Author: Cathy Noice

Executive Coach, Author, Speaker and Facilitator. Achieve. Grow. Do. As a coach, I use a structured, self-directed approach that challenges clients to achieve sustainable results towards inspired self created goals. Using brain based tools and coaching, my clients achieve breakthroughs and, as one client put it, "the junk gets cleared out". I specialize in newly promoted or transferred leaders. My coaching specialties include: * Executive Coaching * Leadership Coaching * Career Strategy As an author, I put my extensive management, teaching, training and human resource background into making sense in the workplace.

🤗Let to Go to Create Space

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You’re angry because the meeting isn’t going your way.  You’re frustrated because your partner never makes the bed.  You smolder as the traffic piles up and will definitely be making you late to work this morning.  What’s next?  The self-critic pops in for a drive by of self-berating.  “My ideas stink.” “He doesn’t appreciate me making this bed.  I’m a doormat.” “I’m an idiot.  Why did I go this way?” Does any of this sound familiar?

It’s amazing how often my clients don’t realize the language they use when they talk to or about themselves. Client:  “I’m the only one my mother has.”  Coach: “So you are responsible for your mother’s addiction?”  Client: (smile) “Well, when you say it like that…probably not.” Coach:  “Probably?”  Client: (bigger smile) “Why does it sound different when you say it? Definitely not.” We all have a ticker tape of the little self-critic rambling on and on and on in our heads.  That little self-critic is taking up precious space that is valuable real estate for much better things.  It’s time to let go.

Here are some things that you will create space for:

  • Random acts of self-care.  I gave up on the news many years ago.  I let go of the need to be constantly informed.  I am calmer.  I am no longer hyper vigilant waiting for the next shoe to drop.  With the thirty minutes I saved (actually it’s probably more like 2 hours if you count all the news links I would take randomly throughout the day to get the latest on the stock market or what the administration is up to), I’ve added 20 minutes of meditation and self-reflection.  If I’m home early before dinner, I read or meditate.  Create the space for self-care.
  • Loving kindness for others.  I have given up the resentment when I do things for others.  I used to get angry when I did the dishes or made the bed.  I had to let go of my story that I was being a doormat.  I changed the story to be one of loving kindness for my partner;  instead of constantly searching for the balance of power of “I did this” now “You owe me that.”  It was exhausting to constantly keep score.  Now I am in the space of having loving kindness for everyone.  A sort of pay it forward of love and kindness.  There is no scoreboard necessary.
  • Liberation for myself and others.  It’s so easy to get wrapped up in your children’s success or failure.  To see it as a reflection of you; as an extension of you.  If he doesn’t go to an Ivy League school, what will the neighbors think?   I let go of the attachment to their outcomes.  It’s the same when you want to implement a new procedure at work and it gets shelved.  Oh well, move on.  A year ago I would have lost sleep over the shelving of the procedure and had mock arguments in my head with the nay-sayers for hours ad nauseam.  I am set free.  Embrace liberty.
  • Embracing uncertainty.  As I say to my clients, we all want control.  We all want to be the Wizard of Oz with our hands on the joy stick of life.  Fact is that there is no control.  This can be uncomfortable.  Very uncomfortable.  When I let go of control, I started to be more adaptable.  I was driving from Virginia to home last week.  The tire pressure indicator on the car came on.  I initially felt a jolt of anxiety.  I took a deep breath and realized that I could control my reaction.  I called my friend for a second opinion on a 29 psi and he told me it would be fine for the time being.  I did stop at a gas station and filled up the tire (I have not filled a tire with air in about 30 years).  No sweat. I didn’t panic. Let go the illusion of control and embrace uncertainty.
  • Space for openness.  When you let go of judgment, you make space for openness.  Self-judgment is debilitating.  Constantly judging others is also debilitating.  “I’m fat.” “She’s fat.” “What an atrocious dress.”  “He’s late again.” Judge. Judge. Judge. Judge.  I am not completely free of doing this but I am at least calling it out in my head.  “This is judgment.”  The first step is to label it.  Acknowledge that you are doing it.  Calling my judge out lets me embrace acceptance.  I imagine writing on my forehead with a sharpie and masking tape: Judge.  Label it.  Then let it go.  The universe is open to me (and you).
  • Detach from emotions.  I have been a stuffer of emotions.  I would numb them or stuff them deep inside.  I am learning to lean into the emotion and observe it.  Oh, so this is anger.  My throat is constricted and my head is hot.  Oh, so this is sadness.  My stomach is clenched and tears are streaming down my face.  I love the analogy that I am just the movie screen and that the movie actually being projected is my thoughts.  I am able to just be the movie screen and not the movie.  Let go of the thoughts that create the emotion and observe.

This has been a deep and deliberate practice for several months but I am reaping the rewards.  Create space for what you really want and let go.  It is better.

😎4 Tips on Dealing with VUCA

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You go to your favorite restaurant and they have taken your favorite menu item off the menu. Boo hoo. You’re told by the Accounting Manager that you have to use a new expense system instead of the tried and true excel sheet you have always used.  Aargh. Your spouse calls to say they won’t be home for dinner after you’ve already started cooking a feast for four (and the dog doesn’t like pot roast).  Sigh.  Change is constant and it’s making you at the very least frustrated, if not leaving you completely overwhelmed.

