I’ve been traveling in a new Recreational Vehicle for the last three weeks.  I have never driven or set up an RV in my life.  I have been racked with self-doubt to the point of feeling sick the evening before I set out on my solo trip in February.  We all have times when self-doubt rears its ugly head.  There is no immunity but thanks to a great book by Tara Mohr called Playing Big, there are ways to address it.

Tara points out that the Inner Critic (the cheerleader for self-doubt) is not realistic thinking.  The Inner Critic makes pronouncements while Realistic Thinking has curiosity.  The Inner Critic has no evidence while Realistic Thinking gathers evidence to inform conclusion. The Inner Critic thinks in terms of black and white while Realistic Thinking sees all manner of gray. The Inner Critic is repetitive and problem focused and Realistic Thinking is forward thinking and solution focused.  When you really think about the Inner Critic it’s just about turning the volume down so that you can listen to Realistic Thinking.

Here are the 6 tips to slaying self-doubt:

Label it. As with most change it’s all about awareness.  So, when you hear your critic talking you need to recognize that it’s the Inner Critic.  “Cathy, that’s your Inner Critic talking.”  Sometimes I start by thinking “the story I’m telling myself which should really be “the story the Inner Critic is telling is…” Label your critic so you are aware when it sneaks in. 

Third Person.  It’s helpful to separate from the Inner Critic. The easiest, handiest way is to put it in the third person.  So don’t say, “I’m freaking out here” or “I’m not mechanically inclined” to “The Inner Critic is freaking out” or “The Inner Critic thinks I’m not mechanically inclined”.  It’s like putting the critic in its place away from between your ears. Put the Inner Critic in the third person. 

Create a character.  This works in concert with making the Inner Critic in the third person.  It’s unmasking their hold by creating a character that is inhabited by the Inner Critic.  My Inner Critic looks something like Lucy from the Peanuts comic strip.  She is always negative or trying to deceive me. Lucy is pointing out EVERYTHING that could go wrong.  So now I just think “Well that’s Lucy catastrophizing again” or “Here comes Lucy to pull the rug out from under me”.  Create a character for your Inner Critic.

Question your Inner Critic. This enhances the separation between you and your Inner Critic. It sounds something like “So Lucy, what are you afraid of?” Or “What’s really behind this fear mongering right now?”  Patiently listen to what your Inner Critic has to say (perhaps not out loud at Starbucks) and once you’ve heard their fear of embarrassment or attack or failure, let them have their say.  Then calmly reply, “Thanks so much for your input, but I’ve got this one covered.”  

Remove the critic.  Putting the Inner Critic in a box, cabinet or jar can be a relief.  In my training with Organization, Relationship, Systems Coaching (ORSC), when someone was struggling with a conflict, it was helpful to take a handy object, any object, like a pencil, stapler or towel and have the object be the stand-in for the conflict.  In this case, the Inner Critic.  Then either throw it, place it, hide it or shove it to rid yourself of the conflict (Inner Critic).  It’s amazing when you use an object as a stand-in.  Then you can continue on by saying, “It’s just me here – the Inner Critic is on a break for now.” Use an object as a surrogate to remove the Inner Critic.

Turn it down or fade out.  Mohr suggests, “Notice where, physically, it feels like the inner critic voice is located in or around your body, and picture the voice receding into space, moving away from you.” I like to imagine that I’m turning the volume down.  Grab the dial and move it down to a whisper or mute. Turn down the Inner Critic’s voice.

Mohr makes it clear that the Inner Critic will never disappear.  Similar to meditation, your inner voice will never be completely quiet or go away.  It’s a matter of repackaging or altering it so that you can tap into your Inner Mentor or realistic voice. But most importantly, not be guided by the fear mongering of the Inner Critic.  Which tip will you try first?