Jennings or Watson. Don’t let not knowing something in your field diminish your self worth. It’s OK to not know.

5. Yardstick. Calibrate your yardstick. As Dr. Valerie Young suggests in her article, “What is the Impostor Syndrome”, answer this question: If I were really smart, talented, qualified, competent, I would … Most people who answer this figure out that what they view as competency is WAY beyond even Ken Jennings. Quit trying to be an over achiever. Or, as my friend Janine says, “Fake it till ya make it”. Recalibrate your yardstick.

6. Teamwork. Don’t go it alone. I can remember starting this blog some 2 years ago. I definitely struggled with, “Who do you think you are?” or “No one is going to want to read this” (yes, I suffer from being an impostor as well). But I reached out to some old college roommates, my family and my favorite English major to put together “Cathy’s Brain Trust”. I send every post past them to get feedback and for some much needed grammatical corrections. It helps me feel supported and, more importantly, competent. Put together a team. Let your team hold you up as you start to fly.

7. Coaching. Get a coach. There is so much power in having someone open up the pathways in your head. I had a recent client that spent over two months planning to clean out a closet. She didn’t make any progress, she made great strides in her other action items but with the closet she was stuck. Finally after 10 weeks, she realized that all she had to do was take 15 minutes to work on it. She didn’t need to get it done all in one day. Chunking it into 15 minute pieces made all the difference. She can now hang coats in that closet. Whew…Get a coach!

I felt chills in my spine earlier today (which prompted me to write this post). Suzy sent me an email. Subject: your coaching made a big diff. I used several things we crafted… and, they asked if I’d consider a partner position!… boy, no more impostor for me!!! No more impostor for me.

Firing an Employee. Making the Best of a Difficult Situation.

On March 16, 2014March 15, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I can remember the first time I was present for an employee getting fired. It was painful. I was a manager trainee for a restaurant and my mentor was the General Manager. The object of the termination was a slacker waiter. We invited the waiter into the closet size office (the office was no bigger than a bathroom stall). We all sidled in. The victim sat on the floor safe, my mentor stood against the door and I was at what passed for a desk. My mentor then went down a very long trail that seemed to never arrive at the destination.

He meandered through some of the waiter’s transgressions but, as with most slackers, there was no defining moment to home in on. No defining “straw” that broke the camel’s back. But there was no “straw”. He was late a few times, was slow to get to tables, he had been there for years. So after what felt like 2 hours but in reality was more like 20 minutes, the tension in the room was palpable, there was no air left to breath, my mentor finally let the hammer down. Our victim was surprised. He was blindsided. He never saw it coming (this was not good…they should always have some idea that they are not performing up to a standard).

So this was my first termination but certainly not my last. After 30 years (but I look so young you say) of managing restaurants and Human Resources, here are some of the tactics I’ve learned:

1. Zero In. Make sure you know why you are firing someone. This may seem obvious, but if you are in Human Resources, you have had plenty of managers coming into your office telling you they want someone gone but have absolutely no “case” made. Or there’s the manager who has a list of 99 transgressions that the employee is responsible for but they’ve failed to properly inform the employee. This is a disaster (and a lawsuit or two) waiting to happen. If and when you get into the exit discussion, you better have your facts all lined up, or press pause and wait until they are all lined up…even if it’s a year down the road. Zero-in on the facts before proceeding.

2. Phone a Lawyer. A good employment lawyer can be your best friend, or if not friend, a great resource. If the termination is not absolutely straight forward, as in the employee didn’t show up for work for three days and never called (otherwise known as job abandonment), it is always a good idea to consult with an attorney or employer advocacy group. Make sure you aren’t discriminating in any way (have the last five people you terminated been over 60 or all been pregnant or all filed workers compensation claims in the last 30 days); make sure you stay out of hot water. It’s a great idea to get a second outside opinion. Spend the money up front so you can save in the long run.

3. Verify. Cross check and verify your facts. Do you have all the documentation? The written warnings. The verbal warnings. The paper or email trail. When you get into the termination discussion, you don’t want to be searching for dates or lost emails. I think it’s a bad idea to review every transgression in detail in the termination discussion but make sure you know where all the information is.

4. Summary. Come up with an outline of events with dates and a bullet about the transgression. This does not need to be a manuscript, but you need a list to easily to refer to if the departing employee has any questions. On December 1st, you missed the project deadline, on January 5th, your manager spoke to you about missing deadlines, on January 15th you missed two more deadlines. Summarize the facts so you are not caught off guard.