In the day and age of VUCA world, an acronym for Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity, it can feel like it’s completely out of control.  Or as Nathan Bennett and G. James Lemoine wrote in their HBR article, “What VUCA Really Means for You“: Hey, it’s crazy out there!  What’s important is to not take this constant change personally.  When the client cancels or your daughter is two hours late, you internalize it as the universe striking out against you once again and you slowly start feeling helpless.  Or as Eeyore would say, “The sky has finally fallen, I always knew it would.” Resisting change requires a lot of effort and energy and, if you think about it, it’s quite futile.

Here are 4 tips to reducing resistance to change:

  1. Reduce your distractions.  Watching the news everyday increases your feelings of helplessness.  95% of what you see or read in the news is completely and utterly out of your control (and we all want control).  When your mind is constantly being distracted by news and notifications (i.e. email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.), you start to feel helpless and overwhelmed.  You are primed to rebel against the next change. So when the new company initiative gets rolled out you start to think “not one more thing!”   I have turned off all my notifications on my phone except for phone calls and texts.  I’ll find out what email I have twice a day instead of constantly checking my phone.  The reduction in distractions has made me calmer and open to what might be coming next.  So if the meeting is cancelled or your boss scraps your project, you won’t fall into overwhelm.
  2. Rituals and routines.  I think I have close to 25 morning habits and I keep adding.  Weigh myself, take my medication, brush my teeth while saying affirmations, water pik, grab my sneakers, turn on the outside light, grab my phone and earbuds, sit in my swinging chair, listen to my Calm app for 10 minutes of meditation, grab a cup of coffee, move to my recliner and listen to my Whil app for mindfulness guidance for 10 minutes, wish everyone happy birthday and post a positive meme on Facebook, mental exercise with Lumosity app,  study two Spanish sections on my Duolingo app, put my sneakers on, take out the recycle, turn on my book on Audible and take a 30 minute walk, take a shower, dress, drink breakfast smoothie and head to work.  The point of all of this is that I can control these things.  I do all these things, all the time(for the most part, I don’t travel with my water pik) and I feel the rhythm.  I feel in control.  It helps be feel empowered over my day. When other people get defensive in a meeting, I am able to take it in and not react.  I respond.  So when there is an unexpected change, I just roll with it.
  3. The glass is half full.  Having a positive outlook is imperative in the VUCA world.  Kelly McGonigal wrote about this in her book called the Upside of Stress.  She recommended reframing the latest stress as a “challenge” rather than a detriment.  My friend has caught me saying, “I’m anxious about this speaking engagement” and she’ll correct me. “You mean, you are excited.”  It’s much more empowering to feel excited versus anxious.  So if the project needs to get done by 8 AM instead of next week, try thinking, “Wow, this is a real challenge, I’m excited.”  Your cortisol level will remain low and you will be able to work more efficiently.  Stress typically takes you to your primitive brain that shuts done your prefrontal cortex where you do your best thinking.  When you can reframe the change as a positive, you can recover your prefrontal cortex and get back to your best thinking.
  4. Connect with others.  As McGonigal wrote, “Connection with others activates prosocial instincts, encourages social connection, enhances social cognition, dampens fear and increases courage. You want to be near friends or family. You notice yourself paying more attention to others, or are more sensitive to others’ emotions.”  The best way to do this, if possible, is in person.  If your boss cancels the project, walk over to her office and find out the rationale behind the cancellation.  If you sit in your cube and ruminate about the change, in all likelihood your self-critic will be on steroids. “She doesn’t trust me. I’m in competent. She’s going to fire me.”  If walking into their office isn’t possible, go ahead and pick up the phone.  DO NOT EMAIL or MESSAGE.  It’s so easy to read into things too much based on the written word.  Personally connecting in person or by phone builds the relationship.

Controlling what you can control and letting go of what you can’t is the key to staying on top of the VUCA wave and not being crushed into the sandy surf.  You are only responsible for you.

😎3 Surprising Ways to View Stress

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You have a missed call from your boss and your heart rate goes up. You’re trying to get home for an important event and the highway is closed down, leaving you driving through the hinterland as everything runs amok and confusion is rampant. Your speaker cancels at the last minute and you start sweating as you try and figure out plan B. Your spouse forgets the dinner plans and you react by texting, “Whatever.” Is this your reaction? Better yet do you go around saying, “I’m so stressed!” Turns out, that’s a bad idea.

Kelly McGonigal wrote a break-through book called The Upside of Stress. McGonigal herself had a lot of preconceived notions about stress. We all do. Stress is to be avoided or numbed out (say one more cigarette or beer at the end of the day). As she posits in her book, “Mindset 1 is: Stress Is Harmful. Experiencing stress depletes my health and vitality. Experiencing stress debilitates my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress inhibits my learning and growth. The effects of stress are negative and should be avoided.” This is definitely the way I’ve viewed stress and I bet you do to. Dampen down the feelings and try to escape from it.

What she found with the opposite mind set was, “Mindset 2 is: Stress Is Enhancing. Experiencing stress enhances my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress improves my health and vitality. Experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth. The effects of stress are positive and should be utilized.” Skeptical? So was I. How can you embrace stress? How can you see it as your friend?

