Looking back, it’s amazing how many things I used to get anxious about..  I had this crazy phobia about being the first person to walk into a new place like a restaurant or store.  If I was with my first husband, I would follow him in the door.  I had the same anxiety about being the first person to use a shower in a new living space.  I’m not sure if it was residue from watching Psycho, or what, but having these types of anxiety can be paralyzing, especially when I started traveling on business alone many years later. When I was in elementary school, I would wait to be the last person to present to the group, which, in retrospect was the worst as I would sit for an hour wrapped up in my head and then stumble through my presentation.  

Author and monk, Pema Chodron calls this getting hooked or shenpa. She writes, “At the subtlest level, we feel a tightening, a tensing, a sense of closing down. Then we feel a sense of withdrawing, not wanting to be where we are.” The secret is to get unhooked. As Chodron writes, “We could think of this whole process in terms of four R’s: recognizing the shenpa, refraining from scratching, relaxing into the underlying urge to scratch and then resolving to continue to interrupt our habitual patterns like this for the rest of our lives.” I love the image of refraining from scratching, if you’ve ever had a mosquito bite you know how hard this is.  The restraint from the urge and relaxing into it. It’s not easy but I’ve learned it’s possible. 

4 ways to combat anxiety:

Breathe.  I frequently get on a call with a client mid business day, who is completely overwhelmed by back-to-back zoom calls. They are unable to get present and are wrapped up in anxiety.  I ask if it’s OK if we take a minute to take three deep breaths.  That’s all it takes…one minute. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and breathe out for 4 counts, three times.  It’s amazing how this relaxes the body.  It’s like when I’m doing yoga and the instructor says remember to breathe. It’s remarkable how much breath has control over being anxious. I’ve never been in a situation where 3 deep breaths didn’t help.  Remember to breathe. 

Body Scan.  I try to get out of my head and into my body when I get anxious.  I think about my big toe or my right pinky or as Positive Intelligence author Shirzad Chamine suggests rubbing my index finger and thumb together to feel the ridges of your finger print.  Robyn Ashbaugh recommends sensing the five senses by identifying the following “5 things that you can see, 4 things that you can touch, 3 things that you can hear, 2 things that you can smell and 1 thing that you can taste.”  Focusing on the body takes me out of my head where there are all sorts of chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline firing off in my brain.  Remember to scan the body.

Visualize.  This can be used when you are anticipating going into an uncomfortable situation, which for me was a new restaurant or getting up in front of a group to present.  Michael Phelps has a pre swim routine where he visualizes a perfect swim and outcome. I don’t need to be an Olympic Swimmer to do this.  I just imagine that the presentation is going to go well and that I am standing in front of the room with my shoulders back, chin up and making eye contact with the audience in a clear voice. Envision success.

Gratitude. It’s amazing how powerful gratitude is. A writer for Harvard Health Publishing, “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” As written in the book The Tools, “Grateful Flow is silently saying to yourself specific things in your life you’re grateful for, particularly items you’d normally take for granted. Go slowly and feel the gratitude.”  Embrace a grateful heart. 

I recently went to an out-of-town meeting and was late.  It was a new venue for me and I had trouble finding parking and finding the door to get in. Ten years ago, I probably would have not gone or abandoned the meetings when I pulled on the first door and it didn’t open. I remember thinking how grateful I was for this group that I facilitate annually and visualized seeing the group leader.  It was just fine and I’m glad I went. How do you combat anxiety?