Happiness and joy used to feel elusive.  They felt like unattainable States of Being.  I’d be happy when I got married, had a child, bought a house, sold a house, got into college, graduated, traveled to Paris, paid off student loans, found my soul mate.  The list was never ending. There seemed to always be another door to walk through to get there.  I never seemed to arrive at the train station called “Joy”. I find that the issue is that joy cannot be found outside of myself.  It must be found within and it doesn’t take a particular milestone or a million dollars to achieve it.  

Here are 5 tricks to find joy:

The Love Wave.  I read this a few months ago on Tiny Buddha in an article by Jennifer Agugliaro. It’s about taking a moment to connect your heart with someone in your life.  As Agugliaro wrote, “Close your eyes and take a minute to connect in your heart with a person in your life that could use a little love. Feel yourself smiling into their eyes and embracing them in a giant, warm hug. Allow the love to flow. Sit in this love. Let it grow in strength and surround you both. Then send it out into the world, creating a wave of love. Know that you can come back to this place of flowing love at any time.” I do a loving kindness meditation each morning and I usually focus on one person in my life to concentrate on to send out my Love Wave.  It’s such a joyful feeling to wish love to someone in my life. 

Being Present.  In this distracted world full of screens and notifications, try coming back to the present moment. I find it easiest to do this outside (especially weather permitting). Walk out your front door and just stand there for a moment.  Or take a five-minute walk.  What do you see?  The rustling leaves, the worm on the ground, the neighbor’s dog. What do you feel? The breeze, the sun, the rain drops.  What do you smell? The honeysuckle, the cut grass, a wood fire. What do you hear? The birds, a car, a lawn mower.  It’s the noticing that brings me joy. This moment as it stands will never be the same again and I was able to find joy in that moment.

Acts of Kindness.  Kindness and altruism are great for connection, a sense of belonging, purpose and wellbeing.  It’s almost like you get more back than you give. It also doesn’t have to be a long-term commitment.  It could be as simple as holding the door open for someone, picking up trash, or paying for someone else’s coffee.  I had an issue with my credit card on a bus while traveling to Oxford, England. I started to walk off the bus and the guy behind me asked what the problem was, and he went ahead and paid for me.  It was such a great feeling that a man I would never see again helped me out. I definitely spent the week paying it forward with small acts of kindness. Start a kindness wave and feel the joy.

The Vulcan Mind Meld. Agugliaro espoused, “Close your eyes and imagine yourself ten years from now. Give your future self that thing you believe will bring you happiness. Maybe it’s kids, money, power, or something else entirely. Notice how you feel. You might feel confident and secure. Or perhaps loved and important. Whatever you feel, allow it to expand and grow. Sit in it. Enjoy it. Then, while keeping your attention on the way you feel, bring back the image of yourself today. Think about what you already have that fulfills you. Maybe you don’t have kids, but you have amazing friends. Maybe you wanted a better income, but you can afford things you enjoy already. Look for the abundance within you now. Keep going until your “present self” feels the same as your “future self.” It’s almost like a mind meld—make those two beings, one. Again, sit in the wonderfulness of it all. When you are ready, open your eyes.” This reminds me of a time travel meditation from “The 30-day sobriety challenge” where you see yourself in 10 years if you keep doing what you are doing and then you imagine yourself in 10 years if you give up drinking.  It was quite profound for me.  Imagine the future you want and then meld it into today.

Gratitude.   I almost always start my coaching session with asking, “What are you grateful for?” This helps my clients take stock in what is going right. It’s easy to get caught up in what is going wrong since we all have a negativity bias. I write a gratitude journal every morning with 5 things I’m grateful for and one thing I’m grateful for that I did such as, wrote a blog post, went for a swim or rode my bike.  Being grateful makes me more joyful.  It helps me focus on the relationships in my life, how fortunate I am and the wonderful things that surround me in the world.  This brings me joy.

I think that novelty also provides joy and I believe it’s related to being present and gratitude.  I rode my bike for the first time in over a year and it was a joyful experience mostly because I was so present (it’s hard to ride a bike on a new pathway and not be present!).  But I was grateful because I made the opportunity happen.  I try to make finding joy an everyday event regardless if I’m trying something new or I’m sitting with a cup of coffee next to my dog.  How do you find joy?