Check out these surprising healthy responses:

1. Rise to the Challenge. As McGonigal suggests, if you can view the stress as a challenge instead, it’s a much more positive experience. So your heart rate is up? Good, that means you’re excited, you’re focused and ready to act. It’s almost like letting the dam break instead of trying to hold back all the pressure. Holding back the pressure is what is actually harming you. As concluded in Health Psychology, “High amounts of stress and the perception that stress impacts health are each associated with poor health and mental health. Individuals who perceived that stress affects their health and reported a large amount of stress had an increased risk of premature death.” So dampening down the stress and viewing it as bad for your health is actually bad for you. Embracing it as a challenge can increase your life span. Amazing what a little mindset can do.

2. Connect with Others. This was a huge insight for me. I never realized that when I am under stress I want to connect with others but this is the “Tend and Befriend” response. I always viewed stress as “Fight or Flight or Freeze,” I didn’t consciously realize from a biological standpoint, a mama bear is going to automatically protect her baby cubs. I can look back now and realize that, when stressed, I tend to reach out to others by picking up the phone or looking for an embrace from my spouse. The connection response is built into your body.

Another study cited was on volunteerism from The American Journal of Public Health. This study looked at the mortality rates of those who volunteered (re: connected with others) versus those who didn’t. The conclusion was “helping others predicted reduced mortality specifically by buffering the association between stress and mortality.” Connection including volunteering helped buffer the stress. It helps your social cognition, lessens fear and bolsters your courage.

3. Learn and Grow. My tendency was to try and shut out stress and certainly not try to “grow” from it. What could be gained by reliving stress? Apparently it’s good for you if you can put it in a positive light. So when you can reappraise the situation “Hmmm. I wonder why I feel my adrenaline shoot up when I go on stage. How can I harness this energy to perform better? What am I learning about my body’s response?” This is actually rewiring your brain to respond differently and more positively in the future. As cited in the American Psychology Association, “Given that adaptive responses to acute stress improve our ability to cope with future stressors, health education programs might seek to educate students about the functionality of stress in an effort to break the link between physiological arousal and negative appraisals.” Seems completely counter intuitive, but you need to view stress as a positive. This is your body responding and let’s ride the wave while we learn from it. Be sure to reappraise the stress in a positive light.

So once I finished the book, I started realizing how often I said “I’m totally stressed” or “I’m so stressed out.” Actually my friend is doing a good job of catching me say it as well. Find someone to hold you accountable for your mindset. Maybe set up a jar and put a dollar in every time you say you are stressed. Now I’m trying to say, “I’m really excited and alert” or “This is going to be an interesting challenge.” This is really tough but if it could extend my life and yours. Isn’t it worth it?

🫣5 Fixes for Imposter Syndrome

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There have been countless times in my life where I felt like an imposter. When I was in Junior High, I was first flute in the All-State Orchestra (granted Delaware is a very small state). I was initially proud of making first chair only to be overwhelmed by feeling like I would be caught. Found out. Attending the Hotel School at Cornell University where I was a work study student feeling completely inadequate with my fellow upper crust students whose pedigree far outranked my own. My first job out of college as a manager for a catering company in Manhattan. I was a 21-year-old woman working in a basement with 25 men, some twice my age, trying to manage a fast-paced catering business where the only rule was to “yes” to any customer request (i.e., lunch for 100 people in 45 minutes). Every day in that basement was complete anarchy with four phone lines of incoming orders and trying to supervise a largely immigrant crew. I felt like I would be unmasked every day.

As written by Chris Palmer for the American Psychological Association, “Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud (Bravata, D. M., et al., Journal of General Internal Medicine, Vol. 35, No. 4, 2020). These feelings can contribute to increased anxiety and depression, less risk-taking in careers, and career burnout.” 82% of people are feeling the same way as me?  This doesn’t surprise me because I coach people every day who struggle with these same feelings. This manifests in my clients as countless work hours, fear of delegation and perfectionism. 

Here are 5 fixes for imposter syndrome:

  1. Shine a light.  It starts with acknowledging you are feeling inadequate, or you are harboring doubts. As Jack Kelly wrote for Forbes, “The first thing you should do is acknowledge these feelings when they arise. There’s no need to hide it from others or feel badly about harboring these thoughts. By confronting your self-defeating thoughts, it’s the start of taking proactive steps to change your mindset.” Turn on that light switch and make what is in the back of your brain into the light.  Acknowledging is the first step in addressing it.
  2. Acknowledge your accomplishments. It’s really easy to have amnesia about your accomplishments.  Did you grow up in a single parent home and manage to graduate from high school? Are you able to speak two languages? Have you been able to raise a child to adulthood? Did you thwart a deadly illness? Have you finished a 5k? Did you finally earn that certification you always wanted? I remember finally crossing the mile high bridge on Grandfather Mountain.  I was terrified, but I did it. Write down your accomplishments and take stock.
  3. Watch your self-talk. I find the easiest way to reframe self-talk is to use the third person.  So instead of saying “I’m an idiot”, I think “Cathy you’re an idiot”.  Seems harsh.  I would NEVER call anyone an idiot so why the heck would I call myself an idiot.  It’s similar to reframe it to what you would say to a friend.  As Palmer wrote, “Try to observe when your impostor feelings surface and how you respond to them.” Be compassionate in your self-talk.
  4. Let go of perfectionism. I’ve coached countless folks who struggle with perfectionism.  In my mind it’s the manifestation of imposter feelings.  So, they constantly work harder and longer to make their output as perfect as possible so that no one will find out that they are imperfect and, therefore, an imposter. Palmer wrote, “It may help to release yourself from rigid roles. For example, Orbé-Austin said people with impostor phenomenon often see themselves as helpers––people who come to the rescue. “Breaking free from those roles so you can be someone who doesn’t know it all or someone who can’t always help can allow us to be more robust people and professionals,” she said.” Perfection is failing, it’s suffocating and keeping folks stuck.
  5. Share your thoughts. Perhaps through therapy, a coach, or a trusted friend, share your imposter feelings with someone you can confide in. I find when I coach that when my client actually says something out loud (instead of rumination), it will bring insight.  Saying it out loud makes it real and prompts examination. As Kelly wrote, “By sharing with others, it will release the pent-up burden. You’ll quickly find out that you’re not alone and this is shared by many other professionals. You will feel a big sense of relief once you find out that it’s commonplace, you’re in good company and it’s not just you.” Share your thoughts so others can weigh in and help examine their validity.