5. Practice. Sit down with the terminating manager and walk through the summary. Talk about how to handle the discussion. I’ve always told managers to be able to summarize why you’re letting the employee go in two sentences or less. “Suzy, you’ve missed three project deadlines in the last three months, I’ve warned you several times that your job was in jeopardy. Since you missed another deadline on Monday, we’ve decided to let you go.” Please note that the manager should be saying this; NOT the Human Resource professional. The manager and employee need to know that the manager is making this decision.

6. Schedule. Discuss timing with the manager. I know some people say always term on a Friday and other’s say always on a Monday. Do what is best for the departing employee. If everyone will be out for lunch at noon on Friday, this may be the most humane time to let them go, so that they can pack up their workplace in private (make sure you have a box or two handy). Maybe they usually come in at 7 AM and there is no one else around at that hour. Do it then. Privacy and compassion are critical. Assume that the gossip mill will find out who did what and when. The organization should treat any departing employee with compassion and respect.

7. Do it. Pull the plug. Sit down in a private space (conference room or office). Let the manager say his two sentences. Remember that once someone has been told they are being let go, their limbic system (fight or flight or freeze response is in overdrive). They are not thinking. They may say some things, or cry (did I mention to always bring tissues) or shut down. Let there be silence. If they ask questions about benefits, answer them. If they don’t, hand them your card. Tell them to call you when they are ready. If they want to pack up their things later, tell them to call with a time or pack up their locker for them and ship the box. Have the manager walk them to their car. If they want to say goodbye to some folks (and they are not hostile), let them do it. This is a time for compassion and respect.

I have found that terminating people is the most difficult aspect of management. If you do a thorough, consistent process every time you have an employee exit the organization, you’ll know that you handled it with the compassion and grace we all deserve

Quit Putting Yourself Down. Lessons From Julia Child.

On March 9, 2014March 8, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace NavigatorLeave a comment

I got a text the other day from a colleague. It said simply, “I suck”. He had forgotten an important event. I read this and wanted him to put the toothpaste back in the tube…but he can’t. He just put himself down. He belittled himself. And what should my response be? “No you don’t”? “You’re awesome and usually on top of things”? I feel like when you put yourself down it’s either a billboard sign saying “I have no self esteem” or “Please, please, please….make me worthy”. I realize, it is a cry for help but this is not the best way to go about it.

I have read practically every book on Julia Child. She is my gastronomical, feminist hero. In the book “Dearie: The Remarkable Life of Julia Child” by Bob Spitz, there is an occasion where Julia has prepared lunch for a friend. This was when she was first discovering how to cook French food while living in Paris. She prepared a béchamel (white sauce) which came out like plaster. She laid the plate in front of her friend and herself, sat down and ate it. Every last bite. It was wretched but she never, ever apologized. As she is quoted, “You should never apologize at the table. People will think, ‘Yes, it’s really not so good.’”

I love this. I try and live by it. There are lessons to be learned in cooking – especially when it comes to cooking because it is so easy to roll down that slippery slope of self-deprecation. You share a part of your soul in cooking; it’s the grand gesture to taking care of someone, of sharing of yourself with someone. And you can really get caught in – It’s not hot enough. It’s too spicy. It’s too thick. Too thin. Yada yada yada.

So here are some tips to help you stay away from stomping your guts out every time you make a mistake:

1. Bite Your Tongue. So if you aren’t happy with how the project came out, don’t sit in the cafeteria and talk about it with your cronies. Bite your tongue. The soup you just made is a little too lemony. Eat a saltine. Shut up and slurp up. Having a bad hair day? Keep it to yourself. You really don’t need to give a running commentary on every failure of your life to everyone around you. Bite your tongue.

2. Spin. Put the positive spin. If you were your own publicist (and really you actually are), what positive nugget can you find. Find it and say that out loud. “The project came in under budget.” “The soup has a bit of zing to it. ” “I love this new blouse. ” “Did I tell you I volunteered at the homeless shelter yesterday and met some wonderful people?” Something is going well today, so focus on that, put out the positive spin.

3. Implications. Think through the implications. There was a study by Dr. Judith Baxter that studied speech patterns at work. When women are trying to be humorous, in particular, they use self-deprecating humor 70% of the time during meetings. It falls flat. Crickets chirping. Is this the way you really want to come across in the workplace? Being self-deprecating, even in trying to be funny, only shines the light on your lack of self-esteem. You are not being modest. You are not Woody Allen. You are being weak. What are the implications?