I believe that comparison is at the root of most imposter feelings. I envy my neighbors new Tesla, my friend’s vacation to the Alps, or my sister’s promotion to Vice President. Comparison is the thief of joy and will keep me in the imposter zone. As a friend said to me recently, “Stay in your lane.” Focus on what’s in front of you and your experience and let others focus on their lanes. How do you address imposter feelings?

Letting Go of Your Child’s Success

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You verify every grade on the report card. You double check your kid’s homework to make sure she has it all “right”. You make sure they do their homework for two hours before they play any Minecraft. You take over the science project to ensure they win top prize. You want to make sure your child is a success and your happiness is dependent on it.

Really? Do you want to be dependent on your child’s success for your own happiness? That will end up being a lifetime of struggle. I’m not suggesting that you don’t want health and happiness for your child. We all want that. But are you measuring your happiness and/or success by your child’s success? What does success look like for your child? And who gets to decide what success is? Is that really up to you?

I facilitated a workshop on CRR Global’s Toxins and Exploring Edges. I coached one of the participants on a change she wanted to make in her life (which Edge she wanted to explore). She has two sons. One is academically gifted and the other is academically challenged. Well, she was able to let go of expectations from the challenged son. She realized that letting go of one child’s expectations had heightened the expectations for the other child. The change she wanted to make was to be able to let go of expectations for her gifted son.

So here are some of the insights from the exercise:

  • Trust is the core of every relationship. This is one of the 5 Behaviors of the Cohesive Team by Patrick Lencioni. As Lencioni posits, it’s not just predictive trust (you do what you say you are going to do) but also vulnerability based trust (you admit when you made a mistake). Are you letting your child be vulnerable? Are they allowed to make a mistake without you chiding them? If they can’t be vulnerable, they aren’t going to tell you when they mess up.
  • Autonomy doesn’t have to mean you don’t care. Autonomy is a great gift to the folks in your life. Getting wrapped up in whether or not their homework is done or if they are EVER going to empty the garbage is exhausting and it’s not helping you find happiness. When you don’t let your children have autonomy (within reason folks…don’t let your 5-year-old park the car), they are constantly seeking your approval and reassurance or, on the flip side, are demotivated because they can’t have independence. Autonomy helps them create that on their own. The responsibility of success, failure and happiness are safely resting on their shoulders. Autonomy shows that you do care.
  • Let go in stages that work for you. The mom I was working with, initially “jumped” across the Edge. She then decided to go back and slowly inch her way across the Edge. It resonated when she was able to gradually move across the change of letting go. Her body language relaxed. You could see that she was relieved and that she could control how and when she would let go. How and when you let go is a very personal choice. Don’t jump unless you want to.
  • Acceptance of both failure and success is critical. Mommy client said that she needed to let go of whether her son got a 90 or a 97. “They are both A’s.” I remember standing in the middle of the kitchen when my son was making a complicated cake recipe. I was making suggestions ….er telling him how to fix it when he looked at me, put up his hand and said, “Stop! Let me fail.” I was thunder struck. Whether or not that cake failed is not life changing but him taking responsibility for its failure or success is life changing. Let go of the reins.
  • Communicate your expectations. One of the participants at the workshop suggested she go home and tell her sons about her new insight. If she doesn’t communicate that she is letting go of her expectations, he might feel like she is abdicating. There were several in the audience who talked about a parent who had essentially abdicated their parenting if a child did not follow the path the parent wanted (you know…doctor, lawyer, good college education, etc.). I remember telling my son after a poor semester at school, that I loved him no matter what he did. I didn’t want him feeling like he had to stick to something in exchange for my love. Unconditional love needs to be communicated.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world and is complicated, as in my case, when you are separated with the parent you had that child with. Model happiness for your children instead of measuring their success against unrealistic expectations. You will be happier in the end as well.

👍 Autonomy: The Ultimate Gift

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Have you been a helicopter boss? Helicopter parent? Helicopter friend? I have. Constantly restricting the flow of information so only you make the decisions. You make sure all procedures are followed to the letter….or else. You set unrealistic goals so that your direct report will certainly fail. You keep a tight grip on someone else’s autonomy so you can feel in control.

Have you been on the receiving end of this deal? This takes me back to my first husband who had a motorcycle. We went to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco so he could show me how to drive the bike. Well. When I got on the bike and started to push the throttle, he held onto the back of the bike and it practically tipped over. No injuries but he just couldn’t let go. End of bike lesson. I have never driven a motorcycle since.

So how do you give the gift of autonomy?

Here are some ideas.

Let them fail. Yep. You read that right. You need to be able to let the people in your life either at work or at home, fail. I know I just made some parents out there wince. What? Let Johnnie flunk out? Let Suzy lose her job for being tardy all the time? As Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. From failure comes immense learning and innovation. Autonomy is about letting them fail.

Quit expecting perfection. This is why managers don’t delegate. They want everything to be perfect. I have news for you. You never get to perfect. The perfect job, the perfect size, the perfect presentation. It is not attainable and paralyzes those around you. Acceptance of imperfection is where it’s at. People work harder if they know that you will be fair in your assessment and not point out every missed period or exclamation point :-)he he…

Ongoing and going and going positive feedback. If you did not get ongoing feedback from your mother, you would never have walked. So even if you fell down, she didn’t sit on the couch reading a newspaper. She gave you constant and ongoing feedback. So think about that the next time you delegate an important task. Dr. Marcial Losada created and studied this ratio of positive to negative messages within relationships and organizations. What he found was that organizations that have 2.9 or more positive messages over negative messages thrive. Those that fall below fail. In a marriage, it’s got to be 5.0 or better (thanks for emptying the garbage, Honey). Give positive feedback.

Don’t focus on problems. Focus on best outcomes. Ask your friend about what his best outcome would be. Focus on The What that he’s interested in. So Joe, “What would you like to see happen with this project?” “What can you control in this situation?” “What would make you feel like you accomplished something?” As David Rock espouses, focus on solutions (and stay clear of the problems). Keep it outcome based.

Don’t always have the answer. I am completely and utterly guilty of this. I am the Answerer in Chief. Life is one giant Jeopardy game and I’ll take Potpourri for $1000. Autonomy is all about your co-workers figuring things out on their own. If you always are giving the answers, they will never learn to “do” or “think”for themselves; they will merely mimic you. Autonomy is all about folks doing their own thinking. Let them make the connections. Teachers don’t give exams and sit there and give all the answers….right?

Mindset, talent and skills are not fixed. Embrace the growth mindset. As Carol Dweck defines it,

“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”

Autonomy involves having the growth mindset. Don’t look at what they can’t do, look at the possibility of what they can do.

So there you have it. How to encourage those in your life to have more autonomy. One of the three parts of motivation in his book Drive as written by Daniel Pink – autonomy, mastery and purpose. Pink says “Control leads to compliance; autonomy leads to engagement.” Imagine what we all could achieve with more autonomy. So give it away starting today.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on September 26, 2015

🧐Lessons in Uni-tasking

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It sucks you in. It captures your attention. Those sly notifications. It’s like a hit of some illicit drug. You just have to pick up that phone and see if someone is reaching out to you with that million dollar deal. That windfall. An old flame trying to rekindle. The rich uncle who left you his mansion. The reality is that it is nothing but deception. Most of those emails and other sundry notifications are just temptation into nothing but junk. Spam. Some old college friend you half remember liked the photo of a sunrise. And you stopped what you were doing and came to a screeching halt? Do you want to know what that is costing you? The illusion of multitasking is wearing you out.

The answer lies in having the courage (yes courage) to shut that damn phone off. Yes. I said off. To do your best work you need to uni-task. One thing at a time. But I hear you balking. “I can’t give up my phone. There might be an emergency.” Truth is there is no emergency. The phone is just making you believe it is so.

Here is are the reasons you need to cowboy up and uni-task:

1. The cost of context switching is huge.

Check out Gerry Weinberg’s chart of productivity loss. Basically if you focus on one project like writing this blog post; there is 100% productivity and no time lost switching contexts. But if you try to write a blog post while emailing your boss and writing a new marketing project; in other words, working on 3 projects at once you will have 20% productivity and 40% lost to context switching. That’s a huge loss! You’ve been there. You are right in the middle of the flow of creativity and the phone rings. It’s nothing important but it will take you time to get back to where you were. Time lost in trying to get back THERE is huge. And often that ‘next thought’ is lost forever.

2. Multitasking gets you there later.

Roger Brown wrote this article for InfoQ. Brown writes, “We know that simple interruptions like a phone call can cost as much as 15 minutes of recovery time. The more complex the task, the more time it takes to make the shift.” It’s like constantly hitting the pause button. Actually it’s more like hitting the reverse button. One step forward multitasking is taking you two giant steps back. You’ll never win “Mother May I” with that sort of tactic.

3. It’s harmful for you brain.

Brown writes, “There is evidence that multitasking actually degrades short term memory, not just for the topics being multitasked but possibly by impacting areas of the brain.” Your prefrontal cortex requires a lot of energy. It’s where you do your best work. If you are constantly stressing it out by dragging your thoughts into fight or flight (which is what distractions are doing to you) you will not be able to do your best work. Mistakes will happen. And the constant stress is bad for your brain.