4. Silence. Be comfortable with silence. Don’t feel like you need to fill the space with the sound of your own voice. Count to 5. Count to 10. It will be awkward at first. Listen to your heartbeat. The clock on the wall. The fluorescent light overhead. Be the silence.

5. ~~Sorry.~~ Quit apologizing. This is the crutch of most women I know, including yours truly. I was helping my daughter unload the car at her dorm the other day and I said “I’m sorry” for not picking up one of the boxes (did I mention I was already laden with two backpacks and one tripod hanging on my shoulder and holding two pillows)? And she says, “What are you sorry for?” I have no idea. I’m on auto pilot. If something doesn’t go right in the world, it must be my fault. Really? Can’t carry all the grocery bags at once, so the default is to apologize. Especially for women – the fixers of the world. Stop it. (yes there is a place in the world for apologies…but 9 times out of 10 it’s overkill). Don’t apologize.

I have this need to be modest and also to take the ‘blame’ for others (we are taught this as women) and my default can be to put myself down. Shine the light on what’s going right or smile while you bite your tongue. Be your own publicist.

Outer Limits. What My Dog Taught Me About Limiting Beliefs

On March 2, 2014March 1, 2014 By Cathy NoiceIn Workplace Navigator7 Comments

This past week, my husband and I had quite the scare. Our beloved, happy go lucky dog, Baci, was suddenly missing. Out of the blue, we both turned to each other on Saturday morning and said “Where’s Baci?” Well, she must be outside we thought. My husband checked the “usual spots” (dog house, garage, under the deck, tree #1, tree #2, tree #3….you get the picture) but to no avail. Then both of us were outside looking down the road and into “presumably” the uncharted territories of the neighbors yards and the road. By happenstance, a neighbor was down the road about 100 yards away walking her dog and I heard a familiar bark. Aha!

There she was two doors down barking her head off at the dog being walked defending her new found territory. What in the world? How did that happen? My husband carried her home. We have a wireless containment system that involves a dog collar and base until. When Baci gets out about 100 feet from the base unit, she receives a warning beep and then a slight shock. We’ve had the system almost as long as Baci (about 6 years) and she definitely knows her territory. The base unit was broken. For how long? Who knows? At some point, she started testing her outer limits, her limiting beliefs.

Outer Limits. What My Dog Taught Me About Limiting Beliefs — My dog, Baci, relaxing on her dog house porch.

This is what she taught me.

1. Routine. Baci always has the same routine. The “usual spots” in the yard that she investigates every time she is outside. Heck, she has the same routines inside the house. The same windows she sidles up to peer out. The same tap, tap, tap, tap across the wood floor. We’ve all got the same routines. Brush your upper right teeth before the left. Wash your hair before your face. Check your phone and then pour coffee. At some point, Baci changed her routine, to head into the outer limits. If you want to change things up, you are going to need to change up your routine.

2. Environment. The day that we found Baci -AWOL, there was a blanket of snow on the ground. This is a drastic change in environment when you live in Eastern North Carolina. This was not the usual fare. So with a blanket of white snow, her perspective and our perspectives, where different. The snow was covering the usual “barriers”. Perhaps the root (her imagined border) she would never cross or a fallen branch. A change in environment can change the way you see the world. Change your office, re-org your books, change the wallpaper on your PC. The barriers will disappear.

3. Test. At some point, she tested the limit. Probably by accident at first, but she went a little farther than she had before. And then a little farther. And then a little more. She inched her way to new territory and was no worse for wear. Test your limits. Write an intro to a book. Sign up for that art course you’ve always wanted to take. Open a new PowerPoint template and make a few slides. Test your outer limits. And then go a little farther. And then a little more.

4. Explore. When my husband and I look back, we are wondering how long the invisible fence system was down. When we reflect back, I can remember seeing Baci in places that had previously been off limits. Or I would look everywhere for her, give up and go inside, and suddenly she would be at the back door trying to get in. It.Could.Have.Been.Months. Wow. She was out there exploring. Finding new cats, tennis balls and squirrels (probably the same squirrels, just a new tree). She always came home. She knew where home base was. Go explore. What’s on your bucket list? Check a few off. Key West, Smokey Mountains and Alaska are on mine. Go explore some new trees.

I’m not suggesting we all let our pets run wild. But I do feel conflicted about restoring Baci to her home territory. How exciting for her to test her limiting beliefs and break beyond her usual outer limits. Don’t wait for the next snow or for retirement or for the lottery…test your limiting beliefs. See how exciting and rejuvenating it can be.