4. You are just scattered.

As Jim Benson wrote for Personal Kanban, “The study found that self-identified multi-taskers ended up people who were merely justifying a scattered lifestyle. Perhaps they felt productive because during a day they touched so many different tasks – but when actually tested against people who focused on one thing at a time, the multi-taskers lost and lost big.” I think of Thanksgiving Day. I am multitasking trying to get a meal together that I make once a year. I am not used to making a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, salad, veggies and pumpkin pies all in one fell swoop. It’s a one off event. And if you looked at my kitchen, it would most likely be described as a disaster (i.e. very scattered). And that’s not how my kitchen usually looks.

5. It’s really expensive.

As Steve Lohr wrote for the New York Times, “The productivity lost by overtaxed multitaskers cannot be measured precisely, but it is probably a lot. Jonathan B. Spira, chief analyst at Basex, a business-research firm, estimates the cost of interruptions to the American economy at nearly $650 billion a year.” The billion with a B. Companies are spending money on all the unproductive, recovery time to get back on task.

So what do you do? Create time blocks to do your best work and turn off your phone. Complete one project. Complete one phase or one chunk. Then move on. Turn on music without lyrics (i.e. classical). Get present and focus. Think of all the good you will be doing for yourself and others. And think of the free time you’ll have after to just enjoy life.

Originally published on Change Your Thoughts on September 11, 2015.

🙃 Tips on Doing Nothing

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I recently read Celeste Headlee’s book, Do Nothing. I coach executives, leaders and individual contributors and almost all of them suffer from being distracted and overwhelmed by a constantly growing task list; what one client called “Meeting Mania”. There is an extreme lack of respect for people’s time in general with folks constantly booking meeting after meeting. This has helped produce a sense of frustration with the lack of progress. It’s like the more we work the less we actually get done. So, a title like “Do Nothing” seemed like the respite we all need to take a look at.

Here are the tips on doing nothing:

  • Work less. Basically, what Headlee recommends is getting off the hedonic treadmill of more and more. I was certainly on the treadmill for decades.  Get the degree to get the better job to get the better car to get the better house kind of treadmill. She recommends doing less and spending less so that you have more free time. This seems counter intuitive especially in the United States. I was recently offered another certification for yet another assessment tool. There was a time when I would get certified in anything Human Resource or Coaching related. Now I value my time more and don’t take on things that are directly related to my coaching work. It goes against my impulse to push on the gas and get “just one more” certification or client. I’m learning to let off the gas and work less.
  • Take time for leisure. This is all about enjoying life. I have always been an open window sort of person.  I love staring out the window whether I’ve lived next to a lake or when I’m on the road in my RV. I love to look at nature outside and see what’s going on in the world. Headlee suggests having one untouchable day a week where you don’t go on social media or answer emails; to have nothing on the calendar. I have to say that when I’m on the road and driving 300 plus miles in a day, I really enjoy just getting into an audio book and staring at the road ahead without a concern for who might be trying to contact me. I’m not home with small kids or working a full-time job so maybe a whole day is too hard to set up but try to figure out some downtime into your schedule to rejuvenate and think deeply or just relax.
  • Buy free time. I like to think of this as outsourcing what I don’t enjoy. When I worked full-time, I almost always had a house cleaner once a month or paid someone to mow the lawn.  If this is not something you enjoy, find someone else to do it. It also means not working overtime. Don’t be the workplace martyr who is constantly working on the weekends or late on weekdays. I know that in most workplace cultures this seems outrageous and you might feel like you’ll be ostracized. You can start the trend of not being the one who is constantly focused on work and unable to be present for family and friends. Find ways to have more free time.
  • Increase time perception. This is akin to tracking your time. How much time are you spending on what kind of work? How much time are you spending on being present?  How much time are you spending on scrolling? If you are aware of where you are spending time especially on reflection and being present, you are able to reduce your stress. It’s the aimless day of overwhelm that makes us anxious. 
  • Limit focused work. I read a great book on dispelling a lot of time management principles called 4000 Weeks (which is how many weeks we get if we live to 76). He describes what he calls serializing or setting up 25-minute blocks across the week for focus time.  During these blocks you turn off all notification and only have the software (say Word or Excel) that you need open and have everything else on do not disturb. He claims that most people procrastinate because they know they can’t finish what they start so they just keep kicking the can down the road.  This is very stressful.  So just start and know you can’t finish and then you come back to the project at the next focus session. It’s important to limit the focus time because the quality of your work does not go up with the amount of time dedicated to a particular project.
  • Take breaks.  This aligns with the book 4000 Weeks as well. It’s critical to take a break away from your “work”. You need to be idle to have insight. Adam Grant calls this strategic procrastination where you start some deep work and then come back to it later that day or the next day or next week and in between is where the magic happens.  Your unconscious brain (or default network) takes over and starts coming to greater insight because you aren’t pushing through in a 4-hour work session to come up with a brilliant idea. Breaks are rejuvenating. I prefer to get outside for breaks even if it’s 10 minutes in the trees or listening to birds. It breaks the spell of overwhelm.
  • Stop task switching.  There is a cognitive load to moving from email to messaging to making phone calls to being on yet another Zoom call. Try batching your tasks together.  So, work on email for 30 minutes then do 10 minutes of responding to Teams messaging then turn it all off when you are on the Staff Meeting call and actually be present. Trying to do email while on a boring team call is a sign that you probably don’t need to be on the team call because you aren’t being present. 

These ideas are definitely in the vanguard of what is a barrage of back to back zoom calls and the constant tug of Teams messaging. We are wired to be responsive to people which is a human thing to do but our ancestors didn’t have a constant barrage of communication from all over the planet coming at us 24 hours a day. Take care of yourself, be discerning and do nothing. What tip will you try?

😎 PEI – Tiny and Unique

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Prince Edward Island (PEI) is the smallest province in Canada but if it was a US state, it would be the second smallest right after Rhode Island. Yes, my Delaware friends, there is a Canadian province that is smaller than the state of Delaware. I traveled here on my Atlantic Maritimes Road trip in my RV, Abeona in the summer of 2025. I will say that getting to PEI is not for the faint of heart. My knuckles were white as I drove across the only bridge to the island called Confederation Bridge. First, I’d like to thank the travel gods because it wasn’t windy that day as I traversed the 8-mile bridge. I was dumbfounded as to why there weren’t any west bound cars as I came across the bridge until we were stopped for about 5 minutes due to construction on the bridge. It was nerve wracking to be about two thirds of the way across the bridge only to be stuck high above the Gulf of the St. Lawrence for what seemed like an eternity and to feel the roadway undulate from the weight of the cars (this takes me back to walking across the Golden Gate Bridge many years ago and feeling the ground constantly move). There is no toll on the east bound side of the bridge but on the way back it was 50.25 CAD ($36.70). That is definitely the most I have ever paid for a bridge toll. 

The red cliffs and beaches of Prince Edward Island

I headed immediately to the most western lighthouse on the island called West Point Lighthouse which is in Cedar Dunes Provincial Park. Here I got to see the tallest lighthouse on PEI at 68 feet tall. It’s situated right next to the red sand beaches of Cedar Dunes Provincial Park which is quite stunning as it was a clear sunny day and the dark blue ocean waves crashing next to the vast red sandy beach is impressive. It turns out that this tiny island province has over 55 lighthouses which is a lot compared to at the very least North Carolina which only has seven active lighthouses. Once I arrived at West Point Lighthouse I wanted to continue on to my next destination and there was no cell coverage. It wasn’t until later that I learned that driving on the island is more like navigating a maze. I definitely would have invested in a paper map if I had to do it again. I was able to start up my satellite dish to get my directions to my next destination but I have to say I was caught off guard. I think I had better cell coverage in the Yukon. 

When traveling on to The Bottle Houses and Garden, there was never a straight shot on a road for say 20 kilometers. It was more like 1.5 KM then right for 2 KM and then left for 1 KM. And so on. There are vast amounts of fields and farmland which is pastural but I felt like my GPS must be wrong that that there must be a more straight- forward way to get from point A to point B. I needed to let go and let faith take over. Later in the day I ended up on a gravel road for at least 5 KM which really rattled me both physically and mentally. 

The Bottle Houses and Gardens is a lovely spot; it has a chapel and two house built by Edouard Arsenault in 1980.  His first house was built with 12,000 bottles which he collected and carefully cleaned and then built using cement between the bottles. The second building is called the tavern and is built using 8,000 bottles and the last creation is a chapel which was completed posthumously with 10,000 bottles. The gardens around the site are picturesque and there are many bottle trees (metal tree shaped frames with bottles on the “branches”) in the gardens as well. It’s definitely worth the visit.

I visited the Green Gables Heritage Place along with Lucy Maud Montgomery’s birthplace. I’m not sure anyone would be interested to visit these places unless you have read Anne of Green Gables or watched one of the series or movies associated with the place. I have read the book and watched the series and it was neat to see where Montgomery got her inspiration. The Green Gables house was actually Montgomery’s grandparents’ house and she spent a lot of time there since her mother passed away when she was two and her father moved out to western Canada. You could feel that the book was very autobiographical as Montgomery like her main character, Anne Shirley, was also a teacher. As an aspiring writer it was really neat to see her first handwritten draft of Anne of Green Gables and the old typewriter she also used.  It’s an interesting walk back in time to see the farmhouse and its thatched beds and Victorian furnishings.

An interesting stop in PEI is The Dunes Studio Gallery and Cafe which is a great place to look at local art, buy some locally made crafts, eat seafood and wander the lovely gardens. There are also art studios for the artists who actually work here that you can see into. If it weren’t for the drizzle that morning, I could have wandered for hours. 

There is a laid-back pace to PEI with endless red sand beaches, striking red cliffs near the placid waves breaking on shore. I’m pretty sure I passed more farm equipment on the road than anywhere back home in North Carolina. This island is all about the farming and raising of world-famous PEI mussels which can be seen throughout the bays and inlets around the islands.  I’m glad I ventured here and now I’ve been to every province in Canada. 

🚐 Eclectic Historic Nova Scotia

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I traveled to Nova Scotia in the summer of 2025. I am on a solo RV trip in my motorhome, Abeona. This was not my first time to Nova Scotia as my family traveled here in a tiny towable trailer when I was about 4. The only thing I remember about that trip is a picture that was taken by a canon and a bunch of men in kilts playing bagpipes. I have to say that I was truly expecting similar treatment when I arrived on my trip to Newfoundland in June but alas, was disappointed. No kilts. Worse yet no bagpipes. What I did find is an eclectic historic place full of beauty, seaside towns, fishing villages and, eventually, kilts. 

I first stayed near Cape Breton Island in Bras D’Or. I was heading on the ferry to Newfoundland by the end of the week and took the opportunity to explore the famously scenic Cabot Trail along the coast of Cape Breton Island. John Cabot who was a Venetian Italian explorer, Zuan Chabotto (John Cabot in English) was financed by Henry VII to explore North America.  He landed here in 1497. It’s believed that they were the first Europeans to North America after the Norsemen in L’Anse aux Meadow in 1014. Cabot Trail is a scenic drive with plunging coastline and fishing villages tucked in the bays. There were many craftspeople with storefronts along the way including a chocolatier, glass maker and eclectic restaurants. An odd thing here is that the signs on Cape Breton are all in Gaelic and English (no French except for National Parks). I knew I was returning to Nova Scotia after a month in Newfoundland so I saved the southern portions for my return trip.

Peggy’s Cove Lighthouse Nova Scotia

I also visited the Fortress of Louisbourg National Historic Site which is the rebuilt replica of an 18th century French colonial town. It’s really a trip back in time to walk past shops and bakeries from the 18th century with a large moat and fenced wall. People here are dressed in period costume of the French as it was a French fortress for 47 years after being founded in 1713.

Upon my return to Nova Scotia from Newfoundland, I headed to Halifax. As I have found in most larger cities, it’s difficult to navigate in a 24-foot motorhome. I randomly ended up on a bridge that was only for cars, I believe, and had no way to exit. I was quite nervous that I would be pulled over but it all went off just fine. I was headed to the Halifax Citadel and, although I had looked on Google for parking in advance, on a late sunny afternoon in July, parking is a premium. I finally found a spot, thankfully, so I didn’t have to abandon my trip to the Citadel. 

I was quite taken aback by the sheer size of the Citadel and its location in the heart of a bustling city with high rises and a shipping port. The Citadel itself has had four reincarnations with the first being in 1749.  This last fortification was built in 1828. Here finally I found men in kilts but alas, no bagpipes. I find it strange that although Nova Scotia means New Scotland in Latin,  the Scots where only here for 3 years (1629-1632). The Mi’kmaq people inhabited the region for several thousand years and then the French Acadian people came to establish the first colony in 1605. Then the British and French fought for the next few hundred years. It’s quite the eclectic mix of cultures. I was surprised to learn that Nova Scotia was almost the 14th colony during the American Revolution.  Even in the museums the information is in Mi’kmaq, English and French. The Citadel itself is a very nice intact fort. You can walk along the top of fortifications and it’s easily maneuvered. I was hoping for some long-hidden memory of this place assuming that it would have been important to my history loving father to visit but alas outside of a few canons and the kilts, nothing jumped out at me.

I headed to what is the most photographed lighthouse in Canada (and probably the world) at Peggy’s Cove. By now I’ve figured out that arriving at 9am at a touristy spot is paramount in order to park. I absolutely timed it perfectly. I was able to easily park and there were only one or two other tourists out there milling around so the pictures were perfect. The tiny cove with colorful houses and boats was so charming. The lighthouse itself is so special because it’s on an outcropping of granite that has been smoothed by glaciers and surrounded by the stunning Atlantic Ocean.  It truly is a terrific fishing village to walk through and has many eclectic shops like a pewter smith and art galleries.

I traveled up to Digby which is on the Bay of Fundy. Digby is renowned for their scallops. It was an adventure to travel up Digby Neck and take a ferry to Long Island which has the trail to Balancing Rock. This was quite the sight after hiking for close to a mile with nothing but boardwalk or trees and plenty of steps to suddenly see this enormous rock balancing precariously on the edge of a rock below. The rock formations along that coast reminded me of the Giant’s Causeway in North Ireland. Like someone deliberately made these enormous columns. 

The most serendipitous discovery was of Fort Anne National Historic Site. There were several locations to visit around the oldest settlement in Nova Scotia called Annapolis Royal. It was happenstance that I stopped here and to my utter amazement I found a placard that placed my 9th Great Grandfather, Major Robert Sedgwick here in 1654. He was a Major and later General for Cromwell. He was the first to conquer Annapolis Royal in 1654 and at the time was a British born American merchant in Massachusetts. Cromwell just two years later sent Sedgwick to Jamaica to be the governor although he sadly died almost on arrival due to illness. Annapolis Royal has changed hands at least seven times between the English and French over a century. It is in a protected bay adjacent to the Bay of Fundy and was a critical location.

I stopped by Burntcoat Head Park as a last stop in Nova Scotia to walk on the seafloor. Here is the location for the world’s highest recorded tides. Twice a day 160 billion tons of water flow in and out of the Bay of Fundy with the highest tide reaching 53 feet. Luckily, I arrived at low tide and was able to take the steps down to the bottom of the ocean. It’s quite surreal especially with all the bright red iron rich sandstone that is molded like soft ice cream. It was another terrific stop.

I really enjoyed this trip to Nova Scotia with the sheer variety of things to do and see. There were plenty of things I didn’t have time to see and I’ll be sure to allocate more time next time. Whether it’s natural phenomenon, eclectic history or picturesque seascapes, this is the place to visit.